Raise your hand and speak up Now go stand in the hallway
by Insertmanyfandomshere
Summary: I'm bored. Here's what's gonna go down. You. Ask. A character on anything, even advice. Daring is ok. So...that's it! Ask a character in the form of a review, and Takasugi here will pull them out the portal and set them here even it means to duct tape them to a chair. This fic is closed. Really. No, I'm serious. Why won't you believe me! Really! Come on, it is!
1. Announcement

**Takasugi walks onto a stage and speaks through a microphone. "Ahem. Ok. I have something you girls and possibly guys will enjoy. I have decided to have an advice column with you asking any of the DW guys and girls. And you can ask them about miscellaneous things too. Submit your question towards a character in a review and I'll grab that person to stand on this stage to answer it. Wait, that's too much work. I'll make them use Skype." Izuru talks from behind a curtain. "They don't know how to even use Skype." **

**"Phht. They're Asian. They can figure it out."**

**"The fans prefer the physical appearance of the characters."**

**"Fine...Let me grab the portal." He goes off-stage for a moment and drags a large contraption onto it. "There, they can get in and out of here. Happy?"**

**"Don't ask me, ask the fans." Takasugi then continues. "Please submit in English, because I can't read other languages. And Google Translate is a piece of junk. Furthermore, you can MAYBE get a dare out here. It just depends, but you can try. Please do not submit vulgar questions. Actually, I changed my mind. You can put dares. Just don't go too far with them. (Though I would probably love to see what these guys can come with...) Ok, you don't want me to keep on talking so-" The portal next to him comes to life and a voices are heard. "HEY! You did not run this by us!" **

**"I don't need to. Technically, I'm the superior and you guys are inferior."**

**"Oh no! I'm NOT doing this again!"**

**"Oh yes, Yi. It will be so much fun watching you suffer in embarrassment." Takasugi grows devil horns and a tail and laughs maniacally. "Hahahaah..." More voices are heard through the portal. "I demand you to cancel this!"**

**"The fandom is crazy! They'll...ugh I don't want to think about it..." **

**"They are impure! They must be purged from this world!"**

**"No, Zhang Jiao. That's genocide. And I already sent this announcement out. It's hit the servers just like that."**

**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

**"Hahaha...this will be fun..."**


	2. DW characters are awful with advice

**Takasugi runs up to the portal. "OK! We already got our questions! Get out here, guys and girls!" The portal remains still. "Oh, come on! I have a meatbun here." He gets a meatbun and attaches it on a stick and string thing. "Come on...meatbun..." **

**"I've already swore off meatbuns."**

**"Shi, no. We all know that is a lie." (Even though you got weened off them...) "And these questions are not even dares. (Well, some...) They want actual advice." After ten minutes, the cast is on the stage. "Ok, now we can start. First question." **

**From Inao45:**

_**I have a question for Xingcai: How should I put up with my younger brother?**_

**Xing Cai speaks out, "Well...I wouldn't know since Zhang Bao is my older brother. But I can tell it has similar experiences. This is what you do:" She gets Zhang Bao and hits him in the stomach. "OW! Why...?" He falls. **

**"There. He can't do anything reckless if he is injured already." Takasugi then yells out, "The questionee can't do that! That's abuse! What if he is a little kid?" Sima Shi then says,"I know exactly the thing to deal with pesky little siblings." He grabs Sima Zhao and tosses him off the stage. "Ah! Ow! Why'd you do that?" **

**"See?"**

**"That is not an option either! And you're not answering the question! It says "TO PUT UP!" **

**"Oh...I don't."**

**"What?"**

**"Just cancel Zhang Bao out. Then when he needs help, I'll run over there."**

**"I cancel Zhao out."**

**"Um...Moving on..." He takes out a paper. **

**From Ryujin Mei:**

_**Wen Yang! Marry me!**_

**"Ok-Why is this girl sticking a M4 Carbine to the side of my head...? Wen Yang, little help?"**

**"Um...I don't know..."**

**"Well...what kind of wedding do you want? Traditional, Hebrew, Buddhist, Japanese, Chinese or you standing in line to a legal marriage license to marry a man made of pixels and is a corpse?" Izuru pops out from a curtain,"That last part was not necessary."**

**"I was just being honest. He is over 2000 years old, that is just creepy as with Bella and Edward getting married. And he's only about a hundred." He gasps. "That should be a new book hormone-raging fangirls and lonely moms can obsess over! Guy from 2000 years ago travels into the future and then falls in love with a sixteen year-old girl. That will sell like hotcakes! More than that Twilight crap!" His eyes shine as he writes on a notepad. **

**"You're getting off-topic..."**

**"Oh, sorry. Wen Yang, do you take this possibly-psychopathic women to be your lawful-wedded wife?" **

**"I did not say yes..."**

**"Then speak up! You're a giant with a timid voice. Screw it. You're married. Happy New Year. Where's the champagne?" **

**"What?"**

**"Bye. Next question from the same girl."**

_**Sima Yi, because he is sooo smart...Any advice on coping with a serious laziness (and procrastination) problem?**_

**"Ha...she mocked you, Yi..."**

**"Why you naive brat!" **

**"Answer that question, Mr. "I'm so smart."**

***sighs* "Fine...here's how:" Sima Yi picks up the just-got-onto-the-stage-Sima Zhao and throws him out the window. "Ah Ow! Why me?!" **

**"There. Problem solved."**

**"That's child abuse-no, he's a grown man- assault and domestic abuse! That didn't answer the question!"**

**"The woman said coping. That is how I cope with laziness. Zhao is the personification of laziness."**

**"You can't simply throw someone out if you don't want or like them!****...You people are awful at giving advice...Ok...Another one."**

_**Guo Jia, any advice on maintaining harems?**_

**Guo Jia takes out a magnet. "Be a chick magnet." *Rimshot* He casually walks to Wang Yi like if she were getting attracted to the magnet. She then takes the magnet and throws it at his eye. "Ow!" **

**"Ah-ha...I get it...But seriously, what is it?"**** Guo Jia sits in a table with a suit with Wang Yi and Cai Wenji on both sides. He has a bottle of beer next to him.**

**I don't always maintain harems**

**But when I do, I make sure to leave with all of them, saying the bill has been paid even though I left it to Jia Xiu and Sima Yi. **

**"So, that's why that bartender had to come over to my home..."****  
><strong>

**"Oh...I thought Sima Yi was at the bar with you two. How did you even leave it to him?"**

**"Took his address and credit card."**

**"How in the world does he have a credit card?! Let me see!" He takes the card from Guo Jia and looks at it. "Hey! This is mine! Why does Yi have it?!"**

**"I found it..."**

**"When?"**

**"It was...um..."**

**"You pickpocketed me?" **

**"Well, no...but it's a long story..." Sima Yi pulls down a chart and it shows people and lines connecting each other. He takes out a pointer. "Here is how it started, you were at Wu when the vulgar me was destroying it with a "tank" you called it. Obviously, your wallet will fall out during the commotion. After all that nonsense was over, the Wu strategist picked up." He points at a picture of Zhou Yu. "Then he was out drinking and dropped it. This man picked up." He points at a picture of Sun Ce. "He was out into battle, then he got attacked. The thing dropped, and was eventually found by an old man. He then gave it to one of his students." He points to Zhuge Liang's picture. "The student had no use for it, thus giving it to the drunkard." He points to Pang Tong's picture. "He threw it out, and it was found by Zhao Yun. During Changban, he was riding his horse and the Wei soldiers went after him. He had the baby, and the thing fell out. Xiahou Dun picked up and gave it to Cao Cao. He then gave it to Dian Wei. He then gave it to Xu Chu, then he gave it to Zhang He. He gave it to Zhen Ji. She gave it to Cao Pi. He then gave it to Cao Rui. After he died, Cao Shuang took it. Then after the coup de'tat that I staged, Shi found it on his dead body and took that. Zhao took it from him along with a meatbun. And Yuanji got hold of it. Then she gave it to Chunhua, then she gave it to me. And that is how that card of yours got to me." Takasugi stared at him with a weirded-out face. "...This is maybe a bad game of pass-along...or that my credit card went through sixty years of Chinese history...And how do you know all the places it went...?" **

**"Oh...I might have to explain backwards..."**

**"Ok! I'm surprised it was still in good condition. Glad I chose platinum for the card. Well...next question..."**

**From awesomeness:**

I have a question for Lu Bu: I now your not scared of anything, but would you be scared

if Diao Chan left you for someone,... let's say "STRONGER" than you or "SMARTER" than you  
>or maybe someone who is more... "HANDSOME" than you. I mean this could be Diao Chan's thoughts.<p>

**Lu Bu goes over to Diao Chan. "Diao Chan, is that what you are thinking?"**

**"No, I would never do that to you!"(Maybe...) Lu Bu runs up to the screen. "You pathetic piece of s***! How dare you question her! I oughta come over there and force my Sky Piercer up your ass! Besides, there are none to challenge me!"**

**"Hmm...Go up against Sosuke Aizen, Gintoki Sakata, or Son Goku. Who else...? Yeah, just go with either one of them. Oh, Kenshiro and Doremon." Izuru yells out,"Aizen's immortal! How can he-?"**

**"A HUMAN DEFEATED HIM. If he can do it, Lu Bu can. But we might need to stay below supernatural. Gintoki is strong for a human, so you can try your way with him." **

**"Where is he?"**

**"Well...Now...um...I don't know...Forget it. Next question-" A loud boom is heard and a hole appears on the wall. A man walks into it. "Hello. Did someone call my name?" **

**"Oh, nice. Sima Yi is trying out a white version of his popped-collar robe. And he decided to get a haircut and smeared hair gel on it."**

**"What?" **

**"Sometimes I believe when Sima Yi died, he became a Shinigami to become Sosuke Aizen."**

**"What are you talking about?" **

**"But then again, Sima Yi managed to get the land even after death and Aizen over there can't capture a single town all because of a human boy. And he's immortal. How sad...So, Aizen, visiting your Espada that are living here in the Human World?"**

**"How did you know about that..?"**

**"That is a topic in Bleach Espada FanFictions. You kicking them out of Hueco Mundo then they fend for themselves, blah,blah, blah...And it's so funny how you sound exactly like Sima Yi. Say Hadoken and Imbecile!"**

**"I'm leaving..." **

**"Hey, the wall! Oh well, next one."**

**From Minako the Dragon Maiden of DW**

1. Wen Yang and Zhao Yun: Compare you two, which one is better spear user?

2. Lu Xun: I wonder why you're addicted on fire. Because I have a few fireworks in my vault (I can give them to you if you wish).  
>3. Sima Zhao: Why you don't have crazy laugh from your father and brother? (I don't mean to say it. Actually I wish to stuff their mouths with mops)<p>

**"My weapon is a javelin, but I think Zhao Yun deserves the praise for the better spear user."**

**"Oh, no. You are talented in your own way."**

**"But I can never compete with you. You are the better one."**

**"No, it is the future that counts. You are the better one."**

**"Ok, stop. You two are the better ones. Next!" Lu Xun lights the curtain near him on fire. Izuru quickly gets a bucket of water to put it out. "Answer the question. Why do you like fire?"**

**"It's soo...pretty...I want fireworks..."**

**"NO! Don't give them to him! Zhao?"**

**"Um...I don't know...I got my mother's side after all."**

**"Actually...if you play around in Zhang Chunhua's voice gallery, you will find one where she does a evil laugh. Well, not Sima Yi-ish, but just maybe evil queen-ish. So..." Sima Yi then says jokingly,"He's adopted." He snickers. Zhang Chunhua hits him. "OW! I was joking!"**

**"Kind of a insensitive joke...But really, why don't you have it?"**

**"Um...It takes your breath up..." Izuru then says out, "It's because he's the only one in the family that is actually sane. Oh, and I got the mops if you want to shove them in Sima Yi and Sima Shi's mouths."**

**"Don't you dare!"**

**"Oh, I want to do it!" The two get the mops and throws them right into Sima Yi's and Sima Shi's mouths. "Mmph!" **

**"Ok, now last ones."**

**From Alexandria Yamil**

A Q&A story? Cool! Ok so here are my questions?

1. Xu Shu why are you so depressed all the time? Smile a little bit! ( hugs him)  
>2. Wang Yuanji would you rather have Sima Shi as a husband?<br>3. Da Qiao why do you spoil Xiao Qiao so much? You know that's not helping her right?  
>4. Zhang Chunhua how can I be fearless like you?<br>5. Wang Yi, I dare you to go on a date with Guo Jia and not kill him (at least until the end)  
>Lol I feel so evil.<p>

**"Gee, where do we start? Where is Xu Shu anyway?"**

**"Here."**

**"Oh! Make some noise, for Christ's sake! Now answer the Q."**

**"Um...I don't know..." He curls up in a corner, drawing swirls with his finger. **

**"That's not enough! Smile and accept the hug." He still sits at the corner. "Eh, ok...Next, Yuanji?"**

**"NO." **

**"Normally you would deny it while blushing, but now you're just being straight forward. Did something happen between you two?" **

**"Well...there was something that I now know about Sima Shi that makes me disturbed..."**

**"What? Meatbuns?"**

**"No...it was during the time when you had us act in dramas and sit-coms."**

**"What? Did I miss something during the acting?"**

**"We were all improvising, but Shi took it too far..." Sima Yi, Sima Zhao, and Zhang Chunhua turn green. Sima Shi tugs on his collar. "You all remember that...?"**

**"You kissed your mother!" Takasugi then acts confused,****"Isn't that what all boys do to their moms?"**

**"But...he grabbed her and kissed her on the lips!"**

**"In some countries, they do that."**

**"Grabbing..."**

**"Ok, not that. But what?" Zhang Chunhua goes to Takasugi and whispers into his ear. He then realizes. "Oh...that kind of kiss...ugh...Shi? Do you have the Oedipus complex...?"**

**"What do you mean...?" **

**"Well...In Conquest mode and Ambition mode, when you have to fight Sima Yi, it is implied you want to actually want to kill him based on the his speech rectangle. And you seem to be pretty or wanting to be close to Zhang Chunhua..." Sima Shi runs back inside the portal. Sima Yi asks him, "What is this Oedipus complex?"**

**"Something you don't want to know about and something Shi possibly has...Next, Da Qiao, what is your answer to the third question?"**

**"I don't spoil Xiao Qiao...I'm her sister and we look out for each other."**

**"Yeah!"**

**"Wow...and today's society, sisters would usually shun each other just for a guy or not talk to each just because one said something that was not at all offending. Most sisters I know would stop talking to each other for weeks just because of something stupid, like a guy choosing one of them to go to prom and not the other. Next? The fourth question reminds me of those "We Can Do It!" posters found at World War Two."**

**"Well...now I fear something...So I can't answer that question...But what condition does Shi have?"**

**"Again, I'm not explaining that one because it's very...eh...dark..."**

**"Just tell me."**

**"Why do you want this stress to be placed upon you?!"**

**"What is it?"**

**"Don't say I didn't warn you...Well, once upon a time, a king and queen had an infant son. They took him to a psychic and the psychic said the boy will kill the father and marry the mother. So the king told a shepherd to leave the baby up in the mountains to die. The shepherd bound the boy's feet with a leather strap and was about to leave him but couldn't. So he takes him to another king and queen so they can adopt him. They named him "Oedipus" because of his damaged feet. One day, after he grew up, he decided to go out. He met his birth father at a river but they both didn't know they were father and son. They argued who was to go across first, and the king tried to kill him, but Oedipus killed him in self-defense. Unknowingly fulfilling half of the prophecy. Then some things happened, killing the Sphinx made him king by his uncle and a hand in marriage with the recently-widowed queen. Then...ugh...they had four children...Then some miscellaneous stuff happened, and the queen found out Oedipus was her son, more miscellaneous stuff, then hanged herself."**

**"That...did not answer my question..."**

**"Put yourself, Sima Yi, and Sima Shi in the story." After she thought of that for a few minutes, her face turns into of disgust and fear. "Are you suggesting...?"**

**"Well, the story is what the complex is based on. The complex is...well...I'll say at the end of this...Now, one dare...Now you two get out there."**

**"Oh, don't worry...I'll treat you r-"**

**"Let's go to a bar."**

**"What?"**

**"It wasn't being specific what kind of date, so bar date."**

**"Ok..."**

**The two were at a bar and drinking. "So...what exactly am I supposed say?"**

**"Drink."**

**"Ok..." After ten minutes, Guo Jia gets drunk and is talking gibberish. "Why won't ydcdca loove me...? I work sovhbfjzbf hardrfffc eto put money in your pocketscvfv...! I nsghscsjcn,nv,cjndkv Brahlgfj..." He drops his head onto the counter. Wang Yi then leaves very quietly. She gets back onto the stage. "So, how'd it go?"**

**"It was a blast."**

**"Oh, you didn't kill him?"**

**"Nah, he got something else." When Guo Jia woke up, the bartender gave him a paper. "Oh...man...She left me with the bill..." It switches back to the stage. "Well, that's it. Bye now!"**

* * *

><p><strong>Notes<strong>

**The Oedipus complex is a disorder based on that story that was mentioned. But I'm sure you don't want to learn, so I guess I'll just say it straightforward. It's when a boy gets sexual desires for his mother and wants to kill the father for her. Or it can be a girl having sexual desires for her father. That's the simple definition. Anyway, Sima Shi seems to display this complex. In the modes where he has interaction with Sima Yi during a battle is that he seems to actually want to kill him. And he seems to love his mother a little...eh...But this is just my theory, don't take it into consideration. God, I sound nerdy and doctorly here...**

**Sima Yi reminds me of Sosuke Aizen. He just does. When Takasugi asked Aizen to say, "Hadoken," it was because he and Sima Yi share voice actors with Street Fighter character Ryu. Picture Sima Yi doing a Hadoken, it'll be hilarious.**

** I just randomly listed strong anime characters in this, so don't flame me about who's stronger and why this other guy should be on there or why this guy should not be on there because I don't care about that. **

**When Sima Yi said a vulgar him destroyed Wu with a tank, that was something that happened in one of my other stories. **

**Guo Jia did the "Most Interesting Man in the World" meme.**

**A/N: Wow, I never thought I could get five reviews in a day. Thanks for your support. Keep those questions coming and dares are welcome! **


	3. Love's in the air!

**A door opens on top of the ceiling, and few papers fall on Takasugi's head. "Oh, more." **

**From Guest**

OoohQ&A huh.  
>Zhao Yun, is it true that you're having a little bit of "something" with Ma Chao?<br>Li Dian, like the first but with Yue jin.  
>all DW female characters,make some kind of vote about the HOTTEST male character in DW.(the Choices are Zhao Yun,Xu Shu,the Guan bros,Zhang Bao,Sima Siblings,Yue Jin,Li Dian,Xiahou Dun,Guo Jia,Lu Xun,Zhu Ran,Ling Tong and Lu Bu)<br>last but not least,XU SHU WILL YOU MARRY MEinsert some fangirl scream(while pointing AK47 at the Author direction)

**Holy s*** cookies! Why is this person aiming that at me and not you?!**

**"You're writing this. So, Zhao Yun does have a thing with Ma Chao and Li Dian having a thing with Yue Jin? And really? S*** cookies? I can come up with a better swear than that."**

**Shut up. Zhao Yun and Ma Chao look at each other funny. "Eh..."**

**"Eh..."**

**"He'd rather be with a horse than an actual human being, though..."**

**"Hey! I don't spend time with horses that much!"**

**"You spent five hours one time looking for a horse named Chestnut. I tried telling you don't have a horse named Chestnut, but you ignored me."**

**"I was drunk. And I watched that movie with the little girl and her horse. It was so beautiful..." He sobs.**

**"Ok...Li Dian and Yue Jin?"**

**"Eh...No comment."**

**"Eh..."**

**"Why are you "ehhh"ing? Is it maybe or no or maybe yesno?"**

**"Eh..."**

**"Ok, nevermind. Does Zhang Chunhua count for that next one? I think it will be pretty awkward for her saying Sima Shi or Sima Zhao are attractive...And some women here are...older than the most of the pretty guys..."**

**I personally think Sima Yi and Zhou Yu are hot in my book despite they're dead men and pixelated. **

**"No one's asking you!"**

**I think you said once you'd go homosexual for one of them.**

**"Shut up! Now, ladies, take your vote. Oh, guys go into the soundproo-there are so many...Ok, the women go-too many...Just yell it out!" The room remains silent. "What? Not sexy enough?"**

**"It's...eh...that they are too young for me...I can't say without sounding creepy..."**

**"Ok...Zhang Chunhua, Yue Ying, Zhen Ji, Zhu Rong, Diao Chan and Lian Shi can opt out since they're technically old women already-OOFF!" The six mentioned took chairs and whacked Takasugi with them. "And you ladies look fine as hell despite that!" Bao Sanniang jumps up and down. "I think Guan Suo will always be hot!" **

**"Now that is obviously biased since you're married to him. Anyone else?" Xiao Qiao raises her hand. "Zhou Yu!"**

**"He was not an option..."**

**"Ok, then Lu Xun and Zhu Ran! They're such cuties!"**

**"At least you're being honest. Da Qiao?"**

**"Oh...um...well...I..."**

**"Spit it out already...We don't have a lot of space for your umm's."**

**"All of the Guans seem decent."**

**(This is gonna spawn weird-ass ships...)"Mm-hm, Sun Shang Xiang?" **

**"I don't need no man to tell what to do!"**

**"The questionee asked if you find any of the guys mentioned are attractive to you."**

**"Zhao Yun. Even though he's just a cardboard cutout for the game and cliche since I'm poster girl."**

**"Hey! I can do other things besides that..."**

**"Name one thing that does not involve Koei."**

**"Um...I advertised 7-Up."**

**"Now, that's selling out. You can't think of one, huh?"**

**"...Yes..."**

**"That's what I thought. Wang Yuanji?"**

**"Despite his weird thing with Lady Zhang, I think Sima Shi is attractive."**

**"What about Zhao? He's kinda like if you married a male Zhang Chunhua."**

**"Why did you put that image into my head?! Ugh...not that's a bad thing, m'lady..."**

**"Just sayin'...Zhao has really striking features from her..."**

**"Ok, Zhao too."**

**"I don't have a weird thing with my mother!"**

**"Yep...you do...But I'm not getting into this again, so let's go on to Shu's young ladies." He gets glares for the "older" women. "Ok...ladies, happy? Guan Yinping, who is the hottest guy in your opinion? Choose from that list." **

**"Li Dian is pretty cute. And Zhang Bao reminds me of that orange-haired guy I like."**

**"Oh, yeah. You share actors with Orihime, so Zhang Bao reminds you of Ichigo, right?"**

** "Yes."**

**"Well, that's gonna get some Bleach and Dynasty Warriors fans to ship you and Zhang Bao if it hasn't happened yet. Xing Cai?"**

**"Hm...Zhao Yun, Guan Ping, and Guan Xing."**

**"You know...you don't have to choose from in your own kingdom..."**

**"But they are what I personally think are attractive."**

**"Wow, so straightforward. And...Guaaan Piing, she thinks you're attraaaactive!"**

**"Why are you...eh...saying like that...?"**

**"Oh, come on. We even implied it on some occasions during the DW series. It was bound to happen. That should be next year's hot new soap opera. Guy can't love the woman because she's married to a higher man than him...Oh wait...that's been done...Anyway, Wei ladies?"**

**"Guo Jia, since he pays for all my drinks."**

**"Well...that's...nevermind...Cai Wenji?"**

**"...Well...I...um..."**

**"What?"**

**"Sima Shi and Yue Jin."**

**"Isn't Sima Shi your nephew-in-law...? Nevermind...Now that's been answered, Xu Shu, will you take this very-psychopathic person to be your lawfully-wedded wife? " **

**"But...I didn't say-"**

**"What? Can't hear ya! Boom, you're married. Bye! But why do you want him as a husband? It's like the same thing as marrying a cardboard cutout, except it breathes on you. Eh, none of my business."**

**"But I-"**

**"Now, next one."**

**From Inao45**

I hope you don't mind me asking another question...

For Lian shi: Would you do anything if Sun Quan asked you to do it

**"Um...What do you mean by that?"**

**"What this questionee means is that if Sun Quan asked you to jump off a cliff with him, would you do it?"**

**"That...eh...there are limits..." Sun Quan tells her,"I wouldn't ask you to jump off a cliff with me! I would not let you suffer my fate if I were to do that!"**

**"And there's...the other thing...if you know what I mean..." His face turns red and is smirking pervertedly. "Ugh...you disgust me..."**

**"Hey, the question said "anything." That means if she had to get on her knees and-AH! OW!" He gets multiple arrows to his behind. "...Next..."**

**From Burndlce**

Well Lets see here...

all the female Characters, are you satisfied with your current husband/crush?  
>any of you wanna trade?<br>like the number 1 but for male characters.  
>I kiss you Li Dian ?(*o kiss his cheek without permission)<p>

**Li Dian acts giggly, "Aw, thanks!" **

**"Ok...Zhang Chunhua?"**

**"Why are you looking at me like that...?"**

**"Because you didn't choose Yi as your husband. Your parents did. And in these kinds of marriages, the woman or man may not like their spouse after marriage. I don't know, maybe if you had a choice...you would go for one of Yi's younger brothers...Maybe Sima Fu?"**

**"He's still older than me..."**

**"Ok, Sima Xun?"**

**"Who?"**

**"Sima Min?"**

**"He died, and he was still a child."**

**"Oh, yeah. Sima Tong?"**

**"Who?"**

**"Sima Lang."**

**"He's dead and too old for me."**

**"Ok...who would you marry?"**

**"I have gotten used to Sima Yi all these years."**

**"So...you like him...?"**

**"...When you put it that way..."**

**"Ha! You do! You're blushing!"**

**"Why are you making a case out of this?"**

**"It's just funny someone in this small world of ours LIKES or even...LOVES Sima Yi. Other than his family members and his sons. It's just...eh...I can't say...He's...like if you tried to be friends with a ...uh...a turtle." **

**"...A turtle...?"**

**"Yes, a turtle. I had one. You can't be friends with the thing! It just ignores you until you change the tank or feed it." **

**"That's...not really accurate..."**

**"Anyway, you wouldn't trade him or marry someone else?"**

**"Yes. I'm surprised you are interested in what my preferences in men are."**

**"Well I supposed you liked him...since you two had four and possibly five children...Wait...I remember something, when you died, Sima Yi was not at his work that day...Yi, did you-"**

**"Ok, go on to someone else now..." **

**"Just stating the history...(He does have a soft spot, who knew?) What about Wang Yuanji? Are you happy? Your marriage was arranged as well."**

**"Zhao is lazy, yes. But he has potential and his parents knew that...kinda...I wouldn't ask for another spouse." (Since Shi creeps me out now...)**

**"Ok, Zhen Ji."**

**"No, Cao Pi is perfect for me."**

**"Yue Ying?"**

**"I love my husband. I would not trade him for anyone else."**

**"Zhu Rong?"**

**"I'm good." **

**"Lian Shi?"**

**"I am satisfied. I wouldn't give him up for anyone else."**

**"Bao Sanniang...?"**

**"I'm staying with Guan Suo, no matter what!"**

**"Yep, knew it...Xing Cai?"**

**"Who can I trade?"**

**"What..?"**

**"You heard me."**

**"I guess anyone you desire...but it's not for real..."**

**"Then I'm good."**

**"Ok...Sun Shang Xiang?"**

**"I'll trade Liu Bei for...hmm...Zhang Bao or a Guan."**

**"Really?"**

**"At least they're MY age."**

**"I wouldn't blame you. The Qiaos?"**

**"I'm happy with Sun Ce."**

**"Me too with Zhou Yu!"**

**"That should be all of them."**

**"What about Lu Bu and Diao Chan?"**

**"We already know they love each other to bits. I don't need a reminder. Last one."**

**From awesomeness**

1) I dare Lu Xun to go 1 hour without using fire or creating fire.  
>2) for Lu Bu again: DO you want your daughter to follow your footsteps on being the ultimate warrior?<br>and lastly for Ma Chao (3): why do you like horses a lot and always ride them, and why do you talk about justice a lot?

**"You heard them, Lu Xun. No fire."**

**"No...fire...?"**

**"Yes. No fire. **Wú huǒzāi, 无火灾, no fuaiya. **Why are you talking like that when you don't have fire?"**

**"But...fire..."**

**"Lu Xun...I hear you say many fluent sentences a lot in the game. Why aren't you saying some now?"**

**"But..."**

**"It's only for an hour, chill."**

**"Oh, ok." Lu Xun returns to talking in a normal voice. "That seems not too bad."**

**"Oh...I thought you would be more upset about that."**

**"It's only for an hour, right?"**

**"Well, yeah."**

**"Then I'm fine." **

**"Are you?" Lu Xun was rubbing two sticks quickly behind his back. Takasugi gets them and throws them. "What is so interesting about fire?"**

**"It represents Wu and their fiery spirit."**

**"Anything else...?"**

** "It's pretty."**

**"And in this world, that is frowned upon..." (Hmm...A kind of flamethrower was invented in Ancient China...I bet five hundred bucks one of Lu Xun's descendants made that...It was invented after the Three Kingdoms fell, though, so he can't get his grubby hands onto one.) "Lu Bu? Do you want your daughter to follow in your footsteps?"**

**"She can do as she likes. I will not force her to be like me. If she wants to follow in my footsteps, that is fine." **

**"Aw, that's nice...And to answer that last question, did you know Ma Chao is buddy-buddy with Light Yagami (Death Note) and Kaname Tosen (Bleach) because of their justice obsession? He even joined the Justice club and the Justice League-Haha! Ok, that one was fake...Why does Ma Chao like horses?"**

**"Because they are my pride and joy. Horses are the ONLY things we can ride anyway! We don't have his world's fancy-smancy thing with wheels!"**

**"Your family name means horse, also. And those "things" are CARS. Or automatic carriages if we use your terms. " **

**"That has nothing to do with it! The Simas over there have nothing to do with horses and their name has horse in it!"**

**"Well...I read that Sima Yi was described that he looked like a-OW!" Sima Yi threw a chair at him. "DO. NOT. REMIND. ME."**

**"Ok...jeez...Well, Ma Chao, can you put this on?" He holds up one those horse masks. Ma Chao looks at it shocked. "You chopped off a poor horse's head?!"**

**"No...this is fake...It's a mask."**

**"I shall not wear that!"**

**"Ok, Ma Dai?"**

**"It looks hideous..."**

**"Sima Yi...?"**

**"NO!"**

**"Oh, wait, your face already looks like one...OOW!" Sima Yi throws a pulley left on the stage. "Ok...Ma Chao, why do you talk about justice again?"**

**"Because there isn't enough of it."**

**"That doesn't answer the question...And was it justice when you killed Wang Yi's family?"**

**"Um...gotta go feed the horses!" Ma Chao runs into the portal. **

**"I thought so...So, that's it. Tune in next time!"**

* * *

><p><strong>Notes<strong>

**In case you didn't know, Ma Chao and Ma Dai's names have horse in them. "Ma" means horse in Chinese. Sima Yi, Sima Shi, and Sima Zhao have this as well. Even the Chinese characters in the front of their names mean horse.**

**Something tells me that people will ship Guan Yinping and Zhang Bao together because their voice actors did Ichigo and Orihime from Bleach. And Orihime has a crush on Ichigo...blah...blah...you get the idea.**

**Sima Yi had four, possibly five children with his wife. Why possibly five is that he had a daughter whose mother was unknown. It was possible it was Zhang Chunhua. Gee, can't keep track of his children, am I right? Ok...that was bad...**

**Takasugi said, "no fire" in Chinese and Japanese for that line. **

**Zhao Yun did advertise 7-Up for DW8 and Lu Bu advertised Pepsi I think when DW7 came out?. **

**I once read this description of Sima Yi and it stated he had a long face, like a horse. I forgot the source, but I'm sure that was someone hating on Sima Yi. Good luck getting that weird image out of your head. **

**The flamethrower was invented and used during the 7th century and the 11th century. Three Kingdoms was 2nd century, so Lu Xun can't get his hands onto one if wanted to. **

**I do have a pet turtle. What? **

**I'll explain how Sima Shi is Cai Wenji's nephew-in-law, if that term exists...Sima Shi's third wife, Yang Huiyu, was Cai Wenji's niece. Yang Huiyu was the daughter of Cai Wenji's sister, thus she's Cai Wenji's niece. And making Shi her nephew-in-law. **

**Boom, you learned stuff today.**


	4. Takasugi is done with your shit

**A paper airplane flies near Takasugi and he grabs it. "Oh, a question. AH!" Multiple paper airplanes fly and hit him. "Ok, ok! First one..."**

**From Flitzie**

Okay enough questions , its Dare Time !  
>1. For the Useless Author and his OCs : I dare you guys to have a "one night stand" with Zhang He .<br>2. For all DW pretty boys : the same like the question above .

**Now I feel slightly offended... **

"**Sorry if this disappoints you, but the author's female. She just has a guy's sense of humor. Maybe that's why you confused her for a guy. And I dare you to call me useless again! Compared to Izuru, I'm the one that is in these things more and I get all of the abuse! You know what? Izuru, you take over! See how I feel!" He walks off the stage in a huff. Izuru walks onto the stage and picks up the papers. "Well, he's out. I'm going to have to take over...Anyway, the author can't have intercourse with Zhang He because she is a minor. Zhang He will frown upon that. And...that leaves me...Oh come on! He left and author's not legal! I have to do it?! Zhang He goes to him. "Can I skip this...?" **

**"Yeah, Zhang He is not even homosexual! He's just femmine, we never disclosed on his sexuality anyway. And the pretty boys with you...? What about Shi and Zhao...? I mean...you're old enough to be their uncle or something!" Sima Shi and Sima Zhao hide behind the curtain. "No...not him..." **

**"He scared me ever since I was little..."**

**"Really?" Sima Yi tells him, "When I took them around the Wei area and Zhang He comes over, they would cling onto me throughout the time he was around..."**

**"Ok...I don't think we can do this dare...The author is already uncomfortable with this.**** Let's throw that one out. Next one."**

**From Ryujin Mei**

hee more silliness and funnieness and now I'm up to date *yech*...I can't get that image of Sima Yi with a horse face now.. *Gyaaaah -pfft- *cue crazy laughter* and hmm..seems like there's another psychopath who's followed me AWESOME example! *but Ak-47's are SO over rated* anyways...and a pet turtle sounds cute! aww! unrelated and irrelevant but I have 4 pet spiders and 2 scorpions  
>1. a dare for Ma Chao : say a hmmm *evil smirk* 50 word advertisement about benevolence BUT! 'justice' CANNOT be spoken! the punishment will be wearing that horse head mask and actually...dressing up as a magical sparkling pink unicorn...handing out wishes and sweet dreams to ...Lu Bu. *smiles good luck*<br>2. Lu Bu, would you class yourself as an S or M? You seem very insecure around Diaochan and I'm sure she's always dominating you...in her own ? I think you're an M  
>3. Again Lu Bu, let's just hypothesize (hehe do you even understand that?) pwecious Lingqi and *looks at pretty boys for potential victim aha!* Lu Xun...were dating, what would you do?<p>

**"Ma Chao, here's a board and some markers. Figure it out. Don't use the word justice."**

**"Let me see..."**

**Few minutes later...**

**Ma Chao holds up his board. "Here."**

**"That was fast. Let's see..." **

**BENEVOLENCE BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE, BENEVOLENCE BENEVOLENCE BENEVOLENCE BENEVOLENCE Convinced? Join Shu on their conquest of BENEVOLENCE!**

**"What the hell is this?! This is barely anything! It's just benevolence repeating! God, I'm sick of that word now...You didn't say justice, though..."**

**"Hey, it didn't say to stop using benevolence."**

**"But not throughout the f***ing advertisement! You're still putting that horse mask on throughout the story then." **

**"Argh..." He puts on that shocked horse head mask. "Ugh, it stinks..."**

**"If you take it off before this is over, we'll make you wear the second option."**

**"Ok, ok. I get it." **

**"Also, S and M? Can someone elaborate on these two letters?" **

**Sadist and masochist. **

**"How would you know that? You're a minor!"**

**A dictionary. **

**"OK, now Lu Bu? Are you a masochist like Sima Yi over there?"**

**"I'm not a masochist!"**

**"You carry a whip."**

**"It's a fly swatter!"**

**"No, that's a whip. A horsehair whip, to be specific." Lu Bu acts confused. "What is the guy talking about?"**

**"Are you the dominate or the bottom? The questioner is thinking you like being hit or being bottom of Diao Chan."**

**"What? Of course I'm the top!"**

**"Is that right? And the next one was for you anyway, so would you let Lu Lingqi date Lu Xun-" Lu Bu had Lu Xun speared on top of his halberd. "What? I didn't hear."**

**"Oh...nevermind. Next paper."**

**From Pinky Flower**

Ok, here goes:  
>*For Sima Yi: I don't care what others say, I find you EXTREMELY handsome, intellegent, and I loooove your laugh. Not to mention you are I have your autograph?<br>*For Zhang Chunhua:I find ypu elegant, pretty, and is my qyestion, what are your true feelings for Sima yi?  
>*For Xiao Qiao:You are absolutely my favorite! You're so cute and I like you with Zhou you ever consider having children?<br>*For Cai Wenji:What is your relationship with Zhou yu?  
>*For Wang Yi:Why not just move on? Try finding yourself a Sima Yi ;)<br>*For Guan Yinping:Who would win in an arm wrestling? You or Meng Huo?

**"Well, looks like Sima Yi is popular with the ladies...still..."**

**"What is that supposed to mean?"**

**"Well...for starters...You are old. Like really old. Super-"**

**"Ok, I get it."**

**"Not to mention all those compliments just inflated your ego by 10 percent. Here's a piece of paper.****" Sima Yi writes on it and gives it to Izuru. "...You can speak English...but you can't write in it...? This is your name in Chinese, **司马懿"

**"It's the same thing."**

**"Next, Zhang Chunhua, what is your response to that question? And the questioner says you're elegant and pretty."**

**"Thank you. And I love and care for Sima Yi. Why do people think I don't?"**

**"Well...your marriage was arranged and those marriages usually have the bride and groom disliking each other. It is quite rare for the two to love each other fully in arranged marriages." **

**"Just because I don't show affection to him like some people, doesn't mean I hate or dislike him." **

**"And...you were thirteen when you married him...I mean...how did you make that work?" **

**"I don't know. I just got attached to him."**

**"Maybe it was a match made in hell...OOF!" Izuru gets a chair thrown at him. (Yay, his first abuse from a insulting comment.) "Ok, next...Xiao Qiao can't have children because she is a minor...Right, Zhou Yu?" Zhou Yu was in a corner with a depressed aura. "Uh-huh..." (I don't get sex...)**

**"I'm sorry, but...it just won't work if Xiao Qiao can't grow up. She's still a kid." Zhou Yu bursts out, "Why doesn't Sima Yi have a child wife? He married his wife a lot younger than Xiao Qiao is now!"**

**"Well...They had children when she was older." **

**"Well, I did too!"**

**"Ok...maybe the designers were thinking it would be cuter if the sisters were younger. Zhang Chunhua doesn't have siblings...I think..."**

**"It's not cute! It's pedophilia!" **

**"Zhou Yu, I don't design...I just animate. Talk to the designers. What is your relationship with Cai Wenji?"**

**"We both appreciate the beauty of music and poetry. I like her music as well. A shame we're on opposite sides." **

**"Oh, that's understandable. I don't think Wang Yi would move on, though...I mean, I still find fanart on her and him. Look at this one." He holds up a picture. "It's her and Sima Yi making out. Luckily, you tell it's fan-made because how crudely drawn this is." Sima Yi spits out his tea. "Phht! Who in the world assumed that?! Chunhua, I swear nothing happened!" **

**"I saw those cutscenes, though..."**

**"They were taken out of context! Who wrote the script?!"**

**"Not me. I animated what I was told to animate. Your animator was out that day, so I had to take over."**

**"I'm old enough to be her father!"**

**"Fangirls don't care about age difference. Look at you and Cao Pi, and you're old enough to be his uncle." Wang Yi goes to set fire onto Izuru's hand with the picture. "AH! Hot, hot!" He rapidly moves his arm to put out the flames. (His second abuse.) "I'm starting to become Takasugi...Oh, Guan Yinping and Meng Huo arm wrestling? Let's see." Guan Yinping and Meng Huo sit in a table. They grasped their hands together. "Ok, ready?"**

**"This girl can beat me in this? I'm not going easy then!" **

**"Go!" The two struggle as they try to put each other's arms down. Meng Huo was starting to heat up while Guan Yinping was still okay and sweated a bit. **

**"Ok...it's been half an hour...No one's giving up?"**

**"...No...I'm...going to...beat...her..."**

**"...Give...up..."**

**"...No...way..."**

**"Someone's going to pop something..."**

***POP* **

**"GAH! My shoulder is dislocated!" **

**"Oh...Guan Yinping wins..."**

**"Oh no! I'm so sorry! I couldn't control myself!"**

**"Need a Stimpak?"**

**"If it can repair my shoulder, yes!"**

**"Ok." Izuru takes a Stimpak and injects its content into Meng Huo's arm. "Hey, I no longer feel the pain!"**

**"These things never fail. Unless in Hardcore mode...What else?"**

**From Alexandria Yamil**

WHAT?! Xu Shu is MARRIED?! NOOOOOO! (faints) (wakes up a couple of minutes later) Aw man... lucky Guest...

How is it that you can come up with some of the most funniest stories ever? I can't even make a simple joke! But I digress... on to the questions!  
>1. Jia Chong can I hug you? (hugs him anyway) Also what makes you so loyal to Sima Zhao?<br>2. To everyone, do you like your weapon(s) or prefer another one?  
>3. Since everyone seems to be doing it... Guan Xing MARRY ME! (points a sub-machine gun at Takasugi)<p>

**"Since Takasugi is not here...Oh, it's to me. See? This is how school shootings happen. These people have easy access to automatic weapons! How are they getting these weapons anyway?! ...Oh...Ok, let's get this over with...Guan Xing, do you take this psychopathic woman to be your lawfully-wedded wife?"**

**"I do not want a bride now."**

**"Well, screw you. You're married now."**

**Jia Chong knocks off the woman off him. "Do not touch me. I'm loyal to Sima Zhao because, after all, we're good friends. I also help him use his actual head since he doesn't like to use it. You are wasting your father's gift to you, Zhao. Sima Zhong would have used that brain a lot better than you if he weren't stupid and had let my daughter take advantage of him."**

**"Gee, you sound like my mom now...Oh...nevermind..."**

**"So, does anyone want to change their weapons? Maybe Sima Yi can switch that whip for something that is less showing of his prefered action during intercourse."**

**"Hey! I do not use this for that!" **

**"Should I get the stain-identifier to see if it has been used for other purposes?"**

**"No. You don't need to. You can take my word." Zhuge Liang says out,"Can I get my fan that turns into a sword back?"**

**"Can't you do that now?"**

**"I can't. All I do is air waves and laser beams..."**

**"Remember DW5 Sima Yi's moveset? He was pretending he was shooting the beams with his mind, haha!"**

**"That was when I was...Actually...I don't know how old I was then..."**

**"Well, you acted like Zhong Hui...Phhthahah!" Zhuge Dan raises his hand. "Can I change my short rod?"**

**"Kmph...Short rod..."**

**"Don't make it sound dirty!"**

**"What do you want then?"**

**"The fan that turns into a sword."**

**"Hey!"**

**"But why? I like the moveset now. I say "Police brutality!" when you take a peon and smack him on the back with the rod."**

**"You're making it seem not so bad..."**

**"It's fun to use. All of those attacks make you look badass. Oh my god, I'm sounding like Takasugi...Anyone else want to change it?" Pang Tong raises his hand. "Yeah, can I get a bag of rocks? I don't like this fan."**

**"A bag...of rocks...? That's just lazy..."**

**"I want it."**

**"Well...you can easily make it, though. Man, there a lot today..." **

**From WarriorWizard**

I really Love these Q&As. May I ask some questions?

1-Um...Gan ning and Ling tong: You were enemies first , how did you suddenly turned all buddy-buddy? Do you love each other? *smiles timidly*

2-Zhu Ran and Lu Xun : what relationship do you have ,Exactly ? friends , Rivals or...*smiles*

3- Um..Um... Liu Shan : I know you are better than that, so please stop acting like an idiot or others will always pick on you. Why do you act like this?*Hugs him*  
>4-And lastly :Guan Xing and Zhang Bao : You wanted to swore an oath of brotherhood like your fathers, but why didn't you ask Liu Shan , too? then you could be the three legendary brothers :) like your fathers.<p>

Thank you in advance , author *bows*  
>and Gomenasai for the long review.<p>

**"Well, historically, Gan Ning and Ling Tong hated each other to the bitter end. So, why do you become friends?"**

**"The guy said to act like friends."**

**"Yeah, I didn't want to do it, but he offered all the wine I could drink..."**

**"Who?"**

**"This guy said to act like that. He just said do it."**

**"Huh, must have been one of the writers. What about Lu Xun-Oh, I forgot. So, I'm just going to ask this Zhu Ran guy. "Hey, are you buddies with Lu Xun or more than that?" He was talking to a mannequin dressed as Zhu Ran. "Oh, nothing to say? Oh, well...Guan Xing-Oh, you were taken away by the girl earlier...So, Zhang Bao, why didn't you include Liu Shan?"****  
><strong>

**"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh..." Zhang Bao innocently walks backwards and hops into the portal. "Huh, he won't answer. Next."**

**From awesomeness**

I dare Zuo Ci to face Lu Xun and Zhu Ran in a fire contest with them doing tricks to try to amaze the crowd, the crowd will be all DW Characters and everyone will vote.

**"Ok! Zhu Ran! Catch!" Izuru throws a torch at the Zhu Ran mannequin. It catches fire. "Look! He's doing the "Burning Man!" Cao Cao, Liu Bei, Sun Quan, and Sima Yi at tables hold up boards. **

**CC:100**

**LB:101**

**SQ:200**

**SY:That is a plastic person. **

**"Ok! Lu X-Zuo Ci?" Zuo Ci snaps his fingers, and a flame appears on Cao Cao's head. "AAH! Negative infinity goes to him!" He sets the word BENEVOLENCE in fiery letters. Then he makes a tiger made of fire go through a flaming hoop. His last trick was setting Sima Yi's hat on fire. "AAH! Why?! Hot!"**

**"Looks like you two have...hotheads..." **

**YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

**"This is not a joke! My head is on fire!" Sima Yi removes the hat and steps on it to put the flames out. The judges put up their boards.**

**CC: Negative infinity symbol**

**LB:1000**

**SQ: Over 9000**

**SY: Screw that old man.**

**"And...that adds up...to something...I think Zhu Ran won since Zuo Ci got negative infinity. Ok...last one..."**

**From Inao45**

I'm sorry, but I have MORE questions!  
>*ahem* So here they are:<p>

1. For Guan Yinping: Who do you think is stronger, you or Xing Cai?  
>2. For Cai Wenji: How well do you get along with Wang Yi and Zhen Ji?<p>

**"Um...I don't know...Xing Cai can put up with a drunk for a father, so she's gotta be that strong."**

**"It is clear Guan Yinping is stronger. She popped Meng Huo's shoulder."**

**"But that was an accident! I didn't want to hurt our ally!"**

**"How about we say both of us?"**

**"Yay!"**

**"Cai Wenji?"**

**"Well...Depends...Lady Zhen Ji and I got confused for each other in the game...Thanks a lot, Guo Jia..."**

**"Oh! Sorry! The script was...er..."**

**"Save it. Lady Zhen Ji and I like to play our instruments, so we are in content together. Lady Wang Yi is a different story...I tried to be nice, but she is...eh...tough..."**

**"She refuses your invitations?"**

**"I comfort her occasionally. But she always wants to be alone and drink her self off."**

**"Haa...It feels weird for me to not be a straight man now...It seems we're done." Takasugi walks onto the stage. "Well, you seem to be doing fine."**

**"Wait...you were here the entire time?"**

**"I was up there. In the balcony area, watching how you would handle this. You did decently."**

** "What...? I had a gun to my face that was meant for you!"**

**"You're alive aren't ya?"**

**"You will be doing this now. It's better if I'm the straight man."**

* * *

><p><strong>What Izuru meant by straight man is not about sexuality, but a term used in comedy. What the straight man is that the guy points out stuff and makes the funny guy more stupid and more ridiculous. <strong>

**Sima Zhong was Sima Yan's heir. If you go back, Sima Yan was Sima Zhao's son. Sima Zhao was Sima Yi's son-you get the idea. Sima Zhong is basically Sima Yi's great-grandson. But the weird thing was Sima Zhong was mentally retarded, something you wouldn't think that any Sima would have. **

**Seriously, how are you people getting guns? **

**A Stimpak is a medical item found in Fallout. It repairs crippled limbs. **

**I actually did find a picture of Wang Yi and Sima Yi making out. It creep me out since I know Sima Yi's actual age and he's old. Hey! I was looking for something else! That picture came up in my face when I searched for Dynasty Warriors comics and fanarts!**

**I do yell out "Police Brutality!" every time Zhuge Dan performs his EX attack with the short rod. **

**Zhu Ran was a mannequin because I have no idea what is his personality is. I didn't really get to see the new guys a lot. **

**Izuru did that meme when you say a pun, the CSI Miami opening scream plays out. **

**I do believe Sima Yi has a thing with being hit since he has a whip. And Zhang Chunhua can tie him up with those wires of hers. Kinky...**

**Cai Wenji was mad at Guo Jia because if you play the Wei hypothetical stage that lets you play as Cai Wenji, Guo Jia called her "Lady Zhen Ji." It's both sad and hilarious that they did not catch that mistake during the final touches and translating.**

**A/N: That was a lot. I thought I couldn't keep up because I had school, but I got it. But you people should go outside the box with the dares and questions. Just not...me having intercourse with one of the guys since I'm not legal as they say and it should be interesting. **


	5. More learning, yay!

**"Well, I back to doing these again! I hope I don't get another offending question again." Takasugi hods up a paper.**

**From Florina of Illia**

OMG a Q & A! I love those kinds of things!

Hmm...I really like the people from Jin a lot; they have such nice personalities; so...

(Because it's a thing now) For Zhong Hui: Marry me. Now. *sadistic smile, hides collar and leash while pointing a bazooka at Izuru*

Also a question for Sima Zhao; was there any time outside of battle that you got serious in, excluding any situations where Wang Yuanji may have gotten hurt?

And for Ma Chao; Admittedly, you're one of my favourite characters. Because of that, I have to give you some attention! Soo... I dare you to kiss Wang Yi ON THE LIPS and not get injured by it. Good luck!

Lastly...Sima Shi, what started your love for meat buns? Really curious here...

Thank you for answering my questions! I'll be back again soon! o vo

**"Well I think Jin is a fun kingdom to make fun of. The author likes them as well. And why do you want to marry this d***? He peed on my car when I gave him only a few lines in the first draft of the script. I had to change it since he was about to do another bodily function on my car." Izuru stands there, with the bazooka to his head. "The world will be overrun by fangirl terrorists...if they are able to military-grade artillery into their hands so easily..." **

**"Fine, be ready for the most awful moments of your life. Zhong Hui, do you take this pretty-stupid-and-hormone-raging-girl to be your lawfully wedded wife? Honestly, I should be the priest in Las Vegas wedding chapels. I'm doing this too much." **

**"Hmph. I don't want to be married. I have myself."**

**"You're lucky you can't age...or I'd advance your age by a hundred just to make you disgusted by your own body. But too bad, you are married."**

**"Didn't I say no?!"**

**"What? Can't hear ya. Sima Zhao's always lazy. Except during killing Cao Mao even though someone else did that, Chengdu stages, and meatbun stages." **

**"She said OUTSIDE of battle."**

**"Well, you answer! You're napping there, and you don't make noise!" Sima Zhao yawns and says, "Maybe during bed-"**

**"I'm going to stop you there."**

**"Bedtime."**

**"Bedtime could mean that stuff. Wait a minute! That's not something to be serious about! What about your son being born?"**

**"Actually, I did something rather...comical..."**

**"What? Threw the Jin-heir on the GROUND?"**

**"No, I did that thing from Lion King-"**

**"Yeah, Micheal Jackson did that, and he got ridiculed for that. Hanging Sima Yan over the balcony is not a good way to start..."**

**"Oh...They made it look ok in the movie..."**

**"It's never okay to hang your newborn baby over the balcony! I'm surprised NO ONE in your family stopped you!" Sima Yi walks backwards innocently, whistling. "Yeah...Never okay..."**

**"See? Your father agrees. What did you do when Zhao was born?"**

**"Um...I did that thing you just mentioned..."**

**"And you say Zhao is nothing like you...But how could you do that without your wives not snatching the baby from your hands?!"**

**"It was just for a split-second."**

**"...Ok...Ma Chao, kiss Wang Yi on the lips." Ma Chao (He didn't remove the horse mask last chapter.) acts confused. "What?! No! I'm not kissing her!" **

**"Well, it's a dare. Remove the mask." Ma Chao removes the mask, and goes over to Wang Yi. She stabs him. "Ugh..." **

**"He's not kissing me." Ma Chao falls. **

**"Of course this was to happen, after he did kill her family. Do YOU want to kiss the guy who murdered your family? I think not! And to answer the last one, Izuru can since he is such a nerd with this." **

**"Haha. Psychology is not nerdy. Anyway, I can do a test with Shi to see what is the cause of his obsession. Sima Shi, were you breastfed?" **

**"I don't know..."**

**"Fine, Sima Yi?"**

**"Yes. What does that got to do anything?"**

**"Then we are getting closer on what is the root of his obsession. What do these two meatbuns look like to you?" Izuru holds up two large meatbuns. Sima Yi slightly blushes at them. "Um...I can't say.." Sima Zhao snickers, "Knmp...they look like boobs...knmph..." Sima Shi looks at them, and drools slightly and unwittingly.**

**"If you thought breasts, maybe this will say something. Remind you of anyone?" The three slowly turned their heads towards Zhang Chunhua. "What? Why are you three looking at me?" Izuru points dramatically. ****"I discovered the root! Sima Shi has a thing with his mother, and meatbuns look like breasts, thus he eats them to satisfy his sexual desires for her!" Takasugi then claps slowly. "Well done. You could be a doctor or therapist for all we know."**

**"No, I took psychology class for a while." **

**"I do not have a thing with my mother! I just think meatbuns taste good..." Sima Zhao has a weirded-out face,****"...Now I think like that every time I see a meatbun now...ugh..." ****Sima Yi slowly moves his eyes down to Zhang Chunhua's chest. (I suddenly have a thought in my head now...I should probably eat more meatbuns when I'm alone...)**

**"Mm-hm. Ok-"**

**"Ok, Izuru. That's enough. We don't want to bore the audience with your jabber."**

**"Oh, fine..."**

**From WarriorWizard**

3 Hi author-san . I hope you don't mind me asking more question...?  
>1- Xiahou Ba : You're really cute , May I hug You?*hugs* . How old are you ?<br>2-Guo Jia : You're handsome too:3 but is there any women that caught your eyes? I mean for real.

Thank Chu.

**Xiahou Ba acts cheery. "Aw, thanks! I'm about...um...they didn't say..." Takasugi says out, "You're sixty-three!"**

**"What? How-"**

**"Yeah, since you were Xiahou Yuan's son, they designers had to make you younger. But you were sixty-three at around the time you defected to Shu. So...you're basically a botox-using grandpa..." **

**"I don't know what to say..."**

**"Based on your appearance now, about sixteen or seventeen should do for your age. Guo Jia?"**

**"I hadn't really found anyone..."**

**"Well, you're young, can't age, you have ALL THE TIME in the world to find a soulmate. Next." **

**From Inao45**

I like how you update everyday :) Please keep it up!  
>As for my questions:<p>

1. For Zhang Fei- Why do you drink so much? You know your daughter doesn't want a drunk father. Don't you care about her?!

2. For Zhuge Liang- Why do you hate Sima Yi? Why are you rivals with him anyways?

3. For Cai Wenji- What do you think about the music that teens listen to nowadays? Do you think modern music is better than ancient music?

**Zhang Fei was lying on the ground, reeking of alcohol. "Looks like he can't answer. But historically he wasn't a drunk. ROTK used alcoholism to blame for many of the screw-ups he did. He was just a screw-up and pretty horrible in history. But Dynasty Warriors goes by ROTK, not history." Zhuge Liang says out, "Sima Yi...Hm...I don't hate him, but don't like him of course we're on opposite sides. We both rival each other's intellect." **

**"That's in ROTK also. Historically, you have nothing to do with each other. If you two walked by each other historically, you would just give each other "mehs." But it would be just plain boring if we went with history and not ROTK. For the last one, I have something for Cai Wenji to listen to." Takasugi takes out a remote and Izuru pulls down the screen. He presses the projector on, having Miley Cyrus's Wrecking ball on the screen. "What do you think, Cai Wenji?"**

**"...Ugh...I prefer ancient music if this is what modern music is..."**

**"Well, some music are not bad, but have no meaning." Izuru changes the content on the screen to Gangnam Style. "What about this one?"**

**"No...it's weird..." **

**"Ok, what about this one?" He changes it to Shakira music. **

**"No...it's...vulgar..."**

**"Well, she doesn't like it. Last one."**

**From Butterfly 123**

*For Sima Shi: You're smart, handsome, strong, funny, and cute!How did you become all these?! For Jia Chong: Is that nail Polish on your hand and white powder or you were born like that? For Male characters: Who is the cutest and most beautiful female between the dynasty warriors females? For most or half the dynasty warriors characters( author chooses):Who is your rival in dead or alive game?and why?

**"Well...he got his genetics from Sima Yi and Zhang Chunhua. They are both smart and pretty. Cute doesn't really go with them...maybe if they were little kids...I doubt Sima Yi can even pick up his own wife and Zhang Chunhua can maybe with him. And where does funny fit with them? The author uses Yi occasionally for comic relief, but not Zhang Chunhua because...well...she's not...amusing...if you did use her for comic relief...So...Jia Chong? Is that make up?"**

**"It's not. I just never go into the sun."**

**"How do you get your Vitamin D then?" **

**"There are foods that have that. And this is nail polish. I got it from someone."**

**"Let me see the bottle." Jia Chong gives Takasugi the nail polish bottle. "...This is Kuroshitsuji-branded nail polish...It even has Sebastian's face on it." **

**"That man gave it to me."**

**"Sebastian gave it to you...? I'll believe that when a pig flies." Jia Chong walks over to Xu Chu, picks him up, and throws him out the window. "There. A pig flew, you believe me now?"**

**"...I didn't mean literally. And Sebastian wears nail polish? I knew it! Someone owes me twenty dollars! Now...I think the most hottest character is Lian Shi. I mean...DAMN! LOOK AT DEM BOOBS!" He gets a sword and multiple arrows to his behind. "...Fine...what do everyone else think...?" **

**"I think Diao Chan is the most beautiful woman."**

**"Lu Bu, that is biased. You're with her a lot."**

**"I think Zhen is the most beautiful."**

**"Again...Cao Pi...that is biased...You're married to her..." Cao Cao says, "The Qiaos are pretty cute..."**

**"That is just creepy! How about a real woman? Those are just kids."**

**"...Hmm...I'll tap Zhen Ji, Wang Yi, Cai Wenji, that wife of Sima Yi, and that girl Sima Yi's son is married to..."**

**"...Yeah...some people won't like that..." Cao Cao gets disapproving looks from Cao Pi, Sima Zhao, and Sima Yi. "Hey, I was being honest."**

**"You know...Yuanji's WAY too young for you...Same thing with Zhang Chunhua..." Sun Ce says out, "I think Lian Shi has one nice ass."**

**"See? Sun Ce agrees with me. I bet Sima Shi is going to say his mom." **

**"What? Well...I think Yuanji's cute and Mother is beautiful."**

**"I rest my case. It's hard to do these kinds of questions since there are seventy of you people here! We don't have time to go to EVERY SINGLE ONE of you to answer, so we just get random characters to answer. Dead or Alive? Does Xtreme Beach Volleyball count?" Izuru looks at him with a raised eyebrow. "...Ugh...you play that?"**

**"What? It's Dead or Alive."**

**"Yeah...if you want to play with yourself with the women...They obviously meant the fighting games."**

**"I played Xtreme Pole Dancing too." (This is an actual Dead or Alive game.)**

**"Shut. Up. I never actually played any of the games though. How about the author answers?"**

**I never played the game either. I don't know characters either. I wasn't into 2D or 3D platform fighting games anyway. The only one I know is Ryu Hayabusa. I can't really make a connection. Though most of the mature DW women look like they belong in a Dead or Alive game. Or maybe in Xtreme Beach Volleyball. How do I know about that game? I found it in the pre-owned section at GameStop. Of course I didn't buy it! **

**"That should be it. Hm...I want to dare..."**

**"You can do that next time."**

**"Aw...But these dares aren't even funny...I want something embarrassing, maybe for Sima Yi."**

**"Why me?!"**

**"Because you are funny when angry or embarrassed. And it's even more adorable on how short you are..."**

**"I'm not short! I'm 5'10!"**

**"To me, that's short because Wen Yang and Lu Bu are here. But, historically you were pretty tall...I think about 6'2 or higher. But right now...you short, my friend." **

**"You're only about a few centimeters taller than me. I don't know why you are not calling yourself short..."**

**"Now, this is normal height for an adult male my age. But I suppose you being an old guy...OOF!" Sima Yi roundhouse kicks him off the stage. "You people put too much emphasis on my age!" **

** "Just being honest here!"**

* * *

><p><strong>That point Izuru made does seem to make sense. I personally think that is the root of Sima Shi's meatbun obsession. But I'm not a doctor or psychologist.<strong>

**Xiahou Ba was around sixty-three during the time he defected to Shu. Yeah...he was already a grandpa by that time...Good luck getting that out of your head...**

**Zhang Fei was a drunk in ROTK, but historically he wasn't. He did improper things and disgusting things and was overall a screw-up. A shame the Dynasty Warriors Zhang Fei has to live with that on his back. DW Zhang Fei was actually ok in my book, but historical Zhang Fei disgusts me. **

**Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi had nothing to do with each other historically, but in ROTK, they were rivals. I like this rivalry even though this didn't exist. **

**I read that Sima Yi and his brothers were tall. Like. Really tall. His older brother, Sima Lang, was only twelve and he was over six feet. He got a military job since the employers thought he was an adult. Man, I wish I had that...I could buy any video game I want at a GameStop if I were that tall. Or Sima Yi could be a basketball star for all I know. Actually, that thought is making me laugh right now.**

**Everything you knew about Dynasty Warriors is wrong! Ah, just kidding. The fictional story is more entertaining than the real story. But the truth hurts, I know.**


	6. This song was written by a gay guy

**"Here is the next batch of questions."**

**From awesomeness**

1) Zhou Yu do you hate Zhuge liang, and Zhuge Liang do you hate Zhou Yu

**Zhou Yu had a doll of Zhuge Liang behind his back and was tearing it up. "No...of course not...Why would I hate my lord's ally...?" Zhuge Liang did not see the doll and said, "Why would I hate him? It's Sima Yi I dislike more."**

**"That rivalry with Zhou Yu and Zhuge Liang is also fictional. But that's is what keeps the show running here. Next."**

**From Holyshishkabob**

I dare Zhuge Liang, Sima Yi, and Sun Quan to give hot steamy kisses to their wives. I also dare Zhen Ji and Wang yi to do that to each other.

**"I like the way you think! You chose three of the people that will blush to a tomato when asked to do that with their spouse! Now...You three kiss like it's f***ing Paris!" Sima Yi was the one that blushed like a tomato. "W-What?! I'm not doing that with everyone watching me!" **

**"Wait...you WOULD do this if you were alone with Zhang Chunhua...?"**

**"W-Well...that's not what I said-" Zhuge Liang and Yue Ying slightly blushed at each other. "...Can we get a curtain if we have to do this...?" Sun Quan was blushing as well, "...Might as well..." He goes over to Lian Shi and pulls her into a long kiss. "Now, who's next? Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi, your move." They both looked at their wives and back over to Sun Quan. Zhuge Liang shrugs and pulls Yue Ying into for a kiss. Lots of hand movements... **

**"Well then, that leaves you."**

**"But...can you at least turn..." He whispers. "...Shi, Yuanji and Zhao away? I do not want them to see this..." **

**"What? They are old enough to know what's going on."**

**"But..."**

**"Why are you being so shy about this?! Be grateful they didn't asked you to kiss a guy!" **

**"You're right. Excuse me." Sima Yi goes to Zhang Chunhua, grabs, and kisses her. **

**"Um...you can stop now, you three..." The three still were kissing their spouses. Zhuge Liang and Yue Ying were on the ground and Sun Quan and Lian Shi were standing. "...Hey..." He turns to another direction to see Zhang Chunhua removing Sima Yi's hat and untying his hair. "WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?! Are you trying to scar your sons right now?!" **

**"You said they'll know what is going on."**

**"Not to do that stuff! You could have stopped after a minute!" **

**"Oh...right..." **

**"Can you two over there stop now? You can continue when you get back home and it is nighttime."**

**"Oh! You didn't really say..." The other two finished and separated from their spouses. **

**"It also said for Zhen Ji and Wang Yi to do that..." Takasugi was drooling when he said that. "..Now you two, make out..." Wang Yi shrugs, "Hmph, I don't mind."**

**"I don't mind either. How long?"**

**"..You can go longer if you'd like..." He drools more.**

**"Ugh...Just for ten seconds then...I don't want this perv to continue watching."**

**"Fine by me." The two embraced and kissed on the lips while Cao Cao, Guo Jia, Cao Pi, and the rest of the Wei kingdom watched. "...Oohh...Nice..."**

**"Is this cheating...?"**

**"Nah...this is hot..." The two ladies then stopped and walked off away from each other. "Aww...Alright, next one."**

**From Minako the Dragon Maiden of DW**

For Lu Bu: What if I switch Red Hare into a red rabbit like the one in DW parody comic? *nuh-uh, you can't kill me. :P *  
>For Xiahou Ba: Why you look like Justin Bieber in DW7?<br>For the authors: Among the DW char, which char would suitable to cosplay as Vocaloid? (as many Vocaloids as you think)  
>For Lu Xun: I would like to see if you can make a song about fire.<p>

**Lu Bu sees his Red Hare as...well...a red hare. "...Does it run as fast?"**

**"I don't know. Want to try it?" Lu Bu goes outside to ride the red hare and the hare burrows itself underground with him on it. It pops up back at the stage. "Cool! I can sneak attack with this!"**

**"That is a nice pet for Lu Lingqi. But where's the real Red Hare though?" **

**"Mm-hm. Oh well, I can ride this until Red Hare comes back to me."**

**"Why did you have Justin Bieber's hair, Xiahou Ba?"**

**"I don't know. The hair stylist gave it to me. Was it that bad?"**

**"Eeeh...Maybe...Yeah, it was bad. Now you have Zac Efron's hair. Not too bad...At least he's doing fine compared to Bieber. The next one requires the author." **

**I'm not into Vocaloid. All I know is Hatsume Miku and I all that I know is that she carries a leek. Maybe Guan Yinping can dress up as her. I forgot this yellow-haired kid's name, but I think Lu Xun fits the part. But for anime characters, I can think of a lot of people that DW characters can dress up as them, but this isn't really a time to do that though. **

**"Lu Xun is dead...He can't make a song right now...Hm?" A blinking figure appears near him. Then Lu Xun appears after all the blinking. "What do I need to do?"**

**"Oh...I forgot, you guys can respawn. Oh well, make a song about fire."**

**"Ooh, sounds fun." Lu Xun gets a electric guitar and sings this.**

**We didn't start the fire**

**It was always burning**

**Since the world's been turning**

**We didn't start the fire**

**No we didn't**

**But we tried to fight it**

**"You ripped that off! That's was from Billy Joel's We Didn't Start the Fire!"**

**"But it's about fire."**

**"The person said to WRITE one! And that song isn't about fire anyway! Well...most of it wasn't about fire..." **

**"Oh...I can't..."**

**"Try."**

**"Ok..." **

**I want run down a pitch black street **

**Holding a torch**

**Burn everything**

**Bring everything down**

**Throw torches everywhere**

**Flip the tables and shut the door**

**Burn that house**

**Burn that cat**

**Burn that person**

**Give you heartburn**

**"That doesn't make any sense! You're lucky you have a singing voice or else that would have sound a lot worse. And this last one."**

**From Fornia of Ilia**

*Eye twitches slightly at the insult, but retains sadistic smile*

I'm back! Did you guys miss me? 8) Oh, Ma Chao died...maybe I should have dared him to steal her weapons instead...oh well. So, I read that you wanted a dare that would actually embarrass them...I think. I may have one. It's based on a video I watched the other day... *Attaches the collar and leash to Zhong Hui without anyone noticing*

So. Why don't we have the strategists of Wei, Wu, Shu and Jin dance to "Never Gonna Give You Up" (You should have seen this coming) on Just Dance 4? Oh, and the loser...Hmm, the loser gets a temporary Mohawk and has to run 3 laps around the stage in only his boxers! How does that sound?  
>So of course, the participants are...Guo Jia (if he's there, otherwise Jia Xu), Zhou Yu (Since Lu Xun has been impaled, sob), Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi! (So that he can be embarrassed.) Oh, they also have to do the flop at the end of the dance too, or you can disqualify them.<p>

And since this is also a Q&A, here's a question for Gan Ning; Why do you always carry those bells around with you?

One more for Yue Jin; if you could become taller, stronger, and/or smarter, would you give up your emotions for that?

Thank you for answering my questions again! By the way, the reason I married Zhong Hui is because he's quite adorable when he's flustered, almost like a tsundere! Sima Yi's the ultimate tsundere, though.  
>Anyway, see you guys again! o vo<p>

**"Ooh, nice. I would LOVE to do this, but...we don't have Just Dance 4 or a Kinect. Eh, Kinect sucked anyway. So we're doing this the old-fashioned way." After ten minutes, Guo Jia, Zhou Yu, Zhuge Liang, and Sima Yi were in bedazzled suit jackets of their kingdom color. **

**"...What am I wearing..?"**

**"This doesn't look too bad...I like this shade of dark blue."**

**"At least I'm not wearing a dress..."**

**"This is very cheesy..."**

** "Well...this more fun since you guys will have to do the dances seen in that Rick Astley music video."**

**"Eh..."**

**"Who will be singing? I already know Zhuge Liang and Guo Jia can sing so they dance, but can Zhou Yu and Sima Yi sing? You know what? Just to embarrass him, Sima Yi will be singing."**

**"What?!"**

**"Hey, based on your voice now, I'm guessing you can sing...maybe not... If any of you fail to dance or don't want to, I'm sure you'll look great in a mohawk and wearing nothing but boxers...Or loincloths since you don't wear boxers..." All of them sighed. Takasugi then pushes a button on his remote, and a disco ball appears above the four. "Now, everyone get off the stage so these guys can have their performance!" All characters excluding the four, step off the stage and sit in the seats that were facing it. Izuru came out to set up a microphone near Sima Yi and gives Guo Jia a keytar. "What's this for?"**

**"Play that along with Sima Yi's possibly-awful singing." **

**"Now here are the lyrics."**

**"This is a song about loving someone...?"**

**"You're singing that, and you three provide the chorus. And dance too. Hit it!" The room darkens and the music plays with Guo Jia's playing the keytar. Sima Yi sighs deeply and sings into the microphone with a surprisingly good voice and the three behind him dancing. (Watch the music video and that is what they are dancing. When the font is slanted, it means all four of them are singing. And chorus is when it is light and slanted.)**

**We're no strangers to love**

**You know the rules and so do I **

**A full commitment's what I'm thinking of**

**You wouldn't get this from any other guy**

**I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling**

**Gotta make you understand **

_**Never gonna give **__**you up**_

_**Never gonna **__**let you down **_

_**Never gonna run around and desert you**_

_**Never gonna make you cry**_

_**Never gonna say goodbye**_

_**Never gonna tell a lie to hurt you**_

**We've known each other **

**for so long**

**Your heart's been aching**

**But you're to shy to say it**

**Inside we both know what's been going on**

**We know the game and w****e're gonna play it**

**And if you ask me how I'm feeling**

**Don't tell me you're too blind to see**

_**Never gonna give you up**_

_**Never gonna let you down**_

_**Never gonna run around and desert you**_

_**Never gonna make you cry**_

_**Never gonna say goodbye**_

_**Never gonna a lie and hurt you **_

**_Never gonna give you up _  
><strong>

**_Never gonna let you down_**

**_Never gonna run around and desert you_**

_**Never gonna make you cry**_

_**Never gonna say goodbye**_

_**Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you**_

_Oooooohhh..._

_Give you up_

_Oooooohhh_

**Never gonna give**

**Never gonna give**

_Give you up_

_Ooooohhh..._

**Never gonna give**

**Never gonna give**

_Give you up_

**We've known each other **

**For so long**

**Your heart's been aching **

**But you're too shy to say ****it**

**Inside we both know what's been going on**

**We know the game and we're gonna play it**

**I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling**

**Gotta make you understand **

_**Never gonna give you up**_

_**Never gonna let you down**_

_**Never gonna run around and desert you**_

_**Never gonna make you cry**_

_**Never gonna say goodbye**_

_**Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you**_

_**Never gonna give you up**_

_**Never gonna let you down**_

_**Never gonna run around and desert you**_

_**Never gonna make you cry**_

_**Never gonna say goodbye**_

_**Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you**_

_**Never gonna give you up**_

_**Never gonna let you down**_

_**Never gonna run around and desert you**_

_**Never gonna make you cry **_

_**Never gonna say goodbye**_

_**Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you**_

**The music ends and the stage lights up again. Izuru then asks Takasugi, "Isn't the chorus part in the music video sung by women?"**

**"Ohh, that makes it more funnier then. I learned something today. Sima Yi can sing."**

**"Didn't you hear Sima Yi sing back in the Disney thing?"**

**"Really? It has been so long since I did that I forgotten how he sounded like when he sings. How was that, everyone?" Cao cao, Liu Bei, Sun Quan, and Sima Shi were sitting at a table and holding up boards. **

**CC:2000 **

**LB:2000 **

**SQ:2000**

**SS:9999999999999999999999999999999 **

**"9999999999999999999999999999999 is NOT a score!"**

**"But Father was a good singer..."**

**"I'm quite aware you can sing better than him, though. You had two image songs, remember?" The four on stage asked,"Can I get out of these clothes?"**

**"Well, you held up your end, yes then. Sima Yi, how'd you think you did?"**

**"I don't know...But what was that song about anyway? Who's "we", "us", and "you"?"**

**"I don't know, ask Rick Astley. But right now I think about it...the lyrics sounded like you were singing them to your wife. Aw...how romantic..." Sima Yi slightly blushed at that statement. "...I was not...! They were also singing it also!" **

**"Yeah...that also...But it's the one singing that really gives the message." Sima Zhao teases, "I didn't know you were thinking of Mother when you were singing that."**

**"...I-I wasn't...!****"**

**"Why are you blushing then? Hmmm?" Zhang Chunhua slightly blushed when Takasugi suggested that. "I've never thought of Sima Yi singing a song to me..."**

**"Maybe...I...was kinda thinking of you..."**

**"That's...pretty nice of you..."**

**"We should do this more often. Next time, I want Sima Yi to sing "Let It Go." from Frozen just for a laugh. Nah, "Samurai Heart." by Spyair. Wait, what about a image song? Man...if they get a new seiyuu for him that can sing, imagine what image song they can give him. Zhuge Liang got one, why not him? I bet it's going to be something about fools and imbeciles. "**

**"I'm not singing anymore."**

**"You said that back at the Disney thing. But here you are. Now, the questions. Gan Ning wears those bells-"**

**"I wear them because I want everyone to know I'm coming to kick their sorry ass! And the smartasses' dancing were so funny-looking!"**

**"What he said. Fun fact, he actually wore bells in history. Last one's for Yue Jin. Would you give up emotions for all the things you wanted?" **

**"I want to achieve that with my own strength! I would not give up my emotions, that would not give me my determination! Also, nice singing voices."**

**"Well, that's it. That was an interesting session. Keep those interesting dares and questions coming!"**

* * *

><p><strong>I was actually thinking of Sima Yi singing that song to Zhang Chunhua. It was a weird image, but slightly aww-worthy.<strong>

**I actually thought of that song Lu Xun wrote. Not the best one, but decent enough. **

**Yay, someone else knew about San Peng Guo Three Kingdom comics! That's where some of my pictures for fic covers and the one for my avatar came from. Yeah, that steroids-looking Zhuge Liang along with Sima Yi and Zhou Yu were from there. **

**How long are they leaving Sima Yi without a seiyuu? He had only four stages in Xtreme Legends, and he had possibly-recycled dialogue. If they get a new one, maybe if the guy can sing, they can give him an image song. **


	7. Yorozuya troll face Sima Yi FTW

**"It's slow today, but here the questions."**

Finally I thought of some questions (yep, it took awhile) 1. *Pokes Zhu Ran* You don't look well... 2. Xu Zhu: What's your favourite food? 3. Can I have a hug Ling Tong? 4. Sima Yi: Do you miss your sword? 5. Lu Xun: Would you like some firecrackers? *waves firecrackers in front of his face*

**"Zhhuuu Raaaann, ok, buddy?" Takasugi watches as that questioner pokes the half-burned Zhu Ran mannequin. "Yeah, he's fine. Xu Chu, what is your favorite food?" **

**"I like everything!"**

**"How about a vegetable?"**

**"Yeah! That too!"**

**"Well, better than most people today who cringe when they see a carrot. And also, you don't ask permission to hug someone, you just do it. Like this." He goes up to Lian Shi, but get an arrow to the knee. *Rimshot***

**"Ow! Ok, hug Ling Tong."**

**"This is weird..."**

**"Just smile and nod. For that fourth question..." Takasugi slightly snickers and smiles funny. "...Of course he misses his sword...He lost that ever since DW5 came out...Kmph...And he lost tiny bits of it as DW6 and DW7 came out, then DW8, his wife came in, BOOM, he lost his sword for good." Izuru points out,"You're talking about a VERY different sword!"**

**"What are you talking about? I'm stating how his sword disappeared. You think wrong."**

**"You know Sima Yi got a sword in DW2, not in DW5, where he had that voice. Honestly, who's idea was it to give him Pang Tong's voice? I couldn't look at Sima Yi without laughing ever since then." **

**"Ok, ok. THAT sword. So, do you miss it, Sima Yi? That was the only thing that actually separated you and Zhuge Liang." **

**"...Maybe..." (SY's Inner thought bubble: Him getting that sword and stabbing a peon while laughing manically, then onto to Zhuge Liang being stabbed by him.) **

**"Now you have maaaaagiiiieeecc!"**

**"And a whip."**

**"Why do you keep pointing THAT out?!"**

**"It's just...A whip to fight...? That's more like a really kinky woman's moveset..." Sima Yi hears that and goes to a corner in a depressed aura. "...I'm a joke to you now..."**

**"Oh no, see what you've done? You made Yi emo."**

**"He's faking it. Like he does with everything." **

**(Damn it...)**

**"So...he faked orga-"**

**"Don't go there."**

**"Hey, it's possible. But I doubt you could with _her."_**

**"And what's that supposed to mean?"**

**"Well...she's hot...She'll make sure you won't sleep..."**

**"Ugh...no...she's older than your great-great-great-grandmother..."**

**"Hey, if she still looks like a goddess after all those years, I'll do her."**

**"I can still hear you two over there..."**

**"I am not getting into THIS kind of conversation with you." The questioner gets on stage to wave the firecrackers in Lu Xun's face. "...I want it...Firecrackers..."**

**"NO DON'T GIVE THEM TO HIM!" Lu Xun takes them. **

**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM **

**LOADING LOADING LOADING LOADING**

**Everything respawns back to their original position on the stage. "Whew! Glad I saved!"**

**"What?! How in the world is this-? Nevermind..." **

**"Sima Yi's still in his little emo corner. Come on, how about we show you that scene where you got shot in the face and gave no f*** about it? YOU BLED! So badass, am I right?" **

**"Xiahou Dun did that idea first. Remember DW1? He pulled out that eye and stuck it in his mouth. So bloody even for 90's graphics." **

**"...How is that going to cheer me up?"**

**"We can have Lu Xun reenact that."**

**"No."**

**"What do you want than?"**

**"I feel so depressed..."**

**"How can YOU be depressed?! This is...the end of the world or something..." **

**"I'll take care of him." Zhang Chunhua drags Sima yi behind a curtain. "Wait! What are you-"**

**"Hey! What are you doing?!"**

**"I want to go look..."**

**"No! Just continue on without looking behind there...HEY! What did just I say?!"**

**"But I want to see what is her method is."**

**"No! Get back here!"**

**"Aw..."**

**"Here's this next one."**

It took me quite a while!

1. Since Ma Chao got impaled, I'll give this to Sima Yi. I dare you to sing the Smile Song from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, while dancing and dressing as a cheerleader pony.

2. To people who had their weapons changed, do you love them or hate them? If you choose the latter, what would you trade for it?

3. For 1 officer from (Shu, Wu, Wei, Jin, Others), create a band! A band that is not cheesy and can actually work! (Any type of band)

4. Hey everyone, remember the 'fighting game' times? You know, PS1?

5. Also to everyone, I have a favor to ask, can you protect this powerful yet very dangerous *fictional* candy for me? If you eat it, you'll turn into a gory sadist while your grin turns stiff, a happy, cheerful theme song can be heard out of nowhere, and worse, pink energy blasts that can lead to destroy the entire planet.

So protect it with your lives.

6. My sister is so... desperate. So desperate that she wants a harem. Could you bring 6 men to be my brother-in-laws? She wants, a Yandere, a cute shota, a loyal good-looking guy, a perverted drunk, a fairy and a Tsundere. (Summons a very large army with cannons and helicopters while riding a tank and pointing them all at Takasugi and Izuru.)

Just in case.

**"...What? Sima Yi's...uh...busy..."**

**"AH! I got that joke! Since they have names that mean horse, My Little Pony is something you can joke with them!"**

**"Well yeah, that. Hmm...Ma Chao, respawn." A blinking figure is in front of Izuru and Ma Chao appears. "Remember people, they're video characters, so they can respawn countlessly. So if they die during this, they just respawn after a chapter." **

**"What? it better not be kissing her again."**

**"Nope. Sing this."**

**I don't even watch My Little Pony...But I keep on seeing it on the Internet and Hot Topic. I do get sick of seeing that at the same time making as many Ma Chao jokes with them. Sima Yi with that is just going to disturb me a lot. ****As much I would LOVE for Sima Yi to do something OCC, but My Little Pony is just something for Ma Chao and Ma Dai for do. Out all of the things I would make Yi do, My Little Pony is not that. It's just too overused for me. I like to think outside the box, like making Sima Yi doing the Yorozuya troll face. Now that's a thought. **

**"I want Yi to do the Yorozuya smile! But he's too busy..."**

**"Ma Chao, get to singing."**

**I don't even know the song...**

**"Then Google it!"**

**Nah... You have the paper there...**

**"...Ma Chao, look at this paper and sing that."**

**"Ok..."**

***4 minutes later* **

**"Am I done?"**

**"Yes. Because SOMEONE was too lazy to look up the song!"**

**I'm like a female Sima Zhao. I'll just blow that thing over and never hear from it again. I don't need you nagging me, Izuru.**

**"Everyone's Sima Zhao these days! That's no excuse! Oh well, who doesn't like their weapon change?" Pang Tong raises his hand,"Yeah, me. I want a bag of rocks."**

**"I like you're trying to be simple here, but the designers don't want that." Sun Quan says out, "Can I change mine's?"**

**"Why?"**

**"You gave me the most basic sword! It's boring compared to everyone else!"**

**"Oh yeah, DW7 had half of the cast having the same sword moveset. You got left that one moveset when the others got unique ones. What do you want?"**

**"The flame sword looks nice..."**

**"That's DLC."**

**"Can I get a broadsword then?"**

**"That's from medieval Europe."**

**"Guo Huai got a machine gun!"**

**"Yeah...about that...We'll think about it. Anyone else?"**

**"I want the bag of rocks."**

**"I know, Pang Tong."**

**"Fa Zheng got a piece of cloth. I wanted that..."**

**"We'll consider that idea for next game characters. Next one...create a band? Um...You choose!"**

**Alright, ok. Vocals will be Sima Shi from Jin, bass is Zhao Yun from Shu, electric guitar is Cao Pi from Wei, and drums is Gan Ning from Wu. Cliche fanservice.**

**"You forgot Other."**

**And Diao Chan can be a backup dancer. **

**"What song?"**

**I'm not a songwriter. So they can do a cover. Here are the sheets. The papers flying down to Izuru. **

**"Alright, get assembled." After a few minutes, the band was on the stage. "Ok, go!" **

***slow guitar playing***

**A spring night by myself**

**As my heavy sighs fade into the monochromatic sky**

**Threw a wave of passers-by**

**with a fixed stare, waiting the whole time**

**Through the cherry blossoms bloom the nights are still chilly**

**I remembered your face**

**Are you well? I feel fine, jokingly waving my hands**

**I later that day, with you take a mutual promise**

***More up-beat***

**As for us, **

**As for us, **

**At that broken moon**

**Searching for our other half**

**If it's possible to divide this loneliness**

**Of course I'd vow once more**

**looking at the rapidly changing townscape,**

**Where are you? What are you doing?**

**As it is living out lives, **

**As it is finding happiness**

**and yet, we're still in pursuit**

**As for us,**

**As for us**

**At that broken moon**

**Searching for our other half**

**If it's possible to divide this loneliness**

**One more time**

**From then,**

**From then, that broken moon**

**Searching for our other half**

**One day...**

**Someday, the blooming Cherry Blossoms **

**Their origins on the full moon **

**Takasugi comments, "Isn't this Spyair's Sakura Mitsutsuki?"**

**I like Spyair.**

**"Now that's done, do any of you remember the DW1 and PS1 days?" Cao Cao says out, "Well, it was just me and my trusted generals. It was ok then but now it's getting crowded. And...Sima Yi happened..."**

**"Ok, we're not getting into that..." Lu Xun says, "I had my hat."****  
><strong>

**"All you remember is your hat?"**

**"I remember shooting Sima Yi."**

**"That was a generic Zhu Ran. Zhu Ran! He's trying to take credit for your arrow!" The Zhu Ran mannequin just stood there. "What about you, Zhou Yu? I'm sure you love to go back there."**

**"Yeah, maybe...I didn't look too girly then."**

**"What about Zhuge Liang? He beats your ass with a fan."**

**"I do not want to be like that really..."**

**"Why not?'**

**"It's too...blocky..."**

**"I met your blocky self, and he punched me without bothering to talk."**

**"Yeah, I remember that." ****A small meteorite falls through the roof, and lands on the stage. "Hm?" Izuru walks up to it to poke it. The top opens to reveal a shiny object. "Yandere" candy? There's a note."**

_** Protect with your very lives.**_

**"It's a piece of candy." Takasugi points out, "Rare candy was just "a piece of candy," and that caused that trainer to puke out Missingno."**

**"Come on, it's candy. It's pink too. I bet it's strawberry or cotton candy."**

**"Let me save first."**

**Saving...**

**"There we go, I dare you to eat it."**

**"Fine." Izuru unwraps the candy and toss it into his mouth. "Hmph, it's strawberry." He swallows it. "See? Nothing happened. Ugh...I feel..."**

**"Here we go." Izuru pukes then regains himself. "Wow. That must have been expired candy! Or too much radiation." **

**"You're still ok..."**

**"What? I told you it's just candy."**

**"But the effects! The world going to be destroyed!"**

**"...That's complete rubbish."**

**"How are you okay?!" Izuru's eyes turn dark,"Look, I can't explain everything to you. I told you, it's a piece of candy."**

**"Ok..."**

**Out in space, pink lasers shot Earth and blew it up. **

**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM**

**LOADING LOADING LOADING LOADING**

**"See? Told you!"**

**"Hmph. Next one...Create a harem? Ok..." **

**BOOOM Tanks and helicopters blew up the roof of the auditorium they were in. Izuru yells out,"THIS WAS NOT NECESSARY! HOW IN THE WORLD YOU GET THE ENTIRE U.S. MILITARY TO HERE?! Jesus Christ! Can the army even be allowed this?!" All of the machines pointed their weaponry at him. "...I swear..."**

**"Ok, ok... You didn't need to get a whole army here. Author guy, get picking!"**

**Author guy? Fine. Zhong Hui's gone since he got married off to someone few chapters back. Zhang He, you're a fairy. **

**Takasugi gets out angel wings and sticks them behind Zhang He's back. "Check."**

**Yandere? Um... Isn't that for females? I don't think in DW there is one that is male. Get Cao Pi then. Cute shota... Bye, Lu Xun! Loyal good-looking guy is Zhao Yun. Guo Jia is the only one I can describe "perverted drunk" unless you want Pang Tong. Tsundere... Zhong Hui's gone. Sima Yi- Oh wait...He's busy... I can't find anyone else... " **

**"How long is Sima Yi behind there? I'm going over there." Takasugi walks behind the curtain and walks back out. "No."**

**"What?"**

**"No. Just continue. I don't know, is your sister experimenting? I can send Wang Yuanji." **

**"It said specifically men."**

**"Oh...Hm... Zhuge Dan?"**

**"Yeah, it's fine. He blushes."**

**"What are you doing? Starting a high school host club? Because I can see this happening. Guo Jia can be Tamaki."**

**"Bye, guys!" Izuru quickly jams all six into a box and lets a helicopter take it away. "But seriously, what is happening behind there?" Zhang Chunhua walks out from behind the curtain, but she was slightly shaking. "What happened...?"**

**"...I...have...no...idea..."**

**"I've never seen you like this, what did you guys even do?"**

**"I...do...not...know..." Sima Yi walks out from behind the curtain with a normal expression. "I feel better."**

**'What?! You were all Xu Shu-ish back there, now you're back to normal!"**

**"What? Chunhua here comforted me."**

**"In what way?!" Takasugi then hits his palm with his fist. "Ah! I get it! Sima Yi's sword was not missing! It just went into hibernation the whole time!"**

**"Really? Those kinds of jokes?"**

**"Hey, I am not biased on what joke I use.****"**

**"So...I gonna assume Sima Yi managed to get on top..." Zhang Chunhua falls down face first. "Oh no! Is she okay?!"**

**"I may have gone too far..."**

**"MAY HAVE?! I think you-hm?" A paper airplane hits Izuru's face. "Ow! Now what?"**

Hello bros. I'm new here so I'm gonna give you few stuff.  
>1)I'm giving you my OC to you permantely till you don't need them anymore,there are relatade to some DW series:<br>Xen:Son of Lu bu  
>Side:Shu<br>Apearence:Black Hair and black eye,wear black jacket and black suit(leather)  
>Weapon:Black sword(If you see a the "Elucidaro" from SAO then that what it look like)he sheated on his right side of his butt,LuBu's halbert<br>Like:Fight a decent challenged,Ride a horse call shadow rouge and do something dramatic  
>Age:15(wow)<br>Xe(my favorate OC):Son of Cao Pi  
>Side:Wei<br>Apearence:He look like Lu Xen Making him a twin rival except his hair,eye and suit are blue(Ironacily)  
>Weapon:Dragon sword(Cao Cao's sword lol)that he sheated to his back,Dark repulser(from SAO)<br>Like:Scare his little sister with his dragon roar,sing "blue bird" from naruto shippuden(dare him to sing it he's amazing at singing)  
>Xel:Fourth son of sun jian<br>Side:Wu  
>Apearence:All of my OC are twin except his color so..yeah his hair abd eye are red,he wear Heavy armor(wow).<br>Weapon:Leo sword(Big Two-Handed sword that is color red)attach to his hip like zhou tai is  
>Like:Protecting his people,Teasing shang xiang(the irony)and challenging stronger opponent.<br>Xei:Son of Sima Zhao,Future Empero of jin.  
>Side:Jin<br>Apearence:Not purple but White hair and black eye,pwear purple leather.  
>Weapon:Spear that Ma Chao use and a freaking explosive gun.<br>Like:Singing,that all.

And that all of my OC(note that all of my OC are 15yrs old)  
>2)For Zhou Yun:Your my Favorite charater for fighting againg Lu Bu at hu lao gate in a badass way so I'm giving you the 'Dragonic Moon'.It a spear not a sword.<br>3)For All the strongest DW character:I dare you to play a online gane(I let Izuru and the director for it)  
>4)For you:I'm giving you the ability to be imube to all gunshot,bazooka,tank,etc. for permantaly.<br>And that all of them now I'm gonna go abd read some stuff.

**"...What? OC's? The author doesn't use OC's, well except me and Takasugi. But we're used for certain affairs like this story. We work at Koei, thus we work with the characters on occasion. Overall, she doesn't do that stuff. She likes to do humor and really can't do action, drama, and romance to save her life."**

**Hey! But that is true... I'm sorry, but I gotta do this since I'm such a history buff. It was never recorded that Lu Bu had a son, but a daughter. Cao Pi had many sons, and I am not listing them since they will take so much space. Sun Jian's fourth son was Sun Kuang. Sima Zhao's son that became the future emperor of Jin was Sima Yan. Since I'm a native speaker of Chinese, Xen, Xei, Xel, and Xe are not names in Chinese, but they're unique, I must say. I have no idea what to do with the first thing. Do I make them appear here?**

**"See? She's a bigger nerd than Izuru here."**

**"Hey! We're educated compared to you."**

**"I'm educated as well, but I don't use my head as much as you two." **

**"Alright, but do we take them out here?" **

**"Let me see..." Takasugi presses a few buttons on the portal panel. **

**INSUFFICIENT DATA INPUT**

**"It doesn't work on OC's."**

**"We went through that when we had to inspect the kingdoms' rooms."**

**"That's because it's for Koei usage. We work at Koei, thus we get this chip implanted so the machine doesn't spit us back out. Anyone that works at Koei or owned by Koei can pass through here. OC's aren't owned by Koei."**

**"Oh well..." Zhao Yun gets the sword mentioned in the review. "Oh, thanks. It looks like if you fuse my spear with Guan Yu's Green Dragon."**

**"Play an online game? Ok...how about Counterstrike?" After a few minutes, Lu Bu, Cao cao, Cao Pi, Sun Jian, Sun Ce, Sun Quan, Liu Bei, Liu Shan, Sima Yi, Sima Shi, and Sima Zhao had computers. **

**"We're just putting leaders of the kingdoms for this because the author can't figure out who is the strongest." **

**"What is the objective of this?"**

**"Kill each other." Everyone raised their computers at each other. "No! Not with the computer! You kill each other virtually."**

**"Oh..."**

**Few minutes later...**

**Cao cao smiles evilly when he kills Liu Bei and Sun Jian. "Ha! Got ya! Hey! No, Pi, you killed me!"**

**"It's free-for-all. Aw, Sun Quan killed me." **

**"Take that! Huh? How can Liu Shan kill me?!" **

**"I got lucky I guess-Aw, Sima Zhao...you shot me..."**

**"Hey, just doing what the guy said to do. Aw! Shi!"**

**"You got distracted." Everyone began to groan as their characters began to die quickly. Lu Bu acts in triumph. "Ha! I still kick your asses even on this device!"**

**All except Sima Yi were mad at Lu Bu. Takasugi comments, "AH! What happened to you eyes?!" Sima Yi's eyes were barely blinking and dilated as his fingers flew on the keyboard. "Hello? Are you okay? You need rest...?" Sima Yi talks using the message board. **

_**For some reason, I can't stop.**_

**"What do you mean?!"**

_**I have no idea.**_

**"Just stop your fingers..."**

_**I can't...**_

**"You're killing everyone here along with Lu Bu!"**

**(-_-)**_** I know... **_**:D Mwahahaha!**

**"Why are you using those things?!"**

**(0_0) _What? _**

**_"_You're typing those up while you're keeping a blank face here!"**

**(-_-) _Sorry..._ Takasugi slaps Sima Yi's face. **

**:( _Hey! _**

**"Would you stop talking through the board like that?"**

**(-_-) _I cannot..._**

**"Why are you suddenly acting like this-" Cao cao gets up and points to Sima Yi, "Stop killing me every five seconds!" **

_**Sorry you suck at this. :D**_

**"Why you!" Cao cao jumps onto Sima Yi and throws punches at him. "I'll show you!" **

**"Ok, ok! Cao cao get off of Sima Yi!" Cao cao gets off while Takasugi takes the computer from Sima Yi. "I think you had enough..." Sima Yi just plops onto the ground. "Why is this happening?! Is technology too much for you? Huh, IMBECILE?" Sima Yi stands upright to kick Takasugi in the face. "I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM YOU OUT OF ALL PEOPLE!"**

**"Ok...he's back...Ow..."**

**"Hmph. Calling me an imbecile..." Sima Yi kicks a little dust. **

**"Oh well, he's fine. What's the next item on the review?"**

**"The author is immune to gunshots and attacks permanently. She doesn't get shot here, though. But I suppose for protection against fangirls if they squeeze the trigger accidentally. And that's it." **

**"Oh yeah. I forgot. Sima Yi, can you do the Yorozuya smile?"**

**"What is that?"**

**"This." He holds up a picture with Gintoki smiling. **

**"...I'm not going to smile like that...I look like a rapist..."**

**"You already do. Remember DW7?" Takasugi holds up a photo of Sima Yi's "evil" face you see at the ending of Wei's story.**

**"I'm sorry, but the boner hat is making it more silly than evil...kmph..."**

**"I'm not going to do that smile."**

**"Aww..."**

* * *

><p><strong>I suddenly want to draw Sima Yi with Gintoki's troll face now...<strong>

**I just do not want to watch the My Little Pony video or else my brain cells will shoot themselves. Nor I do not want to lose my sanity.**

**I like Spyair, so I made the band do a cover of one of their songs, Sakura Mitsu Tsuki.**

**Guo Jia is so Tamaki Suoh. He also looks like Kintoki Sakata. (Gintoki's "gold" version.) **


	8. Drink till your liver dies!

**"Hey, Sima Yi. Even though you didn't want to do the Gintama troll face, the author still went ahead to draw you with it. I must say, it's decent. Look up." **

**"...I look funny..."**

**"It's hilarious. Every time I look at that, I smile or snicker." **

**You know what was the hardest part of that drawing? The hat. **

**"Ha! I thought it was the shoulder though."**

**Yeah, also that. It came out a little better than I expected. A bag of papers falls on Takasugi. "Ow!" Izuru takes one out.**

**"These papers are long..."**

**"That's what-"**

**"If you say "that's what she said," I'm going to hit you."**

Hehe, now that was fun. (I don't really care if you're not interested in My Little Pony, I imagined it now.)

1. Reaction to the recent chapter of 'Forcing ancient people to live 2000 years into the future? Oh my!': Wow, so many deaths... Do you even regret it? I mean, I feel bad for Sima Yi and Zhang Chunhua for discovering Rule 34... (Wait until they see Rule 63...)

2. To Shu, since you all love the word, 'Benevolence', why won't you make a song or a T-shirt, or even a merchandise out of it?

3. To my brother-in-laws, how's your new wife? I'm sure she can be a crazy slut and she is a Mary Sue who can abuse you by wearing pink outfits and stuff... But at least you're all happy to be with her! Am I right!? *Hugs the brother-in-laws)

4. For the band, can you all make a heavy metal song to support anti-smoking, anti-violence and anti-alcohol? Not that I support or not support any of these things. I'm just interested.

5. *Pokes Zhu Ran* He's so... stiff... Is there something wrong with him?

6. Thanks for not destroying the world! And since you all are so loyal, I need you to protect this blue candy! The power of it is that the user will be so angry for no reason that the user will spit out very mean things that will forever haunt minds. And the user will also physically abuse everyone.

Be safe!**  
><strong>

**Hey, it's Internet, duh. You will find that stuff. But I never actually been bold enough to travel that far. I don't understand why Rule 63 is that bad. Sima Yi already looks female-ish. **

**"Hey!"**

**Just saying. I chose the character deaths out of a hat and make do with that. It's just fate. Stupid assassins are stupid.**

**"We already did make that stuff with benevolence." Liu Bei looks at everyone. "And you did not wear them?"**

**"...Uh..." Ma Chao raises his hand. "I wore it!" **

**"That's it?" Guan Yu and Zhang Fei raise their hands. "We did." Zhao Yun says,"I wore it too, my lord!"**

**"Zhuge Liang?"**

**"Hm?"**

**"Are you wearing it?"**

**(No, I am not.) "Why...yes..."**

**"See? All of you should follow their example." Takasugi whispers to Izuru, "I showed those to Hot Topic people and they just laughed at me."**

**"What color were they?"**

**"Green."**

**"That's why. The brothers-in-law, how is your new wife?"**

**"I was already married."**

**"Well, Cao Pi, you're all we could think of as a person who abuses. So, how was it?" Everyone has the Excalibur face on except Zhang He. "I like the pink outfits!"**

**"Oh, that bad? I can get you guys a divorce lawyer since a woman can't marry six men."**

**"Yes! Get one NOW!"**

**"Next, that band has to make a song that supports anti-smoking, anti-violence and anti-alcohol-" Zhang Fei, Pang Tong, Jia Xiu, Wang Yi, Guo Jia, Gan Ning, Ling Tong, Sun Quan, and Cao Cao yelled out, "NO!"**

**"It's not going to convince you anyway. What? No drinkers in Jin? You're no fun. Sima Yi, I know you drink."**

**"I get it forced down my throat more than me actually wanting to drink." Sima Yi gives a "Yes, you" look to Cao Cao and Guo Jia. **

**"Hey, don't be such a stick in the mud!"**

**"You were just sitting there at the banquet and we thought you need some wine in your system."**

**"You...forced...FIVE jars of wine into me. I couldn't walk straight home! I needed my family to hold me down and take me home while in that state."**

**"You're a really bad drunk though. You basically revealed your family life to the table."**

**"What?"**

**"You said something about your wife's "ginormous" breasts along with your son's "stupid" meatbun obsession, and your other son's " a lazy ass that can barely get his behind out the door."**

**"I said all that...?"**

**"Cao cao was interested into hearing about your wife's chest, but he got you complaining about Zhao being a "lazy ass." ****The three that were mentioned just stared at Sima Yi with a disapproving expression. "So all you think of me is a pair of breasts?"**

**"No, I was too drunk to even stop what I was saying! Of course I do not think of you as...that..."**

**"Mm-hm."**

**"Dad's gonna get the cooouch!"**

**(Shut up, Zhao.) "I was drunk. A bad one."**

**"Alright! Can we stop with the bickering and get the band to write about anti-smoking and anti-violence?" **

**"It's ironic for the anti-violence part. These guys beat up peons everyday."**

**"Ok! Anti-smoking only then!"**

**Do I look like a songwriter to you? **

**"Hey, come up with something."**

**Fine. Here. Papers fall onto the stage. Izuru picks them up to give to the band. "Here, sing this. Play heavy metal. It's when you go crazy with those instruments." Everyone gets off the stage.**

***crazy guitar sounds* Shi screams this out.**

**F*** smoking!**

**It's f***ing bad for your f***ing lungs!**

**You're f***ing killing us with those m********** sticks!**

**Take those f***ing things and**

**THROW THEM ON THE GROUND!**

**F*** off! F*** you! **

**Smoking f***ing sucks!**

**Want to f****ing die?**

**Then take those f****ing things and shove them in your f***ing dumbass mouth!**

**Izuru interrupts the song. "What in the world is that crap?!"**

**"It was on the paper you gave me."**

**"Hey! Author! You wrote THAT?"**

**I said I'm not a songwriter. That is what I can come up with.**

**"We heard more bleeps than actual lyrics!"**

**Hey, the questioner got what she wanted. Anti-smoking. Takasugi sees the questioner poke the Zhu Ran mannequin. "Yep, he's rather stiff today. He just has some muscle cramps. Don't worry. Zhu Ran, you okay?"**

***Takasugi mimicking Zhu Ran's voice to fit mannequin* "Yes, I'm fine! I am tired from today's archery lessons!"**

**"See?" He is given the blue candy. "Domestic abuse candy?" What's this going to do? Abuse my-non-existent wife?"**

**"Now that's really the most offensive joke you have made."**

**"Really? This candy isn't going to destroy the world if someone eats it?"**

**"Hey, it has a side effects label."**

**"It's going to make the user be mean and abusive... Eh. Hey, Xiao Qiao, want some candy?"**

**"Yeah! What flavor?"**

**"Cotton candy, blue raspberry or blueberry." He gives the candy to Xiao Qiao. She eats it happily. "Hey, it's blueberry!" **

**"Let me save."**

**Saving...**

**"There. Let it out." **

**"I don't feel so good..." Xiao Qiao's eyes turn bright red. "RRRRRRRRAAWWWWWWWWR!" **

**"Yep. Painkillers." Takasugi takes out a pill bottle and takes a few pills. Xiao Qiao takes him and uses him as a bat on everyone. "Ya'll m******* need some whup-ass! You m******** are such **************************************************************************" **

**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM**

**LOADING LOADING LOADING LOADING**

**Takasugi coughs and rubs his side. "Ow... The pain carries over..."**

**"Here's the next one."**

what...i never knew i could get a harem...this... means...WAR! *summons army, navy and 999 assassins* ;) hmmm...its a known fact that bassists are the hottest in the group 90% of the time. Zhao Yun ain't the  
>spyair? ehh, the GazettE , Penicillin or Diaura are better ;) *tho somewhat different genre*ahem*some qs and dares for you<br>1. Shave the beards of Guan Yu, Zhang Liao , Zhang Jiao. also Sun Ce's goatee and Zhuge Liang's pencil moustache.  
>2. hmm why the heck not? Takasugi! draw a French moustache on Lu Lingqi. *smirks*<br>3. between Wang Yi, Jia Xu, Zhang Fei, Pang Tong and Cao Cao...who'd win a drinking contest? my money's on Zhang Fei. loser has to eat Pang Tong's bag of rocks. or steal Hijikata's mayonnaise. *giggles*  
>4. Sun Shangxiang, have you realised you're getting girlier with each installment?<br>5. *hands Xu Shu some ecstasy and *special mushrooms* be happy! now, tell me what you see right now! see any rainbows or unicorns?

**"This is ridiculous. How can you ladies get these specialized troops to work for you? They obviously have better things to do instead of bringing their top soldiers to threaten Takasugi and I."**

**I'm not too picky with bands. I once gotten into GazettE and Diaura for a bit. Spyair and those two are decent in my book. **

**"Hey! Don't just get off-topic!"**

**I can't hold a normal conversation?**

**"Ha... Zhuge Liang has a pencil moustache..."**

**"I at least I have one!"**

**"Well, that's going away. Come here." **

**"Get away!" Zhuge Liang runs from Takasugi who holding a razor. "You're getting rid of that whether you like it or not!"**

**"It's the only thing I have I can use against Sima Yi! He doesn't have one!"**

**"That's because him with facial hair is gross!" Sima Yi eye twitches at that comment. "...Really?"**

**"How about me?"**

**"You're SUPPOSED to have facial hair! It's what makes you Chinese Jesus!"**

**"I thought that was Zhang Jiao!"**

**"Him too! But you're the one looking like Jesus!" Takasugi continues to chase Zhuge Liang around the auditorium. Izuru takes out a razor and goes towards Zhang Jiao. "No! The Heavens shall smite you if you get rid of my holy beard!"**

**"Holy? If facial hair were considered holy, they would have chopped off Jesus' beard after he died and used that as a relic on display in the Catholic Church. It will grow back, or if you want to speed up the time, use Guan Yu's special shampoo."**

**"Can I?" Guan Yu takes out a few bottles. "These should suffice." **

**"So...you don't mind if you shave your beards right now?"**

**"Yes. Give me scissors and that razor." After a while, Zhang Liao, Zhang Jiao, Sun Ce, and Guan Yu had clean shaven faces. Zhuge Liang was still running from Takasugi. "How...can...you...run...this...long...?"**

**"They have no stamina restriction like in Saints Row. I'll do it." Izuru turns on an electric razor and throws it towards Zhuge Liang, swiping quickly at the beard. "AH!"**

**"Oops. Looks like we're going to have to even that out." After a few minutes, Zhuge Liang's face was bare. "You really look like Sima Yi...except with cheekbones."**

**"That's why I needed the beard." **

**"Now what?"**

**"I guess just leave them like that. It also said for you to draw a moustache on Lu Lingqi."**

**"Ok." Takasugi goes up to a mannequin dressed up in Lu Lingqi's clothes. "Hey. I'm just gonna...draw something here..." He takes out a marker and draws the curly moustache on the mannequin's blank face. "There." Lu Bu sees him do that and is confused. "Um...that's not her..."**

**"What are you talking about? It is her." He makes the mannequin talk even though it's just him. "Yes, Father! I'm here!" **

**"No, that's still a plastic person."**

**"How dare you call your daughter plastic! He does not mean that, Lu Lingqi." The mannequin remains still. "Ok, moving on. Drinking contest between Wang yi, Jia Xiu, Zhang Fei, Cao Cao and Pang Tong." Guo Jia says out," Aw...I want to do it..."**

**"No, last time we let you drink a lot, you went to the hospital to get your stomach pumped. Get the wine jars!" About hundreds of wine jars were lined up off the stage. The participants were all sitting in this long table with wine bottles on the table. "Alright, go!" Everyone gets to drinking and drinking and more drinking. Cao cao pukes and falls off the stage and into an empty wine jar, head first. "Who tuuurned ooooff the liiights...?! BLARGH!" The wine jar tips over. "AAAAAH! It's alll oveerr meee!" Jia Xiu turns red and lets his head fall on the table. "Ugh...I feel like I'm in hell..." Pang Tong fell out his chair and went to sleep after he took another drink of his bottle. "Hnrghm...*snores*..." Wang yi keeps drinking along with Zhang Fei. "Hey! You're... pretty...hic...good...Buuuuut no oooone has beeeeaten me yet!" **

**"Leeet's see..." Ten minutes later, they were still going. Izuru comments, "Wow...I'm surprised they didn't get alcohol poisoning yet..."**

**"They have strong stomachs. Or the alcohol goes to Wang Yi's breasts."**

**"If that's true, her kids cannot be breastfed due to her high alcohol content in her breast milk."**

**"You take things too literally." Zhang Fei tries to get one last drop into his mouth, but he pukes and falls down. "...Noooo... Ugh... I don't feel so good..." **

**"So Wang Yi wins?"**

**"Ha! You owe me, Ryujin Mei! You bet on Zhang Fei and he lost!" Wang Yi walks wobbly off the stage and walks towards Sima Yi. "Why is she...Ah!" Sima Yi takes Guo Jia and sets him at his location. "What are you doing?" **

**"Heeey...want to have sex...?"**

**"Ok." Guo Jia walks with Wang Yi behind a curtain. Sima Yi acts in triumph. "Just as planned."**

**"You can play Aizen or Light later. Who lost first?" **

**"Cao cao."**

**"Cao Cao! Can you come here?" Cao cao gets out of the wine jar and walks uncoordinatedly towards Takasugi. "Whaaat?"**

**"Eat these." Takasugi holds up a bag of rocks. "Whaaat arrre they?"**

**"Cheeseburgers."**

**"Mmm...cheeseburgers...Om..." He eats those while in his drunken state. "Does he even know what cheeseburgers are?"**

**"He thought it sounded good. Who doesn't hear cheeseburgers and not drool?" **

**"Well, the next question goes Sun Shang Xiang."**

**"I am? Aw... Is it at least better than DW6?"**

**"Yep. You're just too clingy to Liu Bei. You should divorce his ass and kick Shu butt after he tries to take Yi away from Sun Quan."**

**"Yi? Like that guy?" She points at Sima Yi. "No! The land of Yi! Yi province! I know that name gets passed around a lot, but why would Liu Bei take Sima Yi away from Sun Quan? That does not make sense! Takasugi calls him Yi occasionally, so I guess that's why you got mixed up."**

**"It's really hard to tell if your talking about a person or a piece of land when they sometimes share names." Xu Shu swallows the ecstasy and mushrooms. "...Ugh...My stomach..." He collapses. Izuru takes some of the mushrooms and examines them. "These are not psychedelic mushrooms...they are your typical poisonous mushrooms... And he had a drug overdose from the ecstasy. You gave him too much."**

**"How would you know what is the difference between shrooms and poison shrooms? You tried some?"**

**"No. I was taught which mushrooms were edible from a bio class. They even told which ones were psychedelic." **

**"I actually thought you would have tried some."**

**"I'm not taking that risk. That's why I don't eat mushrooms."**

**"Let me see another paper." **

Ok, here I come.

1. *brings out a wand and makes Zhu Ran alive* Zhu Ran, you're no longer a mannequin and you may take any revenge against them if you want. 3

2. *gives some wines and torches to Lu Xun* I dare you drunk-dance and hold the torch.

3. What if DW char hold some parody DLC weapons? (I forgot if they have but I swear there're some pardoy weapons)

4. Wen Yang...MARRY ME! MARRY ME! MARRY ME! *acts like !Yandere Belarus from Hetalia*

**"What are trying to do? Make a DW version of Pinocchio? That is Zhu Ran." The mannequin remains. "Oh well, get me some of that leftover wine and-OH NO. I'm not doing that!" Izuru already has a torch and a few wine bottles. "Come on, what's so bad? Come here, Lu Xun, drink." **

**"What are you doing?! Are you trying to kill yourself?!"**

**"I want a show." Lu Xun chugs the bottles and get hold of the torch. "I...F-For my next trick...I will make a flamethrower..."**

**"See?!" Lu Xun takes the torch and sets it near his mouth, then burps loudly, making a fireball fly close to Takasugi. "AH!" He steps on it to put it out. "Ok, you're done!" Lu Xun takes the torch to his behind and farts, making a very large stream of fire go to Takasugi. "AAH! It smells!" He is left with his face covered in soot. "Ok... that's it."**

**"I'm Suuper Mariooo!" Lu Xun takes the torch and burps fireballs at Takasugi, who constantly dodges. "Hey! Stop! Lu Xun! Lu Meng, stop your boy!" Lu Meng goes over to Lu Xun and puts out the flame. "Aww..."**

**"Now that's done-" He sees Izuru laughing at him. "Don't you laugh at me! This is why you were not bothered by giving Lu Xun the things!"**

**"I'm sorry... but...Hahaha! He farted flames in your face!"**

**"I'll do it to you with this lighter!" He tries to flick his lighter, but nothing sparks. "Oh fine... Next one... I got an idea." Takasugi drags a giant knife sword and gives it to Guan Ping. "There, you're Ichigo now. Now who else can I give a parody weapon to? Ah!" He takes out a wooden sword and gives it to Sima Zhao. "You have Gintoki's bokuto." **

**"...Why does it say Lake Toya?"**

** "Gintoki said he bought it from on a class trip or something."**

**"This sword is weird. It's like a giant dropped his chef's knife."**

**"Yeah, the design for Ichigo's sword is like that."**

**"Here's this for Zhang He." He gives him these octopus-looking claws that Noh from Samurai Warriors uses. "These look so tasteless! What are they?"**

**"Claws...?"**

**"They are crooked..."**

**"I would have given that to Zhang Chunhua, but she'll think I'm implying something. Actually, she and Noh have some similarities... Or she goes with Zhen Ji... I don't know." He goes somewhere else to get a whip and gives it to Sima Yi. "Here."**

**"That's a whip."**

**"Yeah, your weapon."**

**"...I'm not into that..."**

**"Well, it's yours. I can't come up with anymore. Ah." He goes again to drag a boat out. "Xiahou Ba, this is yours."**

**"That's a boat!"**

**"Yeah, your siege spear's like this size. For that last one, Wen Yang's already married unless he converts to Mormonism. Or divorce the first wife. Or kill her. Your choice. Next."**

people ENOUGH with the, Will you marry me? s***,

bringing the good Questions 1) Zhou Yu do you like being Xiao Qiao's wife.  
>2) I just want to say this to Liu Shan or Liu Chan what ever you call yourself "You SUCK" *Punches him in the face*, and Takasugi tells everyone from Shu to stay back and me and Liu Shan have a fight,... you can decide the winner but make it good.<p>

ohh and can you make all the DW Females be impressed because Im am fighting.

**"Ooooohhh! Zhou Yu! He or she called you the wife! Hahahaha! Huh?" A paper airplane flies to him. **

opps! I meant Husband on the first question.

**"Oh... Well, that would have been funnier if that weren't a mistake... So, do you like Xiao Qiao, Zhou Yu?"**

**"Yes, why would I be displeased with her?" (I DON'T GET SEX BECAUSE SHE'S TOO F***ING YOUNG!)**

**"See? He's fine. That next one is rather..." **

**"He wants to fight with Liu Shan. Yes, I figured it out it's a guy due to the writing style and language. What do you have against him? DW Liu Shan has no relation to ROTK and historical Liu Shan. He already verbally abuses himself, why are you picking on him?"**

**I'm not doing that fighting thing. The ladies would not approve of you picking on him anyway. Liu Shan may be a bad ruler, but that's because he was too weak and let corrupt d*ckwads like Huang Hao and Chen Zhi, and really awful generals like Jiang Wei run the Shu stuff. He was too aloof and refused to listen to criticism about those d*cks. But at least he wasn't a tyrant, and hating on an already dead guy is kinda dumb. What do you want to do? Go back in time to stop Liu Shan from signing the papers for surrender? Maybe it's more wise if you slapped him in the face and say his officials are dumbasses and fire them and get his better guys in there. Now that would change something, but we do not have that technology. The past is in the past. Koei Liu Shan is enjoying for me since he was what his father did not do. He was ACTUALLY BENEVOLENT. He surrendered because Deng Ai had Shu at knifepoint and anymore resistance would have let the people get killed or hurt. He was willing to sacrifice the country for his people. That's something Liu Bei could not do. His brother dies, and boom. He sends the soldiers on his ally Wu and that caused millions of deaths. And for what? For some guy he just met at a bar and sworn brotherhood on? Phht. I would let Guan Yu and Zhang Fei die if that's the case. I know I'm getting a little off, but Liu Shan doesn't need all that hate. So, no, I'm not letting him get beat-up by the fellow that wanted to do so. Also, I do not mind the ladies asking wanting to be married to the guys. I can make more humor out of that.**

**"That was pretty long. Oh well."**

**"I like Liu Shan's fur coat. I want to wear it. Looks like it could make you look like a pimp."**

**"You really making serious moods into informal ones, do you?"**

**"Hey, if I don't do that. Your lives would be dryer than the Sahara Desert." **

**"I suppose. Next one."**

OH my! Are you okay, Chunhua? Need any help? Xiao, can I gibe you a friendly hug?! You are totally cute! Zhou Yu, you better keep a good eye on my cute Xiao! This might be a silly request but...I want Sima Yi to kiss his wife. Who would win in a fight, Lu. Bu or Ayane from ninja gaiden?

**"She's fine. But when we checked her heartbeat, it was 130 beats per second. I thought she was going to get a heart attack. And that makes me wonder... How old is she? Usually middle-aged women and older have heart attacks. A young woman having it is rare. "**

**"It is impolite to ask a woman on her age. And what ever Yi did, it is making fangirls drool since the result was right there."**

**"Look who's talking, pervert. And what are you implying?"**

**"I'm a feminist. Sima Yi may have... a certain thing?"**

**"No, you're not. You're a perv. How would you know about Sima Yi's certain thing?"****  
><strong>

**"Remember when Saints Row Zhuge Liang hit him in the kintama?"**

**"Oh, that? What?"**

**"You made me...put...his...kintama...back...on...when those golden things fell off..."**

**"Oh yeah. I forgot about that."**

**"Wait, what?"**

** "Sima Yi doesn't remember that." Takasugi yells out, "You had your kintama come off because SR Zhuge Liang punched them so hard, they fell off!"**

**"What's a kintama?"**

**"Your thingy-mi-gig. Your family jewels. The baby maker." **

**"We do not need you saying the many synonyms for "there!"**

**"Well, he almost was left with one of them. Because Zhao stepped on one of them."**

**"Wait... WHAT?!"**

**"It's a long story. But we can say this. You lost your balls for a few minutes... Hahah! That's funny when you say it that way!" ****Every guy in the room snickered and began to laugh. Cao cao then jokes, "I didn't you were an eunuch, Sima Yi." He snickers. **

**"...What? I don't even..."**

**"When your kintama fell off, Zhao came running and stepped on one, not knowing it was yours."**

**"Wait... that gold ball I found...was Father's thingy...? UGH! I eat with this hand! I need to wash this off NOW!" Sima Zhao runs off the stage and into the bathroom.**

**"Sorry we had to ruin that for you... Anyway... I had to pick...them...up...and...stick...them..back...on..."**

**"UGH! YOU TOUCHED ME?!"**

**"Yeah...I'm not proud of that... But now I know why your wife can put up with you."**

** "...Ugh...I'm going to go..." Sima Yi runs into the bathroom. **

**"But that was pretty funny watching you get disgusted."**

**"You were not the one that had to suffer that! You made me do it!"**

**"Hey, I'm not touching him. You've seen his desk and bedroom from the time you had to inspect Jin."**

**"UGH! I touched that?!" Takasugi also runs into the bathroom. Izuru continues,****"Oh well, hug Xiao Qiao and Zhou Yu, you take of her...yab-ba...yab-ba..."**

**'Yes, I will..." (Because I can't do anything else with her, can I?!)**

**"Next thing...didn't Sima Yi do that few chapters back? There was a dare that Sima Yi was to kiss Zhang Chunhua like it was Paris or something. Oh well, Sima Yi, do it again." Takasugi, Sima Yi, and Sima Zhao walk out of the bathroom. "Ugh...got that out of system... Don't get close to me!"**

**"Sorry! Your son is a giant! It's hard to be squeezed with him!"**

**"Ugh...I don't think I used enough soap...I'm going back!" Sima Zhao runs back to the restroom. "Well, you're back. This questioner said to kiss your wife, Sima Yi."**

**"Didn't I do that a while ago?"**

**"Eh, you could do it again."**

**"...I don't think she would approve of that..."**

**"Why?"**

**"I just puked in the facility..."**

**"Oh... Then just kiss her on the cheek or something. Wait, did you hear?" **

**"Hear what?"**

**"Yeah, you could go do that." Sima Yi goes to Zhang Chunhua and kisses her on the cheek. "There."**

**"I was wondering, did you hear our conversation?"**

**"What?"**

**"Nothing." (If I tell her about that...that's not going to be pretty...)**

**"Next is Lu Bu versus Ayame? Which Ayame?"**

**"From Ninja Gaiden."**

**"Oh, I thought the purple-haired girl from Gintama. She had those cool glasses that defeated all those ninjas." **

**"That's...no... So, who would win? Hm... I've never played the Ninja Gaiden series though..."**

**I do not know. And Lu Bu would maybe not go easy on her. Ninja versus warrior, I'm guessing the ninja. Ninjas can use dirty techniques to trip even the best warrior. Or Lu Bu can just Lu-Bu up with the red aura and take her out in one shot. I don't know. Lu Bu can win if he prevents Ayame from using the ninja stuff. Ayame could win if she just use ninja stuff on Lu Bu. **

**"There. Is there more?"**

**"No."**

**"Oh well. I'm still thinking of Yi with the Yorozuya smile. Knph...He just looks so funny..." Wang yi walks out from behind the curtain with a shaking Guo Jia. "...I feel violated..."**

**"You agreed to it."**

**"I didn't know she was going to..."**

**"Hey, shut it."**

**"Y-Yes..." Cao cao walked up to Izuru with broken teeth. "Hey...those cheeseburgers tasted s****! I want tacos!"**

**"...You need a dentist...How do you know what tacos are anyway?"**

**"Jack in the Box."**

**"How would you know what Jack in the Box is?"**

**"You dropped some coupons from there." **

**"...What?"**

**"It was in that guy's wallet."**

**"Oh that again..."**

* * *

><p><strong>I'm actually enjoying that picture of Sima Yi smiling like Gintoki. Creepy, but funny. Someone with video editing skills make that Gintama opening with DW characters. The one where the three make that Yorozuya face. <strong>

**Mormonism is a religion. What is so unique is that it lets men marry more than one woman.**

**Zhuge Liang does look like Jesus. I tend to make a lot of Jesus jokes with him. **

**Sima Yi getting hit in the kintama? That's a whole another story found in my profile.**

**Lu Xun farting that flame is based on a Family Guy scene. **

**Again with Lu Lingqi and Zhu Ran being mannequins. I've only heard of them being in the recent Xtreme Legends, and I am not aware of their personalities, thus why they are mannequins. **

**Now if you excuse me, let me go roll around in a blanket to get myself to stop flustering about how many chapters this got.**


	9. Eating contests and Bleach

**"Ok, here's some more."**

I hav some dares! 1) Takasugi draw a mousyache on sima Yi 2) Sima Shi and sima zhao have to look at rule 34 versions of their parents on the internet 3) I found your parents sex tape also you have to watch it 4) xiahou Ba here's a cookie 5) jia chong dress up as ullquiorra from bleach That's it!

**"Ok, Sima Yi, come here."**

**"Why?"**

**"Just come here."**

**"You can tell me from there."**

**"Just get your stubborn ass here!"**

**"I'm staying here."**

**"Fine, we'll play it that way." Takasugi takes out a marker and walks up to Sima Yi. He steps away from him. Takasugi goes to where Sima Yi was, but he keeps moving away from. Takasugi gets angry and raises two fingers."Bakudo number 1, Sai!" Sima Yi's hands go behind him and he falls like that. "Ah! What sorcery is this?!"**** Izuru yells at him, "You can't do that!"**

**"Why the heck not?"**

**"Well...you're ripping off that famous scene where Rukia uses that spell and drew a curly moustache on Ichigo."**

**"I'm not ripping it off! It's called parodying. Look it up."**

**"How are you able to use it anyway?!"**

**"This is FanFiction, anything is possible."**

**"I-I...ugh...forget it..." **

**"I'm going to copy that curly moustache Rukia drew on Ichigo!" Takasugi gets down to draw the moustache on Sima Yi. "AHH! What did you do?!"**

**"I drew a moustache."**

**"That's not the curly moustache that Rukia drew... That's the Pringles man moustache..."**

**"Eh, I still drew something. How about I put something else?" Takasugi goes down again to write "I'm an imbecile" on Sima Yi's forehead. "Kmph..."**

**"What?"**

**"Nothing. I have to show Shi and Zhao that stuff? Let me go to my computer..." **

**"You're not even thinking about this?!"**

**"What? There's Rule 34 them too. But the paper said to show their parents and that is what I am going to do."**

**"You just happen to have them Rule 34-ed?"**

**"Yes."**

**"I don't know if I have said this, but I'm going to say it again: You're disgusting."**

**"You said multiple times, but I'm not bothered. Alright, here we go." Takasugi holds up his laptop in front of Sima Shi and Sima Zhao. "AHHHHH! What the heck?!"**

**"Is that...OH MY GOD!"**

**"Behold, how you two were made."**

**"Hey, we can't say that!"**

**"It's how babies are born. Did you not pay attention in health class?"**

**"You did not need to point that out!"**

**"How long am I supposed to hold this up?" He turns to see Sima Shi and Sima Zhao with their mouths wide open. "Let me...change the slide..." He presses a button and the two turned red. "...Oh...Um..."**

**"Is it bad if I got a boner...?"**

**"...Not really...Your parents look like your age, I wouldn't blame you."**

**"That's an awful lesson you're teaching people here! It's not appropriate for a boy to get a stiffy from their parents having intercourse!"**

**"Hey, if my parents were ageless and looked like college students, I would have gotten a boner from their sex."**

**"Ugh! We're turning this into M-rated stuff!"**

**"Don't be the FCC on me. Let me go to the next slide..." **

**"Whoa! Now I know what is happening behind their bedroom door!"**

**"...Uhhhhh..." Zhang chunhua goes to take the laptop from Takasugi and bashes him with it. "OOOOW! I'm surprised you didn't stop me from before..." **

**"That was before I knew what you were showing to them! That stuff is only between me and my spouse!"**

**"I'm sorry...but...it's really hard to not think dirty..."**

**"Why?"**

**"Heeello? I know you guys weren't Christian, so you don't believe in the stork giving you babies. You had to do it the old-fashioned way and you guys were possibly Confucian. And since Confucius was basically a Chinese Captain Obvious..." Takasugi appears in robes with a fake goatee and talked in a stereotypical Asian accent. "You want baby? Have sex!" He returns to his normal clothing.**

** "...That's...not really...ugh...****And how would you know if we did have intercourse?" Takasugi goes to point at Sima Shi. "Exhibit A." He points at Sima Zhao. "Exhibit B." **

**"So?"**

**"You know...that...when you get...aroused...that leads to-"**

**"Stop saying those things!"**

**"I was just being blunt. Sex makes kids, simple."**

**"Ugh...The next one..."**

**"That questioner doesn't need to give me their sex tape. I already have one." Izuru yells at him, "How in the world you get their sex tape?! How do they have one anyway?"**

**"We have cameras in DW China, how do you think we got the most memorable events on screen? You don't know we set up the cameras. I also happened to have Lian Shi's, Zhen Ji's, Zhu Rong's, Diao Chan's, and basically all of the mature women's sex tapes. "**

**"What?! I'm shocked how do you-"**

**"Koei has everything they do, we just don't release them into the public. So, Shi, Zhao go into that room for a bit." After a few minutes, he leaves them inside. "Now that's done, Xiahou Ba, did you get the cookie?"**

**"Yes, what am I supposed to do with it? Eat it?"**

**"Yeah, I guess..." Xiahou Ba takes a bite of the cookie. The earth blows up.**

**BBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!**

**LOADING LOADING LOADING LOADING**

**"The cookie made everything explode...really?"**

**"Told ya, this is not supposed to make sense."**

**"But this is ridiculous!" **

**"Jia Chong, dress up in-Wait, what form? Default form, released form, or his second released form? Ah, I'll give him the normal one." Jia Chong after a few minutes was wearing the robe that Ullquiorra wears normally. "Oh, the helmet." Takasugi gets the mask fragment and sticks it on Jia Chong's head. "And let me add this..." He draws green lines coming down from Jia Chong's eyes. "...What are doing to me...?"**

**"You really look like Ulquiorra when I mess around with your features. Just cool it on the smiling, Ulquiorra does not smile."**

**"Mmph..."**

**"Oh, let's see the two boys and what happened to them." Takasugi goes to open the door and Sima Shi and Sima Zhao walked out. Sima Shi had widen eyes with drool unwittingly flowing from his closed mouth and Sima Zhao was overall shocked. "...I...I... Now everytime I see their door...uhhhgh..."**

**"..."**

**"I see Shi drooling..."**

**"What?! I'm not drooling!"**

**"What is that line going from your mouth to your chin?"**

**"Nothing!" Takasugi gets his badly beaten laptop. "It still works. Give me a minute." After a few minutes, Takasugi puts a disc in the tray. "Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Yep, got that. Oh, he likes to do that. Getting a little touchy, aren't we? Whoa! I did not know she could do that! And that. And that. AND THAT! ...Oh boy! I didn't know he goes up there! He could do THAT? OH, HELL-O! Whooooa! This is hot! Oh my god- BLEEP"**

**Izuru gets out a bleeping machine to censor out all of the words that come out next. "You already saying too much..."**

**"But-BLEEP This is-BLEEP I didn't know-BLEEP S-BLEEP I didn't know S-BLEEP S-BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP I'm so-BLEEEEEEP H-BLEEP This is very-BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP" The screen turns to static. **

**PLEASE STAND BY**

**Takasugi has the laptop broken over his head and was lying on the ground. "I didn't know you were so vulgar when you describe what you see..." **

**"Honesty..."**

**"There are times when you give too much info out! Oh, I forgot about the next question."**

Back again! *drags Zhong Hui back again* That was some nice singing, Sima Yi; I hope you don't die soon, by the way!

I'll try to keep this short today, so...I had a thought...what would Li Dian look in a maid dress...

OMG. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that! *sobs, hands him some cookies* Don't worry, I won't make you wear it! (Even though he would look amazing in it. :Uc)

Because Sima Zhao is my favourite character in the series...let's have Wang Yuanji sing "Adore You" by Miley Cyrus, just for him! *heart emoticon here*

Also...*smiles at Zhang Bao and Guan Xing with a smile fit for a yaoi fangirl* How about you two play 'The Pocky Game'? Oh right, once you reach the center, you have to make out for at least 30 seconds. :3c Nobody can pull you away, and you can't stop in the middle. *throws a pack of chocolate pocky at Zhang Bao*Also, it must be in view of everyone, ESPECIALLY your family. Yeah. I so went there. ;3 If not, I'll taze you both. :Uc

Oh yeah, a question; Yuan Shao, would you rather lose your money or the prestige of your name?

Lastly, since today is my date of birth, Sima Shi, give me a kiss, or get tazed. *pulls out a tazer*  
>See you guys again! o vo<p>

**"What maid thing? Nom." Li Dian eats the cookies on the plate he got.**

**"...Miley Cyrus...? That's so poor in taste..."**

**"The author made Justin Bieber jokes back in another story, this is nothing." **

**But I don't want to go look up the video...**

**"Just look up the lyrics."**

**Oh, seems easy. Give me a minute...Here it is. The papers drop in front of Izuru and he shows them to Sima Zhao. "Who sings this?"**

**"This woman." Izuru turns on a projector that shows Miley Cyrus. "...I meant who is going to sing it?"**

**"You."**

**"...Eeeh...No...That lady...eh...I just don't know..."**

**"What would you like in return?"**

**"One day of going back home and sleep and just blow off the whole thing?"**

**"...Fine...****" Sima Zhao holds a microphone and sings to Wang yuanji. Izuru and Takasugi put in earplugs. "Hey, Sima Zhao is good at singing, he might make the song better-"**

**"No. I do not want to listen to this rubbish or my IQ will drop by 20 points."**

**"Come-"**

**"No."**

Oh, hey, oh

Baby, baby, are you listening?  
>Wondering where you've been all my life<br>I just started living  
>Oh, baby, are you listening?<p>

When you say you love me  
>Know I love you more<br>And when you say you need me  
>Know I need you more<br>Boy, I adore you, I adore you

Baby, can you hear me?  
>When I'm crying out for you<br>I'm scared oh, so scared  
>But when you're near me<br>I feel like I'm standing with an army  
>Of men armed with weapons, hey, oh<p>

When you say you love me  
>Know I love you more<br>And when you say you need me  
>Know I need you more<br>Boy, I adore you, I adore you

I love lying next to you  
>I could do this for eternity<br>You and me—we're meant to be  
>In holy matrimony<br>God knew exactly what he was doing  
>When he led me to you<p>

When you say you love me  
>Know I love you more (I love you more)<br>And when you say you need me  
>Know I need you more<br>Boy, I adore you, I adore you

When you say you love me  
>Know I love you more<br>And when you say you need me  
>Know I need you more<br>Boy, I adore you, I adore you

**Sima Zhao drops the microphone and hops into the portal. "Yeah! Worth it! I get free nap time!" **

**"You can remove your earplugs."**

**"Ok, what's next?"**

**"Zhang Bao and Guan Xing have to eat Pocky Lady-and-the-Tramp style."**

**"...Alright..." Takasugi gets the pack and gives one to Zhang bao. "Here. We have to do fanservice occasionally, so get on it."**

**"What do I have to do?"**

**"You and Xing have to eat this on both sides and if you get to the end, you have to make out." **

**"...Uh...ok..." Zhang Bao and Guan Xing reluctantly put their mouths on either side and ate the sides. Right when they were just only halfway, it snaps. "It broke."**

**"Do it again." They try again only for it to snap as they get halfway. "It broke."**

**"Do it again." They continue to break every stick until Takasugi runs out. "...No more..." Izuru looks at the box. "Let me see that." He gets the box. "...This is not Pocky...This is Lucky Stick."**

**"So?"**

**"Lucky Stick is a "different" version of Pocky you find in Asian supermarkets. You may see these two sitting right next to each other. But what happened to the Pocky pack the questioner threw at Zhang bao?" **

**"...I ate it..."**

**"It's not the Pocky Game without the Pocky!"**

**"They're frickin' chocolate-covered sticks! What's the big difference?"**

**"Pocky is favored because of its debut in multiple otaku-related things."**

**"You're an otaku, you would know."**

**"You point that out like if it were a bad thing."**

**"You look like a popular guy, but once you get under that, you're a nerd."**

**"Do you have more of these pastries? They taste good."**

**"I'm not going out to just grab a pack of Pocky or Lucky Stick or whatever cookie sticks you want. How about some Yan Yan?"**

**"How are they going to eat that...?"**

**"Dip one of those sticks into the chocolate stuff and boom. You got instant Pocky."**

**"The questioner said she was going to tase the two if they don't do it."**

**"...Let me think of something..." Takasugi looks at Sima Yi for a minute and looks at his hat. "Ah-ha!" He goes over to take out the stick out of the hat and runs back. "Here, chew on this."**

**"That's not even edible! You're just making a big joke out of this, huh?"**

**"Fine, you want something edible..." He tosses the stick away. Sima Yi gets mad at him. "Hey! Put that back in my hat!"**

**"You're not going to miss it... Where's that cookie Xiahou Ba left?" **

**"There." He sees the cookie lying on the floor. He goes to pick it up an goes over to Guan Xing. "Here." Izuru comments,"That was on the ground for a long time!"**

**"It's called the 2000 second rule. Eat this."**

**"...I saw you pick it up from the ground."**

**"No, that a prop. This is the real thing, eat it and make out." **

** "...Eeh...I'll pass..." Zhang bao walks away from him and Guan Xing goes in a different direction. "We lost them..." He tosses the cookie over his shoulder.**** "Next question goes to Yuan Shao, would you lose all your money or your name?"**

**"None."**

**"That's not an option."**

**"My money. If I can still have my name, I'll get it back."**

**"Mm-hm. Happy very very late birthday, Sima Shi, kiss the girl." **

**"Where is she?"**

**"Here." Takasugi sets a mannequin with the reviewer's avatar taped on the face. "...Uh..."**

**"Pretend it's a real girl." Sima Shi goes to kiss the mannequin while holding a weirded-out face. "...This is the most illogical thing I have ever done..."**

**"Besides having a thing for your parents?"**

**"Those pictures are lying to you! I never had such feelings for those two! I love them as my parents!"**

**"Sure. I'm sorry, but those arts are very convincing..."**

**"They are lying to you!"**

**"I try telling myself that...but it's not working... You're more likely to be jammed with a guy than a woman based on these things...Last paper for today." **

Ouch, Daddy Guan... Are you alright? Zhuge Liang too... and Zhang Liao too .  
>Okay, prepare yourselves everyone for my absolute abuse, espcially the Shu people.<br>1 Okay, I have no intention of getting married, but if I may ask you, all Shu single men, what is your type of woman?  
>2 All guys, go and sing a song from AKB48! (Teehee... Um, just don't ask Dong Zhuo to do this, for goddamn sake)<br>3 Yinping, Xingcai and Bao Sanniang, make a parody of a certain moe anime you've ever seen.  
>The next few dares will be contests, and each kingdom has to send one representative. It should be different people in different contests. Losing (being in the last place)shall affect the whole kingdom, so choose wisely. Oh, the Others section should be a group in this case.<br>3 The first one needs you guys (yes, G.U.Y.S) to crossdress! owo As expected, everyone in the losing kingdom should crossdress... The guys only, in sweet lolita  
>4 Then for the girls, you are going to an eating contest. I got 10 baozis, a large portion of peking duck, a plate of pizza, 5 onigiris with wasabi inside, and two pails of chocolate ice cream. All you have to do is race and get one of them, then finish it all up. As for the losers... Hmm... Maybe cooking a huge apple pie, Titan-sized? Yes, it's for a Titan...<br>5 Finally, the last one is... You know, from Harvest Moon. Pick 5 people this time, and go on a tomato fight!  
>And... as this caused a large mess, I want the losers to clean the whole stage up, all in maid costume. Uh, the girls wear butler costumes...<p>

And... Continue the epicness, Author! \(o)/

**"What is all of the single Shu men's...Oh...this is going to take a while...Let's go do this while having "A Girl Worth Fighting for" playing."**

**Zhao Yun: My girl worth fighting for is-**

**"Zhao Yun, you don't actually sing it."**

**"Oh, okay."  
><strong>

**Zhao Yun: A woman that can keep up with my strength. **

**Zhang Fei: My age and strong stomach for wine.**

**Guan Yu: A woman for me? Hm...if she can be noble as me, I can see myself with her.**

**Ma Chao: Wonder Woman.**

**"That's a superhero."**

**"I like her."**

**Huang Zhong: I'm too old for that stuff...**

**Ma Dai: I want the girl to be able to paint with me!**

**Jiang Wei: A woman who can help with ben-BLEEP**

**"That wasn't a swear!"**

**"I grew sick of that word thanks Ma Chao."**

**Pang Tong: Zzzzzzzzz...**

**Wei Yan: Pretty...lady...**

**Guan Ping: W-What? Asking on that...? Um...? I can't say...**

**Guan Xing: Someone that I can trust.**

**Zhang Bao: A girl that can spar with me!**

**Xu Shu: *in corner* I don't know... "Swirls the ground with finger***

**"Well, there you have it."**

**What's AKB48? **

**"I don't know. Sounds like a radio station."**

**Let me look it up... Um...it's a pop band made of over 80 members... I have no idea who they are... **

**"Can we just skip that?"**

**Eh...I don't want to seem rude...**

**"Look, we can't do something you just learned in just 30 seconds. Next, Guan Yinping, Xing Cai, and Bao Sanniang do a moe anime. Izuru, you're an otaku, you should know how to do this." **

**"I'm not into that..."**

**"You should know what it is, no?"**

**"Not really..."**

**"What kind of otaku are you?"**

**"I'm...complicated..."**

**"Whatever. I'll do something stereotypical. Girls get into the dresses I have for you in the back." After a few minutes, the three were in frilly dresses with their hair put up in ponytails on either side. I have no idea what do you call moe... I'm just into full-blown action or comedy anime, so I don't see that stuff. Maybe a few times when comedies make fun of it occasionally. **

**"Eh...what are we doing in these?"**

**"This is so cute!"**

**"I'm going to kill you..."**

**"Now, now, kill the person who suggested this-"**

**"You gave me this dress."**

**"Oh, well. I did that because I have no idea what can you call moe. I thought it was this."**

**"What exactly they're supposed to do?"**

**"Just put some editing and bingo, you got a show. Cue the glitter and sparkles!" Takasugi pulls a rope next to him and glitter poured onto the three. "What the-" **

***insert stereotypical cutesy music***

**The three giggled while just posing in cute poses. Xing Cai's laughing wasn't the most enthusiastic. **

***insert bubbles and more sparkles***

**"Go, Shu Power Girls!" They all float up and glow into sailor outfits. Izuru talks during the segment,"This is becoming more magical girl than moe!"**

**"I'm glad I wear sunglasses or I would have gone blind from all this brightness."**

**"This is pure-"  
><strong>

**"Remember, nothing makes sense here."**

**"...Hwuu... The next one is a contest with reps from each kingdom. Does the author make up a random contest? Because you didn't really state on the contest and just put the punishment. ****I don't know... Make the guys wear loltia? Um...that is a lot...I need Takasugi's phone."**

**"Why?"**

**"You seem to be able to alter the characters on it." Izuru gets the phone and presses a few buttons. Every male was in a loltia dress of their kingdom color. All gasped or is displeased except Zhang He.**

**"...Eh..."**

**"It's a trap! And the one Xiahou Dun's wearing makes him look like an older Ciel back when he had to put on that dress."**

**"His eyepatch is on his right, Ciel's is on his left."**

**"Why did you do this anyway?"**

**"I'm confused on the request. Do I make up a contest of just make everyone here put on a dress? I chose the second one."**

**"You're really lazy..."**

**"Yes, now the girls have to pig themselves out in an eating contest... What? Oh well. Get all the guys off here." After twenty minutes, a long table is set with the food on top in front of the women. "...Uh..."**

**"Yeah...lady-like manners have to go out the window..." **

**"Okay!" Xiao Qiao, Guan Yinping, Bao Sanniang, and Sun Shang Xiang all went and digged in. Xing Cai shrugged and went to dig in herself. Xiao Qiao made Da Qiao eat a couple of items. Wang yi goes up to Takasugi, "Where's the wine?"**

**"...You want it...?"**

**"Yes, I'll eat as long there's wine."**

**"Alright." He comes out the back dragging two large wine jars. "Here." Wang Yi takes a few sips before eating some things. **

**"Oh, well might as well." Zhu Rong joins in. Takasugi turns to the remaining women. ****"Come on! You're not gonna get fat! It's just gonna go to your breasts anyway-GAH!" The remaining women threw miscellaneous heavy objects at Takasugi. **

**"Come on, Lian Shi!" She drags Lian Shi to her area and made her eat a couple of items. "My lady, I can't eat so much on one time..."**

**"Just try it! It's good!" **

**"Are you sure you ladies do not want to partake in this?"**

**"No, it is barbaric to just go-"**

**"Zhen Ji, you're not gonna get fat. It's going to your plastic boobs anyway."**

**"Well, I never!"**

**"Then prove it! Prove those cushions can hold the calories!"**

**"Fine!" Zhen ji goes to eat. "Looks like Zhen Ji is going to beeaaat yoooou, Yue Ying..."**

**"No, she is not!" Yue Ying goes right next to Zhen ji and eats. Cai Wenji sneaks some food and throws them into Xu Chu's mouth without anyone noticing and eating some herself. Diao Chan tricks Guo Jia, Dong Zhou, Lu Bu, and Cao cao to eat food for her. **

**"What about-..." He sees Zhang chunhua stuffing food into Sima Yi's and Sima Shi's mouths. "That's cheating!" He turns a little more to see Wang Yuanji stuffing food down into that-was-just-dragged-out-Sima Zhao's mouth. **

**"Crafty...Hey! You're supposed to eat it yourself-MMPH!" The two stuffed food into his mouth after the three were lying on the ground exhausted. **

**"Mmph! I-mmph! Stop-Mmhp! We can do this another-MMPH!" He gets stuffed with food between words. Izuru sneaks off the stage to avoid being stuffed with food. **

**Thirty minutes later...**

**Most of the girls lay in exhaustion. Only a few were not affected because, you know, they stuffed the food into other guy's mouths. Takasugi gets up, groaning. "...Ugh...My stomach hurts...What're the scores...?" Izuru from a seat holds up a clipboard. "Ok, here's the list on them and what they ate. Not in order."**

**Xiao Qiao: 1/3 of duck, 2 baozis, 2 pieces of pizza, 2 1/2 onigiris, 1 whole pail of ice cream **

**Sun Shang Xiang: 2 baozis, 3 pieces of pizza, 1 spoon of ice cream, few strips of duck, 1 onigiri**

**Guan Yinping: Ate half of the leftover duck, 2 slices of pizza, 1 onigiri **

**Da Qiao: A baozi and half of an onigiri **

**Zhu Rong: Rest of the duck, 2 baozis**

**Diao Chan: Didn't eat, so doesn't count**** (Food went to GJ, DZ, LB, and CC)**

**Zhen Ji: Half of the leftover pizza, 1 baozi **

**Yue Ying: Rest of pizza, 1 baozi**

**Cai Wenji: Ate some ice cream and threw some food at Xu Chu for him to eat**

**Wang Yi: Just drank wine, forgetting all about of the eating in front of her**

**Zhang Chunhua: Does not count (Food went to SY and SS)**

**Wang Yuanji: Does not count (Food went to SZ)**

**Lian Shi: Got some strips of duck, half a pizza, a baozi**

**Xing Cai: 4 slices of pizza, duck skin strips **

**Bao Sanniang: 1 whole pail of ice cream, 1 onigiri **

**"...Who won?"**

**"Um... I'm guessing Xiao Qiao...?**

**"Then the ones who didn't eat or ate too little have make a Titan-sized apple pie. That really isn't a punishment, but whatever." **

**"Diao Chan, Wang Yi, Cai Wenji, Zhang Chunhua, Da Qiao, and Wang Yuanji have to make the pie. How are they supposed to get the ingredients?"**

**"...Give it a few hours..."**

**Two hours later...**

**"Wow, look at that." They see the pie outside of the auditorium. "Wait! That was just two hours! How did they-"**

**"Just ignore that, and look at it."**

**"What are we supposed to do with it?"**

**"Eat it?"**

**"How are all of us going to eat that thing?" **

**"I don't know. Last one is to get five people in a tomato fight. Ok, get a hat." He gets a top hat to pull out five strips of paper. "Ma Dai, Zhou Yu, Jia Xiu, Guo Huai, and Yuan Shao. Here's a tub of tomatoes. Go crazy." The first shot was Ma Dai getting Zhou Yu in the face. "...Argh...I'll..." Zhou Yu gets a tomato to throw at Ma Dai, but hits Yuan Shao on accident. "Why you..." Yuan Shao grabs two to throw at Zhou Yu, but he ducks for the two tomatoes to hit Guo huai and Jia Xiu. They grab tomatoes and threw the around at each other, some hitting other people. Cao Pi goes to force grapes down Takasugi's mouth for no reason. "H-mph! Pa-too! Why grapes?! Tomatoes are going around here and you got grapes?" Cao Pi ignores him and takes some tomatoes to jam down people's throats. **

**Few minutes later...**

**"This looks like the Saint Valentine's Massacre happened here!"**

**"That's nothing. This is more like the American Civil War."**

**"What about a giant woman having her period here?"**

**"Don't go there... How were you able to get that many tomatoes anyway?" **

**"I have my sources..." (I stole Romano's large supply of tomatoes...)**

**"Italy?"**

**"Close enough." **

**"How are we cleaning this up?"**

**"...Um...Yeah... Most of the losers in the eating contest were from Wei and Jin, so they clean up in the maid outfits. So..." Takasugi takes out his phone to press a few buttons. Every male in Wei and Jin were in maid outfits. The women wore butler suits. "Aw, it would fit a lot more if Jia Chong wore the butler thing... Oh well, he now is a gothic loltia maid. That's a thing, right?" He gets a mop in the face by Cao pi, who was in a maid dress. "Grapes, now this."**

**"I see some dirt here." Cao Pi jams the mop into Takasugi's face. "Stop!"**

**"Fix this."**

**"Hey, the request said to do that! Stop-Grgh!" Cao Pi jams the mop into his mouth. "Grah! Mmhp!" **

**"Well, it seems he is pretty busy. I guess this wraps up our session for now." Zhang He dances around while washing areas of the auditorium. "Let's sing a song while we work!"**

**"Snow White? You want to Snow White this thing?"**

**"Come on, everyone!"**

**"Aaand that is my cue to leave." Izuru walks out through a door leading to outside.**

* * *

><p><strong>I just had to do that Bleach reference. Even though Takasugi can't draw a simple French moustache and instead drew a Pringles man moustache on Sima Yi. <strong>

**Lucky Stick is a brand of chocolate and other flavor sticks I usually see at Asian supermarkets. You can't really call it a knock-off of Pocky since cream-covered sticks are...well...simple... I don't know, I just think it's just another snack kids like to eat, but you can judge on your own about that. **

**Yan Yan is another Asian snack. It's this cone-shaped container and it had biscuit sticks with this cream thing separate from them. The flavors vary.**

**When Takasugi said Romano, he was referring to South Italy from Hetalia.**

**Ciel is from Black Butler.**

**Cao Pi jamming grapes into Takasugi's mouth was based on this YouTube video that had Cao pi jamming grapes into everyone'e mouths in Wei and one Jin guy. It was a parody off another parody on Ulquiorra from Bleach and he was jamming tomatoes into the Arrancars' mouths. They both had Romano's Delicious Tomato Song playing throughout the video. Yes, it's still there. Type Cao Pi's Grapes, and you'll find it. **


	10. So many reviews, so little time

Oh god dammit my OC got rejected...LIKE TA maybe I should talk to the koie CEO to join along with one of my OC that is not the four of I'll put my name in japanese style.

Me(Zenka Kisaragi)  
>Apearence:Black Hair and black eye,wear aqua blue jacket and pant with black shirt in it.<br>Age:15  
>Gender:Male<br>Like:Pat at my fanmade sister of my,play video game,do some dishes LIKE A BOSS and can drink wine for 1,000 without being drunk(that bullshit)  
>Weapon(For defense)A muramasa and I block and parry all of it in second.<br>Abily:Can stop time,make stuff apear and disapear(Like me eating sandwhich and some say where I get those and I say what sandwich when it disapear)being immortal and can stop time.

My fanmade sister(Nami kisaragi)  
>Age:14<br>Gender:Female  
>Apearence:She cuter than all the girl you see so far and it will make you adopt her,she has emeral green and green hair,she wear any aqua green stuff and in home,she wear only white shirt and a underwear.<br>Weapon:Bow,gun and a random ass bazooka she alway keep it.  
>Like:Alway be happy,make friend faster and do some horny thing to people she like(who has the same age as her)<br>Ability:She has monstrous streng when people stare at her big boob and punch them so hard that it will break throught everything.

Ok that how we look like and BTW she can be shy at first but she get use to for the real thing to start

1)The dare with the online is a test,I need some help to some people go with me and my OC to go to SAO game and beat all the floor,becarefull cause if you die in game,you die for real and there are a total of ten-thousan player there as well,watxh out for the murder guild on your way  
>2)For anyone:Play a song called "A world without danger,I will sent Cao Xe so you wont be using sima yi.<br>3)For Zhao yun:You like my spear I give you?There is a uniqe ablility that can make you invisible at night if you say "Shadow Moon" but it only work when the Moon comes.  
>4)Dude,You still have the ability that I give you,the one with the imune to all of the attack for need to remember that.<br>5)I dare some one to lick a behemon from tales of the abyss,except lu bu of course(Summon a bitch load of weapon and give them to Tagakusy and Izuru)in case if behemon go on the rampage.**  
><strong>

**"...Well...They weren't rejected, the author just doesn't use OC's. I know, I am and Izuru is too, but she uses us so the stories won't be centered on a certain character. I mean, if she just went and used Sima Zhao for everything, you'll won't want to look at him again. Remember the Jin stories? It was basically Sima Zhao's show along with creator's pet and fangirl's favorite gothic over there. Yeah, that will be the stories if she doesn't use me. Overall, she only prefers using the official characters, but in the story... Damn it! Why are your titles so f***ing long?!" **

**"Forcing ancient people to live 2000 years into the future? Oh my!" is not that long!**

**"You just said the whole damn thing! Why are they so long?!"**

**You can ask that another time, now do what the person wants.**

**"Anyway, in that story, she has to make up random names for people that come around that interact with the characters. Because you don't want a story that has "that girl" or "that guy" or you'll be more lost than a sock in a large dryer full of clothes. Do they count as OC's by the way?" **

**I don't know. **

**"So...you want your OCs here that badly? Alright... The portal doesn't work, so we're going to improvise." Takasugi goes backstage to take two mannequins out. "Okay, this one is the guy. That one's the girl..." He gets the colored clothes mentioned and puts them on the mannequins. "Hmm...for the girl..." He gets out two balloons to place under the shirt. "There. Here's a wig." He makes finishing touches and sets them near the Lu Lingqi and Zhu Ran mannequins. "Say hello to your new buddies." He talks sounding like if they were coming from the mannequins. **

Yay! More people to burn!

More to spar with!

Yay!

Yay!

**Izuru watches he does all of that. "...That's not very convincing... The first thing the person wants to do is to send the guys that played with the computers to a SAO game. Um..."**

**I've heard of Sword Art Online, but I'm not into it, thus I do not know what to write. **

**"...How do we play the game then?"**

**"How about we just try and figure it out? I have this Pipboy so we could go into the Fallout universe and see how long these guys can survive in the desert wilderness." **

**"The person asked for SAO."**

**"Come on, seeing Sima Yi lose a leg or Cao cao being blown to bits or Liu Bei getting killed by a mantis are things I would love to see if they gone into the Fallout universe."**

**"They'll get cancer."**

**"Fine, GTA deathmatch."**

**"If you want so badly..." Izuru pushes Cao cao, Sun Quan, Liu Bei, and Sima Yi into the portal. "AH!"**

**"Here you go!" He presses a few buttons, and pulls a rope. A curtain reveals a screen. "There, I left random weapons for them to kill each other in. You guys are to kill each other, but don't worry, you'll come back after a chapter!"**

**On the screen**

**"Well..." Cao Cao grabs a rocket launcher and aims at the three in front of him. "Let's do what he says, shall we?"**

**"Hey!" Sun Quan grabs an AK-47 and aims at Cao Cao. Liu Bei takes a pistol and aims at Cao Cao. "Now...which one of you have the courage to shoot?" They all looked at each other tensely. Sima Yi slowly walks away from the group and right when he was about to escape, they all turn to him with their weapons. "Where YOU going?"**

**"You have your own problems, I'm not getting into them." **

**"We left you alone and looked what happened: You took my Wei over and that led your Jin."**

**"That was not mine! It was my grandson's!"**

**"And who set the foundations for that?"**

**"..."**

**Bleep Bleep Bleep**

**"What's that?" A small shape was thrown to the center of the three as Sima Yi runs away. "Haha! Suckers!"**

**BOOM The grenade explodes, sending the three flying in opposite directions. "Argh..." Cao Cao gets up, but is in bad condition. The health bar next to him is a small section of blinking red. Liu Bei had a very tiny sliver of red on his bar, and when he got up, a police car hits him, killing him. "Hey, get out of the road." Sun Quan gets up to have only have his health bar have also a tiny sliver of red. They see each other. "Liu Bei's dead."**

**"Eh, not that big of a deal. Now where's that purple-wearing snake? Oh, let me deal with you." Cao cao shoots Sun Quan at point-blank range with his rocket launcher, but he gets killed due to the recoil. Because in GTA, shooting someone in the face with a rocket launcher does not end well for that guy and you. **

**Back on the stage**

**"That was fast."**

**"Oh, well, they'll be back after this chapter." Izuru goes to the portal to press a few buttons. Sima Yi gets thrown out of the portal. "Ah! Ow!"**

**"It could do that?"**

**"Well, he's not supposed to be in there, so the GTA universe spits him back out." **

**"Huh. Next, the person's OC will sing "A World Without Danger." Let me go get it." Takasugi drags a mannequin onto stage. "Hit it!"**

***Just subtitles, no actual singing because it's a mannequin***

There is a world, that is virtual and different.  
>It can be so cold, make us stand up for what's right.<br>Our hope through our life, is if we reset it to the start!

(Refrain)  
>Here we are, going far, to save all that we love;<br>If we give, all we've got, we will make it through.  
>Here we are, like a star, shining bright on your world;<br>Today, make Evil go away!

Code Lyoko, we'll reset it all.  
>Code Lyoko, be there when you call!<br>Code Lyoko, we will stand real tall.  
>Code Lyoko, stronger after all!<p>

A world of machines, it can shadow human nature.  
>And all that we need, is the way to find the answer.<br>But one thing is sure, you can count on us for good!

(Refain)

Code Lyoko, we'll reset it all.  
>Code Lyoko, be there when you call.<br>Code Lyoko, we will stand real tall.  
>Code Lyoko, stronger after all!<p>

We'll do our best, to never let you down.  
>We're up to the test, to turn this world around!<p>

**"Give it up for this guy! Zhao Yun, can you say Shadow Moon with that spear you got?"**

**"Alright. Shadow Moon."**

**"Didn't it say it only works at night?"**

**"I feel myself...changing..." Zhao Yun glows and floats up. He comes down and the glow dims to reveal him in a Sailor Moon outfit. "AH! What's this?!"**

**"He said Shadow Moon, not Sailor Moon..."**

**"Hmph, maybe that's why it works only at a full moon. Someone go lick that dragon-looking thing." **

**"Dragons don't exist."**

**"Let me..." Takasugi goes to the portal to drag out a large dragon-thing out of it. "Coome...ON!" The dragon gets stuck. "...Ok..someone lick it...Hey, Xiao Qiao! Here's a giant dragon-shaped candy!" **

**"Really? Yay!" Xiao Qiao runs up to the thing and licks it. "UGH! It's scaley!" The behemoth gets angry and is about to snap its jaws at Xiao Qiao, but she punches it so hard, it goes back into the portal. "Ugh! That's so not candy!"**

**"Last one is do the spartan kick in style. Oh well." Takasugi goes up to Sima Yi that was at the edge of the stage. "I've always wanted to do this...Hey, turn around."**

**"Hm?"**

**"THIS. IS. SPARTA!" He kicks Sima Yi in the stomach, sending him to fall off the stage on his back. "OW!"**

**"Yes!"**

**"It said to do it in style."**

**"Kicking Sima Yi is already stylish for me. Oh, if Zhang He did it, it would have looked elegant."**

**"Next one."**

Well, I missed a party... Well, time to continue my daily abuse!

1. Lu Xun, since you love fire so much, I'll say good luck to you because I'm daring you to travel around the world to make a pact with fire loving natives to make an alliance. Think about it! You can burn an entire kingdom!

2. To the males, who's the best girl in DW? Wang Yuanji or Guan Yinping? Why?

3. Jiang Wei, Yue Jin, Zhou Yu and Xiahou Ba, uh... I dare you four to play Wii Party or any board game, and 2nd, 3rd and 4th place winners will be forced to cross-dress that is incredibly convincing for the next 2 chapters.

4. To the Sima family, either reenact your everyday lives or tell me what's the worst, humiliating thing that's happened to you all. *With a song, of course.*

5. Zhang He, Zhen Ji and Cai Wenji, make a fashion show with the theme of mixing up things and it's still a masterpiece!

6. Lu Lingqi! *Hugs her* Hm... Your stiff as Zhu Ran... Is it because you trained with your father? Aw well! *Accidentally threw love candy at an innocent bystander.*

7. Oh by way, remember the unneeded military from Chapter 7? They're coming back. Oh! They're not going to threaten you, they're holding a party in the auditorium for you! With 1000 jars of wine, 10 buckets of chicken and over 20 kinds food that can be fit for a titan. Oh, and there will be lights and music.

*The whole military crashes the place with beautifully decorated tanks and helicopters and boomboxes on their shoulders. NOT destroying Takasugi and Izuru, but cheering for them.*

**Lu Xun stands confidently and goes up to the Zhu Ran mannequin. "We're establishing our own kingdom!" The mannequin just stands there. "Let's go!" He pulls the mannequin and runs out the auditorium. **

**"He's going to be back."**

**"The next question is going to have some bias. Wang yuanji will get the Jin and Wei vote, and Guan Yinping will have the Shu and Wu vote."**

**"What about the Other?"**

**"What does Other think?" Everyone that is in Other says out a mix of Yuanji and Yinping's names.**

**"...Okay...that is not working. Based on the popularity poll, Yuanji placed 2nd, and Yinping placed 6th. Well, let the audience get some opinions out of you." Cao cao says out,"They're both cute in my book!" **

**"...Someone else besides you...Hey! You respawned already?!" Takasugi makes the Lu Lingqi mannequin talk. "**Yinping is awesome! **See? Lingqi thinks Yinping is cool." **

**"That's not fooling anyone..." Guan Yinping goes up to the Lu Lingqi mannequin. "Aw, I knew we could be friends!" She hugs it. **

**"...Mm-hm..." Sima Zhao and Jia Chong raised their hands, "Wang Yuanji."**

**"Again, that's biased since you work with her." Guan Yu and the Guan brothers all say, "Guan Yinping!"**

**"Again, biased..." The Guan brothers go up against Sima Zhao, "That girl has no personality!"**

**"Your girl doesn't either!"**

**"Yinping has more personality than that cold cardboard cutout!"**

**"She's not a cardboard cutout!"**

**"She's creator's pet then!"**

**"Your sister just blabs on about you and God or War this and God of War that!"**

**"Your wife just blabs-oh wait, she doesn't even talk a lot! She just stands there and being part of the scenery!"**

**"Our Yinping is actually helpful!"**

**"Yuanji does help!"**

**"With what? Running around with you?"**

**"Your sister just runs around with you also!"**

**"Yinping saved me back at Fan Castle!"**

**"Yeah, when you were knocked out and she was running with your body."**

**"Yeah! Helpful! I've never seen Yuanji drag your lazy ass!"**

**"Why she does! You've just never seen that on-screen!" Takasugi gets between them, "Ok, ok, I see you have very strong opinions on your girls, but let's not fill this space with your arguing." The separate groups break away from each other. "Alright... The next one is to have Jiang Wei, Yue Jin, Zhou Yu, and Xiahou Ba play Wii Party."**

**Funny this may seem, but I have never played that game. I've played Wii Sports though. I'll just look at a walkthrough and make the guys play the games I saw. The Wii and the TV were set in front of the four. They looked at the remotes in their hands. "What are these?"**

**"You play a game with them."**

**"How? Am I hitting something?"**

**"You have to pretend you're hitting something. Zhou Yu and Jiang Wei got the Pro controller and the Wii U Gamepad." They watch the screen and it says to press A and B together. "How do I do that?"**

**"There's an A button there, and a B button down there."**

**"Got it." They look at Miis of themselves. Xiahou Ba comments, "My head is SO not that big!"**

**"Those are Miis, I made them for this occasion. Now you guys are playing a game called Shifty Gifts. What you have to do is not let your presents fall. And just to make this quick, play three games. First place is worth 3 points, second is worth 2, third is worth 1 and fourth is zero. Go!" **

**The four watch and did what the screen is showing them. As they presents start to tilt, the try to balance it out, and they were all doing fine until a truck goes past their Miis, and dropped more presents on them. Yue Jin's Mii dropped its boxes. Then Zhou Yu and Xiahou Ba's Miis drop theirs, leaving Jiang Wei's Mii.**

**Screen: **

**JW: 1st**

**ZY: 2nd**

**XB: 3rd**

**YJ: 4th**

**Next was a maze minigame. When they all first start, they walk onto a swirly thing and this made their Mii dizzy. They go in random different directions and Zhou Yu's Mii managed to get in to the finish. The other three were having trouble with their Mii since they can't go in the direction they want it to go. Xiahou Ba manage to make his Mii go into the finish with Zhou Yu. Yue Jin was the last one to go to the finish leaving Jiang Wei out in the maze. **

**Screen: **

**ZY: 1st**

**XB: 2nd**

**YJ: 3rd**

**JW: 4th**

**Last game was Derby Dash. It's a horse race. When they all start, Xiahou Ba's horse was in the lead, with Yue Jin's Mii following. Zhou Yu and Jiang Wei went back in forth in who ever went ahead of them. Xiahou Ba's horse ran out of energy, thus he slowed down. Zhou Yu's horse came up ahead of the three, leaving them pretty far. The three left were clumped together, but Jiang Wei's horse was the most ahead out of the three. Then his horse ran out of energy, thus he slowed down to the same speed as Xiahou Ba's and Yue Jin's. They eventually crossed the finish line. **

**Screen:**

**ZY: 1st**

**XB: 2nd**

**JW: 3rd**

**YJ: 4th**

**"Well, that wraps it up! Add up the points!"**

**"Alright... Here they are." Izuru holds up a clipboard. **

**ZY: 8 points**

**XB: 5 points**

**JW: 4 points**

**YJ: 1 points**

**"Zhou Yu's safe, and you three have to crossdress. Let Zhang He choose for you guys." **

**"Yay! Come along now!"**

**"Argh..." The three losers go with Zhang He to backstage and later they walk out in DW women clothing. Jiang Wei was wearing Yue Ying's clothes, Yue Jin was wearing Wang Yi's clothes, and Xiahou Ba was wearing Wang Yuanji's clothes. "How long we have to leave this...?"**

**"Two chapters."**

**"WHAT?!"**

**"Hey, hey, give that attitude to the questioner. Next, the Sima family reenact their daily lives. Just think of any family sit-com, and they have probably have done it. I mean, I could make them act out a Family Guy sketch if I felt like it and it would still work. Oh, let's do the one where Peter buys a dumb horse!"**

**"You just want to do the pun. Sima has "horse" in it."**

**"Maybe... But I think this will be too much work, so you guys can say the most humiliating thing you have done. How are they supposed to put it as a song? They can just say it. I know Yi's got a bunch. Come on, you say something." Sima Yi crosses his arms. "You already know a few."**

**"What? I do? Care to say them again?"**

**"You hit me in...the...you-know...what..."**

**"That was one time! You just turned your back away and I got mad. That's not even that embarrassing. Say something a little more juicier."**

**"...I had to give my father a sponge bath..."**

**"...Well...that's not really... Fine, it's embarrassing in terms with you. What about Zhang Chunhua?"**

**"I had to be nice to Sima Fu."**

**"Sima Fu's supposed to be a good guy! What's so embarrassing to be with the angel version of Sima Yi?"**

**"...He's slightly annoying... I swear I had to listen to him talking about why Sima Yi was more well-known then him and a benevolence speech..."**

**"Try something better than that, I know you have something else that's more-" You don't see Zhang chunhua's face because she turns her head, and Takasugi is the one that only sees it. But you know it's not a good face since Takasugi looks nervous. "...Ok, ok...I'm not pushing that... What about Sima Shi? Aside from you having a thing for you father and mother?"**

**"Why do you-"**

**"I'm sorry, but fanarts are really getting to me."**

**"Those are lies!"  
><strong>

**"Now spill the beans one of your embarrassing moments."**

**"...I used Father's hat sticks as chopsticks."**

**"...That's...eh...But I didn't know those thingys in his hat can be used as chopsticks."**

**"It was at dinner, and I dropped my chopsticks... they rolled off, thus I needed an alternative. Father was sitting right next to me, and...I took those sticks..." Sima Yi looks up at his hat. He removes it to look at those sticks. "..." **

**"Sima Zhao?"**

**"I slept on a couch, and Xu Chu came in and sat on me..."**

**"Haha! Wait, how are you still alive?"**

**"Mm-hm?"**

**"All those aren't really "embarrassing"... Let me find something..." He gets a laptop and begins to taps its keyboard. He turns it to show thw group. "...What the-?"**

**"WHAT?!"**

**"There are A LOT of embarrassing Sima Yi arts here. They are A, you in women's clothing, B, NSFW you, and C, hat jokes. It's mostly B and lots of pictures with pretty much the entire Wei and Jin cast. Some Zhuge Liang ones appear. This one is a gem since...AH MY EYES! I'm changing this!" He presses another key. "Here's another embarrassing thing of you guys."**

**"...Is that...?"**

**"It's Yuanji in a swimsuit...but the other..." Sima Zhao slightly turns red.**

**"..." Sima Yi turns red and has some blood flowing from his nose. **

**"Hm... Z-OOF!" Takasugi gets his laptop bashed on his head by Zhang Chunhua. "...Please...excuse me... But...HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU GET THAT?"**

**"That's the power of Internet. Think of it, it has happened. I must say, you look good in-OOF!" She gets the laptop to hit him again. "Ok, ok, it's that embarrassing for you to be in a bikini."**

**That's...an...odd...thought... I can't think straight now...**

**"What was the other slide?"**

**"...Ugh...I can tell you this... Sima Yi and speedos DO NOT mix..."**

**"Oh...AH! NOW I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT!"**

**"Yeah... Moving on! Those three make a fashion show and you have to mix things up and it's still a masterpiece!"**

**"How can they mix up clothes?"**

**"They can figure it out."**

**An hour later...**

**Zhang He holds up a purple dress with mixed cloths from Wei and Jin. "Here you go!"**

**"Huh, still looks nice."**

**MMPH!**

**"Hm? I see the dress moving..."**

**ZMMPH MPH! MMPH ME MPO!**

**"...Um..." Zhang He turns the dress around to see a duct taped Sima Yi to it. "MMPH!"**

**"...Well...there wasn't any restriction on what to use... I guess you could use a midget..."**

**"MMPH! MMPH! MMMMMPH!"**

**"Compared to Zhang He, you look like a midget when standing next to each other." Zhang he runs off with the dress. Zhen Ji and Cai Wenji were also done with their dresses. They show it around, and Izuru notices two large bumps on them. "...Hey, what's that?" He goes to poke the bump to get a small snicker out. "There's a person here..." He rips out a strip of duct tape to show Guo Jia on Cai Wenji's dress. "OW! You pulled off a few hairs!"**

**"It'll grow back, but why are you on a dress...?"**

**"I don't know..." Izuru looks at the large bump on Zhen Ji's dress and pokes it. **

**Kmph... He rips a piece of duct tape. "OW! Watch it, peasant!" It revealed Cao pi on the dress. "...Why are you sticking people on the dresses?"**

**"You didn't say we had to just use cloths."**

**"...Well...um...Ah, nevermind..." He gets piece of candy thrown at him. "...Oh no, I'm not doing this again!" Izuru takes that candy and throws it hard out a window. When he turns around, he doesn't see a large explosion that left a crater from the thrown candy. Takasugi makes the Lu Lingqi mannequin talk. "**Yeah... Father really tired me out... That cross halberd sure is heavy! **Well, we shouldn't make you talk so much then! Alright, rest there!**"

**"...Are you seriously still doing that? That's a mannequin."**

**"Oh my god! Lingqi, did you hear what he just said? He just called you someone with no personality! I'm sure you have WAY more personality than poster boy and creator's pet there." The mannequin just stands there.** **"**Gee, thanks! **Your welcome!"**

**"...You're making yourself look crazy-"**

**BOOOOOOOOOOM Tanks and military airplanes destroy half of the auditorium with deafening music and cheering. "Oh come on! Do you know how much it cost to fix the roof from last time?!"**

**"Who cares? Party!" Guo Jia tries to jump at the wine being brought, but he's still stuck to the dress. "Aw..." Wang Yi and Jia Xiu drink the wine and Wang Yi drinks it in front of Guo Jia just to upset him. "I see you're...stuck..." She sips more wine in Guo Jia's face. "Can you pour some wine down my mouth? Or me drinking it from your mouth-AAH!" Wang Yi sticks a giant empty wine jar onto his head. "Drink the drops leftover in there."**

**"You're so mean..." The people from the drinking contest a couple of chapters ago started another one and drank a lot more. Jia Xiu turns bright red and goes up to Sima Yi (still duct taped to the dress). "Heeey...you look...stuck..."**

**"Haha. Wang Yi already made that joke, anyway."**

**"Whaaat? Aw...she always get the best puuuns! You know what...? You look...glued!"**

**"...Nice try..." **

**"BLRAGH!" Jia Xiu pukes right near Sima Yi who was completely disgusted and rolled away. "I'm gonna go..."**

**"Waaaait... Come here... purple Twinkie!"**

**"Ah!" Sima Yi gets up, and hops away from the drunk Jia Xiu. "Why...is this...so...hard...to rip out of...?" Cao cao gets drunk and eats five buckets of fried chicken. "I ate the bones! I ate the bones! NOOOOO!" **

**"Cao Cao...how in the world do you even know about that campaign?"**

**"What? I swear I ate the bones!" Izuru takes a bucket to point out a few words. "BONELESS. And it has the saying right on the bucket."**

**"Whaaaat?! Boneless chicken? Who is this genius who made this a reality?" He takes the bucket and hugs it in his drunken state. "...Ok..." Pang Tong was nibbling Jia Chong's head. "Mmm...Kaju..."**

**"...Get off me..."**

** "...Jia Chong's not a fruit..."**

**"But his name is fruit...Nom..."**

**"OW! Get off!" Jia Chong flings Pang Tong off the stage. Gan Ning, Ling Tong, Sun Quan (He respawns fast...), and Zhou Tai were passed out after they all puked. Zhou Yu and Zhuge Liang drunk trashed talked to each other and got into a cartoon-ish fight Wei and Sun Ce were also beating each other up because they saw other people doing it. Takasugi walks drunkenly over to Lian Shi. "Heeey...nice boooobs... Mind if I stick my head between theeem...? OOF!" Lian Shi shoots him with a barrage of arrows, sending him flying across the stage and right between Zhan Ji's legs. "Ow...Ooh! Hello-OW!" Zhen Ji steps on his face and kicks him, sending right near Wang Yuanji. "...I don't want a little girl! Kick me somewhere else!" She does kick him, sending him only a few feet. He gets up, groaning. "Ow, ow..." His head gets caught in a pair of breasts. "...Ooh...Hi, Lian Shi!" He gets kneed, revealing it was Zhang chunhua. "OW!" He gets out, holding his stomach. "...Ugh...I don't feel so good...BLRAAAGH! Ooooh...heeey... Nice legs... when do they open-GAH!" He gets another punch from Zhang Chunhua. "I see...playing hard to get, huh?" He gets another kick, and it was in the groin. "AAAAAH!" He falls, rolling in pain. Izuru gets three paper airplanes to his face. "Ok...since he's out... I'm going to have to take over."**

Hooray for the Wei and Jin!  
>Seriously, watching Sima Yibin a maid costume for me is... *cheeks puffing red in overflowing excitement*<br>Whoa, Author-san, you actually watched APH too?  
>Anyway, can't forget my s**tty dares. This time, as my way of congratulating the top 10 most popular characters. (I'm sorry if it's already an old story, I just know it now)<br>1. Zhao Yun (1), how was it now, being the cover boy and now, the first rank? Just tell it to the stage, as highly as possible. Even worse than how Yuan Shao will do.  
>2. Wang Yuanji (2). Congrats, Yuanji. It looks like you've been maintaining in the top 10 for this while. So, who do you think is the main person causing this long success? Go ahead and make out with that person! (If possible, other than Sima Zhao)<br>3. Xu Shu! (3) Awwww, never thought you get this rank. Whatcha think? Alright, can you answer it with the speed of more than 100 words per minute? No ums, for safety.  
>4. Guo Jia (4). Good to hear that you get this place. How could you actually charm girls into your fandom? Oh, speaking about girls, let's try something different and make out with a guy. (My mood is really into making characters making out)<br>5. Diaochan(5), same with Guo Jia but don't do the make out thing. I may be Yuri, but I hate yuri. So, come on out and pole dance instead.  
>6. To make this quick, Guan Yinping (6), Lu Xun (7), Sima Yi(8), Xiahou Dun (9) and Zhong Hui (10). Make a scene of a certain romance drama. I don't care if it's soap opera or whatever. (Sorry Daddy Guan, I just feel like enjoying this).<br>And for the finale, all top 10s, sing the song "We Are the Champion" in... um, excuse me... the most embarassing costume Koei has ever given from your first appearance till now.  
>phew... that's what I got... And for the Author, keep on updating. \(o)

**"Whhaaaat? Hic!" Zhao Yun wobbles out on the stage and yells out in his highest voice. "IIIIIIIIIIII'MMMMMMMMMMMMM KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF THHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHE F*************ING WOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD! WHO-HOOOOOOO! "**

**"Zhao yun, that's from Titanic. And there was no word f***ing in it. That did not really answer the question anyway."**

**"IIIIIIIIIIIIII WON, BIIII-TCHES!" **

**"He's still drunk. sorry for his comments." Zhao Yun goes to flip the bird to the rest of the top ten. "YEEEEEEEEEAH!"**

**"...Yeeeeah...He's...not really in good condition to talk..." Takasugi talks drunkenly, "Heeey...that last thing on that...that...thin thing...looks...like a vagina!"**

**"...Um...we didn't need your opinion. That's very insulting.****"**

**"Whhaat? It's a vagina! See the leeeegs and hooole there?"**

**"Shut up about that. How come you're letting this slip, Author?" **

**ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...**

**"Great... she's napping, thus she can't censor that word out. Wang Yuanji, who do you owe your popularity to? And the person said to make out with that person."**

**"Um... I guess Zhao, Shi, Father-in-law, Mother-in-law, and Jia Chong."**

**"Well, you can just make out with Sima Zhao." (Ugh...Sima Yi and Zhang Chunhua are awful choices for her to actually...you know...do that stuff with... Glad she had a choice or this will creep me out for the rest of my life!) Wang Yuanji sighs and goes over to Sima Zhao. "Look, I have to do this."**

**"Suuure... Now come here." They embrace and kiss. **

**"Okay, Xu Shu, what do you think about you having 3rd place?"**

**"Um-"**

**BLEEP**

**"Nope. No ums."**

**"U-"**

**BLEEP**

**"NO UMS! Here's some coffee." Xu Shu drinks the liquid, and he lights up. "Ifeelgreat!HowIfeelwithmebeingthird?AWESOME!IneverthoughtI'dgethat!I'mso happy!Iwantruuuuuun!" Xu Shu speeds around the auditorium, running over any lying drunk. He runs over Pang Tong, Zhang Fei, Jia Xiu, Cao pi (Still duct taped to dress), Gan Ning with the three earlier, and Cao cao who was nibbling on the (empty) bucket of chicken. "YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAH!"**

**OOF!**

**OW!**

**AH!**

**"Well...alright, where's Guo Jia?" Guo Jia rolls near him, with the wine jar still on his head. "This tape is strong...I can't get out..." Izuru goes down to free Guo Jia from the dress. He removes the jar. "Ah...I can breathe now... It's hard to breathe in your own breath."**

**(I bet it would just reek of more wine...) "This request is for you. It first asks, how do you charm girls into-"**

**"That's easy. I do this." He poses to sparkle with a background of roses behind him. **

**"You're ripping off Tamaki's way of charming."**

**"No! He stole from me!"**

**"His show was older from when you first introduced..."**

**"I'm older than him, thus I'm the original charmer!"**

**"Hm..." (Tamaki Suoh is Guo Jia's descendant, probably, or Guo Jia was modeled after him.) "Okay then, and the next part is for you to make out with a male character."**

**"...Um...Eeeeh...Do you count...?"**

**"What? It says any male-" Guo Jia pulls him in for a quick kiss. Izuru gets incredibly shocked and coughs when he turns around. "AH! I don't men ME!"**

**"It says a male. You're male."**

**"Well, if you're fine with just kissing a random male, why me?!" He coughs some more. "I taste wine..."**

**"The jar."**

**"Ok... Excuse me..." Izuru walks away within Guo Jia's earshot and pukes for a few minutes. "BLRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" He walks back. "Now, back to the question." (The wine taste is making a lasting mark on me... UGH! Luckily, I already had my first kiss with a woman already.) "Diao Chan?"**

**"Heeeey... Who wants a dance...?"**

**"Oh no, she's drunk too? Um...how do you charm guys into the fandom?" **

**"This." You don't see her front just her back, and she removes her dress. You just see her back and Izuru's shocked expression. "GAAAAAAAAH! Put your clothes back on!" He turns bright red and turns around, hiding his face. **

**"Aw, you're no fun...Who wants me to dance...?" Many of the drunks that were laying on the ground sit right up, "YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Dance, dance-" Lu Bu in his drunken state glows red, "You peons have...hic!... nerve... To accept her...hic! request...!" He chases the drunks away and out the auditorium. Diao Chan gets ready to turn to your point of view, but Cai Wenji and Yue Ying come out and held up banners that censored her "areas." Takasugi groans as they came in. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaw... You girls are no fuuun... Pole dance!"**

**"Okaaay..." The two took the banners and continued to censor Diao Chan as she moved around. Izuru turns away and continues. "...Ahem... Um... Next for the next five to act out a romance scene. Sima yi's still duct taped, Lu Xun's gone, Zhong Hui's taken away by some person, and that just leaves Xiaou Dun-" He turns to see Xiahou Dun drunk and passed out. "Okay...where's Sima Yi?"**

**"You don't neeed him!" Takasugi appears in front of Izuru. "I have some ideas..." Takasugi drags out four mannequins. "Here's your actors...!" Izuru stares at the Sima yi, Lu Xun, Xiahou Dun and Zhong Hui mannequins in confusion. "...You just happen-"**

**"I made one of Sima Yi and Zhong Hui when I need to take out some anger... Lu Xun one was made because I knew he was out... and Xiahou Dun one is just a Xiahou Dun one...enjoy..." **

**Scene start**

**Guan Yinping runs into the room with four of those mannequins. "I'm sorry! I have to choose out of all four of you! All of you are my greatest friends and I don't want to lose any of you!"**

**Takasugi makes the mannequins talk with his own voice mimicking the original characters voice. He talks Lu Xun's voice first. Unfortunately, he's still drunk.**

**"**I...Ugh...do not want to love you either..."

**"What? Lu Xun, you didn't have to be so mean about it!"**

"No... I hate you...Hic!"

**"Agh! I do not want to see you again!" She hits the mannequin, and the head flies off. It falls down. Yinping goes to the Sima yi one. "I'm sorry...but you're WAY too old for me!"**

"Well...you're...hogging all of the ugly!"

**"Ah! How did you get married in the first place? Hmph!" She goes to "Xiahou Dun." **

**"You're my greatest teacher, and I don't want this to sour our relationship!"**

"...I love you. BLRAGH!" **Coincidentally, the mannequin falls. "I can't love a slob like you! It's best you remain my teacher!"**

"No...I love you! Hic!"

**"I don't want to hear it!" She goes to the Zhong Hui mannequin. "Zhong Hui...I love you!"**

"I know."

**Scene end**

**"What...?"**

**"I know...it's awesome..."**

**"That was crappy voice acting! You're drunk!"  
><strong>

**"You're sexy..." He falls down face first. "...Not flattering since it's coming from you... Last one is they have to sing We are the Champions in the most embarrassing costume Koei has given them. I doubt-" Zhao Yun yells out, WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ARRRRRRRRRRE THE F***ING CHAMMMMMMPIONS!" Xu Shu sings very fast. "WearethechampionsMyfriend!"**

**"That's not how the song goes!" Guo Jia lies drunk, so he can't say anything. Diao Chan was still dancing, not listening what was around her. Lu Xun and Zhong Hui are gone. Sima yi's somewhere around there, and Xiahou Dun's passed out. The only ones that were singing properly were Wang Yuanji and Guan Yinping. "We don't have any embarrassing costumes."**

**"I just came in here, so I only have the job costume." They continue to sing. Izuru gets more airplanes to his face. "Ah! Today's very busy!"**

I have a dare for Xing Cai:  
>Kiss Liu Shan in front of all the other Shu characters.<p>

**"Okay-"**

**"Fine, whatever floats your boat." Xing Cai (who inhaled the alcohol in the room because 1000 jars of it is really going to stink it up, is drunk now) grabs Liu Shan and makes out with him in front of Zhang Fei and Guan Yu. "Whaaaat are ya doing?"**

**"Hm, young love..." Xing Cai throws Liu Shan off the stage after she was finished. "Next."**

I'm back! It's been a while since I reviewed but school has been killing me(sees Guo Jia, Yue Jin, Li Dian, Jia Chong, and Xiahou Ba in maid suits) You guys look soooo cute! (takes multiple pictures of them) Too bad about you guys having to clean up the mess though. Author, you know about Hetalia? Yes! But I don't think Romano is going to be happy about his tomatos being stolen. Oh well, time for some Qs and dares.  
>1. Xu Shu what will it take to make you happy? Your depression makes me want to cry! Also is it just me or did you seem more confident in Dynasty Warriors 7 Empires? (just got the game this weekend Yay!)<br>2. Jia Xiu, Guo Jia, Li Dian, Yue Jin, Cai Wenji and Wang Yi, aww you guys worked so hard cleaning up, so here's a banquet full of wine and food for you guys.  
>3. Author, out of the 8 main characters of Hetalia AP which dynasty warrior do you think fits them the most?<br>4. Who is going to be the unlucky victim... Sima Yi I dare you to steal Jia Xiu's and Wang Yi's wine and tell them who really urinated in their wine from before (Forcing ancient people to live 2000 years in the future? Oh my! chapter 2) . And if you refuse or lie not only will I detach your limbs piece by piece from your body with my chainsaw (summons Russia, General Winter and the whole Russian army) my friends here will make sure you wished you did.  
>5. And lastly, Zhong Hui I'm getting really sick of you trying to kill off the Jin characters in the other story. You even killed Yue Jin you b******! So... (wraps him in tight chains) Zhang Chunhua, Sima Zhao, Wang Yuanji and Jia Chong, since you guys are my favorite Jin characters, you can get your revenge on him for the next 10 minutes. You can also borrow my chainsaw and army if you want, just don't kill him. Hurt him but don't kill him. If you kill him fangirls will be after you and me like crazy.<br>That's all for now! Keep writing these Prussia-awesome stories(hugs Guo Jia before leaving)

**Why is it so surprising that I have watched Hetalia? It's a hilarious show, and I like funny shows. **

**"I don't know, because it's crawling with yaoi fangirls?"**

**I just ignore that and watch the show. Plus I can just make more jokes off of that.**

**"Xu Shu's pretty happy since I gave him the coffee. Right-" Xu Shu pops up in front the screen, "Hey!I'mhappy!Youhappy?Isuream!Haha!" He runs off. "See? And really? Another banquet? I'm surprised they're not fat yet." Jia Xiu, Li Dian, and Yue Jin shove food down their throats without even knowing since they got too drunk. Wang Yi forces Cai wenji to drink the wine. "Cooome ooon, it tastes goood."**

**"Stop-Glrrgh!" Guo Jia gets up, and gropes Wang Yi's behind. "Whoooa...so firm...OW!" Wang Yi bashes a wine jar onto him and kicks him far off the stage. "Next, who is most fitting as a Hetalia character?"**

**America: Li Dian (Seems fitting.)**

**England: Sima Shi (Sima Shi can pull off a British accent and talking to a flying mint bunny.)**

**France: Zhuge Liang- I mean-Guo Jia (It's very obvious. Also, Zhuge Liang's and Zhao Yun's seiyuu did France.)**

**Japan: Jia Chong-I mean- Guan Xing (I don't know... Also, Jia Chong's seiyuu did Japan.)**

** Italy: Xiahou Ba (He seems innocent and kiddy-ish enough.)**

**Germany: Pang De (Tall, big, strict guy goes to Yu Jin though, but I'm just working with the characters I know.)**

**China: Zhou Yu (Ha, Zhou Yu is the place he IS from.)**

**Russia: Jia Chong (Scary guy that keeps on a smile. Seems right.)**

**"Where's Sima Yi?" **

**You smell of wine... Hey! Izuru follows the voices to see a drunk Zhang Chunhua. "Wait! How in the world you get drunk?!" **

**"Whaaat...? I'm not drunk! Get out of here!"**

**"Yeah, you're drunk. I'm going to guess you snuck some sips, not knowing your low tolerance."**

**"What low tolerance? I can hold my liquor better than that...uh...hat's her name?"**

**"Yep, drunk. Sima Yi, why are you still on the dress?"**

**"This thing binding me is hard to tear out of!"**

**"How about I help ya with that...?" **

**"No, no! I'm sure-Ah!" She rips off the tape quickly. "OW!"**

**"Aw, too rough? How about this?" She rips open Sima Yi's robes. "Ah! What are you doing?"**

**"Yeah! We can't show that stuff! I really need Sima Yi for something-"**

**"A-Ah! Please! You can do this stuff back at home! Right now, you're intoxicated...Oh..."**

**"Oh, come on!" Izuru walks quickly away from the area. "Unfortunately, Sima Yi's not available right now..." Takasugi wobbles to him, "Hey, you don't need...him..."**

**"Now what?" Takasugi holds up the Sima Yi mannequin and sticks it near him. "So, why did you urinate in Wang Yi and Jia Xiu's wine supply? I never thought you would do that...hm...it's always the quiet ones..."**** Wang Yi and Jia Xiu heard and turned towards the Sima yi mannequin. "Whaaat?! You peed in ma wine?! I outa smack ya smirk off your face!" (The Sima Yi mannequin has a poorly-drawn "mouth" on its blank face.) "What? Not saying anything?" Wang Yi goes to kick it in the non-existent privates. "That'll teach you to pee in a woman's wine!" **

**"See? It's working."**

**"...Eh..." The mannequin falls, and the two go and break it apart in anger. "Whoa!"**

**"Sima Yi's glad to be somewhere else and not here now... Zhang chunhua's busy... so..." **

**"Here's the Zhong Hui mannequin!" Takasugi wraps it with chains and sets it in front of Sima Zhao, Wang yuanji, and Jia Chong. "Beat him up!" Jia Chong looks at it evilly and tears off the arm. He continues to break it apart as Sima Zhao and Wang Yuanji watch. "We already know it's fake..."**

**"Okay...last one...I'm exhausted..."**

Um...Wang Yuanji was supposed to sing to Sima Zhao, not the other way around... lol. Never mind. :3c

And the pocky kept breaking? Eto...-hands them 5 packs of strawberry pocky- Don't eat it all at once, please...Yes. Do the dare again. Just don't eat the pocky, or... *pulls out tazer* And the reference to Hetalia! I love you author! 3 Oh yeah. *hands Takasugi and Izuru some money* If they all break by any chance, go and buy some more so they can do it. Or I'll taze you two as well.

Sorry this is going to be short...hmm...*discreetly handcuffs Sima Yi and Zhuge Liang's wrists together while nobody is looking* You two have to stay like that until I come back, ok? :D Or I'll force you guys to walk on a tightrope over a pool of sharks, wearing a ton of meat. *heart emote*

Oh yeah, one last thing. You guys can take care of Zhong Hui for a bit; I have tests coming up. And yes, you can submit him to dares! *heart emote* Maybe he's scarred...? :U

Oh yeah. *gives Li Dian another tray of cookies* Mind telling me your favourite flavour of cookies?

((If it isn't obvious enough, I think Zhang Bao and Li Dian are so kawaii desu. If they were my upper classmen in real life, I'd be like; 'I hope senpai will notice me soon' all the time to them. OMG OTL.))

See you guys again, probably with a longer post, if I'm free. o 3o

**"Ugh...strawberry...I don't want it..." Takasugi throws the packs at Izuru. "I like strawberry."**

**"Then you're gay."**

**"What? A guy liking strawberry is fine!"**

**"No, it's a girls flavor!"**

**"You're being very sexist!"**

**"Yeah, girls like strawberry."**

**"Guys like strawberry too."**

**"Yeah, if you're Zhang He or Zhou Yu."**

**"Man, you get more offensive when you're drunk... Zhang Bao, Guan Xing! Where are you?" **

**"Heeey..." Izuru goes up to them. "Eat these while making out with each other."**

**"Okaaay." Zhang bao grabs two packs and eats all of the sticks. He grabs Guan Xing to kiss him while his mouth still has the cookie crumbs and didn't even swallow it. **

**"Ugh...that's not what I meant... I assuming he's drunk." Zhuge Liang sees the chain on him and tugs it. **

**AH! **

**"Hm? What is this thing? I demand you free me!" He pulls it more. **

**Ah! Something's on my wrist! **

**"It won't come ooooooooff!" He pulls harder.**

**Actually...this is making this more enjoyable...Oh...**

**"Oh...isn't this like the Death Note thing? Where L handcuffs him self to Light?"**

**"Sima Yi's...behind there..." He sees Zhong Hui appear next to him in chains. "Let me go! Yeah, you!"**

**"Well...since he's here... Jia Chooong! Here's the real Zhong Hui!"**

**"Wait, what?! AH!" A hand grabs his leg and he gets dragged off-camera. Li Dian eats the batch of cookies he got. "Mmmmmm...Cookies..."**

**"What flavor do you like?"**

**"Cookies..."**

**"What kind?"**

**"Cookies."**

**"No-"**

**"Cookies! Any cookies!"**

**"Alright... Looks like we're done, finally-"**

**BOOOOOOM A fiery blaze blew up another side of the auditorium. Lu Xun comes out, holding the burnt Zhu Ran mannequin. "I've got my army of fellow fire users! Say hello to..." **

**Mario! (Super Mario Bros.)**

**Portgas D. Ace! (One Piece)**

**Natsu Dragneel! (Fairy Tail)**

**Genryusai Shigekumi Yannamoto! (Bleach)**

**Itachi Uchida! (Naruto)**

**Rin Okumura! (Blue Exorcist)**

**Hiei! (Yu Yu Hakusho)**

**"Hey, hey! You just grabbed random anime characters!"**

**"They are famous for fire-using, thus I make them with me."**

**"Aaaand we're out of time!"**

**"Aww, no... Come on, show what you guys can do..." Lu Xun and the rest behind him prepare and released their powers out in the auditorium. **

**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM**

**Try again? **

**5... 4... 3... 2... 1...**

* * *

><p><strong>I just went and typed "anime fire users" and those choices came up. <strong>

**Sima Yi's hat "sticks" do make me think he could have used them as chopsticks. Pretty stylish ones too. Also the sticks in Zhang Chunhua's hair seem to make me think that also with her.**

**I actually did find a fanart of Sima Yi in a...ugh...I'm getting nightmares...a speedo... What? You want to look for it? Fine, it's somewhere on pixiv. Let's just say I didn't want to look at Sima Yi for a while after that... **

**Jia Chong's name pronounced in the Japanese script is "Ka Ju." The joke is usually between Japanese fans, and I figured it out since a commenter explained while I found a picture of a chibi Jia Chong making orange juice in a blender. That's in pixiv, too. The joke is that Kaju means fruit if you stick it in Google Translate and I heard it was a name of a Japanese fruit juice brand, but I don't really know. **

**"Well...you're hogging all the ugly!" was a phrase said in Family guy.**

**The thing with Guan Yinping saying I love you to the Zhong Hui mannequin and Takasugi making it say, "I know" was something found in Star Wars. I know it's a meme with die-hard Star Wars fans, but I just only heard of that and just included it here. The original was Leia saying "I love you" to Han Solo and he just says "I know."**

**Extended barfing goes to Family Guy.**

**Sima Fu (Yi's younger brother.) was basically if Sima Yi were working in Shu based on what I read on him. He was a nice guy and "benevolent," quoting the thing I read. I'm just going to make Zhang chunhua be annoyed with him just for some comic relief. **

**Remember those KFC commercials that had those guys yelling out they ate the bones in promotion for KFC's boneless chicken? If you don't know what I'm talking about, you can just look it up on YouTube or something.**

**"You're drunk, you're sexy" are lines from Family Guy. It's when Stewie got drunk. **

**Tamaki Suoh from OHSHC does resemble Guo Jia. Maybe Koei modeled him after Tamaki, or Guo Jia is Tamaki's ancestor. Take your pick. **

**Aren't we getting busy today? **


	11. I'm soooooo laaaaaaazy

**Continue? **

***button being pressed noise***

Oookay! Here we go! (in insane fangirl voice! :P)

1. Okay I want these four hot guys to hang out with each other! I have my reasons! They're my faves from each kingdom :D and all four are uber cute! 3 *does insane wolf whistle*  
>Sun Quan, Jiang Wei, Sima Zhao and Guo Jia!<p>

2. Lu Xun, Zhu Ran, who would beat the other in a staring match?

3. Oh one more thing for Sun Quan and Jiang Wei...I can just imagine you two in a L'Oreal advert _ Love your hair! 3

**The group gathers and they all look at each other funny. "This makes no sense."**

**Lu Xun stares at the Zhu Ran mannequin for a long time into its blank eyes. "Nrrrgh..."**

**"..."**

**"I'm...not losing..."**

**"..."**

**"Argh! My eyes are so dry! You win, but I'll get you next time!"**

**"..."**

**"Aw, you're so humble! Stop it!" Lu Xun hits the mannequin and it falls down. **

**Takasugi says out, "****For the last one, you can do some editing on Sun Quan and Jiang Wei. Hey, untie your hair." The two do as they say and the screen turns sparkly. **

**Want fuller, radiant hair? **

**Use Total Repair 5 or what ever crap they came up with. Jiang Wei and Sun Quan have their hair slowly on the screen. **

**"Yeah, yeah. Next!"**

I'm going to make the most stupid,emberas and disgusting you have ever seen.  
>1)For any random person:DO A BARREL ROLL while singing.<br>2)Watch corpse party torture soul except those who does not want to see some blood,gore,swoer or all of them,and CHILD is proibithen.  
>3)For Dong huo and a jin who wanted all of his team dead:Lick your own armpit and rape a aircraft in mid-air(Oh yeah)<br>4)Sing a bleach OP song and a Naruto Shippuden OP song.  
>5)Every one make a scene of It over 9000,Spartan kick and the Lazer scene.<br>6)Watch a lemon fan-fict of corpse party while driking lemonade.  
>7)All the girl,annoy Dong Zhuo and he can't do anything.<br>8)For everyone,play a total war series.

**"Xu Chu, do a barrel roll!" Takasugi stands right next to him. "Do a barrel roll! Do a barrel roll!"**

**"Hm?"**

**"Do a barrel roll! Do a barrel roll!"**

**"He's not going to understand the reference..."**

**"Do a barrel roll! Do a barrel roll!"**

**"..."**

**"Okay." Xu Chu does barrel rolls on the ground, but I guess they are no longer barrel rolls, just normal rolls. **

**"Eh, it works. Corpse Party? What's that, a new teen drug or a another slang? Let me Google that." He gets out his laptop. "...It's a horror game...? Well, I've never played a game like this. Fine, let me look up a video and show it to everyone." He holds out his laptop a bit and everyone covers their eyes in readiness. **

**"Hey, this is just the opening."**

**"No, we don't want to see your arts."**

**"This isn't those fanarts! It's a video!" They all remove their hands. "...That's not scary... You said it it was horror."**

**"Yeah... this isn't that scary... what am I watching? It's like an RPG, except mixed with Slenderman or Amnesia. Guy dies... eh... This is boring." He shuts the laptop. "Dong Zhou and Zhong Hui lick your pits... ew... How do you rape an aircraft...? Unless you're talking about the planes from Disney's Planes, you can't stick your thingy into an aircraft's non-existent thing..."**

**"...Well... we can just make Hui here to lick his pits and...Dong Zhou's not here. To be honest, we make sure he NEVER gets the memo for these things..."**

**"I am not licking there for your amusement!"**

**"We'll make you lick Dong Zhou."**

**"Ugh... F-Fine..." Zhong Hui sticks his tongue out to go and lick his armpit. He then barfs after he finished. "BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"**

**"You're cleaning that up. Next, something Bleach and Naruto. Alright, Bleach opening 13 and Naruto Shippuden opening 1 seem fine. I just hope we don't get sued. Let me just switch Lu Xun's voice to the Japanese..."**

**Bleach opening 13 Melody of the Wild Dance **

Quietly, quietly,

Cut the curtains down

Blue flames are born

On the dawn awakening

We walked and hugged

Embracing a weakness that knows of no defeat

Let's carve an era

With new fangs

Quietly, quietly,

Cut the curtains down

Blue flames are born

On the dawn of awakening

Until that day when I met you,

the one I want to protect,

I'd rather take down my enemies immediately

Than go for a long fight

So loved, so loved

That I don't need anything else

I watched everything from here

I'll finish it all and lead you there

Just don't let go

This melody of the wild dance

It will never stop echoing

**"Eh, it sounds similar. Next, Guan Xing can sing this. I'll switch his voice to Japanese too."**

**Naruto Shippuden opening 1 Hero's Come Back!**

Tooku de kikoeru koe wo hitori  
>Hitori mata hitori de chi agaru toushi<br>Kurikaesu dake no fudan doori  
>Kutsu ga iku junbi ii ze, ARE YOU READY?<p>

Karadajuu furuwazu shinzou ni  
>Hageshiku chinarase yo STOMPING<br>Taeru tsuki wo ukasu CALL ME  
>Kawarisugiru ga nuki ka STORY<p>

COME ON! EVERYBODY STAND UP!  
>Agero kyou ichiban no jikan da<br>Me ni mo tomoran no SUPIIDO HANTA  
>Dare mo nobinattori ko kanba YEAH<p>

COME ON! EVERYBODY HANDS UP!  
>Mata ashita no HERO'S wa COMEBACK<br>Tsuujou kazoe hibi wo COUNTDOWN  
>Iku ze, 3-2-1 MAKE SOME NOISE!<p>

HEY yo mou basho nori tsuku wa kakugo desho  
>Nankai korondatte tatsu GET OT ON<br>Nade aida naze kami hito e no seisho  
>Irikunda kanjou kizuki ageta desho<p>

Mochiagaru kansei ga yuuki to naru  
>Tashiagareba ima kurushimi tomonau<br>Sore demo saikou wa kitto aru  
>Subete sarau to shouri no kansei<p>

EVERYBODY STAND UP!  
>Agero kyou ichiban no jikan da<br>Me ni mo tomoran no SUPIIDO HANTA  
>Dare mo nobinattori ko kanba YEAH<p>

COME ON! EVERYBODY HANDS UP!  
>Mata ashita no HERO'S wa COMEBACK<br>Tsuujou kazoe hibi wo COUNTDOWN  
>Iku ze, 3-2-1 MAKE SOME NOISE!<p>

**"それが良かった?," Lu Xun asked.**

**"Whoops, let me switch him back." Takasugi pushes a few buttons on his phone. "What was that?"**

**"Was it good?"**

**"Yeah."**

**"You can switch what language they're speaking?," asked Izuru. **

**"Yes, we can make them speak any language thanks to a translator we installed into each character. If we switch it off, they'll speak Mandarin. Look." He presses a button, and goes up to slap Zhuge Liang in the face. "Ah! Nǐ wèishéme yào zhème zuò?!" (Why did you do that?!)**

**"See? Luckily, we included subtitles. Look, I can do another thing." Takasugi goes up to flip the bird to Cao Pi. "Rúhé cūsú..." (How vulgar...)**

**"Oh, you guys know what this means."**

**"Nà zītài kěyǐ zhuīsù dào xīlà rén." (That gesture dates back to the Greeks.)**

**"Huh, you learn new things everyday." **

**"I don't understand... how are they able to understand us if they only spoke Mandarin?"**

**"Don't make this into a big plot hole the author has to explain."**

**"Fine." Takasugi presses another button and slaps Sima Yi. "Ah! Usted insolente tonto!" (You insolent fool!)**

**"Hahaha! He sounds so funny in Spanish!" **

**"Que?" (What?) **

**"Kahahahahahahaha! Oh...my...god...hahahaha! You sound so funny!"**

**"Deja de reírte de mí..." (Stop laughing at me...)**

**"Let's see French..." He presses a button. **

**"Qu'avez-vous fait?" (What did you do?)**

**"You sound so elegant. How about German?" He presses a button again.**

**"Ich verstehe nicht, was Sie hier zu tun versuchen werden." (I don't understand what you are doing here.)**

**"Okay, okay... I'll switch you back to your original language." **

**"Tíngzhǐ gēn wǒ wán xiàng yīgè wánjù..." (Stop playing with me like some toy...)**

**"Stop playing with Sima Yi like if he were a Buzz Lightyear toy back in Toy Story 3!"**

**"Oh, come on, they all sound funny in different languages. Ok, I'll switch you guys back to English. What's next?" **

**"Make a Over 9000 meme, a Spartan kick meme, and a Lazer meme."**

**"Xiahou Dun, you know the drill."**

**"Huu..." Xiahou Dun readies himself and gets Takasugi's sunglasses. "Hey! No!"**

**"IT'S OVER 9000!" Xiahou Dun breaks the sunglasses while yelling that out. **

**"AH! My sunglasses! Don't look at me!" He covers his face with his arm. **

**"Spartan kick... we already did that last chapter. Zhuge Liang, do your laser fan thing."**

**"Huh..." Zhuge Liang holds up his fan. "I'm firin' ma lazer..." A giant beam is blasted through the auditorium. Takasugi sips the lemonade in a corner, not showing his face.**

** "You know, we saw your face back when you had to inspect the kingdoms' rooms."**

**"No, you didn't." **

**"Um, I'm pretty sure you did."**

**"Nope."**

**"...No... not reading a lemon fic..."**

**"Here." Takasugi, without looking behind, throws a set of papers at Izuru. **

**"...Ugh...Fine..." Izuru looks in the papers for a bit before throwing it behind his shoulder quickly. "...What are you people reading these days...? And the ladies can annoy Dong Zhou because we made sure he's not here. Sorry for the bias, but no... no one wants him here... And... I'm just feeling lazy... so I don't want to do the video game stuff..." Takasugi has his back towards the screen holding a laptop. "...These girls are too young for me..."**

**"Seriously, what are you people watching these days?!"**

Oh, I am so sorry for what I've done! Maybe I should tell them to lay off the drug- Moving on!

1. Since I thought you'll all gonna get fat soon, I dare Yue Ying, Zhang He, the Qiao sisters, Sima Yi and Diao Chan to make up a training/dance session for their associated kingdoms. What? I always care about your health.

2. Make them watch/read Creepypasta! What are their reactions?

3. By the way, my sister requested a divorce. She said that she thinks that you're all boring her. Now give your crushes/wives an apology kiss and tell all of the stories between you six and your not-wife!

4. About the Hetalia thing... Can they act out as the main characters of Hetalia and maybe... Have a play? Because I love Hetalia...

5. Hi crossdressing guys! I think that's the 2nd most thing I regretted... So, *shows a cat, bunny and horse', here are my animal friends! All you need to do is to take care of them until the next chapter so you all won't be depressed about dressing as ladies! Don't give chocolate to my cat, don't ignore my pink bunny and DON'T kick and punch my horse because it's so so fragile.

So, *hands over toys*. They're so cute and moe...

6. Do you know what's the true meaning of being a hero? I don't want 'Benevolence', 'Justice', 'Honor', 'Virtue', 'Chaos', 'Duty', 'Destiny', 'Heavens' or ANY one liner as an answer. What is a hero?

Ugh... I'm still guilty about the party thing... What if the military did something wrong? Oh well, *hugs everyone* Wait..

7. Well if it isn't Zhong Hui... I am SO disappointed of what you did to other characters in 'Forcing ancient people to live 2000 years into the future? Oh my!'. And you're lucky I 40% like you, because I'm letting everyone getting revenge on him in any other way. I don't care what you're all gotta do with him.

But don't kill him! What if we'll get chased my fangirls. But forgive me everyone! I'm doing this out of entertainment! I love *some of* you all in canon!

**"Something doesn't seem right in that list... Sima Yi...? Dancing-" ****Sima yi hops into the portal once Izuru says the words. **

**"Hey! Get back here!" Izuru sticks half of his body into the portal to grab his foot, but he breaks free and Izuru grabs at something else. He gets out to be holding Sima Yi's hat. "...Oh well..." Zhang He dances around with the other people mentioned dancing along with him. "1, 2, 3! 1, 2, 3!"**

**"Next is some Creepypasta. I've never read any of that stuff..." Takasugi walks up to Izuru holding a laptop and he was wearing a Darth Vader helmet.**

**"Here, read some of these." Izuru looks through the screen with a bored expression. "These are not even scary."**

**"You know what's scary? Dong Zhou naked."**

**"Uuurrgh..."**

**"What about this?" Takasugi pushes another button. **

**"AAAAAAAAAAAAH! MY EYES!"**

**"See? Sima Yi and speedos DO NOT mix."**

**"Nrrgh..." Takasugi shows the Creepypasta stuff to a handful of characters. **

**Reactions:**

**Cao Cao: Meh. I've seen better.**

**Zhang Liao: This is child's play. Not even frightening.**

**Gan Ning: Hahaha! What's this? Did some kid write this?**

**Sun Quan: Mmm...not that scary...**

**Sun Ce: You know what's more scary? Seeing those phantoms...nrrrgh...**

**Zhuge Liang: *slightly shaking* It's not scary...**

**Pang Tong: Zhuge Liang in the shower is more scary than this...**

**Liu Bei: *girly scream* AAAAAAAH! That guy just disappeared! It's got to be something! **

**Sima Shi: Meh. I had to see Cao Shuang's guts when I killed him in DW7 and my own blood when I got shot in the eye.**

**Guo Huai: Not even enough to give me a heart attack...**

**"There you have it. Next, guess what guys! You six are now divorced!"**

**"YES!" Cao Pi runs over to Zhen Ji. "Don't worry, I used protection."**

**"...Eeeh... maybe wash up just to make sure..." Takasugi gives Sima Shi a military uniform. "Wear this."**

**"Why?"**

**"We have to do a skit." **

**Few minutes later, Sima Shi was in England's uniform and looked at himself. "...What are these clothes?" Takasugi from above the stage lets down a meatbun on a string near Sima Shi and makes it talk.**

"Hi there!"

**"Huuu... Flying meat bunny! Did you come here to cheer me up, huh?" Takasugi makes the meatbun "fly" around Sima Shi. **

"I wanted to see you, Britian! So I flew right over!"

**"Can I stop now?" Sima Shi takes the meatbun and walks off. **

**"Aw..."**

**The cat, horse, and bunny get on the stage. Ma Chao looks at the horse in amazement. "So...beautiful... I'll take care of this." The cat jumps onto Izuru's shoulder. Guan Yinping picks up the bunny, "Aww! It's so adorable!" She runs to an area to play with it. Izuru looks at the cat on his shoulder. "Should I name it?" The cat coughs a hairball at Takasugi when he gets down. "AH! UGH! Cat spit! Name it Hair spitter!"**

**"Now that's an awful name." Cao cao suggested, "What about Shit-thrower?"**

**"What?!" Sun Ce says, "How about Runny Potty mouth?"**

**"That's awful!" Wei Yan says out, "Isaac...Schneider...Dog...fish..."**

**"What?!" Sun Quan suggested, "1/3 true hate and 2/3 of Hangnail anxiety."**

**"That's not even a name!" Sima Shi says out, "I've got it! Shit-throwing the life out of Zhao's two day-old underwear!" **

**"WHAT?!" Takasugi then has a light bulb appear above his head. "Ah! Got it! I name this cat... Neko Neko Hair spitter Shit-throwing the life out of Zhao's two day-old underwear Behemoth Isaac Schneider 1/3 True hate 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety Ignore the guy calling you a dogfish I'm not talking about that dogfish I'm talking about the dogfish shark Angry sting ray Kokokokokokokokokokoko Runny Potty mouth."**

**"That's a long ass name!"**

**"****Neko Neko Hair spitter Shit-throwing the life out of Zhao's two day-old underwear Behemoth Isaac Schneider 1/3 True hate 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety Ignore the guy calling you a dogfish I'm not talking about that dogfish I'm talking about the dogfish shark Angry sting ray Kokokokokokokokokokoko Runny Potty mouth******" is not that long."****

**"Yes, it is!" **

**"******Neko Neko Hair spitter Shit-throwing the life out of Zhao's two day-old underwear Behemoth Isaac Schneider 1/3 True hate 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety Ignore the guy calling you a dogfish I'm not talking about that dogfish I'm talking about the dogfish shark Angry sting ray Kokokokokokokokokokoko Runny Potty mouth is hungry, I bet."********

********"You're saying that whole name?!"********

**"Yes, ******Neko Neko Hair spitter Shit-throwing the life out of Zhao's two day-old underwear Behemoth Isaac Schneider 1/3 True hate 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety Ignore the guy calling you a dogfish I'm not talking about that dogfish I'm talking about the dogfish shark Angry sting ray Kokokokokokokokokokoko Runny Potty mouth deserves to be called its name." ******  
><strong>****

**"I'm... you take care of the cat..."**

**"Fine. Come, ********Neko Neko Hair spitter Shit-throwing the life out of Zhao's two day-old underwear Behemoth Isaac Schneider 1/3 True hate 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety Ignore the guy calling you a dogfish I'm not talking about that dogfish I'm talking about the dogfish shark Angry sting ray Kokokokokokokokokokoko Runny Potty mouth.**********

**"...So... guys... What makes a a hero?" Cao Cao says out, "A hero is someone who will be able to serve anyone with loyalty." Liu Bei says out,"Someone who puts the people ahead of themselves." Sun Quan says, "Someone who cherishes all around him."**

**"Wow, such strong ideals. Lastly, Zhong Hui has to atone for his sins back in that long-ass title story." Izuru hangs him like a pinata in the middle of the stage and walks off. "Take your time." **

**"Wait! AH!" Izuru sits off, ignoring what was behind him. "So, why are you still wearing that Darth Vader helmet?" Takasugi stands next to him with the cat. "Until I get new sunglasses, this stays on. Those ones I was wearing cost a fortune!"**

**"Why don't you want the audience seeing your eyes?"**

**"Because I don't want them to."**

**"Why?"**

**"None of your beeswax." He ducks as a chair flies over him. "They're tearing him apart there."**

**"Just wait until the next set of reviews come in."**

* * *

><p><strong>I was feeling too lazy to do this chapter, thus this seems incomplete.<strong>

**That long name thing goes to Gintama. **


	12. Writing is hard, Thinking is hard

Hope you guys aren't feeling so lazy anymore, I have quite a few dares for the DW people today ;)

1. All the DW women/girls: Make a trailer advertising DW 8. (every female in the series must be seen at least once!)  
>2. Zhurong and Zhenji, Xing Cai and Sun Shang Xiang, Wang Yi and Guan Yinping: Get into a brawl (or a catfight) with your assigned partner (ex. Zhurong v.s. Zhenji). The losers have to crossdress!<br>3. Zhang Fei: chug 10 bottles of wine!  
>4. Zhuge Liang: Pluck the feathers off your fan.<strong><br>**

**Takasugi yawns from inside his Darth Vader helmet. "...I am feeling sleepy..."**

**"Can you breathe in that?"**

**"Not really..."**

**"Can you just wear fake sunglasses if you're being such a big baby over this?"**

**"I want to wear expensive stuff!"**

**"People are starving in other countries and you're complaining about a pair of glasses."**

**"What are you doing that is helping those people?"**

**"Touche..."**

**"Well... we have to advertise DW8 with the ladies, so here it is."**

**Koei-****Tecmo ****Productions**

**Omega Force **

**Coming soon (It's already out.) is a game that will make you re-relive your childhood **

**By...**

**Flashy specials!**

**(Diao Chan doing one of her musous.)**

**Pressing square until it breaks on your controller!**

**(Zhu Rong hitting random soldiers.)**

**Anachronistic clothes!**

**(Zhen Ji appearing.)**

**Anachronistic weapons! **

**(Bao Sanniang attacking random soldiers.)**

**Everyone is anti-age!**

**(Zhang Chunhua appearing.)**

**You have four kingdom stories to play over and over again and you have the Other "kingdom" that has only one stage for each character. **

**With an all new mode that they let Cao Cao name called "Ambition mode" that offers you playing many tedious battles to get items you should have got from the merchant. But you get over ten hours of gameplay, isn't that nice?**

**Starring...**

**Gingers do have souls! (Yue Ying)**

**Rukia (Xing Cai)**

**Halle Berry's Catwoman (Bao Sanniang)**

**Orihime (Guan Yinping)**

**Mean Girls (Zhen Ji)**

**Joan of Arc (Cai Wenji)**

**Overly-attached girlfriend (Wang Yi)**

**May from Pokemon (Sun Shang Xiang)**

**Loli 1 (Da Qiao)**

**Loli 2 (Xiao Qiao)**

**Beeeewbs (Lian Shi)**

**Merchandising (Wang Yuanji)**

**That Korean woman on the train in the Gangnam Style MV (Zhang Chunhua)**

**Fanservice (Diao Chan)**

**Could be a man (Zhu Rong)**

**Dynasty Warriors 8**

**"Whoa, whoa! What the hell was that?!"**

**"Whoops... got the wrong one..."**

**"You got the honest trailer!"**

**"Sorry, this was all I got. Okay, the ladies have to catfight...so here it is."**

***Retro video game music***

**Zhu Rong and Zhen Ji stand on either side of a 2D platform. **

**Round 1**

**Fight! **

**Zhu Rong punches Zhen Ji and pulls her in a 5-hit combo, then to throw her to the other side of the screen. Zhen Ji roundhouse kicks her and brings her in a 7-hit combo of her rapidly kicking her. This sends her far off the screen. Zhu Rong throws a boomerang at Zhen Ji and then again. Zhen Ji takes out her flute to play notes that go to Zhu Rong and hit her. Zhu Rong jumps up to throw a large fireball at Zhen Ji, knocking her health to zero. The video game announcer says, "****Zhu Rong wins!" Zhu Rong huffs and turns as the victory action. **

**The screen turns to Xing Cai and Sun Shang Xiang standing on either side of the platform. **

**Round 1**

**Fight!**

**The two throw punches at each other until Xing Cai throws a sword at her, knocking her to the ground. She gets up quickly to throw two chakrams at Xing Cai, pushing her inches to the other side. She pulls out her shield to run into Sun Shang Xiang off to the side of the screen. Sun Shang Xiang cancels the attack with a few kicks and throws of more chakrams. She performs a special move that had her jumping onto Xing Cai's head and kciking it multiple times, knocking her health down to zero. **

**"Finish her!"**

**Sun Shang Xiang just taps her until she falls to the ground. **

**"Sun Shang Xiang wins!" Sun Shang Xiang jumps up and down for her victory action.**

**The screen returns to normal. **

**"What was that?"**

**"A couple of Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat references. How did the last two do?" Guan Yinping stands next to knocked out Wang Yi. "No... I can't...lose..."**

**"I just punched her and she flew off the ground to land like this!"**

**"I might have put the Milk Bones cheat on for Yinping..."**

**"That's for Saints Row!"**

**"Oh well, you three have to wear guy's clothing." The three shrugged. "Okay." After a few minutes, Zhen Ji walks out in Cao Pi's clothing, Wang Yi in Guo Jia's clothing, and Xing Cai in Guan Ping's clothing.**

**"Next, Zhang Fei has to chug ten wine bottles-"**

**"I'm on it!" Zhang Fei grabs ten wine bottles and pours them into his mouth. "Glllllraaggh! Ah! Hic!" He wobbles for a bit and falls off the stage.**

**"Alright, next Zhuge Liang has to pluck off those feathers."**

**"I do not want to do it."**

**"You have to."**

**"No."**

**"I'll come over there and do it for you." Zhuge Liang looks at his fan and sighs. He plucks off a feather. "...Mm..." He plunks another feather. "Mm...mh..." He begins to pluck more. "...Mm...I'm so sorry!" **

**"It's a fan, why are you saying sorry of?"**

**"I killed a bird for this!"**

**"Um...no... The legend is that you just went and pulled off the feathers off the bird, you didn't kill it. That's just a fan we can give five of to you."**

** "But...it's my good luck fan!"**

**"Good luck fan...? That makes no sense. If that exists, Sima Yi would have one, but he has a whip now."**

**"There... all of them are gone..." Zhuge Liang holds up the handle.**

**"We made Zhuge Liang go through this, you happy now, person who suggested this? Here's the next one." **

Okay...sorry for your glasse...MOVING ON!  
>1.-Me Teleported out of nowhere and give takasuki a video of corpse party anime about a girl touching another girl on her boobs-It to make you drool.<br>Zhong hui a pie *give Zhong hui a bomb flavor pie*  
>people that are perp,watch a yuri video.<br>everyone about Dong Zhuo's most emberas moment.  
>Gotta go Fast and LIKE A BOSS<p>

And that all.

**"With this helmet, I can't see it well..."**

**"Then remove it."**

**"No." Zhong Hui gets the pie, "What's th-BOOOOOM!" The bomb explodes in his face, turning his face black. Takasugi has his laptop along with Cao Cao, Guo Jia, Sun Ce, Pang Tong, and some other men watching, drooling. "Whoa. Whoa. Whoa! WHOA! ****This is hot!" Sima Zhao innocently walks to there to look, but gets pulled away by Wang Yuanji. Cao Pi and Sun Quan hid behind the other men and saw the laptop's screen. Zhou Yu had binoculars and was up on the walkway above the stage looking at the screen. Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi were holding binoculars behind the curtain to their eyes to see what was on the laptop. **

**"Move it."**

**"You."**

**"I called this spot."**

**"I came here first."**

**"I certainly don't want some random man right next to me while I'm doing this."**

**"Then move."**

**"You move." They both turned the knobs on their binoculars and some blood flowed out of their noses. Back out on the stage, "Yeah! How long is this going though?"**

**"Do you want this end?"**

**"No. Whoa! You don't see women here do that!"**

**(I wish Zhen would do that...)**

**(I wish Lian Shi would do that... No! What am I thinking?!)**

**"ZZZzzzz..."**

**"So, you guys, what was Dong Zhou's most embarrassing moment?"**

**"His very existence."**

**"Well... fine... Now just to look at this...-Hey!" The laptop gets pulled away from them by Zhang Chunhua.**

**"This is vulgar, you men enjoy watching this?"**

**"Hey, we all have needs."**

**"What about the ones where the men are doing the same thing?"**

**"...I don't want to watch that... That's for women to enjoy..."**

**"Women can't watch women having sex?"**

**"When you say it that way, it sounds sexist."**

**"It is sexist."**

**"I'm sure Sima Yi would love for you to get it on with Wang Yi or Zhen Ji-GAH!" She bashes the computer onto Takasugi's head. "Haha! I have a helmet! And that thought gives me an idea..." He sits there, thinking about the suggestion he just made. "...Mm-hm... That would be hot... How you and Lian Shi...?" The men around him were also thinking about it. Takasugi points to the screen. "You, go stand in the hallway." **


	13. Ending with a dose of laziness (Not)

**Takasugi walks onto the stage in a white suit (And his Darth Vader helmet) and talks in a (not) sad voice. "I'm so sorry.. but this will be the last episode of this little column we had... After all that hell you put me and the characters through... I'm just so sad!" Izuru points out, "You're not sad, you're faking."**

**"How could you say that?! He's lying, folks! Of course I'm- Oh forget it, I am. Now onto these last reviews." He throws out a few papers. "Spam..."**

I see that Zhong Hui has been busy since I left. :U Been having a lot of school earlier this week, with tests...Oh, right. You two. *throws the key to the handcuffs attached to Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi. If it's still there. But misses, and Ma Dai almost swallows it* You guys have fun retrieving that key with one hand each. c:

Uh. Um. I'm actually out of ideas at the moment. Uh...

How about...*thinks for a while* OH. OOOOH.

Somebody! Uh. UH! Somebody who can get embarrassed easily. Uh. Gomen, Sima Yi. Do the dance baby Finn from Adventure Time did. I can't think of anything. Oh yeah. You have to wear the clothes (diaper iirc) that he was wearing too. Izuru record it. *throws camera at him*

And have Cao Pi cross dress as Bayonetta. Gomen, my mind is in the gutter lately, so I haven't been able to think of something good to do. Uuuuh. Guo Jia...*tosses him some chocolate*

By the way, Ma Chao, I hope you're prepared to suffer injury again...You and Wang Yi are dared to perform the Salsa in front of everyone. In proper attire. But she CANNOT hurt you during the dance. I don't guarantee your safety afterwards. c:

Right, one member from each faction has to make Crème brûlée in a cooking contest. Izuru is the judge for this, since Takasugi will most likely be biased. *smiles* Whoever loses...has to walk on a tight rope over a tank of sharks wearing nothing but fresh, raw meat and some clothes to protect their dignity. I'm not responsible for any deaths.

*gives Li Dian another batch of cookies, as per usual, and gives a quick smooch to Zhong Hui before leaving*

I'll be back sometime! After all, since it's Spring Break now, I have plenty of time! o vo

**"NOPE." Every character began to walk into the portal.**

**"Hey, hey! Where are you going?"**

**"Since this is the last chapter, we decided to just leave in the middle of this."**

**"... But-"**

**"Uh-uh! We have contracts with you, and it says you can use us for ten chapters."**

**"But this is thirteen chapters..."**

**"The intro doesn't count and two chapters extra means you have to give us certain things."**

**"Like?"**

**"Wine for two years."**

**"NO! Do you know how much wine cost these days?!"**

**"Meatbuns for-"**

**"No, Sima Shi."**

**"Okay, how about you get a two-year supply of wine here?"**

**"That's the same thing as giving you wine for two years..."**

**"Remove that stupid helmet and let's see your face."**

**"No."**

**"Oh, come on. I know some of us have seen it, so why-"**

**"Nope. It's like getting Wei Yan to remove his mask, you just can't."**

**"Fine, two months of you cleaning my house."**

**"Sima Yi... Remember the last time you had a servant? ...Unless you want your wife to kill me for seeing you are healthy, then no."**

**"Two weeks worth of you getting us wine!"**

**"Again with the wine, I can't just go out and claim a hundred jars of wine are for a "party. How about... this?" He holds up a paper.**

Aww... Why can't I watch yuri? Well, but yaoi is really my cup of coffee...  
>Ok, I feel like needing a stress healer for my long damn test.<br>For the Others guys and gals, you've heard the three founders of the Three Kingdoms saying their definition of hero (somewhere in Chapter 11, if I wasn't wrong). Now I need you to choose whose definition is the best.  
>Takasugi-san, here. *gives a pair of sunglasses* I don't feel easy seeing Darth Vader right now.<br>Everyone in Shu except Wei Yan and Pang Tong, I want you to draw what you think Wei Yan's and Pang Tong's face look like. The two forementioned should guess each other's face.  
>Zhang Fei, what's your best record in drinking? Now be a drunk and drive! Oh, then... *looks at Zhang Liao and everyone else owning police-themed job costume from Koei* You know what to do.<p>

Alright, time to take my leave. Bye!

**"That's just another review!" **

**"I'm trying my best to get some in here. Nice, some new sunglasses!" He quickly removes the helmet and puts on the glasses. "Okay, now where-" He sees everyone has went into the portal. **

**"Hey! Come back!" He reaches a hand into the portal and grabs something. He pulls out to reveal a tiger staring right at him. He put immediately puts it back in. **

**"Aw, crap. Now what...? Ah!" **

**Few minutes later...**

**"Okay, gang! Now we can do these dares and answer these questions!" He was talking to a large group of mannequins that were dresses as DW characters. Izuru looks at the stage with a blank expression. **

**"You're nuts..."**

**"I'm improvising. Here's Wei Yan's and Pang Tong's faces!" He goes up to those mannequins and removes the masks to reveal a blank face.**

**"Wow... it's so... blank... Oh, well. Zhang Fei, drink up!" The Zhang Fei mannequin had wine bottles around it. Takasugi off-camera threw the Zhang Liao, Cao Cao, Wang Yi, and Li Dian mannequin at it.**

"Stop right there!"

"In the name of the W.P.D!"

"You're going to to jail, scum!"

"Come right out with your hands up. We'll use lethal force if we have to!"

**"Okay, please stop. This is very... er... I can't describe this."**

**"Shut it, this is intense." The camera pans to the mannequin pile and cricket noises were made.**

**"... You can stop..."**

**"But they're-"**

**"Now, now. You can stop... We have something else in mid for them."**

**"Hm?"**

**"It's going to come out later, but I think you'll like it."**

**"What?"**

**"It stars Cao Cao, Sun Jian, Liu Bei, and... um... Lu Bu!"**

**"...What is it?"**

**"You'll see later." **

**"Well, it seems our little story is done. Surprisingly, this wasn't even an advice column. It was more like... um... what was it called?" **

**"A Q&A story-"**

**"Uh-uh! I'm thinking!"**

**"...Sometimes I wonder you are lying about your IQ..."**


	14. Insert troll face here

**Takasugi holds a microphone and says in a monotone voice, "I lied. It's not the end. Those contracts the DW characters had were fake. In reality, I can use them as long as I want. So the little ask column is back." **

**Izuru pops from behind a curtain, "What? You lied? You did all of that stuff on the so-called last chapter!"**

**"I lied. It was a hoax."**

**"How could you do that?"**

**"Cause I can."**

**"You're an asshole, you know that?"**

**"Yep."**


	15. Zzzzzzzzzz

**Takasugi runs up to the portal. "Heeeeey! Guess what? Our little advice/question column is baaaaack!" The portal erupts in groans. **

**"The contracts-"**

**"Those are faker than Nicki Minaj's body. I'm surprised you even took them. Well, Shu was the only one who took them. The others don't believe in paper agreements. Today is slow, so don't worry about it. Here's are first one ever since we came on air."**

**From Jiyoon57**

1. For Xing Cai: Have you ever considered wearing a longer skirt (or pants) so you don't have as many panty shots?

2. For Cai Wenji: Who would you consider a worthy rival for yourself?  
>3. For Guan Yinping: Who do you think would be your best friend (in the DW cast) if you could be friends with anyone?<p>

**"Well?" The portal remains silent. Takasugi slaps the metal. **

**"Come on! Just don't tell Dong Zhou and you're all good! Sima Yi! Come on out!"**

**"No."**

**"If you don't come out, I'll make your father as a character!"**

**"You wouldn't dare."**

**"Oh, I would dare! Your sons can watch you get your ass whupped into next century. Hey, I can bring out your mom too."**

**"You don't even know what she looks like."**

**"I'd hate to be the woman who had to carry you in her belly for nine months. So I wouldn't want to know!"**

**"Still not going." **

**"Argh! Just you wait... Anyway, everyone else can come out." The portal opens up to have a sea of groans and the characters walked out. **

**"So, first one goes to Xing Cai. What do you think? Not that I mind the panty shots."**

**"It is that short? I always thought it would help during the summer months. If that many people have been looking down there, I'll have to change my outfit. I shall start wearing a longer bottom." Zhang Fei and Zhang Bao both sighed in relief. **

**"Next, who does Cai Wenji think as her rival?"**

**"Lady Zhen, since we have good musical tastes. Also Zhou Yu, if you want someone from another kingdom."**

**"Ah... I'm so bored... So, for Guan Yinping, who would be your best buddy?"**

**"Xing Cai! Or maybe Lu Lingqi. But she's not here..."  
><strong>

**"Oh! I forgot her! Lingqi!" He heads behind a curtain to pull out a dusty Lu Lingqi mannequin. "Ah! You've really aged there, kid! Izuru! Read the next one!" Izuru walks onto the stage with the paper. **

**From Slenderweegee**

Hey there! I has a question for everyone's favorite character, Chen Gong!

If you had the chance, would you have joined with someone other than Lu Bu?

(BTW, loving this whole Q&A fic. Sima Yi would be ashamed to call you an imbecile!)

**"Wow... Um... where's Chen Gong?"**

**"Right here! Nice to see you, Jafar #2!" He was talking to a Chen Gong mannequin. "Who would you have joined, Older-Sima Yi-with-facial hair?"**

**"**Why... If Cao Cao weren't such a d***, I would have stayed with him. But I guess I can't have every thing I want. Does Sima Yi count?"

**"During your time, he was in his twenties and a little on the hermit side So I guess you won't get very far with him. He worked for Cao Cao too, though." **

"Oh... That's a shame... Okay, maybe Shu. I heard their methods aren't that bad..."

**"Ah, the Xu Shu route. Oh, well. That's all we have for today. It's pretty dull today, so I'll just grab some stuff to sell on Nanman-zon." He rips off Sima Zhao's upper clothing since he was the closet to him. **

**"This'll be worth a couple of bucks." Sima Zhao yelps at what just happened.**

**"Hey! Give me that back!" He snatches the robes back and puts it on. **

**"Well, it was worth a shot." **


	16. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

**"Soooooooooooooooooooo boooooooooooooooooooored... I wonder bringing this back was a good thing..." Takasugi was lying on the stage with a very bored expression. "Nrrgh... I want to go play Fallout..." A paper airplane hits him. **

**"Yay... What is it? It's from Slenderwedgie..."**

**From Slenderweegee**

1. I dare Sima Yi to taunt/insult at least two people without using the word IMBECILE.

2. Can Ding Feng rap?  
>3. Initiate fanboy mode... Guan Yinping, would you go out with me? Even if it is only one night?<p>

Oh, and make Pang De thumb wrestle with Guan Yinping. :]

**"Sima Yi... Come out, call someone an idiot without the word imbecile. Please come out of there." The portal speaks, ****"No." **

**"Fine, say it in there."**

**"Cao Pi, you're a pompous blockhead. Guo Jia, you're a drunken rabbit's ass. Happy?" The two mentioned try to reach into the portal while having pissed-off faces.**

**"Where are you, Sima Yi? Call me a rabbit's ass..."**

**"I'll show you pompous! You little-"**

**"Na-nah-nah! Can't find me! Also, I'm a lot older than you, so you have no right to call me little."**

**"I'm an inch taller than you."**

**"Phht."**

**"I can come up with better insults than that."**

**"Really? Show me." Takasugi points at Sima Zhao. ****"Lazy ass." He points to Sima Shi. "Pompous ass." He points to Zhang Chunhua. "Nice ass." She goes and steps on him along with Sima Shi and Sima Zhao. **

**"Ow... Can Ding Feng rap?" Ding Feng goes up stage and grabs a microphone.**

_**(I suck at writing rap lyrics.)**_

_**I'm from Wu, mother*bleep*er!**_

_**I scare the s*bleep* out of all of you guys**_

_**You don't know me! **_

_**I demand respect!**_

_**I ougta' smack yo ass right up to the Yangtze!**_

_**I lived more than all of you**_

_**And got to kick Jin's ass **_

_**But that wasn't enough**_

_**Wu still fell and I'm rollin' in ma grave!**_

**"Peace." He drops the microphone, letting it make a loud thud sound. **

**Takasugi rolls over and says,"If you want to date Yinping, you have to get through-" **

**Guan Yu appears in front of the screen with glowing eyes.**

**"-him..." **

**"What does this person want with Yinping?"  
><strong>

**"Dunno. Go and beat him up if you want, I'm just very unmotivated today. Let's end today with Yinping and Pang De thubwresting." Guan Yinping and Pang De sit on opposite sides in a a table. They lock hands and begin fumbling their thumbs. Guan Yu is heard in the background beating someone up.**

**"Alright... I'm just gonna nap here..." Izuru walks up to him. **

**"We haven't clean this stage in three months. And a lot of stuff happened here." Takasugi sits straight up with widen eyes. **


	17. They will make a naked ladies mod

**Takasugi lies on a table set on the stage.**

**"Naaaaaaaaagh... So... bored..." The DW characters all asked him, "Can we go back-"**

**"Nope. Sima Yi's the only one that didn't come out. He sounds like Zordon from Power Rangers through that portal. All I need to do is make his face appear in the opening. So... dull... I need something..." A paper airplane hits his eye.**

**"AAAAAH!" He sits up to grab the paper from his eye. He unfolds it. **

Hmm... I noticed you aren't getting many reviews... So, I'll give you guys a question:

- For ALL of the Dynasty Warriors characters: If all of you could change one thing about DW8 (it can be anything), what would you want to change?

**"All? Crap, we need to make one of those list things. Well, get to work."**

**Wei**

**Cao Cao: More boobs and sex scenes.**

**Cao Pi: More sex scenes.**

**Cao Ren: Me getting taller.**

**Xu Huang: More lines.**

**Zhang Liao: *shrugs***

**Xiahou Dun: My hair.**

**Xiahou Yuan: My body shape. I want to be ripped like you guys too!**

**Dian Wei: Nah.**

**Xu Chu: *Didn't even hear the question***

**Zhen Ji: More scenes of me bitch-slapping someone.**

**Cai Wenji: The fact Guo Jia confused me for Zhen Ji.**

**Guo Jia: I said I was sorry! Oh, more scenes of me drinking wine and less of me looking all sad. It's bad for my image.**

**Wang Yi: One bloody scene of me cutting Ma Chao's head or at least me getting to kill him. No "he escaped" scenes, or just me stabbing him would be fine too.**

**Li Dian: I don't know.**

**Yue Jin: . . . *blinks***

**Jia Xu: Bah.**

**Zhang He: Everyone must let me dress them-**

**Everyone on the stage all said,****"NO." **

**Shu**

**Liu Bei: A scene where I actually care for people. There's barely any of me being nice to people, just military affairs.**

**Guan Yu: The skirt on Yinping is too short, make it longer.**

**Zhang Fei: Don't care. **

**Zhuge Liang: One scene of me punching Sima Yi's face. That and I die happy. Or maybe a lighting bolt striking him.**

**The portal says out in an echo-y sarcastic voice, "Oh, suuuuure. That's if you get your behind off of your special little wheelchair and actually WALK over to my camp and punch me. Yes, I would welcome that. That's if you can actually hurt me with those sickly hands. And lighting barely happens here."**

**Takasugi comments, "Wow, he sounds like a sassy god when he talks through the portal." Zhuge Liang goes up to the portal, "Oh, these sickly hands have done field work, you lazy dick!"**

**"Lazy? I worked for Cao Cao and Cao Pi and they are the biggest lazies I have ever seen! That's before I had Zhao, of course. Dumping years worth of paper work onto me when they go off to party with Guo Jia and Jia Xu. Their paperwork also goes with me..."**

**"Alright, you two, I need to continue this list and you're not making it easy for me. Who's next again?" **

**Yue Ying: A scene where I can punch Sima Yi and/or run over with a juggarnaut.**

**"Look, I know Sima Yi is a dick. I want to run him over too, but I will lose my paycheck if I do. So I verbally abuse him. Heck, if there's a training mode, just beat all you want a Sima Yi clone in there. I bet his own family will call him a dick too. Would you?" He faces Zhang Chunhua.**

**"To be honest, yes." Sima Zhao comments, "Yeah, he is one big-"**

**"Stop, we don't need that innuendo."**

**"He's a dick." **

**"Sima Shi?"**

**"Yes. I will admit that." The portal echoes, "Stop calling me that!"**

**"Hey, it's true. You're a dick. Everyone in this auditorium knows: You. Are. A. Dick. We can make a list of how everyone will say you are a dick."**

**"Okay! I get the idea!"**

**"Man, the word "dick" was said the most number of times today. And I wonder, can a woman be called a dick? If so, I'll call Wang Yuanji a dick, Zhen Ji's a dick, and maybe even Zhang Chunhua's a dick. Maybe she has one-" A fist burrows itself into Takasugi's head. **

**The portal echoes, "Trust me, I checked. Many times..."**

**Zhao Yun: I'm good.**

**Ma Chao: Can I get that horse that was in that movie? **

**Xing Cai: Longer skirt.**

**Liu Shan: *Not even paying attention but to a little butterfly that got into the auditorium***

**Huang Zhong: Can I be young for a couple of stages and then age into this?**

**Wei Yan: Oh, this is fine. I like this new mask. *Just realized he talked normal* Um... um... I... fine... I... like... mask...**

**Pang Tong: *Sleeping***

**Ma Dai: Nah, I'm good.**

**Jiang Wei: Punching and kicking any Sima! Maybe even actually killing one!**

**"Now, that's never gonna happen. I appreciate your positivity though."**

**Guan Suo: . . . *looking around***

**Guan Ping: An on-screen death.**

**Guan Xing: *Just standing there***

**Zhang Bao: Maybe something to protect my midriff? I can easily get stabbed in this area!**

**Bao Sanniang: I want more animals on-screen!**

**Xu Shu: . . . **

**Guan Yinping: Nope! I'm happy with my features!**

**Wu**

**Sun Jian: I want my wife. With what happened to Sima Yi's wife, I want to see what they'll do to mine...**

**Sun Ce: Meh. Maybe if you make Da Qiao a little older...**

**Sun Quan: I don't know...**

**Zhou Yu: Make Xiao Qiao older. Now. **

**Taishi Ci: More lines and more screen-time.**

**Lu Meng: Nothing. I have nothing to change.**

**Lu Su: *shrugs***

**Ling Tong: Meh. **

**Gan Ning: I want to run around with nothing! Clothes are weighing me down anyway!**

**"No, no,no... We'll N-E-V-E-R do that..."**

**Lian Shi: I have no complaints.**

**Sun Shang Xiang: I don't want to be clinging onto Liu Bei the entire story. Change that.**

**Huang Gai: More of my big accomplishments turned into stages.**

**Han Dang: I want to be at least be credited for my work.**

**Lu Xun: Hm? **

**Zhou Tai: . . .**

**Da Qiao: I don't have any problems with the current preferences. **

**Xiao Qiao: More lines!**

**Ding Feng: I'm fine.**

**Jin**

**Sima Shi: I want to be taller.**

**"Why?"**

**Sima Shi has anime-ish tears coming out his eyes as he complains to Takasugi, "I'm the older brother, why am I shorter?"**

**"It's a Japanese thing. Have you seen Fullmetal Alchemist? The older bro is shorter."**

**Sima Zhao: *napping on the table Takasugi left***

**Wang Yuanji: Does changing Sima Zhao count?**

**"Actually, yes."**

**"Then that."**

**Zhang Chunhua: I have no complaints. For now.**

**Guo Huai: Why am I sick? I was a healthy man historically.**

**Deng Ai: . . .**

**Zhong Hui: *distracted with an old mirror behind the curtain***

**Zhuge Dan: Less Jia Chong screentime.**

**Jia Chong: More me screentime.**

**"You got enough already! It's not Jia Chong show!"**

**"Could it be?"**

**"No! Or else Jin will be basically a Kuroshitsuji knock-off!"**

**Wen Yang: *shrugs***

**Xiahou Ba: Make me taller!**

**"Drink your milk, Ed."**

**"I hate milk! Oh, wait... Wrong line."**

**Other**

**Lu Bu: Ha! I don't need any improvements!**

**Diao Chan: A more concealing dress.**

**Zhang Jiao: More screentime!**

**Meng Huo: *snoring***

**Yuan Shao: *distracted with another old mirror***

**Zhu Rong: More screentime.**

**"That's exactly why I made you the host of Whose Line is it Anyway?"**

**"You said about me looking like the host for the original show."**

**"Well, that too. Alright, we're- waaaait a minute! Sima Yi didn't answer!" He runs up to the portal. **

**"Hey! What would you change in DW8 if you could change it?" **

**"Aw, I thought you would forget."**

**"You're not dealing with Huang Zhong here." Huang Zhong looks over to his direction and yells out, "Hey!"**

**"Now, come on. It takes very few letters."**

**"I want to age."**

**"What? Come on, you can't be serious. Have you SEEN what your other appearances in media depict you as? You look like a sad old man in almost everyone."**

**"Isn't that what I am already?"**

**"Yes, yes you are. But fangirls just need some other character to make Cao Pi gay with. Man, that guy can't catch a break when it comes to gay stuff. I'm really to the point where I'm actually feeling sorry for him."**

**"Isn't Zhang He-"**

**"No. He's acting like a woman, but thinking like a man."**

**"I don't even..."**

**"Ah, most of this stage is filled with men. And men are filthy. All they want is sex, sex, sex. Except if you're Zhong Hui. Then you want to have sex with yourself. I bet you're thinking of sex right now."**

**"No I'm not!"**

**"You're just proving my point here. All men do it. Unless you're gay. Then you think of feeeeelings and looooove." A paper airplane flies into Takasugi's open mouth.**

**"Kouk! Ah!" He grabs it and unfolds angrily.**

I'm...here... sorry I haven't reviewed in so long... but taking 4 AP exams can really wipe a person out...but now I'm done and have plenty of more questions for the DW gang  
>1. (Punches Sun Ce) Don't mock Xu Shu. I'm tired of you guys taking advantage of his shyness.<br>I just finish testing, Sima Zhao what is the best way to relax and relive stress?  
>3. Cai Wenji of all the single cute men in DW who would you pickwant as your husband?  
>4. For everyone, what is you opinion on the honest trailer story (cause its 99% true)?<br>5.I dare Jia Chong to dress up as Sebastian Michaelis (butler suit) for the next two chapters  
>... Cao Cao I dare you to show everyone those secret pictures of all the females from your office (points sub-machine at him) and don't you dare back out.<br>I don't know if these questions are good or not... but I wanted to review something since you brought the story back... I'm tired... (passes out)

**Sun Ce rubs his shoulder. "Ow! I'm just doing what the script says!" Sima Zhao was still sleeping on the table.**

**"Well, I guess sleeping is always a #1 in his book. Next." Cai Wenji blushes at the question. "I wouldn't know..."**

**"There's always lezing out with Zhen Ji and Wang Yi." **

**"Lezing?"**

**"Be lesbians."**

**"No!"**

**"Okay, how about you lezing out with Zhang Chunhua?"**

**"She's married."**

**"It's not cheating when nothing goes inside you, so Sima Yi won't mind. He might just watch from a wall crack." The portal echoes, "I'm not that type of person!"**

**"All men would do it. Even the most civilized will try to peek. I'm looking at you, Zhuge Liang."**

**"Why me?"**

**"I found this fanart where Yue Ying and Zhang Chunhua lez out in your room."**

**"What?! That must have been left behind by Jiang Wei!"**

**"Phht, we all know Jiang Wei is gay." Jiang Wei turns his head to give Takasugi a glare. **

**"Anyway, back to the subject. Cai Wenji, who would you date? Someone single, of course." **

**"Hwa... I just don't know."**

**"Just say Guo Jia so the fangirls will be happy."**

**"Not him..." Takasugi whispers to her, ****"Yu Jin to please the fangirls..."**

**"He's not here."**

**"Yes, he is! There!" He points to a Yu Jin mannequin.**

**"That's not him."**

**"Okay, it's not fooling you. I'll just move on. Ah, that honest trailer... Personally, that's my pride and joy." A voice is heard behind the curtain. **

**"It was crappily made."**

**"Izuru, why you behind there?"  
><strong>

**"I'm just waiting for you to suddenly come down with something and I have to be in your place. Also, you didn't create that honest trailer. The author did."**

**"Oh fine, the author. hat does everyone else think of it?" Lian Shi puts on a dissatisfied face, "I was called "Bewbs."**

**"Okay, that was my writing. I remember I called someone else "boobs." **

**"You called Zhang Chunhua "boobs."**

**"I called her that woman from "The Graduate!"**

**"Ms. Robinson?"**

**"Yes!"**

**"Oh, the trailer said "Just kidding!" when it said "Ms. Robinson."**

**"Aw..."**

**"What about Zhang Chunhua makes you think about Ms. Robinson?"**

**"She reminds me of a cougar, so there."**

**"...Funny how you called Sima Yi a sugar daddy back then..."**

**"Their relationship is so complicated, I don't know what to call them! Sima Shi, can you read this line to your mom?" He gives a piece of paper to Sima Shi to then have him turn to Zhang Chunhua. **

**"Ms, Robinson, you're trying to seduce me..." Sima Shi stands for a moment staring at the paper.**

**"Ew! No! What did I just say to Mother?!" **

**"Oh, noooothing."**

**"..." **

**"Okay! Now Jia Chong needs to wear this suit and pour tea from high heights."**

**"Looks nice." **

**Few minutes later...**

**Jia Chong walks out in his butler outfit. The portal echoes, "Since you're a butler now, get me some tea."**

**"Huh?"**

**"Tea. Now."**

**"No."**

**"You're a butler now, so serve me."**

**"I'm supposed to serve Sima Zhao."**

**"Then you must serve his father too." Jia Chong sighs to push a drink cart into the portal and come back out. **

**"Alright, last thing to do is for Cao Cao to show his picture collection." Cao Cao steps slowly to the portal and is noticed by Takasugi.**

**"Come on, cough 'em up."**

**"Nrragh..." Cao Cao removes his robes and have many pictures pour out. **

**"Come on, more."**

**"Aw..." Cao Cao removes his crown thing and more pictures fall out of the crown and his hair.**

**"More."**

**"Oh come on! Really?" **

**Few minutes later...**

**Cao Cao shakes out more pictures out of his clothes and he is nude with a censor bar over his you-know-what. A giant pile of pictures takes space on the stage. He shakes out his pants to have a couple of more pictures fly on top of the pile top. **

**"Now can I stop?"**

**"Yes, this is all of them. Please put on your clothes back on." Takasugi looks through the pile. **

**"Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Man, these pics have nice angles. Whoa, how did you get a picture of all of the DW women in their showers? I can't even get a picture of Zhang Chunhua in the shower or Lian Shi in her bath! How do you do it? Funny how most of these pictures are Wei and Jin females." He gets pushed away as the women pushed the pile of pictures off the stage and Zhu Rong snaps her fingers to ignites the pile on fire. Cao Cao and Takasugi both yelling while having tears flying out their eyes, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Why'd you do that?!"**

**"Do you know how long it took to create that collection?!"**

**"I didn't even get to see whether or not Zhang Chunhua was a man!"**

**"I didn't even get to see how large Lian Shi's breasts really are under those clothes!" **

**The portal says out, "Didn't I tell you I checked my wife for if she were a man?"**

**"I need to see for myself! I don't trust your old eyes!"**

**"How would she have children if she were a man?"**

**"She could have gotten a sex change!"**

**"That didn't exist back then!"**

**"She might be one those whores I met down at Bangkok!"**

**"Bangkok didn't exist then!" **

**"How would you know?"**

**"I don't even know of this place called Bangkok! So I'm assuming!" **

**"All I need to do is stick my head up her dress!" Takasugi runs up behind Zhang Chunhua and lifts the dress skirt up. **

**"Huh? Let go of my dress!" She kicks him in the face with her heel. **

**"Ow!"**

**"What is with you thinking I'm a man now?"**

**"Who knows? You could be a hermaphrodite for all I know!" Izuru walks by him and slaps a paper onto his chest.**

**"This is your answer." Takasugi stares at the picture. "Oh. Thanks. Yeah, she's a she. Hmm... How did you get this?" **

**"Computers. And if you had forgotten, Zhang Chunhua is a computer-animated person. So I can just... well... remove her clothing off her model."**

**"I never knew that! I can just do that and not watch her change through a wall camera?"**

**"Well, yes. Since DW8 CE is on PC now, people can mod it. Thus, they might try to get the DW women clothes off with a certain mod." **

**"Awesome! Thank you, and I will see you later!"**

**"Where are you going?"**

**"Gonna play DW8 CE on PC with naked ladies mod!"**

**"Oh, I knew it..."**


	18. Mannequins Mannequins everywhere

**Izuru walks around the auditorium.**

**"He's not coming back. Might as well stand in for him. Sima Yi, you can come out, he's gone."**

**"I'm fine."**

**"Unless you're sitting on a massage chair or you're watching Game of Thrones, you have no reason to stay in there."**

**The camera switches to inside the portal, and it turns out Sima Yi was doing both. It switches back.**

**"Okay, he's not listening to me."**

**A paper airplane flies towards him and takes it. **

1. For everyone in Shu: What do you REALLY (honestly) think about the concept of "benevolence"?  
>2. For all of the DW female characters: What do you guys like to do in your spare time?<strong><br>**

**"Aaah, another "what's the meaning of this?" question. Zhuge Liang, how about you answer? You're the one that put that word in everyone's heads."**

**"Um... Ngh... Xu Shu, back me up!" Xu Shu was sitting in a corner swirling the dirt.**

**"Gah, you're useless... Pang Tong-ugh, he's sleeping... There's no one else that help me..." An voice echoes, "It seems you need help, I shall come to your aid!"**

**"That did not come out of the portal..." Izuru looks over at the Xtreme Legends characters mannequins to see one of them glowing.**

**"Time for me to outshine you once again, Zhuge Liang!" The mannequin that was specifically for Fa Zheng cracks at the face. Another crack is seen at the right arm. The arm moves upwards to rip off the plastic covering of itself. Eventually, Fa Zheng brushes off the plastic off of him. **

**"Ah! It was so uncomfortable in there..." Izuru yells out, "What the f***?! You were encased in plastic and passed off as a mannequin?!"**

**"Something like that. It's because the author didn't want to work with more characters then there already were." He says while doing air quotes, "Apparently five was "a little much."****Okay, where are my colleagues?"**

**Zhuge Liang is seen hitting his head against the wall.****"Out... of... the... people... that... come... it's... him..."**

**"I'm here to save you once again. Here's my answer to Shu's benevolence. It means to be kind and give to people-"**

**"That was Zhuge Liang's definition."**

**"No, it wasn't. He said to not profit off of people's happiness... I think... Ah, screw it. I'm going to a tavern." Fa Zheng walks into the portal. He says out in a annoyed voice, "Why the hell am I in this man's house? Ooh, that woman's getting nude. Can I sit here?" **

**"Get out."**

**"Okay, what do the women like to do in their spare time? We'll just do the list thing." **

**Zhen Ji: She's a stripper- **

**"No, I am not! I play my flute and entertain the courts."**

**"Entertaining" the courts can also mean a stripper."**

**"Ugh, you people are so vulgar!"**

**Cai Wenji: I play the harp and write poems. **

**Wang Yi: I leave a horse head on some of the Wei generals' beds. Sima Yi's usually since it made the most sense. After all, his name means "horse."**

**"...Why? Trying to recreate the Godfather scene? And where are you getting the horses?!"**

**"Just passing the time with harmless pranks. Those horses were stolen from Ma Chao's stables." **

**Ma Chao cries deeply and yells out at Wang Yi, "NOOOOOOOOOOO! Not my Chestnut!" **

**"Oh yes, it was your Chestnut."**

**"Harmless, my ass!," said the portal. "I felt threatened and I thought for those few weeks that Chunhua was actually finally going to kill me!"**

**"Why would she kill you? You're filthy rich, I don't think she will let that slip away."**

**"I just feel it will happen. Soon..."**

**"The only reason she'll kill you is that if you turned into a vegetable. And I do not mean the edible kind."**

**Yue Ying: I usually create a few trinkets and gadgets.**

**"I was thinking you go to the DWMA... Ah, who am I kidding?" **

**Guan Yinping: I loved to play with my brothers when I was a kid. Now I still do, but they're always serious!**

**Bao Sanniang: I have a cat that I play with and care for.**

**Xing Cai: Looking at the beautiful fields of flowers that grow in my garden-Uh, I mean, training and fighting... Abusing Liu Shan...**

**"Mm-hm."**

**Lian Shi: I like to cook. When I cut up the ingredients, it gives me a nice sense of relief. I feel like my stress disappears after I cook. **

**Izuru backs away slowly from Lian Shi. "Nothing. Just stretching my legs."**

**Sun Shang Xiang: I collect weapons and sometimes take them out for a spin on dummies.**

**Xiao Qiao: I eat tons of sweets!**

**"Can you gain weight? Or that just wasn't programmed into you guys?"**

**Da Qiao: I have a puppy that I take care of. **

**Wang Yuanji: Jia Chong has a fruit garden. Sima Zhao and I help him pick the harvest.**

**"Why would he need help?"**

**"The garden is 30 acres." **

**"Oh... The three of you is still not enough though..."**

**"Some peons help too."**

**Zhang Chunhua: I sew clothes. **

**"...That's a little...unexpected..."**

**He then has a thought bubble appear above him: ****Wired gloves attacks = like sewing string **

**"Oh, th****at makes little more sense... Let me guess, you're responsible for Sima Yi's DW6 dress/robe?" **

**"I am not. Only part of it..."**

**"It's just... it attracted unwanted attention he did not need... Koff, koff! CaoPiXhimfanart! Koff! Actually... Koff! Fanartwithhisbuttlookinglikeafemale's! Koff!"**

**"I did the upper part."**

**"Then Koei did the rest I guess. Did Sima Yi learn how to sew form you?"**

**"He can sew? I never knew that."**

**"I'll guess he just knows. He made his DW7 outfit. The costume department gave him the dunce hat just to mess with him, and it turns out he was actually going to wear it. I have seen his other ones that didn't make the cut. One of them looked like he was going to audition as the Queen from Snow White and the Huntsman."**

**Diao Chan: Trying to find a dress that conceals me better. And dancing.**

**"Why haven't you find one yet?"**

**"Every place I go they always offer me a dress that has even less cloth on it."**

**"Were they run by men?"**

**"...Actually, yes."**

**"There it is."**

**Zhu Rong: I have two pet tigers along with an elephant. I care for and train them.**

**"Alright, next."**

everyone: Do any of you have a gut to fight Saitama(Aka one punch man)?  
>2. Same as above except it was Asura now(Asura's Wrath)?<br>3. Lu Lingqi would you go out with me? *after having nice long talk with lu bu involving Kaiser Blade, Fire Blaster and Turbo Smasher Punch in face before sending him to nearest hospital *

**"There's another one with basically the same thing, so we're just going with this one. One Punch Man? I should know this, but I don't... Asura, I do know, but never got to play the game. He's the guy that looks like a really really really pissed off Gan Ning, right?" **

**"Yep." Takasugi walks onto the stage while cracking his fingers. "I spent seven hours watching DW women twerk as they beat up random peons. It got boring when I got all of the women to level 99."**

**"Great, do your job now."**

**"Okay, okay. I don't know who would win against Asura, because Dynasty Warriors and Asura's Warth are made by different video game companies and have different gameplay mechanics. So we wouldn't know. That last depends on Lu Bu-" He turns to see Lu Bu sitting on a body. **

**"I changed the script. HE goes to the hospital instead of me. Such fancy tricks will not work on me. And no, you may not date Lu Lingqi."**

**"Oh! I forgot my mannequins!" He runs up to the group of mannequins for Xtreme Legends characters.**

**"Hey, where's Fa Zheng?" **

**Izuru says in a very sarcastic voice, ****"He became a real boy..."**

**"I did not expect the seal to wear off that easily. Oh, well. Where is he?"**

**"I don't know. He wanted to go to a tavern."**

**"Since Sima Yi won't stop being a hermit, I have made a mannequin for him. Sima Shi, Sima Zhao, meet your new dad." Takasugi sets a Sima Yi mannequin in front of the two. **

**"What's different about this?" Takasugi slaps a goatee and moustache on the mannequin.**

**"This Sima Yi has a beard. Let me just give him some eyes too..." He takes out a Sharpie and dots the blank eyeballs on the mannequin. Sima Shi and Sima Zhao snicker. **

**"He looks funny...Kmph..."**

**"The eyes... Hahaha! I'm so sorry! But.. Ka-haha! The dots make him look retarded! Haha!" Sima Zhao rolls on the ground.**

**"Ugh, fine." Takasugi puts sunglasses on the mannequin. Izuru then begins to snicker and then starts to laugh. "Hahaha! He... looks.. Hahaha!"**

**"What?"**

**"He looks like... Ka-ahaha!" He gets some of his breath to say, "It looks like a hipster douchebag!"**

**"Really? Might as well give 'im a fedora!" He takes the hat on the Sima Yi mannequin to switch it with a fedora. **

**"It looks like a Korean guy had a bachelor party and got lost in Los Angeles. And only got a fedora as a souvenir." **

**"Keep it that way. It's hilarious!" **

**"Fine. I'm just gonna leave it there. it seems we're done for today. I'm going to check on Sima Yi." He goes to the portal and sticks his head in.**

**"Hey, you alright- Ooh, naked dragon lady!" He goes in. Izuru sighs. "Does no one watch Game of Thrones for anything besides the female nudity? It's probably just me." **

**CRCK**

**"Hm?" He looks around.**

**"Nothing."**

**Crck Crck CRRRK**

**"What's that noise?" He looks around again. H****e sees the Xtreme Legends mannequins cracking.**

**"Oh... Great... Just great..."**

* * *

><p><strong>I finally have an Xtreme Legends character appear. I still have not played XL, so I just read Koei wiki to find out on their personalities. I'm not sure how I did with Fa Zheng. It's like a "meh."<strong>


	19. Yay, everyone's here! (Not exactly)

**Takasugi tells Izuru, "Let's play "Would you rather?" to pass the time."**

**"There is-"**

**"What do you think is scarier? Sima Yi with the button to all of the worlds nukes or Zhang Chunhua walking on here with a fully-loaded shotgun and she KNOWS how to use it."**

**"...Oh... Um.. That's... so... hard... to... Nngh..."**

**"I'll leave that to you." He walks up to the portal. "Hey, I have a question for you, Zhongda." The portal shakes and a hand comes out to grab him by the neck. A glowing eye is seen out of it. **

**"DON'T. CALL. ME. BY. MY. COURTESY. NAME."**

**"AH! Geez, it's just a name!"**

**"You're basically saying you're my equal, and YOU. ARE. NOT." **

**"Jesus! Fine, Control Horses Virtuous! Bitchy, bitchy..." The hand lets go and he rubs his neck. "You know what? Forget it." Izuru goes up to him, "I got it! I rather let Zhang Chunhua walk up to me with a full-loaded shotgun!"**

**"Really? Why?"**

**"Sima Yi's not stupid enough to kill himself. You do know unleashing all of the nuclear bombs is humanity's downfall, right? He might bluff he will though."**

**"Hmm... Oh, I got another one. Would you rather be Cao Pi's babysitter or Liu Shan's babysitter?"**

**"Liu Shan. He might just sit there, so it'll be easy." A paper airplane flies to them.**

1. Oh i am just going to tell you all that Remina(1) is coming to earth and going to eat it. Good luck at saving your live!(not like you are going to live anyway)

(1); Remina is from manga 'Hellstar Remina'. Type it in google thought be warned you going to see a nasty, disgusting, disturbing and something that will give u nightmare for long period of time.

Lu Bu: How can you send a gigantic robot into hospital? it stomp you before you did... i did not hate you man. Hell you are my Favorite character in DW verse! so can i go with your daughter? Just before Remina eat the earth?

(1). Google Mazinkaiser, you know what am i look like(lol i am a robot)

**"Mm-hm. Yeah, thanks for the heads up. And I just looked it up and looked like porn at first, but then it became a giant clusterf*bleep* of s*bleep*." Lu Bu cracks his knuckles, "No again. You may not date my daughter. I'll turn that giant tin can into scrap if he tries to ask again."**

**"Lu Bu is Lu Bu. It doesn't matter if a robot steps on him, he'll just go in red aura mode and he'll knock it up into pieces. Like he did with that tank. That I just came up with. And some giant planet-eating thing is coming... Hm.. Meh. We'll just respawn anyway. Next." **

For the DW couples: Are you satisfied with your marriage?

**"We get many questions that mean the same thing here. And really, I don't see why they shouldn't be satisfied. Nothing is more appealing than a woman who can kick your ass. Well, for most of the woman anyway." Zhou Yu raises his hand, "I'm not satisfied."**

**"Yeah, yeah, because you look like a lolicon because of her. I get it. Want me to create a grown-up version of her that's not official?" **

**"Why yes, I would like that." **

**"Luckily, I already had it pre-made for this occasion since you won't shut up." He takes out his phone and pushes a button. **

**BLINK**

**A light fills the auditorium and a woman walks out of the brightness. She had typical Chinese robes that were orange and had cleavage showing.**

**"I'm really proud of this. What I did was I threw in Zhang Chunhua, Zhen Ji, Lian Shi and Xiao Qiao in this generator and pops out this. Oh, and Diao Chan for a little extra kick."**

**"You're describing this process like if you're baking a cake."**

**"Yeah, bootycake. Happy now, Zhou Yu?" He whispers, "Don't worry, Xiao Qiao doesn't have to know... Well, it is her... She's not here anyway." Zhou Yu gets the owman and tells her, "Want to go around back?"**

**"Sure." They walk off behind the stage.**

**"Ugh, ugh! No, no! We put stuff here! Take that outside!" Izuru hits the two with a broom and pushes them out with that. Sun Ce leans in Takasugi's ear, "Can I get some of that?" **

**"Oh, I knew you would be jealous. That's why I had one made for Da Qiao." He pushes a button and a woman walks out of a bright light. She had red Chinese robes and had cleavage also.**

**"Let's go." Sun Ce picks the woman up and runs off. **

**"Anyone else?" Many hands go up. ****"You know what? Nevermind. Next!"**

1. For Zhao Yun: A lot of people see Liu Shan as a bad leader, and the reason for Shu's downfall. Is there any part of you that regrets saving him at Changban and/or retrieving him after Sun Shang Xiang tried to abduct him?

2. For Zhang Liao: What is your motivation for becoming a true warrior? Are you're deeds in battle worth the "monster" stigma attached to your name? Also what's with the French getup?

3. For Zhou Tai: You seem to be very fond of Sun Quan to the point of strict obedience. You even stripped in front of everyone when he asked you to. You have to have felt at least somewhat violated. Now I understand honor and loyalty, but where exactly do you draw the line?

4. For Deng Ai: After you were responsible for leading the successful invasion of Shu, it was your own ally Zhong Hui who lead to your defamation and eventual execution. It seems like Jin's history is completely made up of rebellions and betrayals. Do you regret serving a bunch of treacherous scumbags?

**Zhao Yun fidgets and sweats. ****"Well... I didn't actually save him out the kindness of my heart..."**

**"What?"**

**"I "picked" him up."**

**"Meaning?"**

**"I was going back to get my Pokemon card collection but it turned out he was in the cart that had the cards. So I didn't really intentionally save him..."**

**"Pokemon cards? Pokemon CARDS?"**

**"Yes, something wrong?"**

**"What's wrong is that... I didn't know you had them! I could have grabbed books of them and sold them! And keep a Charizard... What's even better is that they were owned by Koei poster boy Zhao Yun! Ugh! Wasted opportunity! That would bring a hefty sum to the budget!"**

**"You're not getting your hands on them!"**

**"Oh, I will... Soon... SOOOON... Mwahahah- No. No. I'm not turning into Sima Yi. Zhang Liao?"**

**"I want to be the ultimate warrior! I fight for Lord Cao Cao in order to do that. It doesn't matter what people think."**

**"The French getup?"**

**"Hm?"**

**"Why are you French-looking?"**

**"I heard it was a style with strong warriors."**

**"Yeah, the French were powerful, so were Spain, England, blah, blah. Why not them?"**

**"So bland..."**

**"Spanish clothing seems more fashionable."**

**"They're red. The color of the enemy."**

**"Oh, so French has a blue color and you like them because... Oh, now I get it. Next." Zhou Tai stands silently and looks at the screen.**

**"He said there is no line." Zhou Tai gives a nod and continues to look at the screen.**

**"He says many lines were crossed, but not that serious. But if Sun Quan asks him to stick his five dollar foot-long into his where the Sun don't shine, he's not gonna do it. That's where he'll draw the line." Zhou Tai nods and turns to Takasugi.**

**"Huh? He said if he and Lian Shi want to spice up the bedroom, he's available. But... What was that before? Hm? Oh... Okay... I won't say that out loud then... Next. Deng Ai, how does it feel to work with a pompous dick? No, I'm not talking about Sima Yi. Or Sima Shi. Or Cao Pi. I'm talking about Anakin Skywalker. Who the hell does he think is? Having sex with a princess and married her after stalking her for years. And then goes off dying without being there for her when she died... What a dick..." **

**"That's not who you're supposed to be talking about... And that made no sense."**

**"Oh! Yeah, yeah, the dick that peed on my car when I gave him too little lines. Zhong Hui. So, Deng Ai, how does it feel?" Deng Ai clears his throat. "I was of course unhappy with all of that happening. Not everyone is a traitor... There's... um... Guo Huai."**

**"He was already always loyal to Wei and Sima Yi in general. Try someone else."**

**"Hm... Nrrgh.."**

**"Can't think of anything?"**

**"What about Zhang Chunhua? I bet she has nothing on her."**

**"She already betrayed Wei right when she let Sima Yi get in her pants or dress. Or whatever she was wearing during that time. And she stuck the middle finger at them right when Shi and Zhao came out of her womb. Not to mention being at the "let's murder Cao Shuang" family meeting despite being supposedly dead during that time. Am I making myself clear?"**

**"Yes... Very..."**

**"Okay, what else you got?"**

**"Yuanji."**

**"She was at the coup d'etat! Not to mention she possibly has slept with Sima Shi and Jia Chong."**

**"Wen Yang."**

**"He killed Sima Shi. Him and the eye tumor. Running out? Okay, so do you regret serving Jin?"**

**"I am indebted to Sima Yi since he was the one who gave a job. Even though everyone in there is a little off in the head, I don't regret it." **

**"Phht. A "little off?" More like bat poop crazy. Well, that's the last of them..." Takasugi goes up to the group of cracked mannequins. **

**"Oh well... You can get out of this since the mannequins are falling apart. F*bleep* it! Let's get the whole cast out here! Except Dong Zhou. No one wants him here." He takes the Zhu Ran mannequin.**

**"All of the fangirls want you out of this thing... Fine!" He punches the face and it cracks throughout the body. He sets it and arms move around and Zhu Ran stretches.**

**"You! Why did you stick me in a plastic person?!"**

**"Shut up, you're here now. Now, those three." He taps the Lu Lingqi one. "Okay, you can get out of that-" The eyes glow red and the arms abruptly throw themselves back and they rip off the plastic. Lu Lingqi was glaring at Takasugi. **

**"You... You stuck me in that tight prison."**

**"Okay, okay! I'm sorry." The Yu Jin mannequin stomps and the plastic falls off easily. He goes up to Takasugi with an angry stone-face.**

**"Why did you have to do this? I would have responded to a simple please."**

**"Yeah, yeah. I had to try to lower the population but damn! There are over eighty of you! EIGHTY!" The Chen Gong remains still.**

**"Chen Gong? Waky, waky..." The mannequin splits, and Chen Gong pushes the two halves away from him.**

**"Aaaan here I am!"**

**"Trying to part the Red Sea?"**

**"Oh! It's you... You could have just gave me airholes."**

**"You don't need oxygen."**

**"Oh well."**

**"There. Everyone's here. People should be a little happier." **


	20. DW fandom is creepy

**"Do you think having intercourse with your daughter-in-law is legal?" Izuru flinches at the question just asked.**

**"Why all of a sudden you want to know THAT?!"**

**"I'm just wondering." A paper airplane flies to him. **

To everyone: What did you feel about Remina?(Honestly i puked when i saw that thing and let not forget about that guy that got his head melted into a soup...or the other disturbing thing...bwg)

**"Well... I have no answer for this since... WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE F*BLEEP* YOU'RE F*BLEEP*ING TALKING ABOUT! I have no flying f*bleep*ing idea what is this show or manga or game!"**

**"Calm down, nothing to get riled up all about."**

**"I feel so stupid not knowing half of the things that come out of this place. That's it! I'm going to Mexico!" Takasugi drags a suitcase and begins stuffing things in.**

**"Why are you going halfway around the world to Mexico?"**

**"I heard that's where Americans go when they want to leave every thing behind in America."**

**"We're not in America. Japan is an island country. Where are you considering to go?"**

**"Fine, Australia! I get to live with kangaroos!"**

**"It has crocodiles."**

**"South Korea, I get to meet Psy."**

**"North Korea."**

**"China. There's a toilet-themed restaurant there."**

**"Japan already has them here." **

**"Oh, f*bleep* it! Forget it! Next paper!" **

So, the Xtreme Legends characters FINALLY got out of their mannequins! I have more questions too...

1. For Zhao Yun: Which Pokémon card do you like the most?  
>2. For Lu Lingqi: Who is your rival? Who is your best friend? (In the DW cast)<br>3. For Xing Cai: Since when did you have a flower garden? Also, do you actually abuse Liu Shan?

**Zhao Yun answers, "It's hard to choose... Raquaza."**

**"It expected that one to be Zhuge Liang's, but he doesn't know a thing about Pokemon. So, thinking about selling those-"**

**"No."**

**"Worth a shot. Okay, let's break out one of the fresh out-of-the-mannequin-GAH!" Lu Lingqi punches him in the face. **

**"That's for not including airholes."**

**"You don't NEED air!" Lu Lingqi clears her throat. "A rival, hm? It's Guan Yinping since she didn't let take my father's horse back." She turns to Guan Yinping with a determined stare."Okay, okay, quit creeping the little girl out! He hehe..." Takasugi pushes Lu Lingqi slowly away from Guan Yinping. "Xing Cai? You?"**

**"I don't have a flower garden nor abuse Liu Shan..."**

**"We all know that's a lie."**

**"Fine, I do. I said abusing Liu Shan to cover that fact up."**

**"Yay, we're done." A paper flies into his face.**

**"Okay, okay!"**

WANTED  
>1)XANA(Code Lyoko)<br>Reward:10,000 gold(He must die)  
>2)Orochimaru(Naruto series)<br>Reward:10,000 gold(Die)  
>3)Naomi Nakashima(Corpse Party:Musume)<br>Reward:100,000 gold(Alive)  
>4)Sugou(Sword Art Online)<br>Reward:150,000 gold(Dead or Alive)  
>5)The Humonculus(Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood)<br>Reward:500,000 gold(All dead)  
>6)Wesker(Resident Evil)<br>Reward:10,000,000 gold(Death)  
>7)Palpatine(Star War)<br>Reward:250,000,000(Death)  
>8)Star Wolf(Star Fox Series)<br>Reward:60,000,000 gold(Alive)  
>9)Yuuya Kizami(Corpse Party)<br>Reward:900,000(Dead or Alive)  
>10)Sachiko Shinozaki(Corpse Party)<br>Reward:650,000,000(Death)

WARNING  
>ALL THREATH LEVEL ARE HIGH,USE OF DEATHLY FORCE IS AUTORIZE<p>

2-Watch Sono Hanabira,Body Transfer and play Xennotake.  
>3-Sing Undo by Cool Joke andor Rewrite by Kung Fu Generation.  
>4-All must play Total War.<br>5-Make a Honest trailer of Corpse Party.

**"Please stop spamming with this. These are fake people, so what's the point of hunting them down? The second request I have no f*bleep*ing idea what they are even are. We can't sing since this is written. No one likes to read lyrics, they want it heard. Video game characters playing games. Wow... And I cannot make a f*bleep*ing honest trailer about something I don't know s*bleep* about!"**

**"What's gotten into you?!"**

**"I'm just... A little pissed about something..."**

**"What is it?"**

**"YOU DIDN'T ANSWER THE QUESTION FROM THE BEGINNING!"**

**"What?! You're mad because I didn't answer whether or not doing your daugther-in-law is legal?!"**

**"Yes!"**

**"That's the weirdest thing you've ever asked! What brought this into your head?"**

**"I suspect the whole Sima family is committing several acts of incest..."**

**"WHAT?! Why..? I don't even..."**

**"It's Game of Thrones in that house! I've seen the pictures!"**

**"Show one."**

**"Here." Izuru looks at the picture disgustingly. "This is fanart. I'm sad to admit it, but the fans make them go for each other like a group of horny teenagers."**

**"How would you know?!"**

**"They got Sima Yi's facial structure wrong. He doesn't look THAT much like a woman. He's not that skinny, and they got the hat wrong."**

**"Who cares about the hat?!"**

**"Getting the hat right proves it is legitimate. And... take this abomination back... About that question..."**

**"Yes? You know?"  
><strong>

**"In legal terms, yes since she's not your blood. In moral terms, no since she's your son's wife. Why did you-" Takasugi holds up a picture in Izuru's face.**

**"AHH! What the *bleep*!"**

**"THIS. This is why I asked! This world has came to the point where a guy can't walk out of his house without worrying his wife might sleep with his father! Now I'm really moving to Mexico!" He gets the suitcase and begins packing. A paper airplane flies towards him, but Takasugi takes it and throws it in the opposite direction it came from.**

**"You're not."**

**"Yeah, you're right..." He throws the suitcase over his shoulder and it hits Cao Pi. "Gah! Watch where you're throwing!"**

**"I was. I'm just so disturbed with Sima Yi making googly eyes at Wang Yuanji in this weird-ass-as-f***ing-hell comic. I mean... Ew. Just ew. She touched Sima Zhao. He's covered in who-knows-what." He shudders. "I haven't been this disturbed since I found out about the Sima YiXCao Pi fandom..." **

**"Really? That is what disturbs you? All of your pervy tactics are totally not creepy but those are?" **

**"Yes! Sima Yi is pretty much older than 70% of the characters here. The ones that beat him by age is Jia Xu ,Fa Zheng, Cao Cao, Huang Zhong, blah, blah. It's just creepy for him to be stuck onto Cao Pi like some horny schoolgirl. He's older than him also. 24, my ass! He's about 35." The portal echoes, "You don't have to put so much emphasis on my age..."**

**"Oh yes, we do! I bet you're thinking of getting into the pants of every woman in Jin! And there's only two... You got into one, so the other."**

**"...No... Ew... No! Yuanji? NO! EW, ew, eeeewwww! She touched Zhao! I'm not touching or getting what he has!" Wang Yuanji and Sima Zhao make blank faces that pretty much say they were offended. **

**"You consider me disgusting?"**

**"Even though you're my daughter-in-law, I will be honest towards you like everyone else. And yes, someone who has been in bed with Zhao is someone I don't want to exactly touch." **

**"Ok, ok. You've made your point. Can you get back on-topic? You're ranting whether or not Sima Yi is gay, a pedophile, or just plain sex-crazed." **

**"Yeah, I bet he's crawling in STD's right now. We should get him snipped like the rest of the characters."**

**"Snipped?"**

**"You know? Cut his egg roll? Chop the ol' sperm tube? Neuter him?" Izuru chokes at the words said. "Egg roll?"**

**"Yes, he's Chinese, so egg roll. If I were talking about Samurai Warriors, I would have said "sushi roll."**

**"Ugh, just continue..."**

**"The cast is infertile except Jin."**

**"Why?"**

**"We ran out of money and we had to choose Shu or Jin to get their things snipped. I think you know who we chose."**

**"What happened to the women?"**

**"They're fine. We just did the guys since it cost less and was easier."**

**"What if-"**

**"No. We have to take precautions. Some day some fangirl to going to run up on here and beg for Cao Pi's or Lu Xun's... er... stuff... And we're not having 20 babies with Cao Pi's frowny face. I mean, that'll look awful."**

**"Did ANY of the characters approve?"**

**"More like disapprove. You should have seen Cao Cao in the doctor's office." **

***Flashback***

**Cao Cao was crying while his knees. **

**"AAAAAAAH! My babies! My beautiful unborn babies! AAUUUAAH!"**

***End***

**"More or less like that."**

**"That's because you took away their masculinity."**

**"Ugh... fine... We didn't exactly have enough money to do it anyway." **

**"Okay, okay! Get back onto the topic-"**

**"What topic? This is just a random place to talk in. This go on as long as-"**

***TV static***

* * *

><p><strong>Sometimes I wonder what has this world come to after I accidentally came across incest fanart with the DW characters. Yes, there is a couple of (disgusting as f*bleep*) Sima YiXwhoeverthathasinteractedwithhimand thatincludesYuanji that I wish I didn't see. <strong>


	21. Voodoo plushies

**"Who's still inside of the portal?"**

**"Fa Zheng, Sima Yi, and Dong Zhou." **

**"Get the first two out."**

**"I wish it would be that easy. But Sima Yi is not coming out because he knows what will happen to him."**

**"Then I'll force him out." Takasugi walks off to come back holding a hose, "I'm just doing what I do to the rats at my house." He sprays a large stream of water into the portal and water then started to overflow it and began to pour back out. **

**"Sima Yi can swim, FYI."**

**"How can a guy that spends his entire time sitting around know to swim well? It just doesn't make sense." **

**"The water! It's filling the stage! Turn it off! Sima Yi's not going to flow out of there like a piece of seaweed!"**

**"Oh fine..." He shuts off the water. "There's always Plan B." Takasugi takes out his phone to press a button. An older man walks out of a light holding a club. **

**"Your son won't come out of this. He's being a vagina."**

**"I thought he grown out of that. I'll need to freshen his memory." The older man goes into the portal and a few thuds are heard. Sima Yi flies out of the portal with bruises all over his body.**

**"Argh... Ah... My spine!" The older man walks out of the portal. "I'm not done yet. Prepare to be castrated." **

**"Whoa, whoa! Think about this!" **

**"Hey, hey, hey! He and your daughter-in-law are trying very hard to have a granddaughter for you! Don't you want that?" The older man's face softens. "I've always wanted a daughter... But all I got were eight boys. Fine, he gets off easy."  
><strong>

**"Oh, yeah. Um.. this may sound silly... But... I do not know his name..." Izuru acts annoyed, "How could you not know his name and you created his model?"**

**"Look, all I got was he was an old version of Sima Yi."**

**"His name is Sima Fang."**

**"Man, his name sounds cool..." Sima Fang walks by Cao Cao. They both look at each other and yelled out, "WAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZAP!" Everyone in the room froze with a "WTF" face. **

**"Oh, no! We're not bringing this in here!" Gan Ning decides to yell out, "WAAAAZZZAP!" Takasugi drop kicks him so he flies into the portal. "No! Didn't you hear me?!" Sima Zhao yells out, "WAAAAAAZZZZZZAP!" Zhang Fei yells out, "WAAAAAAAAZZZAP!" Then Ma Dai and Li Dian yell it out, "WAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZAP!" Takasugi then rounds all of them to kick them right into the portal. **

**"This is really weirding me out! Stop that!" **

**"It's just so fun to say!"**

**"Please... That was really annoying when I saw it on-" The portal echoes, "WAAAAAAAAZZZAP!" Takasugi angrily slaps down on the power button to have the portal power down. Cao Cao was about to yell out, but Takasugi presses a button that makes Sima Fang disappear. **

**"Aw... He was a good friend of mine!"**

**"Huh, really? Is it family tradition for Caos to be buddies with Simas?"**

**"Well, Sima Yi was friends with Cao Pi and I. Then Cao Rui. Then it fell apart after he killed Cao Shuang."**

**"He was pretty incompetent."**

**"Yes, he was..."**

**"Now onto the questions. He holds up a paper."**

1. To the new characters how does it feel to be out of the plastic?

2. Fa Zheng, what do you think about the other strategiests in shu?

3. Zhu Ran who loves fire more: you or Lu Xun?

**All of the Xtreme Legends characters all stretch their arms and legs. **

**Zhu Ran: "It feels great." **

**Yu Jin: **** "We're out of it, that's what matters."****  
><strong>

**Lu Lingqi: "****It was almost too quiet in there, so of course I wanted to get out of that thing."**

**Chen Gong: "My legs were killing me in that container."**

**"Oh right, Fa Zheng's still in the-" **

**"No, I'm not." The camera turns to Fa Zheng sitting on a chair near the portal. **

**"How did you get here without using the portal?"  
><strong>

**"Oh, I did use it. The man in the funny hat threw me out of his house when you weren't looking."**

**"How do you feel now about now you have broken out of your mannequin?"**

**"You could have included airholes."**

**"Why do you need them?! You don't NEED oxygen! You go around alive and well without it! We could send you up to the Moon and you won't die! Anyway, what do you think of the other strategists in Shu?"**

**"Oh, that's easy. Zhuge Liang's the one with the bacon hat, Pang Tong's the one that has the sombrero and Xu Shu's barely in Shu, so forget him."**

**"...Bacon hat?"**

**"That was in DW7, but I just remember that hat since it reminded me of bacon."**

**"The question's what do you THINK about them."**

**"Zhuge Liang needs work. He makes too many mistakes. In a way, I kind of don't like him. He needs to keep that Jiang Wei boy on a leash. He's jumping all over the place yelling benevolence. I'm starting to consider whether or not he was a mistake and that he should died back at Tianshui." Zhuge Liang was gritting his teeth at the comments said.**

**"That's harsh..."**

**"Well, those Northern Campaigns weren't working out since the funny hat guy keeps kicking their behinds. That hat reminds me of Chibi... Yeah, I'll call him Chibi now."**

**"Sima Yi is Chibi? How..? Yeah, his hat looks like a boat, but... Here's how he can be called Chibi. Have Huang Gai set him on fire. Now he's Chibi." Lu Xun and Huang Gai walk up next to Sima Yi holding torches. **

**"DON'T even think about." The two turned around and walked away. "And what does calling me that battle have to do with this?"**

**"Well, certainly "Battle of Red Cliffs" was too long. Continue."**

**"Pang Tong is cool. He's not so up-tight like Zhuge Liang. Lounging around drinking and sleeping, I want to do that, but more things rest on my shoulders."**

**"What about Xu Shu?"**

**"He just sits there and whines about his mom. He's barely in the Shu story, so what's the point? But nooo, he's whining and whining, and that earns him third place in the popularity poll. I would be a little more impressed if the eyepatch guy were third."**

**"Xiahou Dun?"**

**"Yes. At least he deserves it. He kicks butt. He has more achievements."**

**"I suggest be a little easy on him or else we'll get the hate mail..."**

**"Needed to get the point across everyone here is thinking about."**

**"Okay, I suggest you lay low now..." A paper airplane hits him in the ear. "OW!" He grabs it to angrily unfold it.**

1. For Bao Sanniang and Guan Yinping: How old do you two think you are supposed to be? (KOEI didn't give you guys a specific age yet...)  
>2. For Yue Ying: What do you like best about your comrades in Shu? (Something OTHER than benevolence)<br>3. For Liu Shan: Is Xing Cai a good wife? If you could pick another wife, who would it be?

**"They're about 16, 17. Since we don't know their birthdays, we had to guess. Yue Ying, what do you like best about the Shu guys besides your common goals." Yue Ying whispers to him, "Actually, there really isn't anything about them that is... positive... The girls are fine. It is a shame there is not that much information them."**

**"Hm, I expect that. About the Shu women... Bao Sanniang is fictional, Xing Cai is Koei's OC, and Guan Yinping was a name given to Guan Yu's unnamed daughter. You're the only one that has more historical basis. Liu Shan, do you want another wife?"**

**"No, Xing Cai is fine. Why would I change her?"**

**"Because she's a black haired Wang Yuanji."**

**"Ah, I have another thing in common with Sima Zhao now. Isn't that nice?"**

**"Not really... Next."**

1) Zhao Yun : I've read somewhere that you were killed by your WIFE with a NEEDLE, is that true? Man, you're pitiful...

2) Dong Zhuo, Xu Zhu, Meng Huo : JUMP. CREATE THE BIGGEST EARTHQUAKE IN HISTORY.  
>3) Lu Lingqi : How about if you locked up in the same room with Diao Chan for a day? I hardly ever saw the two of you interact...<p>

**"That sounds like a way for Sima Yi to die, am I right? Huh? Huh?" He raises hand in anticipation for a high-five. He gets nothing and puts his hand back down. ****"That was bad... Alright, Zhao Yun. You try to answer that."**

**"That was a fictional story. I mean... who dies from a needle?"**

**"Well, there's your answer. Dong Zhou will NEVER be here. So stop sending him questions. We all don't like him. But let's see Xu Chu and Meng Huo do it." Xu Chu and Meng Huo jump high up to the ceiling and when they came down, they plant their fists into the ground to create a large shockwave that knocks everything down. The camera zooms out in space and you see Japan moving away from Asia and to the U.S. **

**"Whoa! I felt Japan moving!"**

**"I think it did! Look!" Takasugi runs up to the window along with Izuru to see a beach. **

**"Ooh, a nude beach!"**

**"Not that! Over there!" A group of busty females and fit muscular men run around on the beach. **

**"Oh my god! It's the Kardashians , One Direction, Justin Beiber, and Jersey Shore! You two! Put Japan back!" Xu Chu and Meng Huo jump up and created the same shockwave that kicks Japan backwards and has it return to its spot in Asia. **

**"Haaa... We're back. I rather be next to China's air pollution than to America's celebs."**

**"Okay, next is for Lu Lingqi."**

**"I don't know what I'd do if I were locked with her."**

**"Do you like her...?"**

**"She's not my mom."**

**"She could be. You can like her as a girlfriend..."**

**"No."**

**"This is like when a kid's parents get divorced, the dad remarries and the kid hates the stepmom. Which is every movie, TV show, manga, anime, video game, or anything all ever. "**

**"We have no interaction because there is nothing to talk about."**

**"You have Lu Bu in common." Lu Lingqi ignores him.**

**"Okay. Next."**

I always thought something was up with those mannequins...  
>1) Jiang Wei, why is it that you value Zhuge Liang's dreams so deeply? And please don't answer "For a world of BENEVOLENCE" or anything like that.<br>2) Han Dang, you've barely been mentioned! How do you feel not being in the spotlight for once?  
>3) I think Xu Shu needs more caffeine in his system...<br>4) Fa Zheng, go make Sima Yi a blanket or something! He seems tense.  
>5) Yuan Shao, what's your opinion on the other "noble" people here?<p>

**Jiang Wei looks around. **

**"Answer." Jiang Wei pretends to not even hear him. **

**"Forget it. About Han Dang... I'm really trying for him to get some screentime, but he's... boring... I can't make fun of his baldness..." Han Dang pushes him away from the camera. **

**"I want to at least get a question, but nooo it's always the attractive people." Takasugi disguises his voice, ****"Yeah, it's Cao Pi's fault!"**

**"Yeah, it's that guy's fault! I'm going to beat his pretty face into the ground!" Han Dang runs up to grab Cao Pi's face and bashes it into the stage. You see him get on top of him and just hear punches thrown. "OOF! OW! AH! STOP!"**

**"Xu Shu does not need the caffeine. He's not gonna use it anyway. Fa Zheng, make Sima Yi a blanket for some reason..." Fa Zheng shrugs and holds up a worn blanket. He walks up to Sima Yi and puts it in his face. **

**"No! Ew! That has tear stains and drool!"**

**"Sorry, the previous owner was a bit of a crybaby." Liu Bei runs up to Fa Zheng. "That's my blankie! I've been looking for that!" Liu Bei takes the blanket and runs off. **

**"Aw, I was hoping to get rid of that..."**

**"You were about to give me a blanket that your lord touched and cried into!"**

**"Last is for Yuan Shao. Nobles include the Suns, the Caos, the Lius, the Simas and the Xiahous. Yuan Shao scoffs at the names said, "The Suns are barbarians! The Caos just like to kill everything. The Lius are stupid. The Simas are... actually, I don't know them that well. The Xiahous are just like the Caos."**

**"You don't know the Simas?"**

**"I've always thought they were a small family."**

**"They're richer and smarter than you!"**

**"Really?! I must stop this!"**

**"Too late. Jin's here."**

**"I demand to see the lord of that house!" **

**"Sima Yi."**

**"Who?"**

**"You died before he became the "Mr. I'm so Smarter than You" guy."**

**"Hm, that explains it."**

**"We're done! Yes! I'm going to post hater comments online about One Direction and see what happens. And it's on YouTube!" He takes out a laptop. "One Direction... sucks... ass..." A lot of blinks are heard from the laptop. "Whoa! These girls are hardcore! Look at this one."**

**"_U suk! I hop you di u f***ing f*** I wll go to u houze and keel u!"_**

**"Okay, maybe not." Izuru comments, "Why are you doing this?"**

**"I'm too bored out of my damned mind."**

**"Go and play a game then."**

**"What are you, my mom?"**

**"You're certainly acting like a child. Go play with something or someone."**

**"Fine, I'm gonna play with this plush." He fiddles with the plush, especially the arms.**

**"That looks like Cao Pi..."**

**"No, it's Roy Mustang. I found this plush after raiding a fangirl's house." Cao Pi yells out as he punches Han Dang. **

**"Oh, now you're getting it, pretty boy!"**

**"My hand moved on its own!" He dodges the blows quickly and Cao Pi flies up and jump kicks Han Dang. **

**"Oh no! Did you take a voodoo plush from Zhuge Liang again?"**

**"No... Why would I do that...? Maybe... No..."**

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry if I offended anyone with One Direction comment. I have nothing against them, but I don't actually like them myself. Just people I just make fun of out of all of the American celebs.<strong>


	22. There is a Empires game coming out soon

**You still see Cao Pi flying around with Han Dang chasing him. **

**"Get your ass back here!"**

**"No! I don't know how I am flying, but this is keeping me away from you!" He then stops abruptly to hit the wall, making an imprint of his body. It turns out Takasugi had thrown the Cao Pi plush and it hit one of the auditorium walls.**

**"That thing is very useful, honestly. Zhuge Liang, I want another one."  
><strong>

**"No."**

**"Come on. I can throw the Sima Yi doll around for you."**

**"I can do that myself." **

**"Hey, remember what I did to the Sima Yi plush?"**

**"Yes, it was hysterical when you made Sima Yi go in a certain position with his wife."**

**"He called himself a wolf, right? So I made him do something wolves do in reality. Wolves are ancestors of dogs, so the-" Izuru interrupts him, "Don't say the name!"**

**"What? It's not that bad!"**

**"It sounds really dirty!"**

**"Doggy style is not that dirty."**

**"Oh great, you said it... AND you revealed what was the "suggestive position" you were making them do with those plushies."**

**"You just call them plushies?"**

**"What? Did I say something?"**

**"Plushies... It sounds so... cutesy..." Izuru says to Zhuge Liang, ****"Why did you happen to have a plush of Zhang Chunhua at that time?"**

**"I was that bored, so I made everyone in here."**

**"Even Dong Zhou?"**

**"...Well... No..."**

**"Why not? You can make him suffer all you want."**

**"...I just don't want to think of the man...Ah! What is happening?" Zhuge Liang floats upwards and then is forced upon the ground, creating a large imprint on the stage. Takasugi yells out, "Ah! He's possessed! Call a priest! Tie him down so he doesn't puke on us!"**

**"Ah! He created 500 dollars worth of damage to the stage!"**

**"You're worried about that?!"**

**"The insurance companies were very skeptical when we said the U.S military broke through here and had a party!"**

**"Then say typhoon! We're built near a shore, you know!" **

**"Ahem." They turn to Sima Yi holding a Zhuge Liang plush. "Don't think he was the only one that can do this." He waves it, and you see Zhuge Liang doing the same.**

**"Oh great... Did you steal that?"**

**"No. You see... My wife doesn't only do clothes."**

**"She makes plushes? She is definitely less scary when you learn about her hobbies."**

**"She knew how to do it when she was a child, so she obviously made her own playthings."**

**"Please don't say "playthings." It sounds wrong."**

**"Then don't think wrong!"**

**"...Um... eh-hehe... Did she happen to make more...?"**

**"Well... She really doesn't... eh... She gets bored too."**

**"She has a hidden wall filled with every character except Dong Zhou as a plush, right?"**

**"Actually, it's a hidden-Wait, a minute! Why am I telling you this?"**

**"Why did she make you a Zhuge Liang plush?" Sima Yi whispers, "I took it and made my own modifications to it. Look." He tosses the plush up and down to have Zhuge Liang mimicking the action. He growls and takes out a Sima Yi plush and forces it onto the ground hard. Sima Yi collapses face down into the stage. He bends the arm of the plush, and Zhuge Liang's arm bends the same way. Zhuge Liang stands up and steps on the plush. Sima Yi coughs and wheezes to then squeeze the plush in his hands. Zhuge Liang coughs and then throws the Sima Yi plush against the wall at thundering speed. Sima Yi floats upwards, sending him at high speed against the auditorium wall. Sima Yi takes the plush and claps his hands at both sides of the plush head. Zhuge Liang yells out in pain while holding his hands on his head. **

**"Do you know how much money in damage they're going to cause?!" **

**"The better question: Which is more expensive, this auditorium or their medical bills?" Zhuge Liang yells out as he flies near the two. **

**"I bet this auditorium." Sima Yi is seen thrown near the two. **

**"Ank! Wrong." Zhuge Liang bounces over Takasugi, then Izuru.**

**"I thought it would be this! This looks very expensive! It's bigger than Cao Cao's palace/mansion!" Sima Yi crawls near the two, but floats upwards and flies backwards. **

**"Hey, hey! Keep it down over there!" More chaos filled the auditorium with Sima Yi and Zhuge Liang being thrown around the room. Lu Xun picks up the Cao Pi plush and tugs on its arm. Cao Pi feels it, and looks over to him.**

**"Give it to me."**

**"You're not my mother." Lu Xun throws it up and down and Cao Pi does this too. He then takes out a match and sets the plush on fire after he strikes it. Flames engulf Cao Pi and he runs around the place screaming.**

**"NRRRAGH! Where are my swords?! I need to ice myself!"**

**"That's the first time I've ever seen him act so out-of-character." **

**"He's on fire! What do you think he's going to do?! Stand with his famous frowny face while crossing his arms?!"**

**"I thought his ice-cold heart would counter the fire."**

**"He's a person, for hell's sake!"**

**"He certainly deserves to go to Hell."**

**"Lian Shi has a musou that makes an area rain, activate it." Takasugi runs over to Lian Shi and she steps away. **

**"No, no! Just make the area around Cao Pi rain with your musou." Lian Shi takes out her crossbow and activates her musou and the whole place gets soaked with rain. **

**"Bonus: This rain heals." A wet paper airplane is seen below him. **

**"Oh." He picks it up and unfolds it. **

(Formerly Mazinkaiser) I am back bitches! with new power-up and now i evolved into GETTER EMPEROR!(1)

To Lu Lingqi: Will you go out with me?!  
>Lu Bu: Let us settle our score!<br>Oh and remina wont coming! I smash her along with the galaxy she was in :)

To Lu Lingqi: Will you go out with me?!/ How the heck can she date a galaxy sized mech?!

**"Mm-hm. Compensating for something? Because why would you need to be a robot the size of the Milky Way Galaxy? We get it, you have a large dick or so you say."**

**"Language."**

**"Oh, come on. I can't say that?"**

**"You sound very American."**

**"It is because of those Westerners! They have changed me! You should be angry at them!"**

**"The fact Westerners have made you talking like you just came from New York is no excuse."**

**"Ok, ok, ok... I lied about me never visiting America. I did go over there for a job interview with Ubisoft. I picked up the language and stopped using the -san and -sama stuff."**

**"Ubisoft? Really?"**

**"At least I was not trying to work at Electronic Arts. That place is e-vil. They ruined the ending for Mass Effect 3. But they created the Sims. I loved making my people suffer after getting rid of the toilet." He grows devil horns and a tail as he chuckles in amusement.**

**"Shouldn't you go back to the review?"**

**"Yeah, yeah. Again, Lu Lingqi, do want to date a gigantic robot?" Lu Lingqi crosses her arms while saying coldly,****"No." **

**Takasugi points to the screen while saying with a cocky voice, ****"Reeee-jected! Alright, Lu Bu. Go and destroy the giant robot." Lu Bu looks upwards to see nothing.**

**"What robot?"**

**"Oh yeah, it's... damn big... Huff... Nah, forget it. You can just break this replica of the giant robot." Takasugi holds up the mecha figure and gives it to Lu Bu. Izuru quickly grabs it away from Lu Bu.**

**"This is mine! You took this from my shelf!"**

**"What shelf? I was walking around in your house and suddenly found that lying on the ground."**

**"It was on a shelf, you just picked it off, did you?"**

**"Well, you got it back. No need to bitch about it." A paper airplane flies near him and he takes it. **

**"Great, these people know how to throw properly."**

To Ling Tong: Wanna hang out sometime? You've been my favorite character since Strikeforce... I promise you'll come back un-molested.  
>To Wang Yi: I dare you to fight Ma Chao to the death in a flashy action scene... and if you win marry me.<br>To Zhang Jiao: ...why the fuck do you talk like that?  
>To Dong Zhuo: Please fart on Liu Bei's face.<br>To Yue Ying and Wang Yi: Kiss each other. Right now.

**"Okay-" Another airplane flies to him.**

Oh yeah, also... to Jia Chong: I can tell you're evil dammit! Just come out and admit it already!

**"Phht. Ling Tong can barely come out of a biker bar without being whistled at." Ling Tong groans at the comment and says, "Sure I'll hang with you. If you're buying, of course."**

**"Bye." Ling Tong walks with a person with the avatar plastered onto its face. **

**"Then... Wang Yi, would you do it? You would have to marry someone if you win." Wang Yi takes out her two trishulas and strikes them together.**

**"Can I just kill Ma Chao and forget the marriage?"**

**"Whatever floats your boat. This is the only time we'll let you hurt Ma Chao." Ma Chao complains, "What?! You're just going to-" Wang Yi pounces on him and you see blood flying as you hear strikes and yells of pain. **

**"Luckily, we have an life insurance policy on him."**

**"Wait, why was there blood?"**

**"They're not in their little world, this is real life. We see blood here." More blood flies near him. "And the reason why Zhang Jiao talks like that is he is on drugs. We gave him weed for a little experiment, and it totally went off. We decided to keep him like that. I have a list of people we're going to try out the weed on." Takasugi takes out a piece of paper and holds it out. It was covered in little footnotes.**

**1: Sima Yi (This'll be hilarious as hell!)**

**2: Cao Pi (Let's turn that frown upside-down!)**

**3: Xu Shu (He'll be actually interesting!)**

**4: Zhuge Liang (Ha, he'll do stoned kung-fu.)**

**5: Zhang Chunhua (This will be also hilarious. But getting it in her is the hard part. Make a tea out of it?) **

**6: Pang Tong (He's already looking stoned, so just make him actually stoned.)**

**7: Guo Huai (This'll get rid of his illness, I swear!)**

**8: Zhuge Dan (He needs to RE-LAX, man.)**

**9: Lu Bu (Either a good idea or a bad idea.) **

**10: Xiahou Dun (He needs to relax too.)**

**"...Why is Sima Yi at the top?"**

**"Anything we make him do is hilarious. Drunk, he's funny. Embarrassed, it's funny. Stoned, it's pending. I think he'll act like Sima Zhao."**

** "How are you planning to get it in him?"**

**"Inhaling it, of course. Fill up a room he's in with a burning joint's smoke and he's out of it."**

**"Really?"**

**"I'll do it soon. About that next part, Dong Zhou is not here. So we'll just skip that. And that last part..." He takes out his phone slowly and hides it behind him.  
><strong>

**"Okay, you two! Get to kissing!" Yue Ying looks at Wang Yi and turns back.**

**"She's covered in blood... Eh..."**

**"It'll go away." **

**Five minutes later...**

**The blood still remains on Wang Yi. **

**"Okay, her clothes are absorbing it. So.. can you...?"**

**"...Eh... Fine." She and Wang Yi embrace and kiss each other. The men whistle and began to stare. Even Zhuge Liang paused to look over at the commotion. He gets a gash on his neck and blood sprays out. Sima Yi laughs maniacally, "Hahahaha! You let your guard down!"**

**"You too." Sima Yi looks at his own neck to see a gash with blood spraying out. **

**"Goddamnit!" Takasugi began taking pictures on his phone. **

**"Whoops! My finger slipped!" He presses again. "Oh no! My finger again!" He continues to take pictures while making excuses. "Oh, oh! Whoops! My finger again! Oh no! My finger slipped again! Oops, butterfingers! Ah, I'm such a big klutz!" Izuru comments, "That's not fooling anyone."**

**"What are you talking- Oops! My finger slipped again! This button is so slippery!" **

**"Mm-hm." The two stop kissing and turn away from each other. **

**"What's next? Do I have to kiss Zhang Chunhua?"**

**"Not a bad idea... Either of you kissing her would be HOT."**

**"Then no. I'm done."**

**"Eh, so much for that. Last one for Jia Chong."**

**"Isn't it already obvious I'm evil? You don't even have to say."**

**"We're done. You people heard of the new Empires game coming soon?" **

**Izuru answers, ****"Oh yes. You can have kids with the person you marry." Takasugi smiles sheepishly while nodding. "You know what's happening. Might as well include a Mass Effect sex scene between there."**

**"Ugh, I knew you would say that."**

**"But.. what'll happen if there's incest? Will the kid be all messed up? Like having big ears or webbed hands?"**

**"Why is it always this with you?"**

**"Because what if you have Sima Shi as the emperor and you make his wife his mother? I mean... ugh... ew... I guarantee someone's gonna try that."**

** "Then don't think about it!"**

**"I'm just thinking of all of the worst couples to have kids with. Not the canon ones anyway. Actually, Sima Yi with his wife made the worst kids." Sima Shi and Sima Zhao complained, "Hey!"**

**"You have a meatbun fetish and you are just plain stupid and lazy. Not sure where did those traits came from which parent. Want to know the next kid? I know." **

**"Is it a girl?"**

**"Nope. That is after the third kid." You see Zhang Chunhua cursing under her breath in the background.**

**"Then what was so bad about our future brother?"**

**"He's nuts. Nuts. NUTS. You know what? INSANE."**

**"Ok... what about him was insane?"**

**"He liked the dead bodies."**

**"..."**

**"He liked to have sex with dead people."**

**"..."**

**"I'm not looking so bad now, right?"**

**"Yeah, I guess, Sima Zhao. I'm trying to figure out where did that gene came from. My money's on the mother." **

**"All arrows point to me..."**

**"Hey, here's the bright side. One of the parents is a purple-wearing psychopath. The other one is Sima Yi. Actually, he's a purple-wearing sociopath, but hey."**


	23. Stuff happens

**"We have this long-ass piece of paper. This should keep us busy."**

*Sigh* Do I really have to follow the trend for this?

*Nine expert hitmen accompany me and point guns at both the Author and Wang Yi*  
>Now... you won. Marry me.<p>

*After a long night spent drinking and talking with Ling Tong* Damn, that was fun. Knew you'd be cool in person. Wanna invite Gan Ning next time?

To Guan Yinping: What's the heaviest object you can lift?  
>To Guan Ping: You ever plan to swing that huge sword fast?<br>To Guan Yu and Lu Bu: How did you get so strong? You usin' the roids?  
>To Xu Shu: Cheer up man, I at least think you're cool.<p>

To Jia Chong: Alright, since you admitted it so easily, tell me what your plan is. You just planning to take China once the Sima rule it all?

To Lu Xun: *Tosses him a lighter* get creative.  
>To Xiahou Ba: Can your drill pierce the heavens?<p>

**Wang Yi sits on bloodied bodies and spins her trishula. **

**"I was already married, but he's a generic. But I don't want to marry lighting."**

**"You should marry Lighting. You're perfect for each other." Izuru says, ****"I think you're thinking about the Final Fantasy Lighting."**

**"Hey, those two just have different hair colors. Overall, they just want to kill stuff. And..." Takasugi points at the screen while saying in a cocky voice, "Reeeee-jected!" **

**Ling Tong says, "Yeah, that was a fun night. Unless you want to be bankrupt, inviting Gan Ning is not a good idea. He'll drink the taverns dry. Don't know why he's still kicking." **

**"I've always wonder what can Guan Yinping pick up. Can you show us now?" **

**"Okay! Just hold on!"**

**"Wait, what?!" Guan Yinping runs outside of the auditorium and lifts up a corner. As she continues to lift, the auditorium tears off the ground and she shifts it, causing the people inside to fall off of the stage and off into the other side off the auditorium. **

**"Aaah!" Takasugi, Izuru and others grab fastened chairs as the auditorium is on its side. He hangs on it while yelling out.**

**"Okay, okay, okay! We get it! You can pick this up! Please put it down before the neighbors complain! It was bad enough when they called the police after the military came and destroyed half of this place! And this place is very big, so it's a long drop!" Guan Yinping returns the place on its normal side and sets it down. She runs back inside. **

**"Is anyone hurt?" **

**Izuru yells at her,"Well, considering I almost fell to my death! You people are able to survive falling from high heights! I don't understand why you're even holding onto these chairs!" Everyone yells out, ****"We can survive them, but it hurts!" **

**"Now who's next?" **

**"Guan Ping, why don't you swing that sword fast?"**

**"It hurts my muscles. I can feel them tearing every time I swing. When I try to swing fast, I feel like my arms will come off."**

**"Guan Yu and Lu Bu using steroids? They can't be using that. It wasn't invented yet." Takasugi comments, "You know Chinese people and their crazy medicine."**

**"That's racist."**

**"They made bull balls edible!"**

**"Now it is true they sell that stuff in those herb shops. But it doesn't mean they'll actually eat it. Not the characters here anyway..."**

** "Oh come on, you don't think Guan Yu and Lu Bu eat bull balls in order to increase in power?"**

**"...That's... um... They might just eat a lot of protein."**

**"Bull balls are a source of protein."**

**"Would you stop saying "bull balls"? And also, eating an animal's you-know-what acts like a natural Viagra."**

**"Ooh, their wives must be always satisfied. I mean, Guan Yu has four kids."**

**"But one is adopted and the other is fictional." **

**"Okay, they don't count. Okay, t****hey are not using steroids. They just eat a lot of chicken. That or they take some kind of Chinese alternative to steroids. Next." Xu Shu just stands there. **

**"What about him is cool again? That sword and hook? That sounds more like in Jia Chong's area. He likes pointy things connected to other pointy things. Take that away from Xu Shu and you got a a guy that is still living in his mom's basement cosplaying as an Assassin. Next." Jia Chong just stares blankly at the screen.**

**"I can't just do that. The history books don't say that, so I won't do it. I would if I could though."**

**"You go by history? What about hypothetical?"**

**"Now that's a thought..." Sima Yi walks by snickering and still having the giant gash on his neck. He stops near Jia Chong. He faces him before laughing hysterically in his face. **

**"Hahahahahahahaha! Hahaha!... Huff! Hahahahaha! You? Hahaha!"**

**"...Sima Yi... your neck, it's spraying blood still." **

**"Hahahaha! This man... Hahahahaha! As.. ruler? Hahahaha!" As he laughed his butt off, blood continues to spray the two. Takasugi recoils, "Ugh! No! Ugh! Blood is hard to get off of clothes!" Jia Chong says, "For me, it is easy." Specks of blood hit him. **

**"Are you okay with all this blood flying out here?"**

**"Hahahahaha! Wait... wait... Hahaha! Just let me... Hahaha!" Jia Chong sighs and takes out an umbrella. Sima Yi catches his breath and gets to say, "There's no way this man can just go against the Sima clan just like that. He'll die faster before he can get to round up an army-" Takasugi interrupts, ****"Yo Sima Yi, Imma let you finish, but please close up your neck. You're getting blood all over my clothes. ALL OVER MY CLOTHES!"**

**"Oh fine." Sima Yi gets bandages to wrap around his neck. "Anyway, this man will not get to live to see the day he decides to betray the Simas."**

**"Like you with the Caos?"**

**"Don't change the subject."**

**"Anyway-HOLY S*BLEEP* Why is Lu Xun holding a lighter?!" He runs over to Lu Xun and tries to pry away the lighter from his hands. **

**"Let go!"**

**"You!"**

**"GIVE ME!" Lu Xun takes out a piece of dynamite and lights it. He forces it into Takasugi's hand and runs away.**

**"Oh crap." He throws it, and it explodes when it hits Lu Xun.**

**"Ah!" Lu Xun flicks the lighter and lights a large pile of TNT. **

**"No,no,no,no!" **

**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM**

**Loading Loading Loading**

**"Okay... we respawned without any burns. That's good. Last one's for Xiahou Ba. And that questions seems more like for Deng Ai. Since... he has a drill... it's a spiral... It's a big spiral... Oh forget it, I wanted to make a Gurren Lagann reference." Xiahou Ba says, "No, my drill can't pierce the Heavens. Don't you think they would be mad if I did?"**

**"Mmhm? We're done now. Seriously, Sima Yi, Zhuge Liang, get a doctor. You're in shreds!" The two stand covered in cuts and bruises along with the giant gash on their necks that is spraying blood out infinitely.**

**"Wait, if you fix the plushies, you should be healed. Yeah, give the plushies to your wives and they'll fix them up." The two take out the really battered up plushes. **

**"Ugh... No... Those are BEYOND repair. Just go to a doctor."**

**"Can't they just walk over some food and let it sink in?"**

**"We're in the real world, that does not work here."**


	24. More stuff happens

**One blue doctor holds a gun shooting a blue substance at Sima Yi that heals his injuries. A red doctor heals Zhuge Liang with a red substance. Takasugi tells them, ****"Thanks, Medics!" The two speak in German accents, "You're welcome." The blue Medic says, "Do I activate the Ubercharge for him?"**

**"No, he doesn't need it nor have the heart."**

**"Oh! I should open him up and give him a heart! He'll be unstoppable with my hearts!" **

**"No... no... He doesn't need it. I'm serious." The red Medic says, "Do I activate for this one?"**

**"No. They cannot have it."**

**"Okay. I'm done." The Medics walk away and into the portal. Zhuge Liang asks Takasugi, "What were they going to do to us?"**

**"Oh, they could made you invincible for a short time."**

**"Why didn't you let me have it?"**

**"Because you don't have bullets going towards you every second. Now.. those plushies... ehhehe... I suggest just throw them away. You can just ask someone else to make another one." The two take out their torn up plushes and threw them in a trash can. **

**"Wait, what the-" They suddenly float up and fly outside. You hear two thuds. Takasugi runs outside to see the two in the dumpster. ****"Did you remove the voodoo?"**

**"UGH! This reeks of feces!"**

**"Is this rotten thing even from this world?!"**

**"Is this... EWWWW!" The two jump out and to puke for a few minutes.**

**"Yeah, sorry... We are built next to a nightclub. And they have the nastiest garbage. I'm guessing you two came in contact with teenager waste including used condoms.**

**"Wait... That contained...?"  
><strong>

**"Oh god... BLAAAAGH!" The two puke more.**

**"Hey, hey! Puke near the nightclub!"**

**"I need to take a bath. ****A boiling hot bath..."**

**"Come on, let's go back in." When they returned back in the auditorium, everyone recoiled at the smell. **

**"Ugh! What is that?!"**

**"Did something die?"**

**"It's reeks of old cheese and dead rat!" **

**Takasugi then plugs his nose. ****"It really stinks when you go inside of somewhere." He holds up a Glade can and sprays the two. "You need more than water to get rid of that stink."**

**"Ngh... Why was there a garbage container next to this place anyway?!"**

**"The nightclub owner is an asshole. Now please... go wash up. And burn those clothes." A paper airplane flies to him, and he catches it.**

1. For EVERYONE in Shu and Jin: If all of you had access to the voodoo dolls, who would you hurt first?

2. For Guan Yinping: I dare you to challenge your father, Lu Bu and Lu Linqgi to a weight-lifting contest...  
>3. For Da Qiao: Why are you so shy?<p>

**"Well, considering how Zhuge LIang and Zhang Chunhua are very secretive on this, I don't think they'll just give them out all willy-nilly."**

**"It's not that secretive anymore since everyone in here saw Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi tear each other apart using voodoo plushies. And you just throwing Cao Pi around just for the heck of it."**

**"Oh. Fine. We'll go by a list. Oh, and let me turn on the portal since we locked some characters in there."**

**Zhao Yun: Those things were able to this? Why didn't my doll do this?**

**"It was probably not cursed with it."**

**"I've been stabbing my Jiang Wei doll, and it wasn't working. No wonder."**

**"Um... why Jiang Wei?"**

**"He's been copying my hair!"**

**"I think it's more like the other way around..."**

**Zhang Fei: Zhuge Liang's a witch! Burn him! BURN HIM! Give me one of those dolls and I'll do it to him!**

**Guan Yu: Attacking from far away is cowardly.**

**Ma Chao: Cao Cao. By the way Zhuge Liang, I ripped up mine. Can I get another?" **

**Zhuge Liang gets slightly agitated, ****"You've been cutting those up! This is your sixth one! What's the point of even making them if you're just going to turn it into nothing but strands and dust?" **

**Liu Bei: So my Zhuge Liang plush can feel what I do to it?**

**"...I didn't place anything on the doll, and I'm glad."**

**Jiang Wei: Does this mean-**

**"Certainly I am not putting voodoo on your me doll.**

**Zhuge Liang: You just saw what happened. And I would do it again except with Jiang Wei.**

**"Aaaah! Why, Prime Minister?"**

**Yue Ying: I didn't know Zhuge Liang was using his sewing ability for those things. It is useful against enemies, but a little inhumane.**

**"You would want one of Sima Yi so the Battle of Wu Zhang would have ended faster."**

**"I would have also got the Zhang Chunhua one."**

**"Since when did you interact with each other?"**

**"Only once, and she insulted me." Zhang Chunhua asks her,****"Since when did I do that?"**

**"You said Zhuge Liang and I were irresponsible."**

**"It is true. There is that one that constantly yells out "benevolence."**

**"**** Forget him, he is Zhuge Liang's fault, not mine."**

**"Aaaaah! Why are you two being so mean to me?!"**

**"See? Irresponsible."**

**"How about you? Your son has a fetish for meatbuns and your other son is just lazy. I see irresponsibility there."**

**"OOOOH! She just burned you!" Takasugi gets punched in the face when he yelled it in Zhang Chunhua's face.**

**"Oh well." She plugs her nose and walks up next to Sima Yi. "Give this doll your magic."**

**"Oh, NOW you want it."**

**"You're the one smelling like feces here, just do it." **

**"Fine." He shoots a shot of green energy into the doll with his finger. "Just don't end up in the garbage." She quickly walks away and takes out a pin. She stabs the Yue Ying doll with it and a spike protrudes out of Yue Ying herself.**

**"Oh hell no!" Yue Ying takes out a Zhang Chunhua plush. "Zhuge Liang! Shoot this with your magic!" Zhuge Liang points his finger and it shoots out green energy into the plush. "Don't end up in the garbage." She takes out a pin and stabs the plush now. A spike protrudes out Zhang Chunhua. Izuru yells out, "Oh come on! This again?!"**

**Pang Tong: Don't care.**

**Huang Zhong: I don't want some silly toy.**

**Wei Yan: Me.. want... cute... plushie...**

**Liu Shan: I just want a plushie. Those things look cute. I'll take one of Xing Cai or Zhao Yun.**

**Xing Cai: I would like one, not to stab though. *whispers* I'll take Guan Ping and Liu Shan.**

**Bao Sanniang: Aw! I want a Guan Suo one! No magic thanks!**

**Ma Dai: Haha! Those things look adorable! I'll be happy to take one of the young master.**

**Fa Zheng: I finally get included into these things. I would grab anyone's plush and just stab that. Excluding anyone in Shu, excluding Zhuge Liang. I'll stab his.**

**Xu Shu: I want a plush...**

**Guan Ping: Must... fight... wanting... a plush...**

**Guan Suo: I want one! Those things look cute without the magic.**

**Guan Xing: I really have no use for it.**

**Zhang Bao: I don't need no damn plushes! **

**Guan Yinping: They look and are cute when you know they are not cursed.**

**"What about the Jin side?"**

**Sima Yi: You just saw what I did with it.**

**Sima Shi: I didn't know Mother had that kind of hobby. I'll take a random Shu one to stab. That explains why I have a Father plush.**

**"You have a Sima Yi plush?"**

**"Mother gave me that when I was a child. Though now that I think back, it is weird having a doll of your father."**

**"Can I take it? To sell, of course."**

**"...Uh... No."**

**"Why?"**

**"I've grown attached to it."**

**"Okay, makes sense since your father has a job that requires him to be gone for months, I guess. Cao Cao, Cao Pi, take notes for next time you want to make Sima Yi work overtime." Cao Cao cries and blows his nose with a handkerchief. **

**"Pi, why don't you keep a plush of me?"**

**"...Because it is childish and weird."**

**"You could at least think of me!"**

**"..."**

**Sima Zhao: Can I have a Yuanji one? **

**"Did you know your brother had a plush of your father?"**

**"Yeah."**

**"You don't find it weird?"**

**"No, since he looks up to him."**

**"Would you want one?"**

**"Hahahaha... no..."**

**Zhang Chunhua: *Gritting through teeth* WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M DOING HERE?**

**Wang Yuanji: *tsundere mode engaged* I-I don't want such things! I'm not a child! *whispers* I want one of Sima Zhao so I can make sure he really gets up in the mornings. **

**Deng Ai: ...Hm? No, thank you. **

**Guo Huai: Aw, I bet those little things will keep me company. I'll take about any one.**

**"Are you sure you don't want Xiahou Yuan?"**

**"There is one of him?"**

**"Both Zhuge Liang and Zhang Chunhua have made all of the characters except Dong Zhou because they were bored."**

**"Then I'll ask her for that."**

**Zhong Hui: I'll take one of me, thanks. That old lady better catch all of my features. **

**A barrage of pins goes into Zhong Hui's face. **

**"AAAAH! Ow! Get these off!"**

**"I'm not sure at what part she was angry at, the fact you called her an old lady, or that you just told her what to do." **

**Wen Yang: I shouldn't want to have one, but they are too cute...**

**Jia Chong: Oh, I'll take anyone as long Sima Yi places a curse onto it. Or I can do it myself.**

**Zhuge Dan: Magic evil doll of Sima Zhao, regular one of Sima Shi.**

**Xiahou Ba: I don't want a magic one, just a regular one of just about anyone. I'll even take a Zhang He one. Maybe.**

**"Not that many characters in Shu and Jin would want to hurt each other. Except a few. The rest just want a plushie." He ducks just in time as Yue Ying is thrown over him. "Guan Yinping, go. Weight-lifting contest with Lu Bu, Guan Yu, and Lu Lingqi, please don't lift the auditorium again. You can move the nightclub away from here. Also that garbage dumpster." Guan Yinping runs outside with ****Lu Bu and Lu Lingqi running after Guan Yinping and they knock Guan Yu down that was standing as he watched his daughter run out.**

**"I'm not losing to her!"**

**"I'm certainly not losing to a little girl!" The three get outside and picked up the nearest three businesses. Guan Yinping picks up the large dumpster along with the nightclub. A tall man in a fancy white suit and sunglasses crawls out the door. **

**"Hey! The hell you people doing to my club?!" Takasugi walks out to see him. "Just a little relocating, cousin!"**

**"You just jelly of my suit and my sunglasses!" **

**"I don't want your cheap-ass clothes and plastic sunglasses!" Guan Yinping runs off with the nightclub and dumpster.**

**"Hey, hey! Where are you putting this?!" Takasugi yells out, "Hey, can you put that near the dump sites? Also that dumpster." **

**"Alright." Guan Yinping throws the club building and dumpster next to a large garbage dump. The man in the white suit crawls out and growls angrily. "Damnit! I hate you, Takasugi!" **

**"You jelly! I have this giant auditorium and you have that... giant club." **

**"What did I do to you?!"**

**"Your teenager waste dumpster is stinking up one of my fangirl-favorite my profits come off!" Zhuge Liang looks out the door. **

**"Zhuge Liang, you're liked only because you give Liu Bei a fangirl-favorite bromance. Every thing else, people hate your smart-ass."**

**"What about Sima Yi? He's a smart-ass, too!"**

**"He's pretty, and that's what fangirls only care about. That and CaoPiXSimaYi yaoi." Sima Yi looks out the door. "Argh, really?"**

**"Yes, really! The only reason why fangirls stick up with you is that you have a pretty face that fangirls want in their yaoi fanart. Anyone with a beard is immediately ignored." **

**"...I should grow one."**

**"Ha, good luck with that. And that smell is having some hang time! Ugh!" Takasugi takes out a can of Glade and sprays the two. Lu Lingqi comes back holding a very large tower. **

**"AH! Why do you have the Tokyo Tower?! Put that back!" Lu Bu walks back also holding a string of walls. **

**"AAAAAAAAAH! Why did you take off the Great Wall of China?!" Guan Yinping runs back holding a very tall tower.**

**"Oh... my.. god... Why did you take the Empire State Building?! And worst of all, America will be pissed at Japan!" **

***Scene switch***

**People cry and yell of New York City as they saw the Empire State Building has disappeared. A news report shows President Barack Obama speaking into microphones.**

**"We'll get to the bottom of who has took the building. Our prime suspect is Japan, since we saw a little girl just pick that up and run off in the direction of Japan." **

***Swicth back***

**"Return those national landmarks! America and China will be bombing our asses if we don't give them back!" The three run off and after a few minutes they run back. **

**"Did you put them back where you found them?"**

**"Yes.****"**

**"Good, let's go back inside." Everyone goes back into the auditorium while the man in the white suit yells out at them, "Hey! What about my club?!"**

**"Ignore him."**

**"Didn't you say he was your cousin?"**

**"Yep." Cao Cao asks, "Why wouldn't you help your cousin?"**

**"Because he's a dick. And don't you give me the "Xiahou Dun and Xiahou Yuan are my cousins and they help me" crap. My cousins are different from your cousins. I don't want to sleep with them nor want them following me around."**

**"It is so sad a family is that broken..."**

**"Well, considering he tried to do my math tutor, so yeah, my family is broken. Last one's for Da Qiao. Why are you shy again?" **

**"I-"**

**"Yeah, yeah. Let's go over to the next part." He ducks as a large axe flies over him. You see Zhang Chunhua walking behind him with the same axe protruding out of her head. "I see they moved on from the plushies." He ducks again to have Yue Ying thrown over him. The axe flies agian, and you see Yue Ying walking with that axe directly down the middle of her face. Izuru tells Takasugi, "Are you going to stop this?"**

**"They're not going to die since this world doesn't allow them to. The two just took an axe to the head. Next review!" **

To Sima Yi:Are you proud or disappointed in your sons?

To Sima Shi:Just that you are cute :3 * gives him 5 bowls of meat buns* Will you go out with me?

To Zhang Chunhua:Describe each DW girl in the game.

To all Wei officers(including Sima yi):Thoughts on the author and Takasugi.

**"Define "proud."**

**"You're not?"**

"**Jin didn't exactly last, and I had a retarded great grandson. I knew I should have set Yuanji with Shi. Oh well, the history's made." **

**"So... 50/50?"**

**"70/30."**

**"...Please..."**

**"70 percent of me is displeased, 30 is proud."**

**"Having a retarded great grandson is the least of your worries."**

**"Maybe if Shi lived a little longer, then I would have been a little more prideful."**

**"What about your other six sons and two daughters?"**

**"Those don't count." **

**"What was the point of having them then?"**

**"..."**

**"Yeah, ignore me. You man-whore."**

**"Hey!"**

**"But oh well. Ancient China didn't have birth control, and look what happened. There is a one child per family rule now. This is all your fault."**

**"What? Cao Cao had more children then me!"**

**"Both of you are to blame then! You two can't keep your King Eggrolls in your pants! Is it a Sima and Cao competition to see who can f*bleep* the life out of your spouses and make the most kids? Because the Caos were winning until Sima Yan came. Well, I guess the wives obviously will get a benefit from all of this, if you know what I mean."**

** "You're painting a really graphic picture..."**

**"I'm being brutally honest here! Next!" Sima Shi munches on a meatbun. "I suppose I need to have contact with another woman before Father and Mother choose for me."**

**"The reviewer's avatar looks like Katsura from Gintama."  
><strong>

**Yue Ying walks around holding her voodoo plush and a gash appears on her neck. Blood squirts out**** generously. Yue Ying gets a knife and cuts off one of the plush's hands. **

**"Wait, wait! This is going a little far! And I'd hate to see a woman without a body part." His foot steps on something. "Ugh... please not a hand." He looks down. "Ugh... it's a hand." He picks it up and looks around. **

**"Hey, Zhang Chunhua. Need a hand? Kmph..." Zhang Chunhua walks by him and grabs her hand back from him. Takasugi then recoils at the blood on his hands. "UGH! I can't believe I touched a hand that is not connected to someone! So what can you describe the woman and girls, here?"**

**"I can say that Shu woman is a bitch."**

**"Whoa! First time I heard you swear! (I think...)Okay, what about the others?" Zhang Chunhua twists around to get her hand back onto her arm. "Zhen Ji is too glued onto her husband, Wang Yi is needs to channel her anger onto something else, Cai Wenji has my face, the two Wu sisters are what I want in a daughter, but unfortunately they are not the brightest."**

**"That's a little harsh."**

**"Lian Shi is too dedicated to her husband, Sun Shang Xiang is too wild, I don't know about the younger Shu girls, Diao Chan is needs a more concealing dress, I don't know anything on the tribal woman and this hand is not connecting to my arm."**

**"Hey, Sima Yi, I hope you can live a wife with one hand."**** He hears a pop. **

**"I got it back on."**

**"Do you feel any pain anyway?"**

**"Yes and no."**

**"Eh? I don't think that's possible... Alright, next question is tricky since no one here knows what the Author looks like. We just hear the author." Izuru says to him, "Didn't you get to see the author?"**

**"...Oh yeah... The Author picked its nose! Jeez, how rude!"**

**"You don't need to call the author "author." We already know it is female."**

**"I doubt anyone would remember. Anyway, all we know of the author is this picture of Sima Yi in spandex."**

**"That's not spandex. That's Sima Yi's mouth photoshopped onto the face and body of Monsoon from Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance."**

**"Then Sima Yi has really been to the gym lately, but has gone cyberpunk. I'm not sure where did she get the picture though." Guo Huai raises his hand, " Oh, I did that." **

**"Really?"**

**"Yes. I even photoshopped Sima Yi's head onto the body of someone pointing to a car with the word "meme" on it." Sima Yi looks at Guo Huai, "What...? What were you doing to my image?"**

**"Deng Ai and I were just messing around with the "computer."**

**"So... You did the picture of Sima Yi wearing tight spandex while saying "full of s*bleep*?"**

**"Yes. And that was the character. I just photoshopped his mouth onto the body."**

**"So fitting if he could swear. So I guess they can just do me. List time!"**

**Cao Cao: So-so. He gets annoying when he has too much fun.**

**Cao Pi: HATE HIM.**

**"See? Cao Pi loves me very much."**

**Xiahou Dun: Hmph. He's stupid.**

**"Hey! You're no Einstein yourself!"**

**Xiahou Yuan: Meh.**

**"Meh?"**

**Guo Jia: He gets me nice pictures of the women and free wine.**

**Izuru comments, "Of course..."**

**Sima Yi: Consider how much hell he puts me through. That's how much I dislike him.**

**"You liked it when I programmed Zhang Chunhua to have a innocent shy school girl personality for a short time! And when I "put" Zhao to sleep for a while too. Zhang Chunhua looks over to Sima Yi with a disapproving face, "So that's why I saw nothing but black. So, how was it, huh?" **

**"It was weird, but then I got used to it. Then you returned back. (Disappointing.)" Sima Zhao yells at Sima Yi, "I thought I was dead during those dark hours!"**

**"And I didn't hear you scream, so it was good."**

**"Actually, he was dead."**

**"WHAT?! You told him to kill me?"**

**"Actually, he offered. But you're alive now!"**

**"You're an awful father."**

**"You were the one who actually did it! I didn't ask, but you did it!"**

**"Yeah, hope you enjoyed it."****  
><strong>

**Jia Xu: Meh.**

**"Another "meh."**

**Zhang He: He lacks beauty inside of him. Outside, he's... um...**

**"Oh come on! Zhang He can't even make a beauty comment about me!"**

**"That probably means you're that ugly on the inside, it spreads over to the outside."**

**"Hey! Izuru, you bastard!"**

**Li Dian: Meh.**

**Pang De: Meh.**

**Dian Wei: Meh.**

**Xu Chu: Meh.**

**Yue Jin: Meh.**

**"Stop "meh"ing! Even Xu Chu's doing it!"**

**Zhen Ji: Perv.**

**Wang Yi: Perv.**

**Cai Wenji: Pervert.**

**"Okay, not what I wanted besides "meh."**

**Cao Ren: Meh.**

**Xu Huang: Meh.**

**Zhang Liao: Meh.**

**"Come on! More mehs?!"**

**Yu Jin: He sealed me into a plastic person, what do you think?**

**"Finally, something different! Next review!"**

...*The men who were pointing at Wang yi shift to Guan Yinping* Not sure if bullets could even scratch her... but it's worth a try... Now, marry me.

To Dong Zhuo: Other than Diaochan, which DW women would you definitely bang? Please explain why in full detail for each woman. And here, this is in case you piss anyone off by saying anything. *Hands him a forcefield projector that I totally built myself and didn't steal from the future*

**"She's sixteen, you perv! Or... maybe not if you're her age. I don't know... But the moment you turn out to be a 45 year-old brony, I will call the Child Protective Services on you! Also, we never include Dong Zhou in these things, so you can throw out all of your questions for him." He stands still for a full minute before walking away. He comes back with a mannequin. **

**"You want Dong Zhou? I'll give ya Dong Zhou! Just... why do they never make fat mannequins?" **

**"...Because... actually, I don't know."**

**"Oh well, I'll improvise." Takasugi takes out balloons and blows them up to sticks them around the abdomen of the mannequin. He grabs many random pieces of clothes and attaches them everywhere on the body. He gets a large fake beard and glues it onto the face. He makes a hat to then place it on the head.**

**"There! Ya happy?! I don't want to have to bring in the real one or else he'll just die twenty times over from everyone here wanting to kill his really fat-ass! Let me get into character." He makes his voice sound like Dong Zhou and coming from the mannequin. **

"Yeah! I'll totally bang Diao Chan!"

**"...That's hardly convincing."**

**"Well, I've never played a fat rapist before!** Mm-hm... the bitchy woman with the flute, I'll do her."

**"Are you sure you're not just saying the women you'd have sex with?"**

**"If I found a woman that looked liked any woman in here, I'll do that in a heartbeat. Anyway... **I'll totally do... ah! I'll do all of the girls! **Because he is such a disgusting pig.**"

**"Look who is talking."**

**"I am not into little girls nor any other girl that is under eighteen. Really, little girls are annoying. No offense. Last one." **

Lol Getter Emperor, Try Elder God Demonbane(1). He can destroy a universe with a glare.  
>Btw this is great fic! can i be a staff here(hand job application)?<p>

**"Mm-hm. I'm starting to get annoyed with these manga "things" I've never knew existed. Please stop spamming with this. And working at Koei requires you to be eighteen years or older, have a degree in something computer-related, and have a bachelor's degree. I think... "**

**"Wow... You don't even know the requirements."**

**"It's been a while since I learned it! AH!" He fails to react when Zhang Chunhua throws a knife at Yue Ying, but it hits him instead. "Ah! Where is it?! I can't feel my math abilities! Ah! Is it bleeding?" He turns to reveal the knife was sticking out of the top of his head. "Oh no! Oh no... Oh no... Get it out! I think it broke off a piece of my skull!" **

**"Just carefully remove it from your head..."**

**"You do it! I'm scared!"  
><strong>

**"You're scared of a knife? You took a sword to the head when Zhou Yu got angry at you for casting him as Pocahontas!" **

**"I KNEW it was coming! This a surprise and it hurts more!" He turns to see Izuru holding the knife. **

**"...Oh."**

**"Not so bad, huh?" A knife hits him in the head. "...Okay. Playtime's over. Let's see how those ladies are doing-Ah!" The two duck as many blades fly above them. **

**"I think I saw a hand!"**

**"A shoe?"**

**"Is that a finger?"**

**"Jesus Christ, they're tearing each other apart! Please! You two stop! Sima Yi! Zhuge Liang! Are you going to stop this?!" The two were standing and speaking to each other. **

**"1,000 gold says Yue Ying wins."**

**"She cheated! She cut off both of my wife's hands!" Izuru looks in shock as he heard, "WHAT?!"**

**"But she can still throw knifes with her mouth. And your wife cut off Yue Ying's arm."**

**"Yup, I don't know how, but she could."**

**"How come you two are not worried?!"**

**"You did say they cannot die."**

**"Well, yeah. But they are being disfigured as we speak! You two didn't do that!"**

**"Actually I was planning to cut off Zhuge Liang's legs."**

**"And I was planning to cut both of Sima Yi's arms off."**

**"But you interrupted before anything serious could surface."**

**"Good! Now I need to fix this. Grab that plush." **

**"Wow, never thought you would tell me that, but okay." The two pick up the lying voodoo plushes and force them onto the ground hard. **

**"Look at this Yue Ying plush. There is almost a cut in every area and the arm is gone.**** I'd hate to see what she looks like now."**

**"This Zhang Chunhua one is not looking any better. Two hands are gone and there is a giant cut in the middle of it." The two fighting mimic the plushes and hit the ground flat on their faces.**

**"OW!"**

**"Oh, THAT hurts? Come on, stop. You causing thousands in damage." Takasugi nudges Izuru, "Women, right? Hahahaha!"**

**"That's sexist." **

**"Okay, sorry..."**

**"Now you two, please come up here. And... please walk with your backs towards us..."**

**"Walk forward backwards?"**

**"Yes..." The two women get up and did that. "Please don't turn around. I do not want to-" The two turn to face him. **

**"AAAAH! YOU TWO LOOK LIKE A SAW MOVIE!"**

**"THIS IS WORSE THAN A SAW MOVIE! THIS IS JUSTIN BIEBER'S NEVER SAY NEVER!" **

**"THAT'S NOT EVEN A HORROR MOVIE!"**

**"I KNOW! IT WAS THAT BAD!"**

**"AAAAAAAH!"**

**"AAAAAAAH!" The two ladies look at them with blank offended faces. "Would you please stop yelling?"  
><strong>

**"WHY?! YOU LOOK LIKE MY MOM'S VIDEO OF ME WHEN I WAS BORN AND COMING OUT OF HER WOMB!"**

**"I SWEAR THIS BEATS ANY HORROR MOVIE THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN!"**

**"What can get you to stop yelling?"**

**"UNTIL YOU FIX YOURSELVES UP!"**

**"LIAN SHI! ACTIVATE YOUR HEALING RAIN MUSOU!" **

**"Of course!" Lian Shi takes out her crossbow and performs the musou and the area floods with 5 inches of water. When Izuru and Takasugi open their eyes, the two women were healed completely. **

**"Haaa... we can talk normally now."**

**"Hey, would it have gotten rid of the feces smell also?" Takasugi goes over to Sima Yi and sniffs the area near him. "He smells like Febreze now."**

* * *

><p><strong>The funny thing is the area where I live in there is a chain <strong>**restaurant ****that is called "King Eggroll" and I thought it would be a funny innuendo for the male you-know-what.**

**Those two doctors from the beginning are from a PC game call Team Fortress 2. **

**When Guo Huai said he did the Sima Yi photoshopped onto Monsoon picture, it is slightly true since I found it in a parody Guo Huai Twitter account. Yeah, just go and find a account called, "YA BOI GUO HUAI" and you'll see the funny... "stuff." There is one of Sima Yi also called "Meme-a Yi." Weird, yes. Funny, still yes. **


	25. When will I run out of Sima Yi jokes?

**"I've got nothing. Can we just talk about this "sexy" pic of Cao Pi I found in Zhen Ji's room?" Zhen Ji yells at Takasugi, "You went through my chambers?!"**

**"Yeah! How did you think I got this pic/drawing? This shows how wasteful Cao Pi is. People are starving and he's putting grapes on his crotch. People need to eat, you horrible horrible man!" Cao Pi turns red in embarrassment and swipes away the picture. **

**"This... is none of your business!"**

**"Yeah, the ancient art of sexting. I didn't know you people did it too... Anyway, what's next? Dick pics on scrolls? And based on what I have seen with Japanese and Chinese paintings, they will look like turds. Literal turds. I mean, they draw people like if they were made of water or something like that. I'd hate to see what they'll do to draw a pen-is."**

**Izuru says, "Are you done?"**

**"Not really. I need to fill more space of in this chapter. Ok, let's talk about this picture of DW6 Sima Yi stripping I found on Devainart."**

**"Why?!"**

**"I don't know. I'm just talking about things I find on our beloved Internet to fill up this space. I also found a picture of DW6 Sima Yi looking "sexy" while smoking what I think is opium." Sima Yi looks at the picture being held up. **

**"...How many of these pictures do you have...?"**

**"As long the Internet extends. I'm serious, there is a lot of sexualized Sima Yi pictures all over the Net. You can pass these around so your sons know you're a stripper, a model, and porn star. Yeah, we know about your porn career."**

**"AH! What?! I don't do that!"**

**"Hey, think of something, it has been done of you. I'm just looking all of the pictures..." Takasugi was holding a very very thick manila folder that is almost the size of an encyclopedia. **

**"Yeah, that's right, audience. I happen to have every fanart of Sima Yi as a folder. Why? Because his fanart is always the best since fangirls do everything for him. I mean, I found a picture of him as a Pikachu. That has not been done for anyone else besides him. And Cao Pi was Ash, go figure."**

**"Please... shut up and close that..."**

**"Sima Yi catching a puppy... Sima Yi as woman... Sima Yi being swung around by Zhang He like a frickin' top... Sima Yi as a baby... Sima Yi almost naked due to convenient censoring of his clothes..." **

**"Stop saying the descriptions of those pictures out loud!"**

**"Sima Yi enjoying his butt getting stepped on by Zhang Chunhua..."**

**"What? That's not how our relationship is at all!" (Sort of.)**

**"Ha-ha. Yeah, right. Sima Yi kissing Guo Huai..."**

**"WHAT?! I would never! I don't want to get whatever illness he has!****" **

**"Sima Yi hugging a llama..."**

**"Huh? I guess that's not so bad..."**

**"Cao Pi trying to shoot Sima Yi with an arrow... But he misses... Damnit, Cao Pi! You had one job!"**

**"...I was? When did I do that...?"**

**"You were high."**

**"When was I high?!"**

**"Exactly."**

**"Sima Yi-Oh! Oh-ho-ho-ho! That is not safe here! Ah-oh-oh-ho-ho! NSFW alert! Oh! I guess everything else after this is NSFW."**

**"What were they?"**

**"Oh, come on. Do you really want to know?"**

**"...You're right..."**

**"It's you actually nude-"**

**"I said I don't need to know!" **

**"I don't know how this nude Zhang Chunhua pic got into this, but I'm not complaining. My organizer must have mixed the folders up." Zhang Chunhua goes and swipes away the picture away from Takasugi's hands. **

**"Where are you people getting pictures of me?!"**

**"Internet loves to Rule 34 everything. Oh my, there is this interesting picture of you and Sima Yi... I can't tell what are you two doing in this one... I can't tell if it is sex or a lap dance. Either way, Sima Yi is too damn lucky."**

**"Can you stop talking about these pictures now?"**

**"I wish! There are so many I can't stop looking at! You in South Park animation, you as some naked turd-duck, there's even you as Spongebob! Hahaha!" He faces the screen, "Yes, these exist. I wish I were making these up, but they do exist."**

**"Just stop, can you?"**

**"Yeah, yeah." A paper airplane flies and hits him in the cheek. **

**"Oh, perfect timing."**

*Sigh* alright go home guys, I'm done trying this. *The hitmen leave*  
>And that sucks, because I can think of some interesting questions for Dong Zhuo. Either way, I'll try to avoid asking him from here on out.<br>And I'm 18... so it's not too creepy that I wanted to marry Yinping.

*Waves beer in front of Zhang Fei's face* what would you do to get this from me?  
>Zhao Yun, have you ever heard of Kain Highwind? I think you two would have an interesting conversation.<br>Gan Ning, do you ever miss being a pirate?

**"Oh, then do you want me to play the priest again? I can do it again. I feel holy every time I do it."**

**"Ironic since you are very unholy." **

**Zhang Fei snatches the beer away and chugs it. He spits it out. "Pffoot! This is light beer! Give me real beer!" Zhao Yun shrugs at the next question, "Who's this Kain?" ****  
><strong>

**"Just let me go through Google here..." Takasugi takes out his laptop and taps away. **

**"How many of those do you have? We keep on seeing them getting destroyed here."**

**"I have computer insurance."**

**"...That exists?"**

**"Ah! Got a picture. He looks like a blond Wen Yang, though... I guess you two could talk about the dragons on your armor. He has a dragon helmet and Yun's got a dragon shoulder pad. There isn't really much I have here... Next!" Gan Ning sits next to the wall and snores near it. **

**"Hey, get up."**

**"Nrrgh..."**

**"Do you miss being a pirate?"**

**"...Nrrgh... What?"**

**"Your pirate days?"**

**"Yeah, sure... I didn't have an old man following me around and bossing me then... All the wine... The booty... Me getting to meet Blackbeard..."**

**"Blackbeard didn't exist until the 1700s..."**

**"What? Who are you talking about? I met this guy named Blackbeard. He sailed from somewhere to here."**

**"Maybe your Blackbeard was someone else..."**

**"Since we're done. Let's talk about this picture of Sima Yi scaring off Sima Shi with a peach."**

**"Stop talking about those pictures! And since when did I scare Shi with a peach?!"**

**"There's this one where Sima Yi is posing for the "This is It" poster in his Micheal Jackson outfit."**

**"That wasn't a Micheal Jackson outfit... That was really his DLC "school" outfit."**

**"Fine, he can be Justin Timberlake. He can sing "Suit & Tie."**

**"His voice isn't that high enough."**

**"He can lip-sync it. Hmm... nah. That outfit is a pimp's. Sima Yi can be a pimp in that "school" outfit. Actually, his modern clothing all tend to be pimp suits. Such a shame Jin has only two women and one of them is not legal to him." **

**"Ever thought he could be Zimos from Saints Row the Third?"**

**"Yeah, Zimos! His DW8 modern job outfit would be perfect to be Zimos! All we need for him is that big pimp hat! His name will Simos! That sounds like a sumo team, but meh!" Sima Yi asks him, "What are you thinking about now?"**

**"Oh, nothing. Just me rambling about how stupid your hat looks now." **

**"I know you were not talking about it!"**

**"I'm pretty sure a pimp hat would like way better than that U.F.O on your head. Undesirable female object."**

**"What the hell does that even mean?!"**

**"Meaning even Lady Gaga won't wear that. Or any other women basically. They won't even get it for their dog. And you see people pimp out their dog with nails and nose jobs. It could also mean that hat can repel women. The only woman that it has no effect on is Zhang Chunhua. But I can tell it is slowly, slowly repelling her as we speak."**

**"..."**


	26. This is about two dollars, tops

**Takasugi holds a few books in his hands and walks over to Yue Ying and Zhang Chunhua. "Here. Read these until you forget about each other."**

**"That will not work."**

**"Will this latest edition of Make Magazine help?" **

**"...Maybe." Yue Ying takes the book and goes off to read it. Takasugi turns to Zhang Chunhua. "Ever heard of Fifty Shades of Grey?"**

**"No."**

**"Then here. Take it and forget Sima Yi existed." **

**"Why?"**

**"Trust me, you'll want to." He gives her the book and she goes off to read it. Izuru asks him, "Is that a good idea to let her know that is a book?"**

**"Why? I heard it is called "mommy porn." I'm sure she'll thank me."**

**"...Really?"**

**"Yeah. I heard it is a best-seller here in Japan with housewives."**

**"Not surprising. Did you know that book is based from a Twilight fanfiction?"**

**"Wow, then America is pretty much doomed if fanfiction got turned into a best-selling book. What if this fiction got turned into a book? I mean, it will be horse s*bleep."**

**"Even worse than Twilight?"**

**"Well... Maybe this will end up in the Barnes and Noble clearance bin for three U.S dollars or even less than that."**

**"So worse?"**

**"As long the average teenage white girl remains hormone-raging and stupid, that book will be worth at least seven bucks, tops. But it will never end up in the bin." Zhang Chunhua goes back to Takasugi and gives him the book. **

**"You're finished?! Since when is your fluency is over 9000?! Anyway, how'd you like the book-" He sees her take out a handkerchief and wiping her eyes. **

**"...This book wasn't sad. What part is sad? Aside from the girl being whipped and tortured in here." Izuru comments, "You read it?"**

**"No! I just read a summary of it online. So what was sad again? I fail to see it."**

**"She didn't stay with him." The two had their eyes widened and were yelling at her, "WHAT THE F*BLEEP*?! THAT WAS WHY YOU ARE SAD?!"**

**"I don't think you even know what "sad" is!"**

**"What about Ana leaving Christian made you sad?! They were incompatible from the start!" Izuru looks at Takasugi with a raised eyebrow, "...You read it..."**

**"No, I did not! Maybe a few pages... Then I went to the very end... er... Don't change the subject! So, you liked the book?"**

**"Like" is not what I would say..."**

**"Okay..." He whispers to Izuru, "Should I tell her there are sequels?"**

**"No. Bad idea."**

**"I read that the two do get together." **

**"...Read?"**

**"Um... Read the summary is what I meant."**

**"...Uh-huh."**

**"You read it too! You knew who were Ana and Christian!"**

**"I read a summary."**

**"Yeah, right!" Yue Ying walks up to him and gives him the magazine back. She then takes the Fifty Shades of Grey book and goes off again. **

**"Wait.. um.. I picked that out specifically for Zhang Chunhua since she is... heh... something that starts with the letter "K". Eh, you know what, take it." A paper airplane flies into his ear. **

**"Ow! At least this time it didn't hurt that badly."**

1: I want all the guys to do the flop. For an hour.  
>2: I dare all the girls to get voodoo dolls of all the guys and do as they please.<br>3: Make it rain meatbuns.  
>4: I want all the guys to have a singing competition with the most embarrassing songs. EVER.<br>5: (gives cookie to author)  
>6: Last one. I dare all the guys to watch Justin Beiber's Never say Never. (Don't worry, I hate the movie too)<p>

**"...The first one is like watching Magicarps use Splash. I don't think this will give me a good image..." He sighs. "Alright, Jia Chong! Here's this hat and glasses. Wear them and yell "everyone do the flop!"."**

**"...Again?"**

**"Oh, you only did it once in that DW random parodies fiction. What's one more?"**

**"Without the hat and glasses."**

**"Okay." Jia Chong sighs and walks to an end of the stage. He slides up to the center to jump upwards and dance in the air. "EVERYONE DO THE FLOP!" He falls face down onto the stage when every other male does this except a few. **

**"Okay, while they are smashing their faces into the stage, let's go over to the next one. Zhuge Liang?"**

**"No."**

**"Come on, I know Zhang Chunhua's not going to provide them."**

**"And I'm not either."**

**"Huff... I guess we can't do it since this guy here is being a buzzkill." A meatbun hits him on the head. "Huh? Ah!" More meatbuns hit him and it pours meatbuns. **

**"How can it even rain in here?! Oh!" He gets covered in meatbuns. Sima Shi goes and gets an armful of meatbuns and chews on one. Takasugi pops his head out of the pile. "Maybe this is how that tumor got in your eye. You ate too much of this."**

**"No, it just happened."**

**"It can't be just fate, it could be your awful eating habits!"**

**"I'm sure Heaven was scared of me and had to let me die."**

**"Yeah, if you stayed away from the battlefield and stayed at home like your doctor said, you would at least led Wei/Jin faster to its fate. If not for..." He yells out in exasperation, "WEN YANG trying to SHOW OFF his skills and CAUSING YOU TO HAVE YOUR EYE POP OUT! Actually, it's yours and Wen Yang's fault you died. Yeah, Jeremy Lin here killed you without trying to kill you." Izuru says to him, "Jeremy Lin is Taiwanese." **

**"Jeremy Lin's ancestors came from China. Wait... Wen Yang could be his ancestor. Yeah, I'm on to something here!"**

**"Wen Yang died along with his family because of Zhuge Dan's grandson accusing him of treason out of anger. History repeats itself, since his father was killed by Zhuge Dan himself."**

**"Argh... damn it! Wait, how about Wen Yang having a wife or secret lover that ran away with his only baby?"**

**"Those kind of stories? Highly unlikely, but possible."**

**"So Jin was basically "Everyone Hates Wen Yang" now, huh?"**

**"Not hate... Just they were STILL pissed at the fact he was the one who caused Sima Shi to die."**

**"What's next on this thing?"**

**"Singing."**

**"Hm, most of the men here can sing, so it is not that embarrassing. I bet they can make "Thrift Shop" sound like Mozart."**

**"What about Wrecking Ball?"**

**"Oh god no! But I do think a couple of them could pull it off...But... I'm just a little tired today... How about something short?" **

**"PSY's "Gentleman"?"**

**"Hm... Cao Cao's doing it!" Cao Cao looks over at him, "Huh?"**

**"Just this one video should cut it."**

***START***

**"These lyrics don't make sense!"**

**"It's that or sing in Korean."**

***START***

**"Should the lady who follows PSY/Cao Cao be Zhang Chunhua? She looks the most Korean to me."**

**"No... that will be too creepy..." Cao Cao raises his voice at them, "No, it will be a great idea!"  
><strong>

**"What about her makes me you think "Korean?"**

**"It's her hair! She reminds me of that singer who sang a Korean version of "Let It Go" from Frozen! And a stripper I met in Seoul..."**

**"Yeah... no..."**

***OK THIS IS WHEN IT REALLY STARTS!***

**Cao Cao along with Huang Zhong, Huang Gai, and Sun Jian walk up a street towards the camera. Cao Cao kicks a traffic cone and then claps his hands in amusement. The scene switches to him squatting in front of the three while bopping his head up and down. He stands up to sing, "Old guys turn me on." He walks with the other three guys behind him. **

**We're all about to have an orgy**

**Old guys turn me on **

**He grabs a nearby female mannequin's chest.**

**And mannequin boob make me horny**

**Old guys turn me on**

**He is dancing in front of Sun Jian.**

**This is starting to get really gay**

**Huang Zhong: Now his pants are off!**

**Cao Cao is seen without his pants and dancing in boxers.**

**Come on, guys you should all do the same**

**The four are all now in their underwear. The scene switches to Cao Cao dancing in the playground with Li Dian.**

**I have gonorrhea**

**That's why I'm dancing like this **

**It's so itchy**

**He is standing on a treadmill with Yue Ying running on the next to him.**

**Gonorrhea**

**Hoping to give it this running lady**

**Gonorrhea**

**She's ignoring me so I'll increase her speed**

**Cao Cao presses the up button on the treadmill, causing Yue Ying to fall off.**

**Gonorrhea**

**Yue Ying: You ass! I just broke my kneecaps!**

**Liu Bei walks up to an elevator at the same time Cao cao is. He is clutching his stomach as he has a stomach ache. Cao Cao sees him and presses all the buttons on the control panel. Liu Bei puts on a look of annoyance while Cao Cao dances. **

**Cao Cao slowly holds a brown substance and rubs it onto Sun Shang Xiang's face. **

**I-I-I**

**I-I'm a**

**I-I-I**

**I-I'm a**

**I-I-I**

**I-I'm a**

**Super creepy Asian man**

**Cao Cao dances with generic peons and has Zhen Ji and Wang Yi dancing the same way only facing the opposite direction of him.**

**I'm a **

**I- I'm a**

**I'm a**

**Super creepy Asian man **

**He grabs the two ladies' behinds and they slap him. The next shot is him playing soccer with the Guan kids. He runs off carrying Guan Ping and Guan Suo.**

**I'm a**

**I-I'm a **

**I'm a **

**Super creepy Asian man **

**Cao Cao is seen rubbing the backs of Wang Yuanji and Lian Shi.**

**I've got a problem**

**I can't help but molest every lady**

**He pulls the string of Lian Shi's bikini and she turns around angry at him.**

**I've got a problem**

**Watching two men grind gives me a stiffy**

**Cao Cao lays under the legs of Xiahou Yuan and Zhang He as they rub against each other. Cao Cao walks with Cai Wenji and he pulls out the chair under her and she falls down.**

**I've got a problem**

**I love pranking girls on fancy dates**

**Sima Yi picks up Cai Wenji by the hand to only then let her fall down again.**

**Cause it makes me c****

**Then my friend makes them fall on their face**

**The two laugh while Cai Wenji lays on the floor looking at them weirdly.**

**I need rehab**

**Diao Chan walks slowly and the camera zooms in on her chest and butt.**

**Disrespecting hotties makes me so happy**

**Cao Cao turns and sees her.**

**Need rehab**

**I see a sweaty girl**

**Time to strip**

**Need rehab**

**Pants fly into Diao Chan's face. Cao Cao goes onto some bars and pulls up and down quickly.**

**Watch this pull up**

**Check out my ass**

**Do you like that?**

**Need rehab**

**Cao Cao holds up a peace sign in Diao Chan's face. **

**Peace shut!**

**Diao Chan: Wait, I want to lick your nuts!**

**The two go into a restaurant and Diao Chan moves Cao Cao's chair, so he falls down. Cao Cao dances with a rope-like thing. The two eat noodles and eggrolls suggestively and Cao Cao drags her outside of the restaurant.**

**I-I-I**

**I-I'm a**

**I-I-I**

**I-I'm a**

**I-I-I**

**I-I'm a**

**Super creepy Asian man**

**More dancing along with peons and woman.**

**I'm a**

**I-I'm **

**I'm a**

**Super creepy Asian man**

**Cao Cao tries to grope Diao Chan, but she pushes his hands away.**

**Gonna lift your dress**

**Gonna grab your chest**

**Zhang Fei goes up to him with a gun. **

**You're under arrest!**

**What? Why?**

**Yue Ying: For breaking my knees**

**Guan Yu: You took my kids, freak**

**Zhen Ji: You grabbed my buttcheeks**

**Wang Yi: And mine**

**Lian Shi: And mine**

**Zhang He: And mine!**

**But I**

**I-I-I**

**I'm a super creepy Asian man**

**Zhang Fei: Well, didn't you say so?**

**I'm a **

**I-I'm a **

**I'm a**

**Super creepy Asian man**

**I-I'm a **

**I'm a**

**Super creepy Asian man**

**The people shown all dance in alternating scenes and they all end by crossing their legs.**

***END***

**"That was not the translation I gave you!, "complained Izuru.**

**"Yeah, it sucked. I turned to this parody I found online and this was funnier."**

**"Was this embarrassing enough?"**

**"Yeah... You should see the ones who had to do the embarrassing stuff." He eats a cookie. "Mm... chocolate chip."**

**"That was for the author!"**

**"We don't even see her eat it! What's the point of giving a person we never see eat? That last one... Do you expect me to run and grab a copy. Of. That. Movie. In. Japan? Actually, I can, but the cash register guy will look at me weird." **

**"You can download it-"**

**"That movie doesn't deserve a spot in my laptop's hard drive! That belongs to my sexy ladies."**

**"...Ugh.. How about streaming it?"**

**"Fine. They can watch five minutes." He plugs a cord into the laptop and the movie displays on a screen that appears over the curtains. Sima Zhao comments, "Hey look, it's Xiahou Ba!" The younger male characters snickered or laughed.**

**"Ha-ha... Very funny, Sima Zhao..." **

**Five minutes of pain later...**

**"That's it! I'm deleting my history and making sure this never gets spoken of again! And asking for Xiahou Dun to never bring a weapon to a movie screening again. He cut up the screen when he saw Bieber took his shirt off. I would have done that too, trust me." Another paper airplane flies into his face.**

**"This looks like it is your show now, Guan Ping. So, let's carry this over to the next chapter.**


	27. Guan Ping's show for a tiny bit

**"Here's next chapter, so let's all get off now." Everyone gets off the stage and hands push in Guan Ping into the middle of the stage. They give him the paper.**

I'm bored, so I'll ask a few questions.

Guan Ping, one of the terribly underrated character in DW7 and 8. You use a great sword, one of the slowest weapon in the game and almost all NPC use that weapon. So I'll ask,  
>1) If you can change your weapon, what will it be? A reverse grip great sword which is lighter perhaps?<br>2) How will you act if you're stronger than your father? Because you don't need to impress him anymore, will you still be polite and humble?  
>3) What will you do if someone decided to date Guan Yinping? Will you go rage mode? Since I think you're the closest to her, based on your interactions with her in Ambition Mode.<p>

Hmm, I dare you to become an overpowered rude but badass warrior that fight only for yourself and your family, not for Shu. Because you will probably never become this in the original game. *Sigh*

**"I would obviously make it lighter since I always tear a muscle every time I swing that thing. Second question is that I don't know since I am not stronger than him. And that last one... Ahem... I'll say this." His eyes turn red and the aura around him turns dark. "If they disrespect her, they disrespect me. I'll pummel their sorry ass to next century." He returns to normal. People in Shu had their eyes wide open. **

**"How can I do that last one? I can't just transform into something I'm not."**

**"When you're a video game character, you could! With the power of mods!" Takasugi takes out his laptop and taps a few keys into t. Guan Ping has light surrounding him it engulfs him. Everyone covers their eyes at the brightness. When the light dies down, a tall seven foot man with a chiseled face stands before them. Izuru yells at Takasugi, "You completely changed him! Who's this? WHAT is this?"**

**"I took my character from Skyrim and fused it into a Fist of the North Star character. Then fused it into Ping here. Kmph... His name was Ping... Ping... Wasn't that Mulan's name when she was under disguise as a man? But Ping? Heh... Hehehehe! Ping... It's just so silly to say! Hahaha-Nh?" He sees a greatsword sticking out of his body. **

**"And yeah... I killed everything I saw in Skyrim... so this guy is a bit aggressive..." Arrows begin to make their way into his head. "Hey, hey! I don't have an item you want! stop shooting!" **

**"How are you able to withstand all of this...?"**

**"Video game weapons have no effect on me. If they did, I would have died stories ago from Sima Yi trying to beat me to death with a whip. Imagine that on my death certificate. Death by whip. Killed by dead ancient Chinese war strategist general." He pulls out the arrows from his head along with the sword. **

**"There. Tell me when you want Ping turned back."**

**"Guan Ping" walks to his family off-stage. "Hey, guys." He stands towering Guan Yu. "...Ah... Ping... You have grown."**

**"Yes. And I don't need to impress you anymore!" **

**"Wait, that thing still has his personality?"**

**"Sort of. This went by so fast. I wonder what can I do to fill this space up. Let's have a mud wrestling thing with the women."**

**"They won't approve."**

**"Huuh... fine. I want a live action kung-fu movie here and now. I'm also betting money."**

**"So want me to get the computer-"**

**"No. Real-live action. I know the strategists have hidden kung-fu abilities."**

**"That is just a stereotype. It's like asking Samurai Warriors if they know karate." **

**"They do."**

**"Okay, what makes you think they know kung-fu?" **

**"Easy." He takes out a baseball and walks around to find an unsuspecting victim. He sees Zhou Yu with his back turned and he throws it at him. Zhou Yu turns quickly and catches it.**

**"Yeah, you do know it."**

**"Hm?" **

**"Punch Zhuge Liang in the face."**

**"...Okay...?" Zhou Yu walks up to Zhuge Liang. He is about to punch him until Zhuge Liang catches his hand. Their eyes snap at each and they jump away from each other to the very far ends of the auditorium. They run up the walls and fly towards each other while switching throws and kicks. **

**"Wow, this is better than I thought. Popcorn?"**

**"When did you..? Ah, fine."**

**They stand and watched the real life action movie.**

**"Twenty dollars Zhou Yu wins."**

* * *

><p><strong>It's probably just me or did the designers of Zhang Chunhua model her after someone Korean? They may be watching some K-pop and then an idea popped in their head. <strong>

**I do know that wasn't the translation and I grabbed those lyrics from a guy who does parodies. The channel's Bart Barker if you want to see the real video.**

**I have never read Fifty Shades of Grey, I just read the plot and summary on Wikipedia. **


	28. Someone dies again

**Takasugi is seen holding an Iphone and and is tapping it several times. izuru says to him, "An Iphone? Never thought you would sink so low."**

**"No, no, everyone here knows is that any Japanese person who buys from Apple is a disgrace. I did get this from Apple, but I plan to return it after I mess with this Oldify app. I'm trying out Sima Yi since he so wants to age badly." He taps a few times and then he puts on a face of anger.**

**"This isn't working!" He taps a few more times. "Why isn't it making Sima Yi old? There's must be a mistake during the programming."**

**"Let me see." Izuru gets the Iphone and taps it. He taps a few more times. "It's not working. Try someone else."  
>"Cao Cao." Izuru taps the phone again. "Nope. Still young."<strong>

**"They must be really anti-age that the phone can't figure out what they'll look like in twenty years. Well, that was a waste of money. I'll go return it after today's chapter."**

**"How much did you pay for it?"**

**"400 bucks for a rectangle with a bad camera. Don't know why America has a boner for it." A paper airplane flies into front of him and catches it. **

I have but one suggestion as of now.

To everyone who existed in real life: Have a conversation with yourselves from real life (or since they're dead an Artificial Intelligence of them) and then tell us what you think of yourself.**  
><strong>

**"Everyone? Ngh... Eighty-something characters... Some don't exist... Nrrgh... Let me think of how many people have to come back as a zombie... Nrrgh... Goddamn, it's still a lot. How the hell can I even get the dead bodies? They would have rotted completely after 2,000 years. Let me look through the junk gadgets box." He walks behind the stage to find a large create of random electronics. **

**"Nope. Nope. Nope. Hm? What about this?" He goes back with the device and reads the booklet attached to it. "Recreate a person by using DNA. Take DNA of any body fluid and place in device. Press trigger to create artificial being. Best for historical being recreation. Wow, so convenient. I'll test it. Hmm... Eh, Sima Yi, can you pee into this cup?" Sima Yi looks at him with a face of slight disgust. "...Why? And no."**

**"Here's a Playboy. Come back when the cup has-"**

**"NO!"**

**"Spit into the cup." Sima Yi sighs and takes the cup. he spits into it and gives it to Takasugi. "Ugh, why do you want my saliva?"**

**"Just a little science." He does as the instructions said and pressed the trigger of the device. A full minute passed and nothing happened. "Well, that was a disappointment." Right when he said that, the device shoots unknown substance onto the ground. **

**"...Ew... That looks like-" The substance stands upright and begins to move around. It starts to form a firgure and when it was done, a man with an older face and goatee keeps a face of dismay as it looks around. **

**"Wǒ zài nǎlǐ?" (Where am I?)**

**"Whoops! Need a translator on him." He presses a button on a remote he takes out. "Okay, Sima Yi. here you go." He pushes him in front of the older man. "Wait, wait! Oh, great..." The older man looks at him with a raised eyebrow. **

**"That hat looks stupid. Why are you wearing it? It looks like a boat."**

**"Hahahaha! Even your real self thinks it looks stupid!" Sima Yi keeps a calm face while having a popped vein on his head. "So, you're the me I'm supposed to look like... I never thought I looked so old..."**

**"Who are you? Shi?"**

**"Oh, he thinks you're his son!"**

**"...Shut up... No, I'm you."**

**"Hm? Me? That is impossible. You look like my wife."****  
><strong>

**"Ha, he's making fun of how you don't have facial hair."**

**"I don't see why I should to this old man."**

**"That old man is you."**

**"This old man is hard to talk to!"**

**"Says you."**

**"...I... Oh dear... This is me."**

**"Yep. And to do everyone else... Ugh... Timeskip!"**

**An hour and a half of spitting and device activating...**

**Almost everyone had their real person in front of them and speaking with them. Some were getting along fine and some were not. **

**"Do we need a list of what happened?"**

**"Yeah, I guess..."**

**Zhao Yun: He-I was boring.**

**Guan Yu: That man was arrogant. **

**"That was you..."**

**Zhang Fei: Fat guy that liked little girls. Ew, I thought I was horrible enough.**

**Zhuge Liang: He was the most infuriating man I've ever met! I know it is me, but... he was so all-knowing and showing off!**

**"Look at yourself."**

**Liu Bei: He didn't really do much...**

**Ma Chao: He killed so many people! I've never thought-**

**"I'm gonna stop you there. YOU killed those people."**

**Yue Ying: She wasn't complete. I was sitting in front of a head...**

**"Yeah, there isn't that much info on you. Because your husband didn't bother recording you."**

**Huang Zhong: He was okay, I guess. **

**Jiang Wei: He's stupid! I thought I was a little better than that!**

**Wei Yan: The guy I met was BAD. ASS. Oh, I mean... He... very... strong... and..good...**

**Pang Tong: We just sat there and drank from his secret wine puch.**

**Guan Ping: He was quiet...**

**Liu Shan: He was fat. Dear me, was he so that indulgent? **

**Ma Dai: He didn't say a lot.**

**Zhang Bao: He just sat there!**

**Guan Xing: My figure also just sat there.**

**Fa Zheng: LOVE HIM-er-me? Whatever, I liked me/him. **

**Cao Cao: Loved my guy. He's me with a bigger beard.**

**Cao Pi: He was an ass.**

**"Wow, look who's talking!"**

**Xiahou Dun: Mmh.**

**Xiahou Yuan: He was decent.**

**Zhang He: Not what I expected. I thought he would be more elegant-looking.**

**"Yeah, "elegant-looking" doesn't fit onto a famous general that kicked Zhuge Liang's behind a lot."**

**Xu Chu: He was skinny! **

**Dian Wei: He had hair!**

**Zhang Liao: He didn't have the moustache or the hat. Rather bland. **

**Xu Huang: He was a badass! Why didn't I get to be that?!**

**"Sorry, Koei has a boner for Shu, remember? I don't, but I'm not in the writers department."**

**Zhen Ji: She was so happy-go-lucky I swear I was going to slap her.**

**Wang Yi: She liked the idea of Ma Chao dying.**

**Cai Wenji: She was so full of life about her poems. Even though she had an... awful past...**

**Cao Ren: He was awesome. Why wasn't I made with his features?**

**"Yeah... seems like the good generals get the poop stick while the bad generals get the clean stick."**

**Pang De: He was badass.**

**Guo Jia: He was boring.**

**"That was the real Guo Jia. He wasn't good with the ladies also."**

**"Why did I get that then?"**

**"Mm-hm?"**

**Jia Xu: Meh. He's alright.**

**Yue Jin: Still short...**

**Li Dian: He was so stuck-up!**

**Yu Jin: Just what I was like. **

**Zhou Yu: He was me, except with a moustache.**

**Lu Xun: He was... bland. So I set him on fire.**

**"WHY?!"**

**Taishi Ci: He was awesome. Why wasn't-"**

**"Didn't you hear me with Cao Ren?"**

**Lu Meng: He was decent.**

**Sun Jian: He was awesome.**

**"Yeah, it was you."**

**Sun Ce: meh.**

**Sun Quan: He was nuts. He tired to pull on my hair.**

**"You were nuts when you got older."**

**Sun Shang Xiang: She hated Liu Bei, and had the armored guards. Yeah, I liked her.**

**Gan Ning: He was an asshole. He killed a kid for no reason!**

**Ling Tong: He was cool. **

**Huang Gai: As I expected.**

**Zhou Tai: As I expected.**

**Lu Su: He was okay, weird talking to another me though.**

**Han Dang: My guy had the awesome stuff! Why didn't I get that?**

**"You always let other people take credit for what you did."**

**"When?!"**

**Zhu Ran: He was boring, so I set him on fire.**

**"Oh, come on!"**

**Ding Feng: Mmh.**

**Sima Yi: He didn't bother. He just sat there criticizing me.**

**"Ha-ha. You got told by yourseeeelf."**

**Sima Shi: He had the tumor still on his eye! I couldn't look at him during the whole time we were speaking to each other!**

**Sima Zhao: He was fat. I didn't want to talk to him since he gave me a weird look the entire time I was standing there.**

**Zhang Chunhua: She tried to strangle me.**

**"What? Why?"**

**"She thought I was the dead maid.****"**

**"The dead maid was Korean?"**

**Wang Yuanji: She was okay... **

**Deng Ai: Hm.**

**Guo Huai: He wasn't sick. Why am I sick? Why am I a bag of bones? Huh? Huh?!**

**"Whoa, whoa! I have no idea what the designers were on, but I want some."**

**Zhong Hui: He was ugly! **

**"...Huff... Really?"**

**Zhuge Dan: He was very angry about something and took it out on me. *turns around to show a sword on his back***

**"Huh, reminds me of someone..."**

**Wen Yang: He wasn't very talkative...**

**Jia Chong: I love me now.**

**"Too bad we can't get you off the screen though."**

**Xiahou Ba: He-I was so old...**

**Lu Bu: He was a badass, just like me, of course!**

**Zhang Jiao: He was bland.**

**"Yeah, the hippie voice thing did not sit with him."**

**Yuan Shao: He mocked my outfit! So I stabbed him in his ugly face!**

**Meng Huo: Mah.**

**"There! That was exhausting to do!" An airplane of paper hit him. "Okay, okay..."**

1: Throw pies at Sima Yi.  
>2: Force Xu Shu to act like SpongeBob (points bazooka at him)<br>3: They've never used blenders before, right? In that case, Cao Cao has to make a smoothie.  
>4: Author, are you a dynasty warrior veteran (played since DW 3 or 4?)<br>5: Takasugi, why are you so perverted?  
>6: IT'S RAINING TACOS! FROM OUT OF THE SKY! (rain tacos)<p>

**"I can do that anytime I want. But since you say so... Everyone! Get a pie and slap it onto Sima Yi's pretty face!" Sima Yi was already hot on his heels after he heard that.**

**"Hey! Come back so we can hit you with these sweet cakes!"**

**"No way!" He trips over a string and a net captures him. Takasugi walks up to him. "I knew you would try to run away as soon we get something like this, so I planned ahead."**

**"Nrragh, I hate it when someone thinks like me..."**

**"Anyway, we'll tie you down onto chair."**

**"Ugh, why?"**

**"I want to see everyone throw a pie at your face."**

**30 minutes of squirming and fighting later...**

**"Gee, he gives the most painful punches and kicks... Those elf shoes of his probably have spikes on the toe." He stands bruised with Sima Yi covered in duct tape and is sitting on a chair. Only his head is exposed. **

**"Alright, let's have a line. I call first shot!" He takes out a pie and slaps it directly on Sima Yi's face. **

**"AH!"**

**"Man, this feels good! You get second shot." Izuru takes the pie. "Eh, I'm not so sure..."**

**"Let all your pain flow into the pie." Right when he said that, Izuru already had slapped the pie onto Sima Yi's face. He spits out the cream and shakes his head. "Ugh, this is abnormally too sweet! How much sugar goes into these?"**

**"I don't know, ask Americans. Can everyone make a line so each and everyone can get to hit this man in the face with a sweet pastry?" Everyone complied and did so. Sima Yi yells at them, "WHAT?! Does everyone have an affinity against me?! I'm aware some of you people don't even know me!" He gets interrupted by a pie thrown at him by Cao Cao. "Okay... Phht! I get he wants to hit me..." **

**"Next!" Cao Pi gets a pie and throws it hard onto Sima Yi's face. "OW! That one really hurts!" He goes away to have Xiahou Dun throw one at him. "GAH! His was like a meteor!" Cao Cao dressed as Xiahou Yuan is about to throw a pie at Sima Yi, but Takasugi interrupts, "Cao Cao, I know you want to hit him more, but let everyone have a turn."**

**"Aw." Cao Cao walks away and the real Xiahou Yuan throws a pie at Sima Yi. **

**"I don't know why I'm even hitting him. I just want to munch on the pie for a bit."**

**"UGH! EW! Is your saliva still on this?!" **

**"Next." Cao Ren, Xu Huang, Zhang Liao, Dian Wei quickly throw their pies at Sima Yi. Xu Chu just ate his pie and threw the pan at him. Zhang He goes up to Sima Yi with a pie. **

**"Want me to feed it to-"**

**"HELL. NO. I RATHER YOU JUST THROW IT AT ME." Zhang He slaps the pie onto his face and walks away with a huff. "AAAAAH! He used his nails!" Li Dian is seen eating the pie. "Hm?"**

**"You're supposed to throw it."**

**"And ruin a perfectly good pie? No way, this tastes good." **

**"Next." Yue Jin holds his pie and looks at Sima Yi. "This has to hit him?"**

**"Yes."**

**"Mm-hm." He shrugs and hits Sima Yi with it. Yu Jin comes up and forces the side of the pie pan into Sima Yi's mouth and then walks off. "GAH!"**

**"Well... this counts I guess..." Sima Yi spits out the pan angrily, "How many are coming my way?!"**

**"Just wait until Lu Bu..."**

**"Oh god..." **

**"Next." Zhang Chunhua was holding a pie also. "Oh, I see you're taking part."**

**"Oh, come on! You too?!"**

**"Just because she's your wife, doesn't mean she can't have fun."**

**"What did I do this time?"**

**"Let me see..." She runs up and basically forces the pie directly onto Sima Yi's face. His face is bright red even from all the cream on his face. "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WHY DID YOU USE A PAN MADE OUT OF CONCRETE?! GAH!"**

**"That's for breaking my mother's urn."**

**"That can't be it!"  
><strong>

**"Fine. I just want to hit your face."**

**"You've done that many times!"**

**"I just wanted to do it again."**

**"I guess if you're married to the most immature man, you want to hit him. No matter how pretty his face is. Next!"**

**Fifteen minutes later...**

** Zhuge Liang uses electricity from his hands to heat the pie. He then throws it on Sima Yi's face. "ARGH! WHY YOU! GAH! IT'S REALLY HOT!" **

**Another fifteen minutes later...**

**Fa Zheng looks at Sima Yi evilly, "I'll just pretend you're a beardless Zhuge Liang."**

**"I don't even know you! GAH!" Zhang Chunhua appears again with a pie.**

**"Um... well... nah... Family can get second shots." Cao Cao yells at him, "I'm family! I treated Sima Yi like a son! His father's my friend! I'm his uncle basically!"**

**"Huff... You just want a shot at him since you still hate him for Jin."**

**"...Yes..."**

**"Fine. One more." Cao Cao quickly gets a pie and forces it onto Sima Yi's face. He rubs it in for good measure. "This does feel good!" He moves away for Zhang Chunhua to hit Sima Yi again with a pie. **

**"I'm just wondering, did he do anything?"**

**"I wanted to hit him at that time he and Shi were laughing obnoxiously in front of Zhao and I. I guess this is for that. That combined with me just liking to hit him." Sima Shi goes up to Sima Yi with a pie. "I am so sorry, Father." He throws it onto Sima Yi's face quickly after he said that. Sima Zhao walks by and hits him with the pie. "Sorry."**

**"Sorry." Wang Yuanji slaps a pie onto Sima Yi. **

**"Sorry." Deng Ai throws a pie at him. **

**"Sorry." Guo Huai walks by and throws his pie on Sima Yi.**

**"Sorry." Jia Chong throws a pie at Sima Yi. "Not." **

**"Not sorry." Zhong Hui throws his at Yi, but he continues to rub it in his face. **

**"Hahah! How does it feel, old man? GAH!" Sima Yi bites his finger. **

**Fifteen minutes later...**

**"Okay, looks like I'm last." Lu Bu walks up to Sima Yi with a pie. **

**"Oh... f*bleep* me..." Lu Bu throws the pie, and it hits Yi in slow motion. He shakes for a minute before yelling. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! THAT FELT LIKE THE HEAVENS HAS CAME CRASHING DOWN ONTO ME ALONG WITH THE SUN!"**

**"So... it hurts and burns?"  
><strong>

**"Huff... huff..."**

**"I've never seen a man so white since Frosty the Snowman. Okay, let's let you go." He tears off the duct tape quickly and Sima Yi yells out. "AGH!" **

**"Wipe off that cream. It looks... wrong..."**

**"Then don't think wrong!"**

**"You look like yaoi fanart."**

**"Oh, shut up!" He wipes the cream away and it reveals his face is bright red from the repeated slaps and hits. **

**"Tch... Um... you look like Guan Yu now... Next request. Xu Shu! Get over here!" Xu Shu walks quickly near him. "What is it?"**

**"Suck my ball-" He holds up an inflated balloon. "-oon. The helium should create a squeaking voice." **

**"Uh...okay?" Xu Shu takes the balloon and inhales the helium in the balloon. He exhales with a slight tint of a squeak. He begins to talk squeakily. **

**"Oh, my! My voice sounds so high!"**

**"Oh my god! You are much more interesting like this! Now say Squidward."**

**"Squidward."**

**"Hahahaha! Now say "Oh, Patrick!"**

**"Oh, Patrick!"**

**"Hahahaha! Man, I'm having too much fun with this!" Xu Shu talks in his normal voice, "Looks like it worn off."**

**"Aw, man. You're back... Oh well, next one. Cao Cao, ever used this?" He holds up a blender. **

**"No. Why is there a large pitcher with blades at the bottom?"**

**"Yeah, that's the idea." He sets it on a table with random fruits on the table. "Make something." He gets the cord and plugs it into an outlet. Cao Cao goes up to the blender and looks at it from all sides. He then press a random button to have the blender come to life. **

**"Whoa!" He presses it again and again. "This is interesting. Do you put something in here so it can cut it up?"**

**"Yeah. Put fruit in it and press the button." Cao Cao puts random fruits into the blender and presses the button.**

**"This is like watching a monkey use tools for the first time..."**

**"Well, he only knows you can just cut food with a knife. He doesn't know you can make something else do it." Cao Cao forgets to put on the cap of the blender and fruit flies all over the place as he pressed the pulse button over and over. **

**"Cao Cao! Stop! Put on the top!" Cao Cao quickly places the top on the blender to continue pressing the pulse button. **

**"Is this it?" Takasugi looks at the clumpy mess inside of the blender. **

**"You know, "smoothie" means smooth if you take apart the word. This is more like a "clumpie." Mix something into it to make it liquid." Cao Cao grabs a random pitcher of water and splashes it into the blender's opening. He presses the pulse button again and Takasugi examines the blender again.**

**"...Close enough. I bet Sima Zhao can do better."**

**"No, he cannot."**

**"You're right. He'll just stick his hand into the blender and make himself some blood smoothie. Who wants to try... this? Did you even know what you were throwing into this?" **

**"I threw an apple, a banana, an orange, and some other fruits I have never seen before."**

**"Did you peel the banana and orange...?"**

**"Yes, everyone knows you cannot eat those."**

**"Based on the color of this, you put strawberries and some blueberries. And the smell... I can't tell. You know what? Since it's purple, let's give it to Sima Yi since he loves purple so much." He gets the pitcher and pours it into a cup. **

**"Cao Cao, would you do the honors?" **

**"Of course, I should offer my strategist a refreshment." Cao Cao takes the cup and walks over to Sima Yi. "Here. Taste it." Sima Yi looks at the liquid with an uneasy face.**

**"...That looks like something Zhao cooked a few months ago... I can certainly say this, he did not inherit his mother's cooking skills."**

**"Sima Yi, are you refusing me?"**

**"Oh, no... Why would I do such a thing...? Give me that..." Sima Yi takes the cup and sniffs it. "...Ugh... Is this safe?"**

**"You tell me." Sima Yi closes his eyes and sips the liquid. His face cringes at the taste. **

**"This is incredibly sour! And... I feel a little sick..." Takasugi asks Cao Cao, "Can you describe what you put into that?"**

**"Let me see... I took grapes, along with dumping these fruits that were yellow and green."**

**"Were they in a small bowl?"**

**"Yes, and I dumped them into the batch."**

**"All of them?"**

**"Yes."**

**"...Well... eh... Okay, now I see why Sima Yi has a stomach ache. What else?"**

**"These red fruits that were pretty tiny. They had stems coming from I think was the top."**

**"Cherries? Um.. did you pit them...?"**

**"What? I put them into the device whole."**

**"Nrrgh... Cherry pits contain cyanide. Cyanide is very poisonous in large amounts. How many bags of cherries did you put in the smoothie?"**

**"I saw that they were too small to actually bring a taste, so I dumped all of the bags into the mixture."**

**"All six bags that were there?"**

**"Yes."**

**"Oh... um..." He turns to back to Sima Yi to see he is lying on the ground. "Is he dead?" He gets down to check his pulse. "Yeah... he's dead. Give him a chapter and he'll come back." **

**"You're just going to leave the body there?"**

**"Why not? He didn't void his bowels. I don't think he could." **

**"I just killed Sima Yi?"**

**"Yeah, feel proud of yourself?"**

**"Well, it's not going to affect history anyway."**

**"Mm. Next question. Now that requires... _her._"**

**"Why do you put it that way?"**

**"She's like God right now. Anything can happen at anytime. She can make everyone in their birthday suit if she wanted. And I'm really giving huge hints on who the author is. AUTHOR! COME ON DOWN, YOU LITTLE-" A lighting strike hits him. **

**"How can lighting hit you while we're inside?" **

**"Anything can happen. Koff... okay, Author. Please answer." A silence fills the room. "Come on! Don't just sit there in your comfy throne you call a chair!"**

**"You're looking crazy now." A whining noise is heard that makes everyone cover their ears. A deep voice is heard.**

**"Ahem. I'm here. Don't be such a baby."**

**"Oh ma gerd, you're a guy!"**

**"No, I'm using a voice modulator."**

**"Why? We know you're female!"**

**"Just give me the question."**

**"Are you a DW veteran? As if DW gives you an actual military experience."**

**"No."**

**"Huh. You seem to be one."**

**"No, my first game was DW6."**

**"So you didn't know about the changes to it that made everyone got mad about?"**

**"Yes. I figured it out later."**

**"What else did you play?"**

**"DW7, DW8, and DW5."**

**"Wow, going up and back down. Okay, next one... Hey! I am not perverted! I'm a feminist!" Izuru asks him,****"Do you even know what it even means?"**

**"Yes... maybe... sort of... no."**

**"I always wondered the same thing. Why are you perverted?"**

**"I am what every man is! Men like sex and women! Mostly sex!"**

**"...And?"**

**"I happen to enjoy the female body."**

**"Don't try and make this seem less disgusting that it already is."**

**"Look, when you work with women like Diao Chan and her boobs are exposed, you want to look."**

**"You're take it too far!"**

**"Well, excuse me for the women's side boobs!"**

**"Side boob...?"**

**"Yeah, when you look behind a woman, you see a little bit of her boob. Especially in Diao Chan's case. Too bad she's flat-chested." Diao Chan scoffs and slaps him with her whip.**

**"Hey, when you go up against Lian Shi, your boobs are flat! Also, she has side boob. You know what? I can make a show for this!"**

* * *

><p><strong>The screen is in camera mode and it moves around the stage. It goes behind Lian Shi. <strong>

**"Look at that side boob." The camera zooms behind Wang Yi. "Check out this side boob." The camera zooms in when it goes behind Zhang Chunhua. **

**"This side boob takes the cake. I think this is technically half boob." Zhang Chunhua turns around and sees Takasugi with the camera. **

**"Hi. Nothing to see here." **

***POW* **

* * *

><p><strong>Takasugi has the camera broken over his head. Izuru tells him, "Family Guy already did this."<strong>

**"How does he do it? How can Peter get perfect side boob shots?"**

**"What is so satisfying with only part of a breast?"**

**"Trying to figure out what is that side boob connected to is arousing."**

**"...Eh? That doesn't make sense..."**

**"It doesn't when you're a feminist like me!"**

**"Okay, I'm not going to even say more." A taco hits him on the head. "Hm? AH!" Tacos cover the two and they pop their heads out of it. **

**"I'm not exactly fond of Mexican food..."**

**"Meh, we got free food! I hope these didn't come from Taco Bell, though."**


	29. I want to play the Sims now

**"Okay, that Sima Yi body is not getting up. We might need to give him this." Takasugi holds up a syringe with green liquid in it.**

** "What is it?"**

**"Don't know. I saw that girl in Bioshock Infinite uses it when Booker dies in the game." He goes over to Sima Yi and shoots the green liquid into his corpse. The corpse stands up and takes a deep breathe. **

**"Huff! I'm back..."**

**"You seem relieved. What did you see?"**

**"Nothing but black." **

**"Hm?" The portal has a figure walking out of it. **

**"Um...? I'm the new person."**

**"Name?"**

**"Xun Yu."**

**"Oh, yes. The Empires game. Well, at least I don't have to turn you into a mannequin. I hope you won't be a disappointment like Xu Shu over there." **

**"What do I do now?"**

**"You be buddies with Cao Cao." Xun Yu was about to walk over to Cao Cao, but he gets pushed back into the portal by four Koei workers. **

**"Whoa! What?"**

**"He's not ready yet!"**

**"The Empires game has to out before he can come out!"**

**"...Oh... okay."**

Sima Zhao! I love you! *hugs*...*cough* Anyway, on to the questions  
>1:For the characters in Jin, who do you think is stronger in battle, Zhao or Shi? (Go go Zhao! :D)<br>2:Zhao-zhao, what will you do if some guy decides to take Yuanji from you?  
>3:I want to hear Sima Zhao's evil laugh too!<br>4:Zhao-zhao, I found out that you are so different from your historical counterpart! So I dare you...to act like the original,...who was cruel and unforgiving! *blast a burst of data to Sima Zhao* Change! xD

**"Wow, as if he doesn't need enough attention already. He already took over Jin's story with his big fat ass. Okay, who is-" Everyone says out, "Sima Shi." Sima Zhao yells at everyone in Jin, "Oh, come on! I can't be that bad! Even my own parents choose Shi over me! Come on, Father! Mother! Can you at least pretend to think I will beat Shi in battle?" He grabs Sima Yi by the shoulders and shakes him.**

**"Is it that hard?!"  
><strong>

**"Yes... it really is... And get your hands off of me..." He lets go, but he goes over to Zhang Chunhua to do the same thing to her. He shakes her by the shoulders and she gives him a blank expression.**

**"You're my mother! You should at least give me some kind of assurance!"**

**"...I just can't... Neither of us can put on a straight face if we did lie about your ability... Now please let go..." Sima Zhao lets go and grabs Jia Chong by the shoulders.**

**"You're on my side, right? Right?!" **

**"...I have agree with your mother... None of us here can lie about your fighting... You just suck." **

**Sima Zhao gets on all fours with his head down and a depressing aura surrounds him. "Yuanji... You're with me, right?" **

**"...Eeeeeh... You may be larger than Shi physically, but he can outsmart you and make fall off your feet." Sima Zhao yells out and goes back to his depressed position. He stands up quickly after a minute. **

**"If someone were to take Yuanji away... Hmm... It's most likely Shi or Jia Chong, so I'l cut off their meatbun and nail polish shipments."**

**"You have the power to do that?"**

**"Yeah! I'm the Emperor, bitch!" Sima Zhao gets hit in the face by a club. Cao Pi stands over his body. "No, I'M the Emperor. BITCH."**

**"Can there be-"**

**"Hell no, there can't be two Emperors! Besides, he's the King of Jin. That's not the Emperor-" Cao Pi gets hit in the face with a club also. Yuan Shao stands over him. "I AM the Emperor-" He gets hit in the face too. Zhong Hui stands over him. "I am the Emperor! I'm the chosen one, so that means I-" He gets hit in the face also. This time it was by Takasugi. **

**"My ass! Who would let you be Emperor? And I always wanted to do that! Crossing off "hit Zhong Hui in the face" off my bucket list. Sima Zhao? You okay?" Sima Zhao gets up rubbing his cheek. **

**"Yeah, Cao Pi's hits still hurt, but Father's and Mother's hurt more than his. Mostly Mother's."**

**"Can you open your mouth?"**

**"Yes."**

**"Do an evil laugh." **

**"Um... Hahahahaha..."**

**"You sound like Zhuge Dan when he was trying to laugh for Jia Chong in that Ambition Mode conversation."**

**"Hahahaha!"**

**"You sound like a Disney villain."**

**"Ha-ha!"**

**"You sound like the Heavy from Team Fortress 2."**

**"Mwahahahahaha..."**

**"You sound like the evil tie from asdf."**

**"Mwahahahahaha!"**

**"Getting there..."**

**"Hehehe..."**

**"Ohhh...now you sound like a French thief."**

**"Oh, come on! I can't do a laugh like Father!"**

**"Your mom could do it better. And she's not related to Sima Yi! At least I hope she isn't..."**

**"Fine, one more time. Bwahahahahaha!"**

**"Forget it, you sound like Don Kanonji. Do the last request that's for you."**

**"Cruel? Unforgiving? I'll try..." He makes an angry face that made his eyebrows furrow heavily on his face and walks around keeping his face like that. People stared to snicker as he walked pass them. He walks up to Sima Yi with his angry face still intact. **

**"..."**

**"...Um? Are you okay?"**

**"...Mmh..." **

**"Are you angry at me?"**

**"...Mmh..."**

**"Well?" Sima Zhao gives him an uppercut that throws Sima Yi back. "OW!" Takasugi whispers to Sima Zhao, "Unforgiving! Unforgiving!" Sima Zhao keeps his angry face and steps on him. **

**"Ow! Damn it, boy! I'll make sure you'll get it after this is done!" Sima Shi and Zhang Chunhua go next to him. "Zhao! Get off of Father-" Sima Zhao slaps him in the face. **

**"Zhao! Your father has a really bad back, you kn-" Zhao slaps her in the face. Takasugi comments, "Well, that is cruel and unforgiving... But... there are limits to that." **

**"Oh... Ohhhhh..." His face unfurrows and turns into complete worry. "...Oh... crap..." He turns his head to see the two holding their cheeks and their eyes shine red when they look at him.**** Black auras surround them. Sima Yi grabs Sima Zhao's leg and judo throws him. Sima Zhao lays on the ground and crawls away, but three hands grab his foot. **

**"I'm so sorry! The request was-Aaaah!" A giant cloud of dust covers the beating, so all you hear was thuds and pows.**

**"Oh weeeell. I should move on to the next review!" **

**"You caused this." Takasugi says in a innocent voice,****"No! No, I did not. It was the family's violent habits that got him into this! Not of my doing. Let's move on!"**

1. For Xing Cai: How does it feel to be a OC? Do you ever wish you were a real person in history?

** "She's based off of Liu Shan's wives, but I guess she's still not real."**

**"Well... I can't say. I can't wish to be part of history. It already happened anyway, so wishing will not cut it."**

2. For Lu Linqgi: What would you do to Guan Yinping if she was completely at your mercy?

**"I would throw her like a football."**

**"Really?"**

**"Yes. She's small enough to be thrown and I would do so."**

**"Not attack her or anything like that?"**

**"No. That will take out the fun."**

**"..Wait.. what?"**

3. For Jiang Wei: What got you into benevolence?

**"You're saying it like it were a drug."**

**"The Prime Minister is the very reason I-"**

**"We heard enough, thank you."**

4. For Guan Ping: Do you have any feelings for Xing Cai?

**"Well, I-" **

***Bleeeeeep***

**A screen with a cartoon dog holding a wrench in its mouth fills your screen.**

**Technical Difficulties **

**We are sorry for the inconvenience **

**Please contact service provider**

**The screen comes back normally. **

**"Goddamnit, the feuding four over there tore a few cords to the cameras and lights. Okay, last review for today."**

I have a thing for food rain, huh.  
>1:Throw burnt oatmeal cookies at Liu Shan. (he was stupid in history.)<br>2: Lu Bu, throw cherry pits at Cao Cao  
>3: Everyone, describe Takasugi in one word. Me: Perverted.<br>4: Sima Yi, make a smoothie for Cao Cao. (muahahahaha)  
>5: Ma Chao has to make another ad for Shu, without using benelovence or Justice. (points grenade launcher)<p>

**"...Mm-hm. Where do you think I'm going to get those? Huh? Huh?! I'm just going to throw this seaweed laver at him." Takasugi gets seaweed and throws them at Liu Shan. **

**"Agh... You got salt all over my robes..."**

**"Haha! Tough! You could eat that though." Liu Shan gets a piece of seaweed and eats it. "Mm. It tastes good."  
><strong>

**"Lu Bu throwing cherry pits? Eh... Cherry pits aren't poisonous when it touches you, they have to be crushed. But okay..." He goes and gives Lu Bu a bag of cherries. **

**"Eat these and spit the seeds at Cao Cao." **

**"...Okay?" Lu Bu eats a few cherries and spits them out at Cao Cao. He flinches, "UGH! EW!"**

**"Ha! This is fun!" **

**"Ew, ew, ew!" Cao Cao run away with Lu Bu chasing after him spitting pits at him. **

**"Didn't we already do that a couple chapters ago? I mean everyone just called me, "meh." or pervert."**

**"That was just for Wei. This one meant everyone everyone. "**

**"Okay, can we just skip Wei then?"**

**"Fine."**

**Sun Jian: Meh.**

**Sun Ce: Meh.**

**Sun Quan: Pervert.**

**Zhou Yu: Meh.**

**Lu Xun: Meh.**

**Taishi Ci: Meh.**

**Sun Shang Xiang: Meh. **

**Huang Gai: Meh.**

**Han Dang: Meh. **

**"You know what? Who has a word that is not "meh"?"**

**Lian Shi: Pervert.**

**"Not that."**

**Sima Yi: Fool.**

**"Thank you! See? This is what happens when you get original-Hey! Who has something else about me?" **

**Zhang Jiao: Unholy!**

**"A little better than what I have been hearing this whole time."**

**Sima Shi: Imbecile.**

**"Okay, that's the same thing as Sima Yi's word."**

**Zhuge Liang: Stupid.**

**"Come on! Don't use synonyms!"**

**Fa Zheng: Crap.**

**"Okay."**

**Guan Suo: Skinny?**

**"..Eh... er... that's okay? I'm not sure, but that was the first thing I heard that wasn't an insult."**

**Gan Ning: Asshole.**

**"Look who's talking! Forget it, these guys can't find words for me except meh and pervert." He walks over to the blender left on the table.**

**"Sima Yi, I bet you can figure this thing out better than Cao Cao." **

**"Of course." Sima Yi puts random fruits into the blender and closes it. He presses all of the buttons on the panel, but some push back up. Sima Yi continues trying to push the buttons in.**

**"Ok, ok! Just press one button! There is no "press all of them" feature on this!" **

**"Then why are they there if you're supposed to press one?"**

**"...Uh... They are different ways to cut up the fruit."**

**"Why are there different ways? You're cutting fruit, but trying to dispose of a body."**

**"Like you've tried to dispose of one."**

**"Actually, yes. After the "my wife killing the maid" incident, where did you think that body went?"**

**"...Oh. The ground?"**

**"Um... well... Close enough." He presses one button on the blender. When it was finished, he pours it into a cup. Cao Cao was still running and stops near Sima Yi. He had cherry pits sticking onto his back.**

**"Here."**

**"Hm? Returning the favor?"  
><strong>

**"Oh yes." Cao Cao looks at it unusually and takes a sip. **

**"Ugh... what's in this?"**

**"Not sure."**

**"How can you be not sure what goes into it?"**

**"I wasn't exactly paying attention." Takaugi asks him, "Can you describe the fruits?"**

**"I took them from that basket next to the device."**

**"The fruit basket... Yeah... The fruit in there was fake, so Cao Cao's just drinking styrofoam mixed with water." Cao Cao spits out the liquid. **

**"I must admit those fruits looked really realistic." **

**"That was for decoration, but I didn't think you would take them... but no matter. Last one for Ma Chao. Making an ad for Shu again... Okay, do it." He throws markers and a poster board at Ma Chao.**

**"Ow!"**

**"Remember, no benevolence and no justice."**

**"Okay... a challenge..." He kneels over the poster board and begins to write on it.**

**Few seconds later...**

**"Finished. Here." He holds up the poster.**

_Hate the Cow? Join us to send his ass to the slaughterhouse!_

**"I'm actually being convinced right now. I'm actually starting to want to work with Shu-No,no,no! They are the Electronic Arts of Dynasty Warriors. No, no! Stay at Ubisoft." **

**"Who's Ubisoft?"**

**"Wei. Jin's Rockstar."**

**"Eh? How in the world is Jin Rockstar?"**

**"Well, they give you the best stories with a stripper on the cover. They run over the other kingdoms when they appear."**

**"...Uh..."**

**"That stripper being Zhang-" A club hits him in the face. "Ow... I was going to say Zhang He!"**

**"No, you weren't. And he isn't in Jin."**

**"He was a honorary member in DW6."**

**"That doesn't count."**

**"Yes, it does! Anyone helping Sima Yi is in Jin or honorary member! You, on the other hand, banged him. So that's basically a lifetime membership." He gets hit again with the club by her. **

**"Okay, okay. I'll shut it now." Izuru asks him, "How do you suffer many blows to the head without experiencing epidural hematoma?"**

**"Epi-what the heatoma?"**

**"You know, you dying of head trauma?"**

**"Haha... If I had a nickel for every time a woman hits me, I'd be a millionaire or maybe a billionaire."**

**"You're ignoring the question."**

**"I don't know. Japan is weird. According to Japan, women can hit a guy hard without killing him. Okay, we're finished for today. I'm just going to sit here and look through my Sima Yi fanart folder."**

**"Do you have all of any Sima Yi fanart there is?"**

**"I immediately throw out yaoi ones, but my editor for some reason is still giving me them. Oh, look. See? Sima Yi and Cao Pi, how original. Why does Sima Yi look all weak and girly in these? I've seen him lift Guo Jia, Jia Xu, and Cao Cao away from taverns that are fifty miles away from the palace."**

**"...Since when? And that explains the bad back he's always been complaining about."**

**"Cameras are in their world, but they are hidden deeply in every pole, every bush, and every house."**

**"Why do you need to do that?"**

**"It's like the Sims. We watch them walk around and we mess with the environment all we want. Occasionally. Actually, Mr. Suzuki forbid us to remove toilets from there and alter the beds when the guys do the hanky-panky. I did that once in Cao Pi's case. He and Zhen Ji were doing it on the floor and they didn't notice the bed was missing after I removed it. Hahahahaha! Anyway, it is like the Sims, but anything we do requires no virtual money. I can place a naked statue on Sima Yi's lawn if I wanted to. The fancy Italian ones." **

**"I kind of want to try that."**

**"Yeah, later. When this story is actually finished."**


	30. Jesus, thirty chapters?

**Takasugi knocks on the stages's floor and puts his ear near it. "Nope." He moves up to do that same thing again. "Nope." **

**"Three months. Not been cleaned. What are you doing?"**

**"I'm trying to find out where is the Author living in!"**

**"..."**

**"She lives in America yes, but I know she can't broadcast her voice all the way here. So she must have a mic somewhere around here. It always happens in movies."**

**"Ever tried the curtains?"**

**"It's filled with props and mannequins."**

**"Try finding some hidden switch."**

**"Hm... I should go back there again then!" Takasugi stands up quickly and runs to the back, but he trips on the stage. "Ow! Nrragh... wait, this part of the stage is shiny." He notices a few notches at the edges and pulls those. He pulls off a square of the stage and finds a note.**

Haha. You thought I was in there? STUPIIIIID!

**He crushes the paper in his hands. "Argh!" He runs behind the curtains and throws mannequins and random props out onto the stage floor. The characters looked at the mannequins.**

**"...He had those on all of us..."**

**"Those were for emergencies!" Sima Yi finds a bag with all of his hats in it. "...Why do you have...?"**

**"Those were for cutaways and skits." A cannon gets thrown onto the stage. Guo Huai runs up and picks it up. "Why is Sasha here?"**

**"You named your cannon?"**

**"You use a whip. Don't question me."**

**"I... ah.. er... fine." A teddy bear flies out from behind the curtain and Zhong Hui grabs it. "That's where Mr. Poofy went!" Everyone stared at him. "I mean, Sima Zhao's Mr. Poofy." **

**"No, it isn't And I have a stuffed dog. Not a bear." Everyone stares at Sima Zhao. "What? Shi has a stuffed version of Father. Why are you looking at me like that?" More random items fly out from behind the curtain. A paper airplane gets thrown out too. Izuru picks it up and reads it.**

MISS ME? Muahahahahahahahaha

1: I have a competition. Every guy (except Lu Bu)has to attempt to punch Lu Bu without being killed. :-D  
>2: if you die, next chapter you have to wear tutus and princess dresses with little flowers on their heads.<br>3: if you live, you get a special prize that I will reveal next chapter.  
>4: ITS RAINING COOKIES!<p>

**"Oh. hey, you have-"**

**"No time!" **

**"But-"**

**"This is more important!"**

**"Er... Then I'll have to do this for you then. Every man has to hit Lu Bu. Lu Bu, can you just let-" **

**"I'll leave them be if they look skinny and weak. If they are big like me, I'll punch them back."**

**"Good, or else every strategist in here will be in a cast. List time again." **

**Zhao Yun: "Yay, poster boy."**

**"What? I can take you! I clashed with you in the DW6 opening!"**

**"Which never happened in real life. Go on." **

***Punch***

**"Wow... Didn't feel it. Bye. Not worth giving you a punch."**

**Zhang Fei: "Alright! I'm gonna hit you good!"**

**"Good." **

***punch***

**"Pretty good." Lu Bu punches Zhang Fei, but he hits him also. **

**"Okay! You're making this interesting!" **

**"I just want to kick your betraying ass!" Lu Bu stops on of Zhang Fei's punches and throws him off. **

**Guan Yu: "Hm."**

**"Hm." Guan Yu punches him. Lu Bu laughs, "Nice one! But I have to keep this going, so bye." He takes his hand and throws off in the same direction as Zhang Fei. **

**Zhuge Liang: "Take your best shot."**

**"It's been a while since I ever punched someone... The last person was Jiang Wei."**

**"Ah, good choice. I would have done that too."**

***Punch***

**"...Er... Jiang Wei must be that weak to be actually hurt by this punch... Bye."**

**Liu Bei: "Lu Bu! I shall-" Lu Bu takes his face and throws him back. "Not going to deal with him."**

**Liu Shan: *Is also thrown***

**"Don't want to deal with his son either."**

**Jiang Wei: "Ngh!"**

**"...What... Was... That? Your master did better than you! This is the worst one!" **

**Ma Chao: "I shall-" Lu Bu throws him. **

**"Not him either."**

**Zhang Bao: "Alright! I'm pumped! get ready to-" Lu Bu punches him up to the roof.**

**"Don't yell out random stuff when a person that can hurt you is standing right in front of you."**

**Guan Xing: "Nagh!"**

**"Meh. Bye."**

**Guan Suo: "Ha!"**

**"Better than the last one."**

**Guan Ping: "Haaa!"**

**"You're adopted alright..."**

**Ma Dai: "Ha! Ha! Ha!"**

**"This is not a Jackie Chan movie. Punch me already."**

**"Take this!"**

***Thud***

**"...Stick to painting."**

**Huang Zhong: "Haaa!"**

**"Ooh, for an old man, he packs a good punch."**

**Wei Yan: "Nrrragh!" He barrels into Lu Bu with his fist acting in the front.**

**"Oh! This one is the best one yet!" He punches Wei Yan, but he stays there. **

**"This is very good. He can stay on the ground after my punches." **

**Pang Tong: "You already know who's gonna win here."**

**"Yes."**

**"Then I don't need to hit you. Bye." He walks away from him.**

**Fa Zheng: "Same here. I don't use my fists."**

**"Okay..."**

**Xu Shu: "Nrgh..."**

**"...Scratch that... This is the worst one ever."**

**Xiahou Dun: "Great, a challenge! -Ish."**

**"What did you say?" He punches him directly in the stomach that made Lu Bu step back a little.**

**"Good! Good! Nrragh!" He hits Xiahou Dun and he pushes back his fist with his own fist. This continues for an hour. **

**"Can you two stop? Dun has won, yes. He gets the prize, okay?!" **

**Dian Wei: "Yay, another good one!"**

**"Alright! Clench those teeth!" **

**"No, but you can!" Their fists plant into each other's faces. **

**"You both survived, okay."**

**Xu Chu: "Um... Is it okay if I hit a fat person?"**

**"Go nuts. I can take you on!" Xu Chu punches Lu Bu, and he coughs a little. "You're alright!" He punches Xu Chu, but he doesn't leave the ground.**

**"He's good."**

**Cao Cao: "You can't fight. But here's for Xiapi." Lu Bu punches Cao Cao before he made a move. **

**Xiahou Yuan: "Arh!"**

**"Meh. Okay-ish."**

**Xu Huang: "Take this!"**

**"That was a good one." He punches him back, but he blocks it. He flips him and bows down to him.**

**"Wow. He gets the prize. All that training has done good for this man."**

**Cao Ren: "What are you going to do? Turn into a ball and hit me?"**

***Punch***

**"Meh." **

**Zhang Liao: *Punch***

**"Pretty decent."**

**Zhang He: ****"He counts?"**

**"Lu Bu, don't be a bigot."**

**"I'm just surprised. Gah!" Zhang He punches him in the face when he was distracted. "Ow.. that actually hurt. Ha!" He punches Zhang He, but he stops it.**

**Cao Pi: "Hit."**

**"You've never fought anyone without a sword, right?"**

**"...Yes."**

**Pang De: "Bragh!"**

***POW***

**"Got it. You have my punches."**

**Jia Xu: "Bah. I use my head, not my fists."**

**Guo Jia: "I... I'm with Jia Xu with this one. Hehehe..."**

**Yue Jin: "Short guy..."**

**"I teach you short!" He punches him in the stomach and Lu Bu wheezes. "Argh... That one is good."**

**Li Dian: "Hi-ya!" He karate-chops the top of Lu Bu's head. He blinks at him.**

**"...Um...?"**

**"This is getting very tedious, can we just use a time skip?"**

**An hour later... **

**"Lu Bu, just review the rest of the punches you got."**

**Yu Jin: His punch was like him. Mean.**

**Zhou Yu: Pretty boy can throw a decent punch, I can tell you that.**

**Lu Xun: He tried to set his hand on fire to make the punch hurt more. It only hurt him, not me.**

**Taishi Ci: On par with Wei's punches.**

**Sun Jian: He's meh.**

**Sun Ce: Meh. **

**Sun Quan: Meh.**

**Ling Tong: Pretty good, but if he get rid of that girly look off, I would have taken him more seriously.**

**Gan Ning: How is he not a pirate again?**

**"Mm-hm?"**

**"Because with punches like, he can loot the whole country."**

**Zhou Tai: Damn. **

**Lu Meng: Meh.**

**Huang Gai: Yes, his punches hurt! I think his muscles are bigger than mine!**

**Ding Feng: Taller than me, and his punches are around my level. **

**Lu Su: For a strategist, his was the best.**

**Han Dang: I'm surprised he isn't remembered, his punches hurt like fire. **

**Zhu Ran: What... was... that...? I can even...**

**Sima Yi: Meh. The rings on his hands helped him.**

**Sima Shi: Meh. The claws helped him.**

**Sima Zhao: It disappointed me...**

**"What did you expect from a lazy man?"**

**Deng Ai: Pretty good for a guy who is supposed to be a strategist.**

**Guo Huai: He wins.**

**"But you didn't let him punch you..."**

**"Whatever. He's sick, I don't want the germs on me."**

**Zhong Hui: I bet Chen Gong can beat him up. And he uses a scroll. A SCROLL.**

**Zhuge Dan: I can actually feel the anger used in the punch.**

**Xiahou Ba: He's so tiny... Of course I didn't feel his punch. **

**Wen Yang: He's near my height, but he can't punch like me. I punched him to the roof out of disappointment.**

**Jia Chong: With a knife, he's good. But with fists... er... he is... er... okay... He could snap a peon's neck, but not punch him to death.**

**Yuan Shao: He just jumped around in my face. Of course I punched his skinny ass.**

**Meng Huo: He's good. **

**Zhang Jiao: ...Hehehehe... No... He really... sucked.**

**Chen Gong: Hehehehe... He was worse.**

**"Okay, we are done! Are you done?" Izuru walks over to the curtains and looks in. "You've looking for an hour and a half."**

**"The switch has gotta to be in here!"**

**"There is no way a movie stereotype is going to be used by the Author. Why are you so willing to find her?"  
><strong>

**"She needs to suffer too! I get hit and hit again and again because her writing! Whatever she writes, it happens! She's playing God! And people who play God get punished!" He continues to scurry for a switch. "It has to hidden under something or is something in here. Argh! Hm?" He finds a panel with two slots in it.**

**"Found this! What can I fit in these?"**

**"Those look like it's for two keys."**

**"Two keys... Two keys..." He walks out back onto the stage and scans the area. "I need two slender objects." His eyes meet Sima Yi's hat and the two sticks on it. **

**"Ah!" He runs and pulls them out of his hat. "Hey! I just replaced those!"  
><strong>

**"Need 'em for a sec!" He puts the two sticks into the two holds and nothing happened. "Nrrgh... I need something else." He walks back to jam the sticks back into Sima Yi's hat. He runs to Zhang Chunhua and pulls out the two sticks in her hair. **

**"Huh?"**

**"Need these." He runs back stage to put the two hair sticks into the slots. A light glows and a small door opens with a note. **

Bet you had to grab Sima Yi's hat sticks first! Hahaha!

**"Oh, I will kill her when I find her..." He takes the out the hair sticks and walks back out. He jams them back into Zhang Chunhua's hair. **

**"Well, I got a hint now. The switch is someone in here." He walks up to Yue Ying to press her forehead. He continues to poke her forehead. **

**"Stop."**

**"It's not working!" **

**"It's not a switch! And it really hurts when you press too hard! Quit pressing the dot!" Takasugi presses her head one more time and the room shakes. A pillar comes out of the floor. Another note was on it.**

Gee, do you feel stupid doing that?

**"Okay! Someone press themselves!" Takasugi runs back onto the stage and grabs Sima Yi's hat. **

**"Let me see this."**

**"Oh, what now?" **

**"There is this." He presses the golden front of the hat. Nothing happens. **

**"You look like an idiot pressing that."**

**"Wait, this is a panel door!" He lifts the golden front up to reveal a button. He presses that. Shaking fills the room, and a pillar with a glass covering the top appears out of the stage. A piece of paper is seen in the glass.**

**"Why even protect the paper?!" He looks at it, and is confused. **

**"This isn't for me... This is an instruction manual for Sima Yi's weapon. ****Let me read this..."**

One of the horsehair whip's features is that it can turn into a glowing sword! A lightsaber basically. It is very simple to use.

Step 1: Hold the whip in both of your hands like a sword.

Step 2: Think of the dirtiest thoughts you can think of.

Step 3: Profit.

**"Oh... Sima Yi, did you know about this?"**

**"No."**

**"Don't lie to me."**

**"Fine, yes."**

**"Why haven't you used it?"**

**"I just... er..."**

**"It would have been waaaay better! You already look like a Jedi, so why not use a boner lightsaber?"**

**"It requires too much work."**

**"Excuse me? You can be thinking of boobs and kick ass at the same time! Not to mention you have a nice piece of ass that stands in front of you all day! She'll make it easy for you to activate it!"**

**"Well... er.. Just...ah... Just read the last part."**

**"Huh?" He looks back to the note.**

Hahahaha! This should have distracted you!

**"...Huh. Oh well. Huuu... I'll move to Mexico..."**

**"What's with you and Mexico?!"**

**"I don't know." **

**"We all know you're not actually going."**

**"Fine, you're right." He tosses his suitcase and it hits Sima Yi's groin. "OW!" **

**The stage shakes for a split second. Takasugi notices this and throws another suitcase at Sima Yi's groin. "Ow! Stop!" The stage shakes again. **

**"Ah-ha! The switch is you!"**

**"You don't know that. The stage could have done it by coinci-Gah!" Takasugi kicks him in his privates and the stage shakes tremendously. Sima Yi collapses and twitches. A large rectangular compartment appears out of the stage floor. **

**"Yes! I got her!" Sima Yi shakes while clutching himself. "...Koff... Ohh...Aruuurrrrgh... Is someone going to help me?! I'm in deep pain here!" **

**"Yeah, you can walk it off."**

**"...Ugh... I guess I won't be having a daughter anytime soon... Koff..." Takasugi goes up to the compartment and the door opens. It was dark and it revealed a figure hunched over in front of a bright screen. It turns around to have its glasses shine at the light outside of the compartment. It quickly gets up and goes up to close the door, but Takasugi holds the door.**

**"No, you don't! After sacrificing Sima Yi's unborn children, I'm not letting this go to waste! Get out!" He pulls on the door and it breaks off, sending the figure flying out of the shack-like compartment. It groans and stands up, brushing itself. **

**"Stop calling yourself "it" we know you're female."**

**"Nothing wrong with a little mystery. How do you know I'm the Author anyway? I could be someone living under that stage."**

**"There's a computer with this chapter's paragraphs."**

**"Well, you got me! I'm here! What will you do now?"  
><strong>

**"I... never put any thought into that..."**

**"Okay. Then I'll be walking back into my-"**

**"Lu Xun! Zhu Ran! Blow this up!"**

**"O-kay!" Lu Xun and Zhu Ran get torches and grenades to blow up the shack. **

**"Luckily, that was a prop computer. My real computer is here." **

**"Haha! You're stuck here! With us! After twenty-nine long chapters, we got you here!"**

**"But at what cost?"**

**"Phht. Sima Yi is still fertile."**

**"Okay then. I'm stuck here. I should begin talking in the first person now." I go and grab a chair to sit in. "Aaaand save."**


	31. What? Don't like sex jokes?

**"So, what now? The Author is sitting right there and I have nothing to say or do..."**

_**Don't mind me, I'm just writing my dialogue in italics because I'm just that fancy. **_

**"Oh, please. You could have spruced up your little shack under the stage if you were that fancy."**

_**I was lazy.**  
><em>

**"Yeah, yeah. I honestly don't know what to do with you." Izuru says to him, "Then why did you blow up the shack the Author was in?"**

**"Did not think that through..."**

_**Airplane. **_**I throw a paper airplane at him.**

**"Wow, plenty here."**

Bah I'm bored, again.

1) Xing Cai, cuddle with Guan Ping in front of Liu Shan and other Shu characters. In a protective barrier.  
>2) Sun Shang Xiang, kiss Gan Ning and Ling Tong passionately in front of Liu Bei and the rest of your family members. Also in a barrier.<br>3) Diao Chan, have a yuri s*x with Lu Lingqi in front of Lu Bu. Barrier.  
>4) Sima Shi, grope Zhang Chunhua's ass in front of your family, specifically Sima Yi. No need for barrier.<br>5) Zuo Ci, create a harem with all the girls in DW by using your spells and incantations. Since you're awesome.

**"Does this count as softcore internet porn?"**

**_No it does not._**

**"Where do you think you can get that barrier?"**

**"Zuo Ci can."**

**"Where is he?" A poof of smoke and Zuo Ci appears. "I am at your service."**

**"Create barriers if needed. Alright, you two cuddle." Xing Cai and Guan Ping look at each other and sit down next to each other. "I don't know what to do next."**

**"...Huh?" Liu Shan happily comments, "Aw, look. They are relieving the sexual tension between-"**

**"Since when do you know words like that?!" **

**"Huh? Sitting next to someone usually creates a small bond between two people. The bond is happening now."**

**"You don't know what is really happening right now?"**

**"Oh, I do know. People just like Xing Cai with Guan Ping instead of me. I'm allowing it to happen."**

**"...Okay? I've never met a guy who would LET his spouse sit with another man. At least the younger ones anyway. Wow, first time someone is asking for Gan Ning and Ling Tong to kiss a woman and not each other. Alright, Liu Bei, how do you feel about that?" **

**"We already divorced."**

**"Oh, then you won't mind?"**

**"Yes." **

**"Okay, go ahead." Sun Shang Xiang looks at the two she was supposed to kiss and refuses.**

**"No, I think those two are..." She whispers, "...gay..."**

**"Oh, the fanarts got to you." Gan Ning yells at her, "Fine! I didn't want your flat ass and flat chest anyway! Ah!" He gets chased with a spear by Sun Shang Xiang. Ling Tong comments, "What about the two of us is gay? We just beat up each other every time we see each other, not to mention I hate him. How does "gay" describe that? If I'm gay, then Zhou Yu is gay since he hates Zhuge Liang." Takasugi puts on a lab coat and a tie. He talks with his hands in front of him like those scientists in documentaries and talks in a Brtish accent. **

**"Well... The average yaoi fangirl's brain is a little smaller than of normal humans. They live in certain conditions that lets them enjoy men having sex with other men. Preferably the suburbs, or urban areas. These creatures are always female. Their weaknesses are people who do not like yaoi, women, and proper internet etiquette. These creatures are very hard to detect but you can use these precautions to know you've got a yaoi fangirl." He pulls down a chart down.**

**"When the girl uses bad Japanese even though they are writing in English, you've got a yaoi fangirl."**

_**Is this necessary? You're just insulting 95% of the FanFiction community.**_

**"Shut up, I'm teaching. When the female bleeds red orange and not blood red, you've got a yaoi fangirl. When you talk about Kuroko no Basket, if the female yells blank and blank are a good couple and they don't know anything about actual basketball, you've got a yaoi fangirl-" Izuru kicks him in the head off the stage.**

**"You're getting off-topic!"**

**"I'm teaching these kids not to be the fans of fandom of today!" He points to a group of children sitting down in front of the chart. They all yell out, "Now we know!"**

**"And learning's half the battle-Ah!" Izuru kicks him again in the head. "What are you teaching to these children?! And you just ripped off G.I Joe! Get back to the original topic!"**

**"Okay, okay..." He takes off the lab coat and tie. "I should make a show called Yaoi Fangirls in the Wild and it should be narrated by Morgan Freeman."**

**"...No.. that is awful..."**

**"I'm doing it! Stay tuned for that! Oh, I have another one. Dynasty Warriors in the Wild."**

**"That's a stupider idea then your last one! And that "lesson" is not educational at all."**

**"They should have a National Geographical special on yaoi fangirls. Also narrated by Morgan Freeman."**

**"What did I just say?!"**

**"Oh, come on, you would watch that."**

**"Yes, I would. Hey! That's not the point!"**

**"Alright. Hey... uh... how old is Lu Lingqi?"**

**"I don't know."**

**"She looks at least seventeen. Aw, I'm not allowed to enjoy the yuri sex. That sucks. Diao Chan's legal, but I can't just-" A blade makes its way into his head. Lu Lingqi goes up to Takasugi and stabs another blade into him. "I'm not doing that. That is disgusting and Diao Chan's an old woman."**

**"Yeah... you don't have to do it..." Lu Lingqi takes the blades of him and walks away. "Even though those weapons have no effect on me... They still hurt! And the fourth one... What are you trying to do?! It'll be Ancient Rome all over again if you make Sima Shi squeeze his mom's bottom! Fine, Sima Shi, just do it."**

**"...Eh..."**

**"It feels like a meatbun."**

**"Really?" He looks over at Zhang Chunhua's behind. **

**"Are you gonna do it?"**

**"It doesn't look like it is going to feel like a meatbun."**

**"Fine, it's like one of those memory foam mattresses."**

**"How would you know...?"  
><strong>

**"Every women in here has been groped by me at least once. Except the younger girls, they're flat and not worth touching." Sima Shi sighs and turns to face Zhang Chunhua, but he sees Sima Yi groping her behind instead.**

**"It does feel like one of those beds. I never noticed this."**

**"..." **

**"Wait, if you're over there..." She turns her head to see Sima Yi. **

**"What? Your behind does feel like one of those beds." **

**"Fine, this is a little better than having my own son grope me. I'll let this one go."**

**"So... her butt does feel like a Sleep Train mattress?" **

**"...Nrrgh... Sima Yi... You can stop now... Seriously, stop. STOP. Oh, for Confucius' sake!" Zhang Chunhua slaps Sima Yi into a wall. **

**_Well, that escalated quickly._  
><strong>

**"Really? A meme? How original."**

_**I don't see you making a joke about this.**_

**"Zuo Ci... er... make a harem... Fooor me."**

**"Done." He claps his hands and a group of women appear around Takasugi. "Yay!"**

**"The request said the women here."**

**"I can't do anything with the women here! They are either married or too young for me."**

**"I was pretty sure the harem was for Zuo Ci."**

**"Phht! What? He? Hahahaha! He looks like he can snap at any minute!" Zuo Ci snaps his fingers and he turns into a handsome younger version of himself. **

**"What did you say? If the women were for me in the first place, I would gladly take them." He snaps his fingers again and the girls come to him instead. **

**"Awww... Next." **

Miss me,it been a long time.  
>1-Has anyone forgot about my OC?you know,Cao Xe,Sun Xel,Lu Xen and Sima ,Lu Xen Join Shu to avenge his father's death by killing Cao Xe,but surprisingly,both Lu Xen and Cao Xe are around Lu Bu level,so they have Lu Bu's strenght,they make a real rival Lu Xen was adopted.<br>2-I dare Lu bu to have a 1 hour in heaven with Diao Chan.  
>3-All the cast that are marries,do a 1 hour in heaven with your husbanwife.  
>4-Someone sing Black Paper Moon.<p>

**"Blah, blah... What the hell is One Hour in Heaven? Is it the adult version of Seven Minutes in Heaven?"**

**_I tried typing this on Google, but it just gave me a quiz link. _  
><strong>

**"Oh... I thought you had to lock two people in a closet and they have to have sex for an hour. You know what? We're doing that. Lu Bu, Diao Chan, go into that shack and do it." **

**"It's small..."**

**"Fine, go into that room." **

**"Mm-hm." The two go into the room and shut the door. A lock click is heard. **

**"Oh dear... Lu Lingqi, please cover your ears."**

**"I already what is going on. I'm not a child."**

**"Fine. And it says for everyone else who is married to do the Hour in Heaven thing. Fine, I'll rent a motel for them to do it." **

**"Can't they just go into the portal and...?"  
><strong>

**"I can't trust them to come back. Go, anyone who is married get it on now." **

**"Er..." **

**"Come on, come on, I bet you're aching for this. Oh, and uh... Minors cannot do this. And Zhou Yu and Sun Ce since..."**

**"No, I can do this woman you made for me though."**

**"Oh, she's still with you? Okay, go." The men and women who are at least old enough to have intercourse walk out of the auditorium. And Zhoau Yu and Sun Ce walk their older wife counterparts out also.**

**59 minutes later...**

**The people left behind had Forever Alone faces or if they are married, but a bit young, they just stood there. **

**"Oh... I'm so sorry." The auditorium shakes tremendously for a moment and then a large boom is heard. Takasugi says in a singsong voice, "Musou shoooooot!" **

**_Oh god! What? Really?!_**

**"It's a pun on money shot! Get it?"**

**_Yes, I got it!_**

**The door to inside of the auditorium bursts open and the people came walking in a wobbly manner. The door to the room opens to have Lu Bu and Diao Chan walk out wobbly as well.  
><strong>

**"Wow, I bet if I record any of you doing it, it would be an sensation on Porn Hub. You'll be porn stars!"**

**"Ugh, no... Stop. Stop now. Please shut up. Next review."**

1. For all the female characters: I dare you to get in a free-for-all catfight. You can attack any of the other women and you are also allowed to form alliances. Last girl standing wins!

**"I don't think the women are in good shape right now..."**

**"If you know what I mean..."**

**"Oh, stop with the dirty jokes!"**

**"Sorry, dirty jokes are the funny jokes. Ah, I think only a few girls here can do that review, but... ehehehe... Eh.. it's only about a few that can cat fight. It's not a catfight without the pus-"**

**"Shut up. NOW."**

**"Okay, okay. Without the cats. If we just let the remaining girls beat each other up, it will be a kittenfight rather than a catfight. And I cannot enjoy little girls hitting each other. It will be like being at the third grade playground again. Last review..."**

Cao Cao, how much do you love Lady Bian? If she was playable, would you love her to death?

**"...Oh I would do that hard..."**

**"...Uh..."**

**"Seeing how Sima Yi got his wife looking like _that_... I want to see what they'll do to mine... Hehehehe..." Drool begins to flow out of his mouth. **

**"Okay... But.. won't her clothes be a little...?"**

**"Don't care. The less clothes, the better..."**

**"Don't you think she would like you know...? If Zhen Ji and Zhang Chunhua were fused into one new woman?"**

**"That will be awesome and hot."**

**"Okay. He's... er... okay..."**

_**Won't that make Cao Pi a mama's boy?**_

**"Ooh, I want to see that!" Takasugi pulls up a chair and drags it near me. "I know what I can do! I can talk the Author's ears out!"**

_**Oh, great. **_

**"Be glad you're being talked to!"**

_**I'm not supposed to be here! I just write what happens!**_

**"Oh, and... uh..." He turns to Sima Yi that was still in a slightly aroused state leaning against the wall. "Um.. is your...? After I kicked it...?"**

**"Whaaaa...? I don't... I don't... What...? I'm... Juuuust feeling fantastiiiic..." **

**"I'd love to see you on drugs if sex does this to you." **

_**He's a man that spends all day working with a trigger-happy family. Sex is all he has that makes him forget he has a job with Cao Cao. Also, he's kind of a perv since he's getting old.**_

**"Ooh, does he keep porn under his desk or something?"**

**_You know those scrolls he's usually reading? Yeah, those are porn scrolls. _**

**"Oh my god! They had porn back then! I never knew that."**


	32. Free write

**"Here's a free write for you, Author."**

_**You mean you. This is your space to talk about random things. Or just look through the fanart folder of yours.**_

**"Fine. Today's slow, so I can reveal things on how on certain people were born." Izuru looks at him worryingly, "I hope you mean the stork..."**

**"They don't believe in that! I am going to say how did Sima Zhao got stupid."**

**"He isn't stupid... It's just... Fine, he's stupid in Ancient Chinese standards."**

**"Hey!"**

**"What is your theory this time?"**

**"Sima Yi got hit in the dick too much."**

**"That was you."**

**"Fine. He poked Sima Zhao too much in the head with his thingy."**

**"...Wha...?"**

**"Let me demonstrate." Takasugi goes up to Sima Yi with a hot dog and pokes him continuously in the head. **

**"I... don't get it..."**

**"Sima Yi, what does this look like to you?"**

**"A tube of meat."**

**"...What do these look like?" He holds up two meatbuns. **

**"Breasts."**

**"...How does he not get the hot dog being a thingy? Again. What's this?"**

**"A tube of unknown meat."**

**"This?"**

**"Breasts."**

**"...I... I don't get him." He starts again to continuous poke Sima Yi in the head with the hot dog. **

**"Why are you doing this?"**

**"Demonstrating on how you made your son dumb."**

**"What does poking me with a meat stick supposed to mean?"**

**"You poked your son to being dumb while he was still developing. With your pennis. Pronounce it as in the pen you write with."**

**"...That's the dumbest thing I ever heard."**

**"Oh, this can happen. I had a friend whose cousin whose sister whose brother whose other cousin had an IQ of 75. All because his daddy had sex with his mommy twice. While she had the baby bump. His thingymigig poked the poor kid into stupidity."**

**"How is that even possible?" Sima Zhao then pressed his fist into his palm in realization. "So I'm lazy and stupid because Father is too horny for his own good? That totally makes sense!"**

**"Sima Zhao, that is a very bad dirty word. Horny. Say "sexually aroused all the time."**

**"That's too long."**

**"That's what she said."**

**"I am not always sexually aroused all the time!"**

**"Hey, he said it! And yes you are. I would love to see what is going on in your mind now."**

**"You cannot prove I humped my own son to stupidity. If that is a thing..."**

**"Well, according to the fanarts..."**

**"Not those. Never those. Those things should be burned."**

**"They're digital."**

**"Ah, stupid technology..."**

**"You sound like my grandpa now."**

**"I AM one."**

**"I still cannot believe you're a grandpa. You look like you should at least be an uncle to someone. Like Cao Pi or um... Damn it, who else is younger than you? Um... Guo Huai? Man, that is weird thought. Hehehe... He's the same age as Cao Pi." Guo Huai angrily yells out, "Then why does Sima Yi look younger than me?! Why am I looking like this? I look like Jia Chong's grandpa!"**

**"You could be."**

**"Who's idea was this?! I want to plant by cannon up his-"**

**"Or her."**

**"I've seen this place. It's a sausage fest in here."**

**"Hehehe... Yes... you can say that..."**

**"Can you at least make Sima Yi look older?"**

**"He is old. He just abuses his wife's anti-aging cream. Along with botox."**

**"She has anti-aging cream?"**

**"No. I just thought it would be funny to say. She doesn't need it anyway. None of these women even use makeup. Except Zhong Hui. He uses make-up." **

**"What about Jia Chong?"**

**"That's not make-up. He has played too much World of Warcraft and never goes out unless his boss says so."**

**"How did you know?!" yelled out Jia Chong.**

**"Whoever that is paler than Lian Shi's breasts plays World of Warcraft. And I of course see what everyone is doing through the Sims camera all over the DW world. Only for me, I get to see sex scenes without the pesky mosaic. Anyway, what some of Zhang Chunhua's anti-aging stuff?"**

**"You said she doesn't have any!"**

**"Yeah, but it is still in her drawers! She just doesn't use it! Don't know why giving anti-aging cream to people who don't age in the first place was a good idea."**

**"I don't want it. Just nevermind."**

**"Did you know Xiahou Ba's older than you?"**

**"What?! That's it, this is the time that bitches die."**

**"Okay, take Zhen Ji and Wang Yi first."**

**"No, not those kinds."**

**"The guy who suggest you to be older is over there by the camera."**

**"Damn you!" The guy gets up and runs away from a cannon-wielding Guo Huai. **

**"I just gave a worker a free ticket to the hospital. I'm such a bad supervisor." He walks over to a box with the words, "Rejected" throughout the box. "Nope. Nope. This won't work. Save this for another time. Ooh, this looks nice." He takes out a large box-like machine and sets it on the ground onto the stage floor. **

**"Now what did you pull out of the rejected gadgets?"**

**"This... has no name. There are two dials on here. One says pitch, the other says volume." He turns the pitch dial and voices fill the room.**

_Does this dress make me look fat?_

_Man, I should ask out the hot receptionist out._

_I want a cheese bun right now..._

**"Okay that one was the Author."**

_**I do want a cheese bun.**_

**"Let me turn this higher..."**

_Ma Chao: I wonder how Chestnut's doing._

_Ma Dai: I wonder how's Walnut doing._

_Lian Shi: Did I forget to turn off the stove?_

_Gan Ning: From over here, you can see Lian Shi's breasts at a nice angle._

_Zhuge Liang: Jiang Wei was a mistake. Jiang Wei was a mistake. Why did historic me pick him up?!_

_Jiang Wei: Augh-huahahaha! Prime Minister is thinking about mean things about me! _

_Sima Shi: I honestly think Mother should at least cover up. I have nothing against it, but it is weird for people to be staring at her with googly eyes. _

_Cao Cao: I'm staring right now._

_Sima Yi: That's disgusting! She's young enough to be your niece!_

_Zhen Ji: Now she gets stared at? What happened to me?_

_Yue Ying: She's your replacement._

_Wang Yi: Oh no, she didn't! Wait, what? _

**"Okay, I'm hearing too many thoughts of everyone. I wonder what happens if I turn it all the way up." He turns the pitch to its maximum pitch. **

_God, it's brutal in here. I shouldn't have wore another layer. I wonder how my remainding brothers are doing. I would kill for a chance to let *bleep* *bleep* me while I *bleep* *bleep* *bleeeeeeep* "_

**"I'll use this bleep machine to protect this person's identity and protect the minds of the young here."**

_"Just thinking about it makes me want to try and do it now. I don't care if my sons are watching! What the? Why are my thoughts so clear? It's like I can hear it directly. Huh, this feels... er... wait, is everyone hearing this?_

**He sweats a little and hitting his head.**

_Stop thinking! Ah! I have no idea how to turn this off! Argh! Think of something not arousing! Dead bodies! Dead kittens! Walking in my parents! Oh god! Ugh! Walking in Zhao and Yuanji!_

**Sima Zhao stares at Sima Yi blankly and says, "That's not sexy?"**

**"It isn't! It's like your mother and Yuanji together!"**

**"Why did you put that image in my head?!"**

**"Okay. Setting it too high lets us hear the dirty ghetto side of Sima Yi's mind. Is it targeted?" He turns it the pitch back and turns it back to the highest setting again.**

_*bleep* asked me to *bleep* his *bleep* I am not his personal hooker! Wait, hookers are not supposed to be personal. God, it's hard to stand here in these shoes. Why do I wear these in the first place? Were these even invented yet? Nrrgh, my breasts feel so heavy. It's hard to walk around without anything supporting these. It's like walking around with two bags of sand on your chest. The only time I get to be alone is when the three get out to murder people. Ah, I'm not a saint myself. I killed that maid and it comes back in my dreams occasionally. I feel like her spirit has come back to haunt me. Huff... What to do...? Might as well think up ways to make Shi stop being a psychopathic meatbun-loving mama's boy. Huh, that sounds like my father. I guess where he got it. It skipped me and onto him._

**"...Uh... hehehe..."**

_Wait, why does it feel like my thoughts are... Oh no. Turn that off! Nothing to hear here!_

**"Actually, there is a lot to hear."**

_Damn. Think of something else! Grr... Dead cats! Dead things! Dead maids! I don't know! Would you turn that off?! _

**"I never though you would be this interesting. Maybe this will work for Xu Shu." He points the device towards Xu Shu.**

_...I like dogs._

**"Are. You. Kidding. Me? He doesn't have a dirty mind? No girl to lust over? At least talk smack!"**

_Fa Zheng's a dick._

**"Finally something different!"**

**"I dare you to say it to my face!" Fa Zheng grabs Xu Shu by the collar and yells at him. **_  
><em>

**"Oops. Okay, I should turn this... You know what? Random!" He spins the device and it points to Jia Chong. **

_Zhao's way too tan. He looks like one of those Jersey Shore people. I bet Yuanji is not an actual blonde. She's too smart to be one. I bet she is a brunette. Ah, I think all women are brunette. I don't know whether of not to give this Sebastian character a visit in hell. Well, I am the devil, he will make an exception. _

**"Spin again!" The device spins and it points to Izuru and he wasn't paying attention to the entire thing.**

_A lot of the women here look like a different ethnicity. Only Cai Wenji and Diao Chan look actually Chinese. Wu's women look Japanese. Yue Ying looks like a Caucasian woman that has just converted to Hinduism, Zhen Ji looks French, Wang Yi and Wang Yuanji look Russian, Zhang Chunhua looks Korean, Zhu Rong looks African, the rest of Shu's women look Japanese also. Lu Lingqi looks like she came from Russia too. What is with Jin and popped collars? Are they trying to revive the 50's? What about that weird neck thing on Zhang Chunhua's neck? Is that a collar? Is the designer trying to emphasize the chihuahua pun? Huh, now that I'm on the subject of dogs. There's a dog called a Shiba Inu. It's basically a Sima Inu. Hahahaha! Oh my god! That's hilarious! I should give Sima Yi a Shiba Inu. Hahaha! Again, I am not sure he can take care of a dog. He can barely take care of children. Jeez, I wonder how long is the Author going to milk this fic like how Nintendo does to Super Mario. I feel like today's breakfast didn't sit well with me. Argh, my mother called and nagged me on and on about whether or not am I going to get married. Funny how my mother reminds me of Zhang Chunhua. Excluding the hooker clothing and large chest along with bitchy attitude. Ah, I bet everyone feels that way. How the hell is Xu Shu here and not Xun Yu? He would be a better personality than that failure. Why did Mr. Suzuki choose him? He must have been drunk during the development of DW7: Empires. How in the world is my supervisor younger than me?! That is impossible! He should be at least thirty!"_

**"Hehehehehe... okay... He's very interesting in there..." He turns the device back to medium pitch. **

_Zhou Yu: Why does everyone get a legal wife? I want a legal woman too! But noooo it turns out being married to a little kid is "cute." I didn't even marry Xiao Qiao when she was this young! Sima Yi got the youngest wife and his got hot! I don't care if she's too young for me, I want a woman that looks like or close to her. I'll even take a woman that looks like Yue Ying. As long as the woman is legal. _

_Lu Su: I always thought you gave up and went to being gay. _

_Gan Ning: *bleep* you._

_Ling Tong: *bleep* you._

_Lu Meng: *bleep* both of you._

_Guo Jia: How the hell am I older than Sima Yi? He looks older than me! _

_Jia Xu: You were born in 170, he was born in 179. I... well... was born in 147._

_Fa Zheng: Damn you old. And Huang Zhong is only three years older than you and he looks worse._

_Huang Zhong: Damn kids thinking they're old. _

_Zhu Ran: FIRE, FIRE, FIRE, FIRE, FIRE Just one match! I will be good with it!_

_Yu Jin: Keep those hands where I can see them. _

_Lu Bu: I wonder how's the dog doing. _

_Xiahou Dun: I wonder how is my eyeball doing._

_Li Dian: That was an eyeball...? Oh god... I thought that was a piece of Jell-O! OUgh! Ew! I'm going to puke. _

**"Okay, I think I had enough fun for today... I am going to look through the pixiv archives now." He takes out a laptop and taps a few keys. **

**"Oh god! Whoa! Xun Yu was barely shown about a week ago and there is NSFW yaoi for him already. And it's with Guo Jia. Great. Everyone pairs strategists with him. He's like the new Sima Yi. Everyone in Wei wants to do him. I guess Sima Yi's old news now. Well, I don't understand why aren't these girls shipping Xun Yu and Sima Yi. It makes more sense since he called him a sage." **

**Sima Yi yells at him, ****"Are you encouraging me to be this?!"**

**"Well, if fangirls are going to do yaoi, they should at least make it make sense. Or else you just got two complete strangers in a bed together like if it's Grindr. Xun Yu was the one who gave you a job, and you called him a sage. You two were even compared. But I guess Guo Jia's the new sex toy yaoi fangirls are using up dry. Hahaha, a Guo Jia sex toy... Oh my god... that is hilarious! I should get those blow-up dolls and draw Guo Jia onto it!" **

**"No, please don't. We are already in hot water with the FCC."**

**"FCC's in Japan?"**

**"Huh... than... Yeah, do whatever you want. I just noticed this. Crap, FCC's only in America. Japan can almost display anything as long it is not a male or female no-no zones. I meant to say the broadcasters for this."**

**"Yay! There's one in the back!" He runs back to take a blow-up doll out onto the stage. **

**"They had a body pillow for Guo Jia, so why not a blow-up doll?" He takes out permanent markers and draws on the doll. After a few minutes he shows off his work.**

**"Here you go! A Guo Jia sex toy!"**

**"...Uh..."**

**"That does not look like me!"**

**"What? I got the hair and mouth right!"**

**"You got neither right!"**

**"I got the blonde emo hair, the lazy eye, and the Sima Yi creepy grin."**

**"That's the exact opposite of me And what's that sticking out of the doll?!"**

**"...Oh... Censor this." A black bar covers the doll's under area. This doll's for women... hehehe... Fine, you want me to print out a picture of you and slap it onto this?" **

**"No."**


	33. What do they say about big hands?

**"Yaaaay... Something..."**

For all the male character (except for Zhang He) : Please taught Zhang He to become more manly

**"I am very unmotivated today... I should come up with something better than this... Mail time with the DW characters?"**

**"That is exactly the same as this story."**

**"Fine! Alright, here's the thing. Zhang He's sexuality is never disclosed here. He just likes art a lot. Pretty much a hipster without the hip. But based what I've seen, he's bi.****" **

**"How would you know...?"**

**"He occasionally switches whether or not he likes men or women. First, he flirts with Sima Yi, and Yi gives him the same disgusted look and leaves as always. After a week, he's flirting with Zhang Chunhua. Then another week it's Cao Pi. Then that next week is Zhen Ji. He's very confusing and can't make up his damn mind."**

**"...Uh... That's what...? I don't..."**

**"Me neither. But meh. So, Guan Ping, still tryin' to train to Guan Yu's level? And I see you returned to normal."**

**"Yes, I must grow-"**

**"Yadadada... There is an easy way."**

**"Huh?"**

**"Skip all that training, all you need is a big thingy."**

**"I don't like where this is going..."**

**"No, no, no! It's that in these times... well, if your thingymijig is bigger than your dad's, you've surpassed him."  
><strong>

**"..."**

**"I'm not sure this century's rituals would make sense to them."**

**"It is very simple and you do not need the training crap."**

**"...Really? Is that it?"**

**"Yes." **

**"...Huh." Guan Ping makes a face mixed with confusion and thought. "...Um... That is interesting... I should consider that later... Er... it is unusual, but if it's all I need to do..."**

**"I see you're trying to get this around your head. I'll leave it to you." Cao Pi hears this and turns to Cao Cao slowly. Cao Cao returns the stare. "Boy, I have thirty wives, what do YOU think?"**

**"You maybe have forced them to be your wife."**

**"Now, who wouldn't want to be my wife?"**

**"...Every women in here."**

**"I've seen your thing when I gave you a bath when you were a baby! It is small!"**

**"I'm a mature grown man now! All babies have small things!" Sima Shi and Sima Zhao slowly walk and stand next to Zhang Chunhua. They both say in unison, "Measurements. Now."**

**"..."**

**"Do you two honestly think she's going to sit there in the bedroom and measure Sima Yi's thingymigig? I think she would have insulted him by doing that anyway!"**

**"Maybe...?"**

**"No, I do not know Sima Yi's "measurements"."**

**"Yes, you do."**

**"What's making you say that?"**

**"Cameras. Sims. No mosaics. Free porn."**

**"..."**

**"Let just say I have seen footage of everyone having intercourse. Almost. Fine, the married couples get sex anyway." **

**"...Fine. I MAY know."**

**"May meaning yes."**

**"Oh, shut it." **

**"Fine, I can figure it out. Izuru, remember that cutscene where Sima Yi put his hand on Wang Yi's shoulder?" **

**"Yes. That was what created the him X Wang Yi fandom."**

**"Okay, he was putting his hand on her shoulder, and his hand took up the whole thing."**

**"...So?"**

**"His hand looked like the size of Wang Yi's shoulder! Either that Wang Yi is a very tiny woman or that Sima Yi has a meat hook for a hand."**

**"...Aaaaaand?"**

**"You know what they say about people with big hands."**

**"...I am going pretend I didn't hear that."**

**"What? It's apparently a fact now with women. Big hands equals a big pen-15." **

**"The cutscene may had made Sima Yi's hand a little too large for him since the animator did a half-assed job on it. Not me, his animator came that day. His hand may be normal sized now." Takasugi grabs Sima Yi's hand and looks at it. **

**"Did anyone tell you your hands are really bony?"**

**"...Why are you suddenly-"**

**"Geez, you could pimp slap a hooker with these hands! And I didn't know you had bones! I always thought your insides would be numbers and cyber stuff. Either way, Sima Yi's hands are large and bonier than an Irish nun. Answer your question, Sima Shi, Sima Zhao?" **

**"Not really..."**

**"Fine, just walk in on Sima Yi taking a piss. You'll get your answer there. By the way, how does he-" **

**"Okay! Enough!"**

**"No, he rarely eats, so does he pee? We don't see him eat nor go to the bathroom. Well, except in the "Taking a dump is serious business" story, but that was for humorous reasons. Other than that, he just walks around without the need to go."**

**"Do you WANT to see him do his business?"**

**"No. But unless if it's like the Sims where I can remove the toilet and watch him pee himself, then yes. Just with a mosaic." **


	34. This is officaily closed Really

**"Wow, it so dead in here."**

**"Can we go back-"**

**"No. Anyway... I see many of you are having problems. I have a solution for you."**

**"What?"**

**"I have this book. "How to Avoid Huge Ships". I think Sima Yi can benefit from this the most."**

**"I'm pretty sure that book is referring to the boat ship."**

**"No. It's about avoiding huge ships. You don't like the You X Cao Pi, so this is good for you. You want to avoid that."**

**"The cover is a giant ship."**

**"Yes, the cover is a big ship. What are you not getting?"**

**"The book."**

**"The book is about avoiding big ships. You X Cao Pi is a big ship. You want to avoid that."**

**"No, the book is about big ships."**

**"Yeah, big ships. Am I speaking in a foreign language? Is your translator not working?"**

**"No, the book looks like it will be about a big boat."**

**"Yeah, a big ship. You X Cao Pi is a big ship."**

**"...Forget it." **

**"Fine! I'll give this to someone else who would want avoid big ships! Cao Cao? Would you like to avoid huge ships?"**

**"Why yes. Perfect for before Chibi."**

**"Wait, you were talking the boat ship this whole time?!"**

**"Yes, there is a large ship called the U.X. Sau P. It belongs to a friend who named it after himself and where he works. I wanted to make sure he doesn't run you over with it."**

**"Wha...? I.. er... what...? I... wha...?" Sima Yi stutters in confusion. **

**"What else would this book be about?"**

**"I thought... Forget it..." **

**"I think he was thinking about ship in fandom terms. Well, based on his reaction, he really wanted to find a way to avoid the Him X PrettymucheveryguyinWei."**

**"Aw... I do wish they had a book on that. But I got this out of the clearance bin at a bookstore. I actually thought it was a how-to guide to avoiding huge ships."**

**"You don't work with ships. The boat kind."**

**"Trust me, it happens more than you think. Especially when you go into Wu. Huang Gai always getting in my way on his boat surfboard..."**

**"Oh, can you tell me what is the worst fanart of anyone you ever seen?"**

**"Sima Yi and..." He shudders. "That piece of clothing must never be named. Ugh, and that picture had him wearing a hat. That is just plain tasteless and awful. Also that Sima Yi X Wang Yuanji fancomic. Uuuuuugh... I can never recover from that. It left a worse mark then the incest fics of Sima Shi and Zhao... Uuuuugh! I don't wanna think about it!"**

**"Oh? Okay. Here." Izuru holds up a photo and Takasugi screams and runs up to bang his head on the wall hard.**

**"AH! AH! AH! AH! WHY?! EWEWEWEWEWEW! NONONONONO!" He falls on the ground flailing about as everyone watches with widen eyes. "PLEASE! GET THAT AWAY FROM ME!" He continues to seizure out. **

**"What is the photo?"**

**"Fanart."**

**"What kind?"**

**"Sima Yi." **

**"That is very insulting. What picture of me can possibly-" Izuru holds up to picture in Sima Yi's face and he turns red. "WHY AM I IN NOTHING EXCEPT THAT TINY PIECE OF... WHATEVER THAT IS!" Takasugi gets up and pants. He removes his sunglasses to reveal he cried blood. **

**"Why...? What did I do to deserve such punishment?! You know how much that picture can scar me! WHAT DID I DO?!"**

**"You forgot my paycheck for this month."**

**"I'm not responsible for that!"**

**"You are!"**

**"Fine! Just get rid of that...!" He shudders and puts on his sunglasses back on. "There are things that are not meant to be... Like Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. And that picture describes the wedding."**

**"I can't believe Sima Yi in a speedo is what causes you to break down completely."**

**"No man should wear that thing! Unless you're young and a douchebag! Uuuuagh! It's worse than seeing Dong Zhou in... anything."**

**"What else gets you like this?"**

**"Any women putting on candy underwear."**

**"In happiness...?"**

**"No. That's disgusting. Candy has to be eaten outside of sex and sex has to be done without candy. The candy has skin cells all over it and you're eating it!"**

**"...I don't get you."**

**"Oh, and Yue Ying, Wang Yi, or Zhang Chunhua in a very revealing swimsuit. I would not want to see that since they are very hard to unsee doing or wearing sexy things. And Zhang Chunhua can kick my ass. Actually, every women in here can kick my ass." **

**"You just like her for her chest."**

**"Yes. Overall, I just make fun of her despite what she will do to me. But... er... If I suddenly find a woman looking like her in a bar, I would do that right away. The first two have no relevance to me. Er... maybe Wang Yi still holds something against me after I accidentally touched her right boob."**

**"How do you "accidentally" touch her boob...? I still can't believe Sima Yi in a speedo is what gets you into an insane position... I expected the extreme yaoi stuff is what makes you this."**

**"Oh, that too. But I can't show that on television. So Sima Yi in a... uuuuagh... that... I rather see him in a gimp-NO! UGH! I gave myself a bad thought!. Um... I rather see him in... er... Fine, a maid outfit. Not enjoyable, but at least it's covering his no-no zone and where the sun don't shine. Considering how many times I kicked him down there, I do not want to see the aftermath..."**

**"...Ehhh..."**

**"Unless you want another kid, you shouldn't worry about sex. Or... er... You can't have it...?"**

**"What about me says that?!"**

**"You complain about your back a lot. I'm going to assume for the first five minutes of hanky-panky, you break your hips and you can't take "it" out-"**

**"Okay! We to stop you or else this conversation will get very dirty!"**

**"It's already dirty... Come on, I expect Sima Yi to break something during sex. His back, his hips, heck, even his thingy."**

**"Ugh! Why?!"**

**"Sima Yi's about seventy if you add up everything. Guan Yinping can shatter him just by tapping him. Seriously, please don't try it."**

**"How many vulgar jokes can you make...?"**

**"I have an endless amount. Want me to make some with Lu Bu and Diao Chan-"**

**"No."**

**"Nothing has been flowing these days. About one or two reviews comes by. Like this.**

** I always wanted to know certain things, so I'll ask a couple questions to people here. Just right after this Sima Yi's hat joke. Hey, Sima Yi, why do you never remove that hat?" **

**"I just leave it on."**

**"Your family will have an intervention for you."**

**"I don't have a drug problem."**

**"Oh, they will. Hat intervention. Hahaha... I am imagining how it will go as we speak." A thought bubble appears over Takasugi. It showed the family standing next to Sima Yi as he was sitting down. **

**Zhang Chunhua: Sima Yi, you have been wearing that hat for eight months. Please, for your family, take it off.**

**Sima Yi: Hey, I can take this hat off anytime I want. I just don't want to.**

**The family lunges forward at Sima Yi. **

**"Sima Yi: Get away!**

**Zhang Chunhua pops the thought bubble, "I do not beg like that. As much I don't like the hat, I wouldn't say that as if the family depended on him remvoing it." **

**"I think that was from a Family Guy episode... You just took that and applied the DW characters instead."**

**"It fits so perfectly. Family intervention for Sima Yi's hats. Does he go to a hat Costco and buy them in bulk?" **

**"No, that's the costume department." **

**"Ah, right. The ones who came up with Lian Shi's side boob dress. The ones who came up with Sima Yi's lighthouse boner hat back in DW7. The ones who gave Xiahou Ba a Justin Beiber haircut. The ones who don't know what is the difference between Chinese clothing and Korean clothing."**

**"Okay. I got it."**

**"Now that I think about, what would happen if they decided to make Sima Yi's hat larger than DW7? I bet you could have stuffed a rifle in the resulting hat. It would put Abraham Lincoln to shame."**

**"Since when did this conversation start talking about my hats?"**

**"I can talk a lot about your hats. Your hats are more you than yourself. Okay, let me describe every hat in only a minute. DW2 and DW3, meh. DW4, you actually look general-ly. DW5, gay. DW6, Chinese designs made it not gay and could hold chips. DW7, got gayer. DW8, not gay but it just looks weird. But the hats from DW7 and now are people repellers."**

**"How many more insulting things you can say to me...?"**

**"You're certainly letting me bust your balls!"**

**"I can't kill you! I have seen blades have no effect on you!"**

**"That's because anything you use is unable to kill. You can't whip me to death."**

**"Why do you need everyone in here when you are doing basically nothing?"**

**"Everyone has to be here. Even though about thirty percent of the cast gets asked anyway. While the remaining seventy just stand there as if they were part of the scenery."**

**"Then why do you always make every thing point to me?"**

**"You are always fun to piss off. Shame I can't do that with Chen Gong since I barely know him other than the fact I sealed him in a mannequin."**

**"Huff..."**

**"Hm... How many days has it been?"**

**"You mean months."**

**"Months."**

**"About three."**

**"Wow, I should start moving on. But the Author really is running out of ideas, so I can't say what can be the future of fics for her." **

_**Wow, you're saying it like if I were dying. **_

**"You are dying! Dying of writer's block!"**

_**Well, I cannot always have something ready. **_

**"How about me messing around with characters like if they were Sims?"**

**_You can't tell them what to do though. You can just put and remove items or pick up the characters._**

**"That sucks. I'll just program them into doing things. And at least I'll know what they are saying since they don't speak uh... whatever what the Sims talk in."  
><strong>

_**It will be worse than your Dynasty Warriors in the Wild. **_

**"Why hasn't that gone out there?"**

**_It is embarrassing such garbage was even thought of._**

**"It is not garbage! It's... er... Fine, people can laugh at the names I gave to the characters."**

**_Garbage._  
><strong>

**"I can still release it without your permission."**

**_Hahaha, no._  
><strong>

**"Huff... How long has it been...? Things are moving very slow now... This thing is getting old now. Maybe I should shut this fic down." Everyone DW character in the room had their eyes lit up.**

**"Why yes! You should so we can go back to our normal lives!"**

**"This place sorta stinks..."**

**"Hurry and do it already! My legs are killing me!"**

**"Man, so eager! Fine, then I'll just go back to messing up Cao Pi's sex life. And by normal, you mean, "sit in large tables talking about military stuff" normal." **

**"I rather do that then stand here."**

**"I rather listen to Sima Yi's laughing then this."**

**"Oh, you do not. It is hell. It starts to sound like the Joker after a while."**

**"Fine, Sima Shi's laughing."**

**"It starts to sound like Patrick Stewart laughing if you sit there for a full ten minutes. Maybe it's just me with these things. Oh, okay. This shall end now. For real this time." The camera remains fixated on him.**

**"Didn't you hear me? Hello? It is going to end now. Oh, let me..." Takasugi goes up to the camera and fiddles around with the buttons. A voice is heard off-screen, "Hey!"**

**"I said turn it off!"**

**"Okay! Jeez! You better have my paycheck-"**

**"I am not responsible for the pays! That's the other guy!" The cameraman walks off with a huff. **

**"Okay, now-" He turns to see everyone has left. "Wow, they figured out the portal. That's great. Now all there is to do is..." He removes his sunglasses to show glowing red eyes facing the screen. A voice is heard, "No plot twists!"**

**"This had no plot! Oh, fiiiine." he puts his glasses back on and leaves. **


End file.
